Thursday 24th March 2006
I padded back and forth in the forest near her house, her window right in view. The curtains were open, the soft yellow light creating stark shadows in the canopy. I felt awful, really horribly sick and utterly lost with life. The look on her face had been the same look when she left me. The tears... oh god the tears. They made me feel so desperate. I hated this distance between us. I then remembered Jacob talking to me while we were on patrol earlier. He was having the same problems with the Cullen's pet- Bella. Everyone called her the pet now, but I didn't like that term. In some ways she was like Eve. Her best friend was Jake and the distance between them was awful, too.
I would've walked outside her house every night if it wasn't for that blood sucker. I recalled him telling me, and I knew he was saying the truth. It didn't feel safe for Eve, either. Though I respected the Cullen's (as much as I could) and I knew they wouldn't hurt a human, I now knew there were darker things than them out there, and so easily a human life could be lost. They were so fragile, so mortal. That separated me more from Evelyn. I was now immortal for as long as I phased. And though I loved being a shape shifter, I hated not being able to confine in Eve and be with her more.
Are you staying there all night? Came Jared's voice. I let out a huff, my breath visible before me.
If she'd just come to the damn window... I mumbled, desperate to see her.
Come on, it's not like that.
Pfft. Jared laughed. I could see him running by the river. Yeah, right. You're a teenager, bro. And teenage boys get raging hormones, let alone a shape shifting teenage boy.
Who are you calling boy? I narrowed my eyes at him, walking back and forth more now. Look, I'm sorry, but come on-
Yeah, I understand.
He laughed. Dude, I've imprinted!
He chuckled and then his thoughts seemed to dissipate as I listened closer to the house. I could hear the TV on downstairs, someone in the shower, and then Eve in her room. I tuned into her heartbeat instantly, remembering hearing it over the crash of waves hours ago, my heart dropping as I saw her wide eyed, her trust in me broken.
I could almost imagine her now. Curled up on her side, reading a book that always made her too emotional. Hearing her sob I began to question my own existence. Just come to the window Eve. I need to see you before I lose all sense of reality.
After a long, long time (and I knew I should have been on patrol), I finally heard her stand and come to the window.
Her hair was fuzzy and blonde, her face blotchy, her eyes red and sore. She sniffed, resting her elbows on the windowsill. How I wanted to make my presence known and convince her I could climb up the drainpipe. Slowly, I saw her eyes go from teary and lost to something sadder. Lonely. I saw the same look in my mom's eyes every morning as she sat at the breakfast table, her eyes far away. Eve looked so lonely in that moment that everything seemed to fade away. What had I done? All the years of trust I had banked up between us was gone, just in a split instant. I knew what she was thinking. Am I not good enough for you any more?
Eve. It's not you who should be worrying if you're not good enough for me. I worry that I'm not good enough for you- that I'm too dangerous now.
If only she knew. If only she understood. I had spent so much time wishing I understood her, and now the tables had turned. I understood what it was like to lose a parent now. I understood the pain and the longing. The longing I felt now, in these dark woods, my legs crumbling beneath me as I slid to the ground. I let out a small whimper, barely audible, and yet it seemed as if she could hear it. She tilted her head to the side and then sighed, turning around. The light turned off but she didn't close the curtains. I could hear her heartbeat slow after a while and I knew she had fallen asleep.
Before long my eyes were drooping, and though I knew I was meant to be on patrol, I fell asleep with her sea blue eyes haunting me.
When I awoke, I was human.
And I was naked.
I huffed, looking around for my clothes since they had fallen off my ankle. Dressing quickly, I gathered my surroundings, estimating it was around eight. I could smell bacon cooking from the Hund house and my stomach growled loudly. I whipped around to see Eve's window was open, her pale curtains fluttering in the breeze. My heart did a double take when I remembered yesterday and I sighed, the guilt hitting me yet again.
I trudged up to her house, thankful I had brought a shirt as well as pants. I wouldn't know what to say if she saw me half naked. The thought made me silently chuckle. I got up to the door and knocked three times, standing back on my heels.
After a moment, it opened to Mr Hund. He smiled warmly at me.
"Good morning, Seth."
"Good morning Mr Hund." I greeted. "Can I... Can I please talk to Evelyn?"
