Harry Potter and the Champion's Champion

By Driftwood

Humor / Romance

Very Bad Days

Ginny Weasley was having a bad morning; a very bad morning. Her life had turned upside down several days earlier when HER Harry Potter kissed Hermione Granger in front of the Great Hall. How could Hermione do that to her? She was her friend. Hermione knew that Harry belong to Ginny, it was only a matter of time before he realized it. Eventually, Ginny had calmed down realizing her Harry would see that he could do much better than the Bookworm know-it-all with her overly large front teeth. The calm had lasted until the previous night when Hermione had shown up with PERFECT teeth and some lame excuse about Malfoy hexing her. Ginny knew better. She knew that Hermione was just going all out to keep HER Harry away from her.

Ginny had seethed all night and finally, she realized she had to take action. That morning she had confronted the Know-It-All and made it clear who Harry belonged to. She'd then made the mistake of pulling out her wand to cast her famous bat bogey hex on the bookworm. She'd failed to take into account that Hermione was much smarter than she was. While she'd been ranting, Hermione had palmed her wand, expecting what was to occur. As soon as Ginny had reached for her wand, Hermione's was already in motion. Ginny had ended up with a stinging hex on her hand and a giant pimple right between her eyes.

The morning had gotten even worse at breakfast when she had to listen to her bloody brother whine about the newspaper article. 'Tonight,' she thought. 'Tonight, I'll show that know-it-all who Harry Bloody Potter belongs to.'


Lord Voldemort was having a bad morning; a very bad morning. It had started out very well, except the need to drink snake venom potion. While Peter Pettigrew read the newspaper article about the Triwizard Tournament to him, The Dark Lord envisioned himself with his new body using the blood of Harry Potter and then torturing and killing the idiot boy for the pain and suffering he caused so many years ago. He had almost missed the last lines of the article as he was lost in his favorite daydream of seeing the Boy-Who-Lived DIE. But the words did enter his subconscious and slowly worked their way into his conscious mind. "TOM WEASLEY?" He screamed in his high-pitched, babyish voice. "Wormtail, who is this Tom Weasley?" He asked the rat faced Pettigrew.
"I know not, my Lord," Peter replied. "I spent years with the family of Arthur Weasley and I do not recognize the name."

"CRUCIO!"

After a minute of enjoying Wormtail scream in agony while convulsing around on the floor, he released the curse and then said to his servant, "Send a message to Crouch. I expect Harry Potter in my graveyard as planned. No excuses will be tolerated. And tell him to find out everything he can about this Tom Weasley."

"Yes Master," said the quivering voice of Wormtail who scampered out of the room.


Errol, the Weasley's owl, was having a bad morning; a very bad morning. He knew it was going to be a long day when he heard Molly Weasley screaming about her youngest son after reading the morning paper. Errol knew what was in store, another long flight to Scotland. 'Don't they realize just how far away the bloody school is?' He asked himself. 'It's at the other end of the bloody island! They might be able to just pop over there in an instant, but I have to fly the whole bloody way. Then they complain when I get there a little late. Haven't they ever heard of head winds? This used to be a nice place, just an occasional trip to the school to say hi to the children but, ever since those bloody twins and the youngest son got there, I've been up and down the country every bloody week. Summers used to be nice, but then that bloody Pigwidgeon turns up. I get tired just watching that feathered puff ball.' Errol heard the familiar voice of Molly Weasley screeching at a red parchment, then getting it tied to his leg and sent off with instructions to deliver it to Ron Weasley.
Errol was three hours into his flight when the string holding the Howler started to slip from his leg. Normally, the faithful owl would have grabbed the string in his beak and flown the rest of the way, holding it tightly, but Errol was tired and had had enough. The knot loosened further and the red envelope fell to the ground in the middle of a forest near a camping ground. The envelope, sensing it had been released, waited the required time to be opened and then burst out screaming in Molly Weasley's voice and finally exploding into a million pieces. The result of the explosion ignited a small forest fire that was shortly contained. Witnesses could only say that some middle-aged woman was screaming about a tournament and weasels in the general area where the fire started. The arson investigation would go unsolved.
Deciding it was time to retire, Errol settled down in the forest a short distance away. After catching a plump rodent, he drifted off to sleep with wonderful thoughts of days without having to fly across the bloody country. That night he was pleasantly surprised to find there was another owl who lived nearby, a fairly attractive female owl.
Ron was having a bad morning; a very bad morning. On the day that was supposed to have been the best day of his life, when his picture should have been on the front page of the Daily Prophet for the entire country to see, everything had gone wrong. Not only was his picture not in the paper, but Harry bloody Potter's was in the spot that was supposed to be his. Then the bloody paper even got his name wrong. 'I should write and complain about it,' Ron thought. 'But that requires actually writing. I know, I'll get Hermione to do it for me,' Then, with a smile to himself for the brilliant thought, he looked at the spot his friends had been sitting shortly before. He noticed a bunch of letters that had been delivered to Hermione that lay there untouched.
'I'm sure they are for me,' Ron thought. 'They probably knew she was a close friend and wanted to make sure the letters got to me.' Ron grabbed the letters and started opening them.
Miss Granger,

