Chapter 9: Faking/Lying
“All the things my body once did by itself, it does now only by special order ... A single moment of inattention and I forget to breathe”
He spread his arms as the wind passes through his thin figure. He wore a blue striped shirt while he smiles, gracefully balancing himself between the land and the ocean itself. His jovial expression mingle with his lifestyle.
He remembers someone who loved this routine, just before the sun sets, he would come here and spread his arms, it was a sign of freedom and letting go of something you get attached to. And because of that he wanted to see him again.
“Yah! Get down from there!” Yoon called out for him as he jumped down he pavilion while Yoon approached him with a stern look on his face. “I’m sorry hyung. I was just-” Yoon hyung sliced my sentence. He really doesn’t want to hear any excuses when it comes to Chin-hae and his safety.
“You know it’s dangerous walking around in that steep pavilion, you might fall.” Yoon argued as he took Chin-hae’s arms to their car.
“You always come here, why?” Yoon asked in a way that he’s done with all his silly routines. “Reminds me of someone.” Chin-hae replied, Yoon’s expression turned to angst. “Just stop these silly routines now. If you keep doing this, you won’t forget him.” Yoon almost raise his voice. “I don’t want to forget.” Chin-hae replied in a stiff voice.
“Then why’d you leave him in the first place?” Yoon stated, his mopped blonde hair bounced as he crouch down on the ground, he cover his face with his palms not wanting Yoon to see him breakdown that easily. “Yah! What are you doing?” Yoon asked as he approached Chin-hae, crouching beside him, he snaked his arms around Chin-hae’s waist as he hugged the small one. “I’m sorry.” He apologize as he cradle beside Chin-hae. “Let’s go home.” Yoon carried Chin-hae to his arms as Yoon approached their car.
When they return home, Chin-hae fell asleep, Yoon had to carry him all the way to his bedroom. “I shouldn’t have said those words, I’m hurting the most important person to me, he’s so fragile.” Yoon said to himself watching Chin-hae sleep peacefully on his bed. It hurts him to see Chin-hae crying or hurting, that’s why Yoon wanted him to forget about So-jung as soon as possible.
He doesn’t want Chin-hae to spill tears anymore. Seeing his fragile form tears Yoon apart, his chest hurt every time he hears So-jung’s name, especially when it came from Chin-hae’s mouth. Chin-hae’s wrist are full of scars, and every once in a while he would cut through his skin.
There was one scenario when he got home from his part time job where he witnessed Chin-hae drowning himself on the bathtub, Yoon sent Chin-hae to the hospital, it was the worst day he ever seen, in the worst-case scenario Yoon figure out that there’s someone sending Chin-hae flowers, it hurts him. He really does care for Chin-hae however there was someone who cared for him and what hurts Chin-hae would appreciate the strangers care more than Yoon’s care.
That stranger had brown mopped hair where it shines whenever his hair hits the sun. Yoon envied him. He cares for Chin-hae, he fed him, give him shelter and even love, however Chin-hae never notice his efforts and even his existence. But when that So-jung guy came to Chin-hae’s life... Yoon doesn’t even know if he’s supposed to be happy or sad for Chin-hae’s happiness. But after Chin-hae left So-jung and all Chin-hae could do is return to their home, everything came back to the way it was, it was like he was ‘never’ happy being with Yoon at all.
Yoon will never leave Chin-hae ever, he won’t let anyone hurt him. His heart is too fragile to get hurt. Whenever Chin-hae’s with Yoon he would always fake his expression, fake his smile and lie about everything. But Yoon never left his side. It wasn’t clear Yoon doesn’t know if it’s love for a friend or it’s beyond Chin-hae’s expectations. Yoon loves Chin-hae for who or what he was then and now.
As the night came, Yoon stayed by Chin-hae’s side, he would never sleep to watch Chin-hae and might do something stupid when he sees Yoon sleeping. for Yoon’s convenience he held Chin-hae’s hand as he leans in the younger’s bed. Yoon’s shoulder shiver as he cried silently in Chin-hae’s pillows. “I’m sorry, I love you.” He murmured, tightening his grip on Chin-hae’s small hand. “I’m sorry, I should’ve told you...about So-jung...Chin-hae...” Yoon sobbed as he squeezed the younger’s hand as more tears poured from his eyes. “I don’t want you to leave me anymore.” Yoon’s lips quivers as he murmured under the pillow. “I won’t let So-jung hurt you again.” Yoon stammered as his shoulders shiver.
“I will do anything I can to keep you away from him.” His mouth quivered. Closing his eyes wiping his tears as Chin-hae woke from his deep sleep, Yoon pretend to be asleep. Yoon heard Chin-hae talking as Chin-hae stroke his mint green hair.
“Lying has been hard for me hyung, I’m really sorry, you always cared for me, how could I ever repay you.” Chin-hae’s soft voice rung in Yoon’s ears as a tear fell his eyes. He felt Chin-hae leans pecking him in the hair as the young one laid back placing Yoon’s hand to his heart. As Chin-hae fell asleep under Yoon’s warm and soft hands. Yoon smiled to himself as he dozes off to sleep.
Not long enough, Yoon begins to sweat as he breathes heavily. He could see So-jung taking Chin-hae away from him, he could see himself crying while clutching his chest. He started screaming “No! Bring Chin-hae back!” While he screamed, his sight became darker and dimmer as he felt himself like drowning, he couldn’t breathe or even move his arms and head, all the pain he felt it all, he continues to cry until a voice called to the end of the dark tunnel... it was a familiar voice.
It was calling his name, he walks deeper to the voice as he got closer he figured it wasn’t his name. “Yoon...wake up!” A voice waking him up. Chin-hae’s voice... he flicks his eyes open meeting a kind, innocent eyes he had brown puffed eyes, little strands of his blonde hair cover his eyes.
“Yoon... you where breathing heavily and sweating and your tears started to pour out your eyes. Was it a nightmare?” Chin-hae asked as he hugged Yoon resting his chin against Yoon’s broad shoulder. “Uh, yeah.” Yoon replied, Chin-hae sighed.
“Wanna share?” Chin-hae offered. Yoon shook his head. “Not now.” Yoon paused, looking around, it was already morning. “Want to have breakfast?” Yoon suggested, Chin-hae smiled nodding once. “I’ll cook you your favorite.” Yoon said holding Chin-hae’s small hand as they got down the stairs as Yoon cook Chin-hae’s food.
Just the same, every single day.