Ondine's Curse

Chapter 8: Healing

“All the things my body once did by itself, it does now only by special order ... A single moment of inattention and I forget to breathe”


Chapter 8 | Healing

As the darkness engulfs So-jung’s world, making it hard to breathe as the cold breeze freezes your lungs, and white smoke started to escape your mouth as you breathe. So-jung is the first one to leave the living room where everyone fell silent and started talking. He headed for his room where he changed into some new warm clothes, he lays down on his bed deep in thought as he stared at the white plain ceiling above him, slowly recalling all the things that are just memories.

Memories of his first love, memories that changed his life style. He kept trying to get Chin-hae off his mind however in silence he failed endlessly. He kept his eyes open, with the mask attached to his face while he breathes in the oxygen he needed as he dozes off. For some reason, Chin-hae kept appearing in his mind, as he forced to doze in without thinking about everything that keeps him sane. Obviously, his demons won’t let him sleep.

He kept seeing Chin-hae in that bathtub, shivering with his tears streaming down his face. Chin-hae’s voice echoed his sane mind, asking for help. But So-jung would always fail to help or heal Chin-hae because of those demons that kept dragging Chin-hae down. He couldn’t help but lay beside Chin-hae as he hugged Chin-hae beside him, keeping him warm and safe.

“Please stay alive for me.” He would always whisper those words, but Chin-hae doesn’t seem to listen. Momentarily, So-jung opened his eyes once again, he looked out to the window and the sun is almost out. It looks like he had fallen asleep with his crazy dreams, he’s sweating all over, his breath heavy. As he murmured, “That same dream” ... he always had, it was awful and sad.

How much he wants to forget everything about Chin-hae, but it always comes back and pound his head like ice picks stabbing his skull. It hurts him that he couldn’t bear but shout. In a matter of seconds, footsteps and knocks filled his ears, he covered them, he only wanted silence. “Go away!” He screamed echoes filled his mind.

“Go away!” His screams echoed throughout his room. Cupping his ears with both hands, he kept his eyes close as possible, hearing his name being called made it worst. “Go away, please!” So-jung shouted as well as the voices stopped.

Light came in as if turning a new leaf. He smiled to himself, wiping his tears that he hated so bad. And flowers started to bloom inside him, once again. Colorful flowers bloomed before his eyes, the sun is shining bright, the sky is blue, as if he started to the way it was. To the day when he was born, when everything was fine and happy. Where his demons were just growing inside him, where he smiles the brightest.

Morning had passed, his day great in a way you express the things great. But he couldn’t get Chin-hae off his mind, especially that Yoon guy who kept messing his mind. His hurtful words rang in So-jung’s ears as silence surrounds So-jung while facing the ocean, he feels the small waves under his feet. So-jung remember everything that him and Chin-hae did, he remembers everything that he even imagined Chin-hae by his side, taking nonsense like any other days.

He loves the sound of his voice, the laughter that sounded like angels singing and all the wonderful traits he remembered. And, the things that Chin-hae tells him. Like once Chin-hae was lonely, Chin-hae would always stay by the ocean and feel the waves under his feet as it was like washing away his sadness, looking from a distance, the horizon makes him clear his thoughts, and the cold breeze calm his breathing.

Everything that was good, memorable, and jovial, he remembers it all just like all the sadness and the mischiefs, and unlucky moments that almost killed him from crying. Those are the memories that he never wanted to forget.

And recalling all the good and bad memories, for him it feels like he’s already healing himself little by little. Accepting the fact that Chin-hae left him for many other reasons. That Chin-hae never loved him, like he always does. It was like, it was so unfair for him, that he loved, but didn’t receive the love for himself. And blaming his disorder that he hated so much, he always thinks that his disorder is one of the reasons why Chin-hae left.

But he can’t do anything about it, he needs to accept everything, that neither Chin-hae and his memories could ever be true. But all those strong words and encouragement for himself, are not possible... cause he himself couldn’t love himself.

There’s no way of accepting or healing himself. So-jung inhales the cold breeze of the ocean smell as he slowly closed his eyes. All those hurtful and wonderful memories, he loved them in a way that he hated them too. It makes him cry more, and it makes him happy in any ways possible. He wanted to forget them and sometimes he just wants to keep it that way, he wanted to kill himself but he kept thinking of the people who cares for him.

Will they get hurt if he dies? Will they miss him if he was gone? Would it be worth it? Would Chin-hae be sad if he finds out he was dead? Would it be fine if he just disappears? Or would everything disappear once he dies?

These questions, rang in his head occasionally, he hated everything about his life, about his lifestyle, about his disorder.

Everything hurts.

He started to cry, his tears become one with the ocean, his sadness making the waves stronger, his thoughts making the horizon distorted. Everything that makes him sane is now messing his mind, eating him inside out, darkness drowning him. In a matter of seconds...Not knowing if he’s clearing his thoughts or killing himself, or maybe both.

Everything turned to ashes when he stopped breathing.

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