"No, not my boys! Please, take me instead!“
Damn it. Another nightmare.
I let out a frustrated moan and rolled over, pressing my hands against my ears in an attempt to get rid of the screams.
“Step aside you silly girl...”
I did my best to turn off the hissing voice and the wailing of a baby nearby and tried to drift back into the empty void of dreamless sleep. But then there was this blinding green light, followed by an incredible amount of pain. And suddenly, there were two babies screaming.
When I finally came to my senses again the night had retreated for the light of the sun. A gray, somewhat dirty sky stretched above my head. I tried to sit up but found myself unable to do so. In fact, I could not move at all. I tried to cry for help but I could only manage a high pitched wail. Immediately I shut my mouth again, embarrassed by myself.
At least I was somewhat warm. The ground shook a bit as if I was on a ship or something. After some time in which I desperately tried to remember what I'd done before having that weird dream a change came to my surroundings. The air around me flickered like some kind of hologram. I looked around and decided that I still had to be in a dream. There stood none other then Rubeus Hagrid, yet another fictional character out of my most hated series.
Yes, I hate Harry Potter. Have I made an enemy out of you now? Well, I don't give a shit.
The books themselves, I suppose, are alright. Aside from obviously being childrens books and as such being full of cliches and logical mistakes. Yes, it is a magical world but even there there are rules and the books always tend to contradict themselves. My little half sister, unfortunately, loves the series. She's 14, five years younger then me that I have just started going to university. I love Emy, I really do but after having to read the same book for her for the fifth time to get her to sleep I just can't enjoy it anymore. Then she started collecting all these fan articles and writing fanfictions (forcing poor me to read them). Of course I was dragged to all eight movies against my will (“Such a good chance for some family bonding time”, my father had said.) Eventually I began searching for a way to defend myself against this madness - by pointing out all the flaws and imperfections, all the mistakes and the gigantic lack of common sense present in the books. Finally I had my peace. Or so I thought. Until my mother decided that my abysmal Spanish marks were unacceptable and, knowing full well about my dislike for that particular series, forced me to read it all again with her, this time in Spanish.
My parents got divorced shortly after I turned three years old so ever since I remember I had commuted between my crazy but loveable mum and my father with his new wife and my step-sister. In both houses Harry Potter was an ever present subject. It was for that reason that I really began to hate it. Why the hell was it that those stupid books were the only thing my two lives had in common?
Therefore it was not unusual for me to dream about Harry Potter. Sometimes it were good dreams (the characters getting into extremely embarrassing or painful situations) and sometimes they were nightmares (all other scenes that were played exactly as they were in the original.)
This dream, I hadn't yet decided which kind of it was. I seemed to be struck in baby Harry Potters body, which was weird but not a first one. Hagrid carried me around in a big wooden basket where I laid tucked nicely in blankets to keep me warm. I could catch a glimpse of a muggle city and, when the basket swung around a bit, I even saw that gigantic motorcycle I knew belonged to Sirius Black. It flickered out of view for a second. It reminded me of Mr Weasleys flying car with its invisibility button. It seemed likely that the motorcycle had something similar and explained why I wasn't able to see anything but sky for the past minutes – or hours?
Anyway, Hagrid (still letting out an occasional sob) looked down at me with his compared to the rest of his body tiny black eyes and faked a smile.
“Are yer hungry, little ones?”, he asked scratching my cheek. I glared at him the best I could. What confused me was that after that he was turning his attention to somewhere next to me, cooing some more but without actually looking at me. Weird.
The half giant drew quite a few stares as he entered the cafe, asking for baby milk. A kind waitress however had enough pity to help him feeding me (I was indeed very hungry). Although I think I saw another waitress silently going into the direction of the telephone. I wouldn't be surprised if she called the police.
I got quite a shock when the waitress reached into the basked and got a hold of a baby that wasn't me.
“Of, such lovely little boys they are!”, the woman cooed. “What are their names?”