I am so happy you and Harry are together. The picture in the Daily Prophet was breathtaking. Harry deserves all the happiness you can give him.

Emily Stonesh

'Pbrrrrrp'

Hermione Granger,

Let me take the time to congratulate you on your relationship with Harry Potter. Take care of our Hero.

Jane Woodhead

'Pbrrrrrp'

Harry and Hermione,

Wishing you all the best in your life. The picture of you two in the Daily Prophet brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me of the day my Clarence kissed me for the first time.

Alice Fox

'Pbrrrrrp'

"What are you doing Ronnikins?" Ron lowered the third letter he was reading and spun to find his twin brothers staring at him.

"Reading my fan mail." Ron replied. He shrugged off his brothers when George slapped him on the back while Fred ruffled his hair.

Fred reached in front of Ron and picked up an opened letter. "Fan mail? For you? Hey wait, these are Hermione's letters."

"I'm sure most of these are for me, they just know she is a friend and will give them to me," Ron replied, reaching for another letter.

Fred and George started grabbing the letters to give to Hermione, but Ron wouldn't let go of the one he had in his hand. George and Ron each were tugging on the envelope when it ripped down the middle and a petrol-smelling, yellowish green liquid poured out down Ron's arm. Yellow boils erupted wherever the liquid touched.

George released his half of the envelope and tossed it at Ron. "Yep! That one was definitely for you."

Ron jumped out of his seat and scampered off toward the hospital wing, not noticing the grin the two twins shared with each other as they watched Ron's robes slowly turn pink while his hair turned a putrid lime green.


Harry and Hermione were having a great morning. But then again, any amount of time they spent together they considered to be great. The two of them were walking down a corridor headed for transfiguration after escaping from another of Ron's olfactory assaults on the Great Hall. Currently they weren't discussing the Tournament or Ron, but were discussing Hermione's teeth.

"You know you didn't have to do that to your teeth, Hermione," Harry said. "I thought you were beautiful already."

Hermione smiled at Harry as small blush crept across her cheeks. "I've never liked my front teeth, and my parents wouldn't let me shrink them with magic. Since they are dentists they wanted me to get braces. Besides, you heard Malfoy yesterday, calling me bucktoothed."

"I know, but that was just ferret face," Harry said. "No one listens to him."

"Some do, Harry," Hermione said. "Besides, it was something I really wanted to do anyway. Think of it this way, if you could get rid of your scar, would you?"

"You know I would," Harry replied instantly. "Okay, I see your point. Just as long as you know I love your smile no matter what. Just seeing it brightens my day."

Those words earned Harry a kiss he remembered the rest of the week. After the kiss was complete, another topic came to Harry's mind.