He pressed his lips together. "She isn't awake yet, which is highly unusual. Shouldn't you be getting ready for school?" He looked down to my feet, which were bare.
"I have the day off today." I told him.
"Right." He looked a little confused as to my attire but allowed me in anyway. I closed the door quietly behind me, gazing up the stairs to Eve's door and frowning a little.
I sat and ate with Mr Hund, barely talking to him because I was so nervous. I jiggled my leg up and down, hearing Mrs Hund move about upstairs, mumbling to herself as she made the bed. After I had nearly gobbled all my syrup pancakes and bacon, I finally heard Evelyn stretch and gently move to the landing. Would she be really mad with me? Oh crap, what had I gotten myself into?
She was rubbing her eye as she moved calmly down the hall, her hair in a messy and curly ponytail, wearing a fluffy dressing gown over a tank top and blue pyjama pants that I was sure belonged to her brother.
When she looked up blearily and saw me her eyes widened. I tried to smile but she scowled, staring daggers at her grandpa. "I'm going back to bed." She grumbled.
"Eve, wait!" I jumped up, dropping my fork with a clatter that made Mr Hund wince.
"Go home Seth." Eve mumbled as she walked down the hall. I chased after her, grabbing her hand. She stopped, looking at me and narrowing her eyes. "Seth, leave me alone."
"No. No I won't." I said solidly. "Would you just listen to me?"
She gently pulled her hand out of mine and began climbing the stairs. "I don't know what to do any more, Seth. You're so confusing."
"Look," she turned around, "I'm getting dressed. Just give me a moment, will you?"
I swallowed and nodded, standing back.
She shook her head. "God damn boys," she huffed to herself, "never letting me be decent before they start rambling..."
I smiled weakly, knowing she didn't think I could hear her.
She came down bundled in a long white cardigan, purple shirt and jeans. She pulled on some boots before finally looking to me, looking reserved and distant.
I lead us outside, feeling all jumpy and nervous. She crossed her arms and came up beside me, looking anywhere but me. We walked to the edge of the lake in silence, and before long she noticed I was barefooted.
"Where are your shoes?" She asked, looking at my feet wide eyed. "And why aren't you in school, Seth?" She questioned, finally looking to me.
"Don't know," I looked down to my feet. "Maybe I'm becoming a hippie."
"Don't lie to me." She said quietly. Gazing to her, I instantly felt more bad. We stopped by the edge of the lake, a slight mist still above the calm waters. For a long time we just stood in silence. I didn't know what to say, it was all there, but I was just dazed. "I keep trying to trust you." She suddenly said. I looked to her, bracing myself. Her eyes glimmered with tears as they overlooked the lake. "But it never seems to really work out well." She looked to the cloudy sky, her eyes more mournful now. "Just seeing you there yesterday, with those huge guys that we made fun of together, it just seemed as if you were gone. Replaced by someone I don't know. When I forgot you, when I forgot everyone, there was something always telling me that someone was missing. I didn't feel whole. And though I've tried to understand, to be some sort of comfort for you, it's just like you- like you don't need me any more."
Her words were like daggers piercing my skin. For a moment, I felt very, very faint, and I shakily ran a hand through my hair. I felt my hands begin to quiver and I snapped.
"No... no no no no..." I whispered, falling to my knees. I turned to her, seeing she was gazing down at me wide eyed. "No... Eve... You matter more to me than any of them..."
"But why?" She whispered horsely. "Why can't you talk to me about it?"
I closed my eyes as a breeze blew. "I can't. I... just... can't."
To my surprise, I heard her kneel next to me. My eyes flew open when she took my hand, and I was intoxicated by her eyes which gazed at me so deeply, as if she was looking into my soul. "Seth, we tell each other everything. Its been that way forever."
"But this time... I really, really can't." I looked down to our connected hands. "Just... try to remember."
"That day on first beach when I told you about the legends." I sniffed, feeling cold inside. "Just try to remember them."
"I don't understand... the legends?"
I gazed up to her. "Yes."
She smiled ruefully. "What, about the enchanted fish?"
"No. Further back than that." I told her. In the corner of my eye, I could see a form in the forest. I glanced to it, and upon realising it was Sam, I hastily got up on my feet, helping her up too. I backed up a little and she let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, I've got to go. But just try to remember? Please?"
"Okay." She whispered. I smiled sadly and hurriedly ran away.