“Oh, that one's Harry! Or... Well, it could be Charles too, I don't really know...”
“They do rather look alike. Identical twins, I suppose?”
What the f-
“That's right! Wonderful boys, aren't they?”
“But those scars look rather funny... They both have one, right on their foreheads! It looks fresh, are you sure they're okay?”
You gotta be kidding me!
fidgeted a bit. “Well, uh, I was on my way to a healer, you
“You mean a doctor.”
“Yeah, that. So, uh, I must get go'ng!”
The other waitress just came back from the telephone when Hagrid paid for the milk and laid Harry back into the basked, that, I now realized, must have two compartments.
What a crazy dream. Now I was the twin brother to Harry Potter? Oh, please don't let this be such a lame story were the false Potter is declared boy-who-lived and gets trained while the other one is left for abuse. Because I'm really not in the mood for training.
Outside of the cafe Hagrid took off again. I was pretty sure where he was heading but I didn't know that it was such a long route. Yet Hagrid seemed to have to land and stop whenever one of us cried (which was usually Harry) so we needed more time as if we had just used a regular motorcycle. By the time we arrived in Bristol I was glad Harry finally shut up and got to sleep. I, on the other hand, didn't feel the least bit sleepy. Which, maybe, had to do with the fact that I technically was asleep. Hopefully.
Around midnight we finally arrived at our destination. Recognizing Number Four, Privet Drive I decided that beside that odd turn with the twin-thing it had to be a nightmare. The conversation between McGonogall, Hagrid and Dumbledore was almost exactly the same as in the books. When Hagrid told them he had borrowed the motorcycle from Sirius Black and had to bring it back shortly I glared at Dumbldedore some more. The man had to think Black a traitor and a corpse cruncher, hadn't he? So why the hell wasn't he warning Hagrid? Goddamn idiot. Greatest wizard on the world, my ass.
As it turned out, both of us were being dropped on the doorstep to Number four. Yeah. The hero of the wizarding world dropped on a doorstep in a goddamn fucking cold November night. Wizards! At least leave some fucking warming charms! God, I already hate this dream.
And then there we laid. Freezing our little baby asses off, waiting for the morning to come. And we waited. And waited. And...
Alright, what the fuck was this?! Flying in an invisible motorcycle, okay, I got that. But in those dreams, wouldn't you normally just don't notice the time that passed between two more important events? I clearly felt every single one of my limps (except for my toes. They were too COLD!). I could hear Harrys breathing, the rustling of the leaves. I stared counting stars in an attempt to fall asleep. Still nothing.
This was going to be a loooong night.
And what a hell of a long night it was.
I stopped believing this to be some kind of stupid dream three or four month after being dropped by the Dursleys. There was no point denying it, no dream could be so detailed and long lasting. I had somehow landed in the Potteruniverse. I didn't even have any idea how. I couldn't remember any strange incidents like being struck by a lighting bolt or being sucked into a black hole in the television. I just couldn't remember. My memories of my real life got more and more foggy too but not in a manner like someone was erasing my mind, just the normal way of forgetting things. Unfortunately, being in the environment I was, potterfacts as I called them didn't belong to these things.
I didn't know exactly how long I would stay here. Maybe until the Hogwarts letters arrived? Or for another seven school years after that? Would I have to endure the crappylog? Was there even a possibility at all to get back?
The first thing I had done as soon as I was good enough at walking was to go to a public cellphone and search for my families number in the phonebook. It did not exist. Well, that would have been to easy. I did a little more research as soon as Dudley got his first computer and I could sneak in his room at two o'clock in the morning to have access to the internet. But neither my family, nor my old school or my university did even exist here. It was the same with the Harry Potter books of course, but that wasn't a surprise since they wouldn't have been published yet. However I couldn't find a single notice on Lord of the Rings and that was really strange.