"I think you have to cancel the jinx on Ron," Harry said. "Our dorm is becoming environmentally unsound. Even the..." He paused. He had been about to mention that the house-elves were no longer cleaning the fourth year dorm anymore but, remembering SPEW, he decided not to.

"I...I can't," Hermione replied nervously.

"We know he's jealous of us," Harry said. "But I've gotten to the point where I don't care anymore. I can live with it as long as you can."

"No, you don't understand. I don't mean I won't. I mean I can't," Hermione explained. "It is a time duration jinx."

"Uh…time duration, as in it's going to last for a certain amount of time?"

"Yes," Hermione replied looking at the ground.

How long?" Harry asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"Til the end of the school year. Seven months," Hermione answered sheepishly.

"Oh Merlin," Harry exclaimed, thinking of months and months of the current Gryffindor Tower situation. Even the Fat Lady was wearing a scarf over her nose now. "I wonder if the Headmaster would let me switch to Hufflepuff until next year."

"I doubt it Harry," Hermione answered. Then an idea ran through her head. "Switch…switching... Of course!" Exclaimed Hermione. "That's the answer!"

"What answer?" Harry asked thoroughly confused.

"The problem with Ron," Hermione admonished. "Aren't you paying attention?"

"My brain doesn't move that fast, Hermione. I'm still on the Hufflepuff idea," Harry said. "Now slow down. What is the problem and answer?"

"The smell of course," Hermione said. "I can put another jinx on top of the one currently in effect that would switch the air immediately behind Ron with air in another location nearby whenever the first jinx trips."

Harry just stared at his girlfriend. "Hermione, you are the most brilliant person in the world."

"So where should we switch the air from?" Hermione asked as a blush appeared from the compliment. "Somewhere outside of course, but not too close to the…"

"Well if it isn't Scarface and his pet Mudblood beaver," said a familiar drawl of a voice.

Harry gripped his wand and turned to face his nemesis, but the sight of Draco with bandages totally covering the top of his head and no eyelashes startled him. "I thought ferrets had hair," Harry remarked without thinking, and then continued, "You must be the Ferret Mummy."

"Shut up Potter," Draco snarled and went to draw his wand.

Hermione glanced up and behind Draco, "Hello Professor Moody!" She said loudly.

Draco's head spun around quickly with a pure look of panic upon his face only to discover no one was there.

"Twitchy little Ferret Mummy, aren't you?" Hermione asked with a smile.

Draco pulled out his wand and tried to turn back to face the two of them, but he had twisted his neck so fast it had locked into a sideways position. Harry just grabbed the wand quickly from Draco's hand and tossed it down the hallway.

"Does the poor Ferret Mummy have a problem with its neck?" Harry asked Malfoy. Then he moved even closer to the bandaged Slytherin and leaned very close and whispered in a soft but dangerous voice. "If you ever insult Hermione again, you'll find yourself lost in the forbidden forest very close to the Acromantula colony. I understand they love the taste of ferrets." A sound of liquid hitting the floor caused Harry to look down. "Ah, the Ferret Mummy has a neck and a bladder control problem." Harry turned and, taking Hermione by the arm, they walked away leaving the Slytherin trying to work his way back down the hall toward his wand leaving a trail of liquid along the floor.

"Well, I know where I am going to switch the air from now," Hermione said.

"Where?" Harry asked.

"Ferret country, I mean the Slytherin common room," Hermione replied with a chuckle.

"Oh Merlin," Harry said. "Can you actually do that?"

"Of course I can," Hermione replied with a look of annoyance. "It's a simple switching spell between a known position of the other jinx's location and the fixed position of the Slytherin common room."

"Simple for you maybe," Harry said in awe of his girlfriend. He proceeded to pull her into a broom closet where the snogging made them several minutes late for Transfiguration.

