The Hero with a Thousand Facebooks
Jack Harkness reaches for another drawer in the morgue.
Grey handle, grey metal storage drawer.
“You awake little brother? This one’s hotter than the last one!”
Grey Harkness groans and smacks his forehead.
“Why are you always like this? We are trapped in a morgue! With dead people! It’s like being on Boeshane, only with other people! What are you… ”
Jack waves his brother off, his free hand wrapping around a dead man’s wrist.
“This one looks promising. I wonder if he lost his wife… his clothes sound like he did.”
Jack pats the man’s hair and sighs, then sticks the hand back in the pocket he found it in.
“Somebody’s got a twisted sense of humor, locking us in here.”
“It’s a Dream, Grey- I’ll find a way out. I promise.”
Jack cringes; he didn’t catch himself.
Grey kicks a drawer and frowns.
“I remember the last time you said you’d protect me.”
Jack looks up from the floor, where he’s crouching eye level with another corpse, another man, big chin, bowtie, flop of hair.
“Nice ass.... too bad. It looks familiar.”
Grey takes off his shoe and throws it at the door.
“Did you not see the locked door? We’re trapped in here! Just sit and wait. I’m sure whoever did this will…”
“Grey, it’s. A. Dream. I’ve been here before. Just… follow my lead, okay? We can do this together if you’d just…”
Jack reaches for another drawer.
“Jack, did you hear that?”
Jack balls his fist and smacks it to his forehead.
“Look Grey, if you keep interrupting me we are never going to get out of this damn hole! Now stop pestering me and…”
“Jack, I hear water! Check that one over there! I think it came from that one!”
Grey points to a storage drawer in the lower right corner.
“…All right. Haven’t checked that one yet, so I’ll take a look, okay? Maybe there’s a live one in there.”
Jack goes to the drawer and pulls.
A pile of plastic falls out on top of him, knocking him to the ground.
The drawer slips all the way open and stays there, sticking with a rusty squeak.
Jack pulls himself out from the pile of white plastic as it begins to self-inflate, growing a horn and a tail… and… odd little hooves that stick out at the four corners.
“Oh my god, that is just… what the hell? A unicorn kiddy boat?”
“Jack! The drawers?”
Behind them, a high metallic rattle obscures a deeper sound, quite suddenly- a low, humming rumble that feels like it’s coming closer. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang…
Jack makes an ‘o’ with his mouth and stares at Grey. Grey stares back at Jack and then down at the inflatable kiddy boat.
Their eyes claw backward to the drawers, however, as the thickening drip starts hitting the floor behind them with a little more alacrity.
“That smells like… pie filling? Mm, cherry!” Jack says, grinning as he grabs his brother firmly and jumps into the boat, just as the storage drawers fling open and let loose a monstrous wave of shiny, tart red roux.