Anyway. It seemed I had to play along for the time being. From the very beginning I had absolutely no intention of ever going to Hogwarts. That place was so full of monsters and other dangers that it was a small miracle nobody had died before fourth book. I'd rather not die young, thank-you-very-much. The wizarding world in general seemed to be pretty fucked up so I was perfectly content to just stay in the good old muggle world.
I wasn't even sure if I even had magic until I first approached Vernon D. and asked for a larger room, or at least a real bed because my brother and I didn't fit onto one cot anymore. His dismiss made me so angry that a few lighting bulbs exploded.
Even if I didn't plan on getting a proper wizarding education I still found lots of use in the accidental magic that I spend every free minute in trying to control. My far to mature mind allowed me to meditate (my former girlfriend had dragged me to her yoga training a couple of times) and indeed I could imagine I found something I could call a magical core. I was however unsure how much magic I could do without endangering myself so I waited until Harry did it all first.
When my brother was five he turned the color of Piers Polkins hair blue for the first time. I started training to be able to change the color or inanimate objects right away, followed by my own hair and even eye color. I needed a hell of a lot of concentration and it didn't last long but I could do it. It was incredible useful when I could rewrite part of my tests in school after getting them back and later on complain about unfair treatment. I just made the red notes of the teacher white to erase them after writing down the real answer. I got to jump two classes ahead because of that little trick (and of course because I was around 25 years mental age by then and knew all of that already.) That had the positive side effect of not being in the same class as Dudley and actually being able to make some friends.
When we turned eight the Dursleys started to try to get us a haircut every week. No kidding. Every week. One would think they'd learn that Harrys hair was just untameable. I, instead, let my hair grow until I could bind it in a ponytail that always hung over my right shoulder. Petunia always ranted about me looking like a hooligan but even she had to admit that it got rid of the untameable part. And when she cut my hair it was just so much more obvious when it grew back as when she cut Harrys. So I got to keep it.
I was able to change the color and length of my hair and nails as well as the color of my eyes and skin though only a few shades. That was however enough to go stealing at the nearby shops under disguise and not being recognized later on. It helped that with the age of ten I could begin training apparration after Harry one day found himself on top of the school roof. If Harry could do that accidentally I should be able to do so without too much splinching.
Well, I did splinch myself a couple of times but I only got small wounds that healed overnight.
All in all I managed to make life with the Dursleys a lot better then in the original. Aside from my hair I showed no sign of magic in front of the Dursleys. I had no reason to ask questions about my so called parents and I did my best to never mention movies, comics, games or anything else fantasy-related to them. In return I got ignored by them but also they left me alone. They didn't even comment much on the new clothes I was able to afford with my stolen money.
Regarding Harry... I have to say I wasn't able to build much of a relationship with him. Sure he was a fine kid, but that was just it. He was a kid, I was a grown man. I could've been his father, for god's sake! I hated this serie but I was fair enough to not to let it out on him. I even brought him clothes and, after his glasses got smashed the second time by Dudley, a few good sets of contact lens that I used myself. I helped him with his homework and did my best to calm him down when he cried because he thought nobody cared for him.
Unlike what most fans though we were not forced to do any chores. At least nothing any normal kid wouldn't have to do (even though Dudley of course didn't have to work at all.) We were not beaten and we weren't even insulted much once Harry learned to shut his mouth. It's just that they clearly didn't love us. Harry however craved for love and would do anything to please his relatives (I didn't see myself related to that filth at all). He would be depressed if they ignored him and would even do stupid things (like asking questions) just to get a reaction out of them.
I remember that one time when I had finally managed to conjure a white ball full of concentrated magic in my palm that would melt a huge hole into a wall when thrown at it and I eagerly showed it to Harry.
dear brother of mine”, I teased him, “look what I can do!”
“Whoo, that's shiny!”, little Harry squealed and clapped his hands. “What is it?”
“It's magic”, I told him proudly.
Harrys face fell a bit. “But... But magic doesn't exist. You shouldn't say something like that, even if it's a joke!” He looked around as if he expected his uncle to turn up on the playground to scream at us.