When they entered the Transfiguration classroom several minutes later, and two minutes late, McGonagall looked at them with a piercing gaze. She noticed their disheveled appearance immediately and muttered to herself, "At least I won the pool."' Then to the two late students, "Mister Potter, Miss Granger, is there a reason for your tardiness?"

"Yes ma'am," Hermione replied. "We were reviewing switching spells and lost track of time."

"Very well," Professor McGonagall replied. "Make sure you're not late again or it will be detention." Then to herself, 'Switching spells...hmmp. Looks more like they were trying to switch each other's clothes.'

When class was over, Hermione went to her dorm and grabbed the jinxed contract, then Harry showed her exactly where the entry to the Slytherin common room was. She spent a minute concentrating on the spells required and then with a complicated wand movement and words, she cast the appropriate switching spell. When she'd finished, she looked at Harry. "That should do it," She said. "As long as Ron's in the castle, the spell will work."

Later that evening Harry was sitting in an armchair in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione was sitting in his lap with her head on his shoulder and her legs over the edge of the chair, reading her charms book. They both looked up when the portrait hole opened and Ron Weasley entered the room. They both could see his arm was bandaged up to his elbow.

Ron took one look at his two friends and the cozy position they were in and stomped past them without a word toward the steps up to the dorm. Just as he made it to the steps a loud "PPPWWWWTTTTPPPPPPPWWWTTTT" erupted.

Everyone in the common room sprung to their feet with wands out ready to cast the air cleaning spells, but no smell came. A look of surprise and relief swept over the students and they put their wands away. What seemed like a long sigh was emitted as everyone released the breath they had taken in preparation of holding it until the spells had taken effect.

"You are wonderfully brilliant and I'm glad you're mine," Harry whispered to Hermione who blushed and, after a quick kiss to her boyfriend, went back to reading her book.

In a hallway in the dungeons far below, Draco Malfoy was strolling back to his dorm after spending the day in the hospital wing getting his neck straightened out.

"Damn Potter and that mudblood," he snarled for the hundredth time. "When my father hears..." Lost in his anger, he'd paid no attention to the loud commotion coming from the wall where the entry to the Slytherin common room was located. He'd just started to say the password when the door flew open. The numerous Slytherins who rushed out paid no heed to the blond young man as they trampled him in their mad dash to exit the room.

"Uh..." Draco slurred in delirium as the pain from the newly acquired broken leg and arm overtook his nervous system. It was the smell that had sent the others running wafting through the open door that brought him to his senses while at the same time causing him to empty his stomach content all over himself. Professor Snape found him trying to crawl away several minutes later when he came to see what the problem was. With a sigh and a wave of his wand, he levitated the bandaged Slytherin back to the hospital wing.


The next morning Harry was the first to awaken and was sitting in the common room occasionally glancing toward the staircase that led to the girls' dorm waiting for Hermione to appear. At first the sound didn't catch his attention but then it happened again and again.
"THUMP!"
"THUMP!"
Harry then heard a pause and a grunt, then, "THUMP!"

There was another pause, then a scraping sound as if something hard was being scraped against the wall. Then, "THUMP!"

By now, Harry had grown extremely curious to the noise and walked over to the stairs that he'd been watching previously. That's when he heard Hermione's voice. "There's an easier way. Harry? Are you down there?"

"Yes, waiting for you," Harry replied. "What's going on?"

"Excellent," Hermione said. And the sound of footsteps rushing down the steps could be heard. When Hermione appeared she gave Harry and hug and a kiss.

"What's going on?" Harry asked as he nodded up the steps.

"Oh..." Hermione said. "I need a little help with a problem. Could you walk up the steps?"

"But won't it set off the wards?" Harry asked, looking warily at his girlfriend.

"Yes, and that is exactly what I want right now," Hermione replied.

"But..." Harry started as he wondered if Hermione was in league with the twins on a joke at his expense. But he trusted Hermione and knew she wouldn't do such a thing. He nodded and took two steps up the spiral staircase. The steps immediately flattened out, causing Harry to have to jump back to the common room floor.

