Soldier Of God

What's Hidden Away

"Can a mortal be more righteous than God? Can even a strong man be more pure than his Maker?"

It was an echo, the sounds of their voices. She heard them and what they were arguing about molded her dreams. The darkness was there, accompanied by the rattle of chains and the suffocating stench of sulfur. It was unbearably hot but no matter how she shifted around, where she moved, she had no relief.

"Keep your voice down."

"Why?"

The house was dark, no lights but she was to go inside. The door was open. At the first step, the sprinklers came to life. She walked through the yard, not one drop that fell on her left a mark, and up the front steps. She stopped just inside, waiting…

Keep fighting, take care of my wheels, remember what Dad taught you, and remember what I taught you

She followed the voices, ignored everything else in her way because it wasn’t why she was there. The room was just around the corner.

She stood in the doorway, her eyes focused on the scene. The demon possessed a blond woman, tall and striking, exactly what the demon had been looking for.

"I watched them tear you up! She let them in, Dean. She's the reason -."

"You're the reason!"

Rhomy sucked in a sharp breath. The white eyes seem to focus on her and the smile… it was a self-satisfied little smirk. The Hounds barked, claws tearing into the wood floors, they were both stuck, held in place…

"…no, please…" her hands fisted into the pillow, her face wet with silent tears.

"Dean…"

"What?!" he was angry at having said that. He'd been biting his tongue, doing such a good job at shoving all the recriminations into a corner where he could pretend that didn’t exist. "You want to go after Lilith? For you? Because its not about me, Sam. You couldn’t care less-."

"That’s not true!" Sam grabbed at his brothers arm only for Dean to shake him off. "Dean… "

"I told you, man." He backed off, glaring at Sam. "You don’t know-."

"Because you wont tell me, Dean." Sam reproached, it didn’t matter how many times he tried to get Dean to talk about, he just wasn’t opening up about Hell. "I'm trying here."

"Trying? That’s what you call it?" he demanded. "I -." He follow Sam's gaze as it shifted past and towards the bed. Dean had a pit in his stomach, mouth dry and he didn’t want to look.

'She heard it. She's going to know.'

Sam stared, he watched her tear stained face, hoping she would leave them alone. She had to have heard them, had to know what happened with Dean, where he'd been…

Rhomy sat up, brushed a strand of dark hair from her forehead, buying time to think. She had her answer now, she saw it, all of it, what had been done to him… She'd seen the rage and despair on Sam's face when he couldn’t stop it, couldn’t help, could do nothing for his big brother.

"Stay here." Dean ordered. He moved towards the door quickly, yanking on his brothers arm to get him moving. "We'll be back as soon as the jobs done."

"Dean…" Rhomy pushed the covers aside but he didn’t turn to look at her, or stop and the door shut behind them both. She sighed and dropped her hands to slap on the bed. "Crying about it wont help." She muttered to the empty room. But she could still see him, the blood and the Hounds fighting each other for a piece even as Dean screamed in pain.

Rhomy couldn’t stop the tears. She wrapped her arms around herself and cried, wished there had been another way, that Dean hadn't suffered such torture.

"You're the reason!"

He'd been angry, that’s the only reason he would have said those words and yet Rhomy couldn’t figure out the meaning.


Ruby watched them leave their little martyr unprotected. She waited a little longer, just to make sure they weren't coming back soon. Her job was nowhere near done, with Dean around there was less of Sam for her to control. She couldn’t twist him around like she had done during the months Dean was in Hell, breaking the first seal…

She appeared at the door and tried the handle but it was sealed against her. "You … argh!"

Ruby refrained from kicking the door and alerting the little gooodie-two-shoes about what was coming. A lot of pain, just like the ones before this girl. Ruby had done her homework, she didn’t like having some godly idiot trying to mess with the plan. Dean was a wrench in the plan already but this girl?

"You're going to give us that key." Ruby hissed at the door. But first she needed to get a few things in place.

And Sam was going to help.

Dean stared straight ahead, watched the road though his mind was on the girl sitting behind him. He'd been tempted to sneak a glance in the rearview mirror but he just couldn’t. He kept seeing her, the confusion on her face and her tears… Dean's hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. He couldn’t look at Rhomy, he couldn’t see pity in her eyes, not from her. So he'd been avoiding her the past three days, he made sure they were never alone and Sam had been very accomodating. Then again, Dean hadn't been speaking to Sam either, other than to ask if he was hungry, or to stop for gas.

"We should spend a few days with Bobby." Rhomy hoped some time with the older Hunter would break the tense silence. She was hoping it would provide the opportunity to speak with Dean because he wasn’t allowing her to get close. She was mere inches from him and yet it felt as though a continent separated them.

"We have a job." Dean stated without looking at either of them.

"A job." Rhomy reiterated. She was frowning, a bit upset at the idea Dean would be lying just so he wouldn’t have to deal with the conversation she's woken up to.

"Its what we do." Sam chimed in. He glanced at Dean then kept his eyes on the road ahead, ignoring Rhomy as well.