“What do you mean a joke?”, I answered scowling. “Just look at it, isn't it obvious that it's magic? I'm a wizard, Harry, and so are you.” It had been my first attempt to get Harry to understand that we were not worth less then the dirt under Vernons shoes.
do not exist”, Harry insisted angrily. “Stop fooling
“Fine”, I sighed and let the ball vanish.. “But you'll see Harry, one day wizards will come to take you away to learn about magic.”
His eyes got all round. “Why only me?”
“Well, obviously I can already do magic”, I answered proudly.
“But I don't want to be separated from you”, he said sadly.
That was another strange thing. Although I mostly kept my distance from him Harry seemed to see me as the older brother (I wasn't sure whenever or not I was) that protected him. Sure, sometimes I would get a teacher when he was being hunted by Dudley or I would give him food I stole from the fridge when he was locked in our cupboard but that was it. Since Harry had first shrunken a horrible jumper Petunia wanted to force him to wear I had trained myself at casting wandless expanding and shrinking charms so we didn't have any trouble sleeping in the small cupboard under the stairs. Still I felt like this was not my life. Therefore, Harry was not my brother. I knew he would grow to be an slightly above average wizard with no common sense whatsoever and a nasty hero complex. But, more importantly, he would grow up to be a trouble magnet and I wanted to have no part in it. It was best to keep my distance from him as much as I would be able to.
Even as a wizard without education I could easily make a fortune. All I'd have to do was to exchange some muggle money at Gringotts for galleons. The galleons were worth five times as much when being sold to a muggle jeweler (I wondered why not more people did that.) And that was not even counting the huge inheritance that awaited Harry and me.
Dudleys birthday was the first real change. It was the day I would get to know whenever or not I could speak to snakes. Cause if I did that would mean I was a horcurx, which was very bad. I had no intention of sacrificing myself to those stupid characters and therefore likely wouldn't survive another killing curse. Both Harry and me carried the famous lighting bolt scar. While Harrys was the original mine was mirrored but on the first sight looked exactly the same. (In fact I could vanish it completely by changing its color.) It had yet to do so much as tickle though.
While being in the zoo Harry enjoyed looking at all the foreign animals but I was impatient awaiting the reptile house. Finally we were there and, knowing to keep my distance from the boa, I got to the very end of the house, far away from Dudleys and Piers' watching eyes and crouched down in front of the cage of a milk snake.
“Hello”, I greeted it, feeling a little foolish.
The snake raised its head.
For a moment I thought my heart would stop beating. Oh fuck.
Still I managed a fake smile. “I guess you're really bored in here. Do they at least take good care of you?”
The snake flickered her tongue once. “I get mice all the time”, it then said with a hissing noise and now I was sure my heart stopped for a moment, “and I hate mice.”
“Oh. That's too bad”, I answered with shaking knees. “What would you like to eat?”
a few insects for a change would be nice”, it said. “Or a frog.
Even fish would be alright, but I don't like those hairy
“Hm”, I made. Behind me I could hear Dudley screaming. Seemed that Harry was a parselmouth too.
“You know, I'm a wizard”, I said, “and I've practiced vanishing charms for a while now. If you'd like I could take you with me and give you proper food. But you'd have to promise me something in return.” It would be nice to have someone to talk to other then my brother. Besides the milk snake looked an awful lot like the coral snake. I was sure the Dursleys would mistake her for being incredible poisonous. Since they would likely lock me with Harry in the cupboard for the next couple of weeks I'd have a means to scare them away.
milk snake raised her head higher, looking distinctly hopeful. “What
do you want?”
“My brother can understand your kind too. But I have the feeling that I'm going to have to keep a lot of secrets from him in the future. So you would not be allowed to talk to him at all. Whenever you... eh, taste him nearby, you are to stop talking or even answering to me. Even if I keep talking. In no way he is to assume that I can understand you. And of course, even when he finds out you're not allowed to talk about my secrets to him unless I allow you to. It would be best to act as stupid as possible. I know that your kind is very intelligent and that's the reason I picked you but unfortunately we have to fulfill certain prejudices.”