"Why..." Harry started but then he heard it. A scraping, sliding sound could be heard from up the steps. He looked curiously at Hermione but noticed she was looking at the staircase expectantly. Finally, a couple of seconds later, something long with red coloring at one end came sliding down the ramp. When it stopped, Harry could see it was Ginny Weasley in a full body bind staring up at them.

"Thanks Harry," Hermione said giving him a kiss. "I was trying to drag her down but she kept getting caught on the steps."

The portrait hole swung open suddenly and when the two of them glanced over, they saw Professor McGonagall entering looking a bit winded.

"What's going on?" The aged professor asked. Then seeing Ginny, she asked, "Who was trying to get up the steps and why is Miss Weasley like that?"

"I'm sorry Professor," Hermione started. "I had Harry set off the ward to get you here quickly and help me get Ginny down here."

"But why is she in a body bind?" Professor McGonagall asked again.

"My protective wards around my bed woke me up and I found Ginny beside my bed pointing her wand at me," Hermione explained. "Fortunately, I had been expecting something like this, so I've been sleeping with my wand under my pillow. Before she could hex me, I put her in a full body bind."

"You say you were expecting it?" Professor McGonagall asked. "Why? I thought you two were friends."

"We are, or at least we were. But she's had a crush on Harry and she's a bit jealous. She tried to attack me yesterday morning as well," Hermione explained.

"So this morning she was over your bed with her wand?" The Head of Gryffindor asked to clarify the situation.

"No, it was about eleven last night," Hermione explained.

"Last night? And she's been body bound all night?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I'm sorry, Professor, but I didn't want to disturb you that late," Hermione said.

"Yes, well…I think you can release her now."

Hermione did the counter spell to unbind Ginny.

Over the course of the previous night, Ginny Weasley discovered one critical detail about being in a body bind. While the body is unable to use the bathroom, the effects of having a full bladder were felt during the experience. Since it was during a trip to the bathroom last evening when she had decided that was the moment to show the Know-It-All who Harry Potter belonged to, she spent the entire night with her bladder continuing to fill and overfill.

When the bind was released, Ginny had one, and only one, thought and that was how desperately she needed a bathroom. She picked herself off the floor and rushed up the steps to the girl's bathroom. The desperation she felt didn't allow her to notice her first step or even her second, but by the time her foot had hit for the third time, she realized the steps were not there and it was still in ramp configuration. Her feet slipped on the intentionally slippery surface and she struck her head hard on the stone. That impact temporarily stunned the young redhead and she slid back down to the common room floor. As she laid there, her bladder finally decided to empty itself.

When Ginny finally got to her feet with her gown dripping urine on the carpeted floor, her glare at Hermione contained pure hatred. Hermione, on the other hand, had put her arm around Harry and was smiling.

"Miss Weasley, what do you have to say for yourself," Professor McGonagall asked.

"Uh... I... uh," Ginny stammered, for it is extremely difficult to make up a lie when you are seething in anger and standing in your own urine. Besides, she really had no good reason to have been in Hermione's dorm at all, much less with a wand pointed at her friend.

"I see," McGonagall said. "In that case, thirty points from Gryffindor and one week of detention and loss of your Hogsmeade visit next weekend." She turned back to Hermione. "Miss Granger, next time please wake me if such a thing happens again."

"Yes Ma'am," Hermione replied.

With a wave of McGonagall's wand the ramp morphed back into steps. The Head of House turned her glare upon Ginny and waited until she had stomped up the steps before she left the Gryffindor common room.

Harry turned to look at his girlfriend. "You left her beside your bed all night?"

"Of course not, Harry," Hermione replied. "Someone might have tripped over her there. I pushed her under my bed."

"Then you dragged her down the steps?" Harry asked. "You could have levitated her, or unbound her and let her walk."