The urge to smack them both was overwhelming, but Rhomy refrained from a physical attack. She couldn’t help feeling hurt at being shut out. She knew Sam was angry at her and it was because he knew what he was doing was wrong. And he was ashamed that it was no longer a secret, from either of them. But as long as Dean kept quiet, they could both continue to pretend everything was fine.

Rhomy couldn’t figure out what it was. "You're the reason!" There were so many ways to go with that statement. She didn’t know either of them well enough to be certain and what she was thinking…

'He wouldnt. They're brothers and something like that, a sacrifice like this'

Rhomy wished HE would tell her where she was meant to go from there. What was the answer and how did she help them? Because it wasn’t just about Dean anymore. Sam had his part to play in why she had been placed in their care.


It was another dive, in some back road town. Dean was once more at the pool table, hustling for some cash. They'd left Rhomy at the hotel and Sam was happy she had shown some distates when he'd told her where they were going. He was angry that Dean had turned away, to hide the shame coloring his features at her reaction. Still, it was another mark against his brother with the girl the angels wanted him to protect.

'Why him? Why Dean?'

Castiel'd had to pull Dean from Hell but that had been too late to stop his brother from breaking the first seal. The man pulled from the pit was broken, Sam could see it so why would the angels want him? For that matter, why did demons want Sam just as bad?

"You'll wrikle up that handsome face."

Sam startled at the familiar voice whispering in his ear. He knew it was Ruby, even before he heard her. It was the scent, no matter what she did, it was present, just under the surface of whatever it was she wore; sulfur.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. He grabbed her arm and roughly pulled her out of sight of Dean. Not that his brother was paying any attention. Still, Sam didn’t want him to see the demon.

"Miss me?" Ruby smirked. "We should get out of here, Sam…" she started to pull away, his hand twined with hers but he resited.

"I can't leave." He drew back, cast another glance to see if Dean was looking his way but his brother was focused on the game.

"Sure you can." Ruby insisted with a harsh edge to her voice. "Because if you want her, then you'll have to give something in return."

"What are you talking about?" Sam frowned.

"Not here." Ruby shook her head and grabbed his hand again. "Now come on." This time, Sam didn’t resist. He cast another glance over his shoulder but Dean wasn’t looking for him.


She was waiting for him.

He'd hoped she would be asleep. After that lame text from Sam…

'He's with that demon bitch.'

So Dean procrastinated. He found another game and another game to keep him busy, to keep him away from the hotel room and the girl that heard…

'Damn it, Sam.' Why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? Why did he always have to make it harder than it had to be?

Dean pushed the door open, careful to keep his tread light and be as silent as he possibly could.

"Will you help me fix this silence between us?" her soft voice startled him. She was staring up at the ceiling, laying in the bed farthest from the door, the one he'd normally designate to Sam.

"You should be sleeping." Dean gruffly said as he let the door shut behind him and shuffled towards the bathroom. He closed the door and leaned over the sink, just breathing.

He didn’t want to talk about what she heard. He didn’t need to tell her about Hell and the things he'd done there… He couldn’t look himself in the mirror most time, afraid of seeing the same black eyes staring back at him. He'd been there, in Hell and done… awful, unforgiveable things…

"Dean?"

He startled, panicked eyes staring at the door. 'She's standing right there. Waiting.' He had the sudden urge to flee, a panic that gripped him just at the thought of facing her.

"Go back to bed." He ordered, angry at his reaction. What the hell was he so afraid of anyway? Who was she? A stranger, is what. He didn’t know her from Eve, so why?

'I dont give a shit. I dont.' he told himself. He stepped out and there she was, sitting on the foot of the bed. Waiting. Dean huffed an annoyed breath. He dropped his jacket and the shirt he wore, ignoring her as he moved towards the empty bed.

"Why are you angry with me?"

Dean glared at the bed, he didn’t want to look her way but her voice… there was a sad note in the whisper of her words.

"This…" she sighed heavily. "Would you rather I left?" she had been hesitant to voice that option to him. What if he said 'yes'. What if he wanted her gone? What then?

"You can't leave." Dean stated. "You got demons on your ass." He was afraid they'd get to her and then it would one more task he failed at. One more person he couldn’t save, couldn’t protect, couldn’t do anything for…

"I can handle demons, Dean." Rhomy stood, she walked over to his side and took his hand. "But this silence between us?" she shook her head. "It hurts. Its…" she shrugged, unable to express what she felt because that would be telling him too much and it wasn’t the time. She was getting frustrated, impatient with the waiting but he wasn’t ready.

Dean gripped her hand tight when she started to move away from him. He sighed heavily before facing her, to apologize… but he didn’t know how. What would he say?

"I've been a dick to you because you heard us and I dont want to tell you what I did to those souls in Hell. I dont want to tell you how its my fault all this is happening. Because I broke the first seal."

Looking at her, Dean knew those were words he couldn’t ever say out loud, least of all to her. He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t hesitate returning the hug.

'Apology accepted.'



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