The snake seemed to think about my offer for a few moments. I already got impatient because now the boa constrictor was free and Vernon was yelling at the zookeeper.
“Alright”, the snake finally said. “I'll come with you.”
I hissed and laid my palms on the glass. “Then I'll get you out.
Just wrap around my arm and stay hidden for the time
“You can call me Charles”, I told it. “If you'd like. What is your name?”
“My name is Notch”, the now as male identified snake replied.
I thought it was an odd name for a snake, but well... Maybe he got it because of his red and white stripes.
The glass vanished under my fingertips and Notch quickly wrapped himself around my arm before I pulled down the sleeve again. Conjuring the glass back into place was a lot more difficult but eventually I managed just before Vernon came towards me, his face red with anger and dragged me back to the car.
Back at Number four both of us were being locked in the cupboard just like I had expected. Harry continued to drum his fist against the door, swearing he hadn't done anything. Meanwhile I released Notch and sent him hunting for spiders.
With a sniff Harry finally turned around and his eyes got really big when he saw the snake.
“Ch-Charles, there is a huge snake under the bed!” He pointed at him frightened.
“Oh, don't worry. That's Notch. He's a milk snake, completely harmless.” I kind of enjoyed his thunderstruck expression. A parselmouth being afraid of snakes. Pathetic.
“Wha – but where did you get if from?”
the glass of the huge boa wasn't the only one you vanished back in
“I saw him roam free and decided to take him with me before the keepers could get to him. He's harmless but the design of his scales makes him look really dangerous. So I thought we could use it to give Dudley a good scare next time he tries to beat you up, eh?”
“W-Well... But what if he is poisonous after all?”
“Then that fat, stupid, evil-smelling piece of shit will die and I'll declare the day a national holiday. Now come on and get to sleep. Notch will clean the cupboard of all spiders. I'll get some food for us around midnight so we'll have breakfast. You can catch some sleep before that.”
not sure that's such a good idea...”
“You wanna betray me to the Dursleys?”, I asked harshly, glaring at him as if telling on me for having a forbidden pet would be the end of all brotherhood between us.
Harry seemed horrified at the very thought. Whatever I did, he would never tell on me for it. Even if he liked to pretend there was no such thing as magic, even if he couldn't understand why I didn't even try to gain the Dursleys favor, he would never tell them all the strange things that happened around me. I had offered him to teach him how to control his magic but since he refused to believe in it there wasn't much I could do. I think that secretly he blamed all the incidents that happened to him on me just to have the delusion to be normal, to not to be a freak in hope to one day be noticed by his relatives.
What a pathetic little loser.
Anyway, because I had jumped classes I was already going to the local secondary school around that time. That's why the Dursleys couldn't lock me in for a whole four weeks, the teachers would notice. I got out earlier and had an awful lot of fun showing off Notch to a frightened Dudley. When the Dursleys angrily asked me about it I just lifted my shirt and showed them the cool snake-like tattoo I got that formed the letter 'C' on my chest. Of course it was just Notch being stuck there by magic and his colors being changed in such a brilliant way that he seemed to be nothing but a black tattoo on my pale skin. I happily told them that I just wanted to have a way of being distinguished from Harry, who, aside from the hair length, looked exactly like me. Dudleys must have mistaken it for a real snake.
One day I entered the kitchen to the fabulous smell of Petunia drying a gray uniform for Harry. Knowing that this was the day the letters were supposed to arrive I promptly turned around to go back to the cupboard. I didn't want to have anything to do with the troubles that were sure to arise.
The next couple of days Harry was busy catching one of the letters that were addressed to him and myself. Vernon was busy preventing that, Dudley was busy hitting everyone with his Smelting stick. Petunia was busy doing her best to prevent the neighbors from noticing anything odd. And I... I was busy finding out how the hell the letters were being delivered. It couldn't just be owls. Owls didn't put letters in the boxes for the eggs or smuggled them in with the milk. Alas it was to no avail.