"Yes, I could have," Hermione replied before smiling at her boyfriend. "But I didn't. After all it was the second time in a day that she threatened me. I wanted to make a point this time."

"You really are scary sometimes, Hermione," Harry said as his brilliant green eyes danced upon his girlfriend.

"Just making sure she got the message that you're mine Harry," Hermione said. "Now shall we go to breakfast?"


Over the course of the next week, Gryffindor tower was finally returning to some semblance of normalcy. Though there were still a cacophony of 'Pbrrrrrp' sounds heard, the accompanying smell no longer appeared. Each resident of the tower was secretly thanking Madam Pomfrey for whatever cure she had concocted for Ron. On the other hand the dungeons of Slytherin were almost unlivable. Professor Snape and Dumbledore spent two whole days trying to track down the smell with no success. The air purification spells the Headmaster used helped for a while but the smell eventually returned. Unfortunately, Snape had never learned any cleaning spells, so was useless in continuing this endeavor.
During the previous days when Gryffindor had been under the malodorous assault, they did have one thing to their advantage, Gryffindor Tower had windows that could be opened. The Slytherins, on the other hand, lived in dungeons where there were no windows. The difference of living conditions became readily apparent several days later when Draco Malfoy stormed into the dungeon common room. He had just left breakfast in the Great Hall in a foul temper. Potter and Granger had been revolting in their adoration for each other while his own girlfriend was still not speaking to him. Weasley, the redheaded Chumpion, had continued to be a one-man disposal and exhaust system while everyone had laughed at his "Cedric the Hogwarts' real Champion/Weasley stinks" badges he'd made. The whole school pointed out it was the Slytherins who currently stunk the most.
The exact moment Draco walked in front of the common room fireplace, the mixture of methane, hydrogen and oxygen hit a critical level. The resulting flash flame ignited the bandages on his head and seared off the minute traces of hair that had started to reappear for his eyebrows. Professor Snape found his prized student whimpering on the floor of the Slytherin common room shortly afterwards and, once again, Draco Malfoy was levitated to the Hospital Wing where Madam Pomfrey just shook her head and wondered if the boy's hair would ever grow back.

A week prior to the first task, Ron had been struck with a brilliant idea. He approached the Creevey brothers about starting a fan club for him. He even dug out his only galleon to pay for the start-up costs for it. Colin and Dennis agreed and put a lot of effort into the endeavor. They posted fliers throughout the castle, took photos and created a charter. The fliers promised that whoever signed up for the club before the first task would have a free autographed picture of Ron, hand delivered by the Champion himself.
As the first task drew nearer, Ron decided he'd check on the progress and start delivering the numerous photos he knew he'd have to deal with. 'Better to do some now instead of so many when I will need to conserve my energy for the first task.' He thought. "Hey Colin, how many photos do I need to sign?"

"Uh...I...I'm not sure," Colin replied as he glanced at his brother.

"Well grab the book and let's see where we're at?" Ron said. "I don't have all that much free time."

Colin reluctantly pulled out a book and turned to the last page. Ron glanced over his shoulder and read.

Ronald Weasley –Champion Fan Club

Members:

Colin Creevey

Dennis Creevey

Harry Potter

Hermione Granger

"How many other pages are there?" Ron asked.

"Uh...that's it." Colin said. He didn't want to mention that Harry and Hermione didn't actually join the fan club. Colin had just presumed they would want to be members since they were good friends.

"But...but what about the rest of the book?" Ron asked as he grabbed it away from Colin.

"It's nothing." Colin said. "Something we started a couple of years ago." He tried to grab the book back from Ron.

Ron flipped to the front page and read.

Harry Potter Fan Club

Current Member Total - 1439

Page after page was filled with names and comments from the various members, including pictures of some very attractive witches.

"Ron, don't tell Harry. He doesn't know about this," Colin pleaded.

"PPPPWWWWWPPPPPRRRRRPPPPP!"

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