Our birthday was drawing near. Just as the books described Vernon got really crazy at the end and took us with him trying to shake off magical stalkers. Eventually we landed at the little hut on the rock in the middle of the sea. Harry had looked really sad all day but I couldn't bring myself to care much. Notch had wrapped around my torso really tightly. I could feel he was pissed at not even being able to complain about the cold weather since Harry could hear him.
I jerked awake, taking in the sight of Harry laying next to me in the dust and Vernon coming storming in with his gun. Then the door came crashing down and Rubeus Hagrid entered.
For a moment the half giant just stood there in all his glory
“Sorry about yer door”, he said then and fixed it as good as he could.
“Couldn't make us a cup o' tea, could yeh? It's not been an easy journey...”
“I'm sorry”, I interrupted, stepping forward before he could throw Dudley from the sofa. “But would you mind telling us who the hell you are? You break into our house, damage the door so that cold and rain can enter and frighten my relatives. I hope you have a very good reason to do so.”
single occupant of the room stared at me for those words. My 'family'
because I had never, ever
the Dursleys for anything of course. I had always been polite but
ignored them most of the time and cursed their very existence behind
their backs. Hagrid however laid his eyes on my brother and me for
the first time and, disregarding my words completely, a large grin
spread on his face.
“My, you two are defiantly James' sons, aren't you? You look so much like him. Except for the eyes, you have-”
“Our mothers eyes, yeah we know”, I said, rolling said eyes. “Now would you answer my question?”
“Err, sure”, he answered kind of nervous. “Eh, you are... Are you Harry or Charles?”
I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “I'm Charles.”
“Well Charles”, he turned to my brother, “and Harry of course... Happy birthday to yeh. Got summat fer yeh here - I mighta sat on it at some point, but it'll taste all right.”
He pulled out the cake that read 'Happy birthday to Harry & Charles'.
I just passed it to a delighted Harry. “Do I have to repeat myself again? Who are you?”
yes, sorry, I'm Rubeus Hagrid, the Keeper of Keys and Grounds at
Hogwarts. Just call me Hagrid. Yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o'
“Err - no”, Harry said. “Sorry.”
them that should be sorry! I knew yeh weren't getting' yer letters
but I never thought yeh wouldn't even know abou' Hogwarts, fer cryin'
out loud! Did yeh never wonder where yer parents learnt it all?”
turned around, glaring at the Dursleys. “Yer talk as if you don't
even know – don't know that you're a-”
“Stop! Stop this right now!”, Vernon called and bravely stepped forward. “I forbid you to tell the boys anything funny!”
I quickly lost interest as Hagrid continued to argue with the Dursleys about the letter Dumbledore had left for them, and so on, and so on. Goddamn, I was tired. Why the hell did Hagrid have to come in the middle of the night?
“Harry, Charles, yer wizards!”
“We-We're what?”, Harry whispered. “But that's not-” Then his gaze passed me and his jaw dropped. “You knew!”
I just shrugged.
“You knew that magic was real!”
“Well, it was pretty obvious, wasn't it? With all the stuff happening around us.”
Now the Dursleys gaped as well. “B-But you never did anything! Not since you were like, four years old!”, Vernon exclaimed.
because I didn't do anything in
front of you doesn't
mean I couldn't.”
Hagrid let out a roar of laughter. “That's James son, isn't he?”
“You knew our parents?”, Harry asked eagerly.
“Sure. You couldn't find a pair of greater wizard and witch.”
how could they be so great if they died in a car crash...?”
“Car crash? LILY AND JAMES POTTER DYING IN A CAR CRASH!?”
Vernon made a meeping noise as Hagrid threateningly pulled out his pink umbrella.
“Yer mean ter tell me that these boys – these boys - know nothing about their own history?
Oh fuck you, fate. Seemed we were both declared boys-who-lived. And there I had hoped to come out of this mess alive.
“You knew that we were magical!”, Harry suddenly realized, turning to his relatives.
“Of course we knew”, Petunia spit. I rolled my eyes as she began her monologue about Lily Potter being the prized child of her parents.
she was coming home every year, turning tea pots into rats...”
“You aren't allowed to do magic outside of Hogwarts”, I said automatically. Everyone looked at me funny. “Right?”
“Well, yeah”, Hagrid said, looking a bit nervous himself. Petunia however didn't seem as if she liked to take her words back. I stored away that information for later. Lily had, after all, been friends with one of the marauders. It was entirely possible that they somehow found a spell to get rid of the trace. Which meant that it existed in the Hogwarts library. Which meant that Harry could find it. Every twist and turn from the main story was welcomed by me. As long as the storyline didn't go the boring, illogical, cliché original way.
“It doesn't matter!”, Vernon called, “ They're not going there. I'm not paying some old fool to teach them magic tricks!”
“Do not insult Albus Dumbledore in my presence!”, Hagrid screamed and the next moment a light shoot out of his umbrella, hitting Dudleys butt. The boy let out a squeal, clutching his butt and running in circles. Harry saw the little pig tale and grinned.
I just face palmed.
“Shouldn't have done that”, Hagrid murmured. “Well, but it didn't work the way it was supposed to anyway. Meant to turn him into a pig. But I guess there wasn't so much difference anymore!”
I looked at him irritated while the Dursleys did their best to shove their son into the next room.
“You think this is funny?!” I glared at my brother. “Here comes a complete stranger who – no offense – doesn't look very trustworthy and who clearly cares more about this Dumbledork-person then us or our parents judging by his reaction. And besides being angry at Vernon he targets his child, I mean, what kind of cruel person does that? The Dursleys aren't magical, they hate everything magical – they have absolutely no way of getting rid of that tail, that, by the way, seemed to be really painful for Dudley. You really want to go with a guy who tortures little children?!”
Hagrid gaped at me in horror as if I was some kind of alien. I had a hard time not to grin. Of course I had enjoyed seeing Dudley cursed, otherwise I would have stepped it but I always wanted to say that to Hagrid since I first read that scene.
“Calm down”, Harry eventually said. “I'm sure Hagrid can remove the tail.”
“He better not”, I answered. “The Dursleys wouldn't let him anywhere near their son ever again. And I can't blame them. He said he wanted to turn him into a pig so clearly, he's not a very capable wizard if that's the result. He could make the situation even worse. I'm sure there are some kind of officials we could call.”
well yer see, that wouldn't be such a good idea. I'm not exactly
allowed to do magic yer know, strictly speaking.”
“Alright, that's it”, I exclaimed. “We're gonna sue you for that!”
Hagrids face got white as a sheet. “But – I didn't mean ter hurt 'im!”
“Oh yeah, you just wanted to turn him into a pig! Harry, get away from that man. He seems to have a great dislike towards anything non-magical. I wouldn't be surprised if he already had a record for targeting so called muggles or children from muggle families.”
Oh, that picture! That picture! I could roll on the floor laughing. Hagrid, reminded of his false chamber-of-secrets-record, had just realized that he could very well end up in Azcaban for that stunt and he was shaking in fright in his big boots. Yeah, take that!
In the end I actually succeeded in scaring the half giant out of our hut 'cause thank you very much, but we didn't want to go to a school that kept employees that tortured children.
Harry was devastated. I tried to tell him that he was better off without magic, or at least when he visited a school other then Hogwarts, but he still refused to speak to me for the rest of the night.
The next morning the storm was over. The Dursleys were absolutely furious but seemed to deflate a bit when I told them what had happened. They actually praised me for scaring the half giant away, if only reluctantly.
But of course it couldn't be that easy. The family was just discussing if it was safe to go to land again when there was another knock at the door. The Dursleys immediately froze in fear and fled to the next room. With a sigh I opened the door.
It was Severus Snape.