Sunday 10th September 2006
I stared down at my cereal, my hair falling into my eyes. This was not how I wanted today to go.
First I awoke up alone, then my grandparents go to Seattle- leaving me here alone, then my favourite shirt gets shrunk in the wash, and now my damn cereal looks like an alien matter.
I sighed, pushing it away, letting my head fall on the table with a thunk. Great, now I was going to get a head ache. Did Seth have any idea what he had done in leaving me? I'm cursed. There should be a saying, like: 'Your best friend leaves you and you get seven years bad luck'. Yep. I'm sure that's it.
The doorbell rang and I heaved myself up, a blanket around my shoulders as I meandered down the hallway. Yanking the door open I looked up, blinking in the light.
To my surprise- and embarrassment- Sam Uley stood before me with Embry and Jared flanking him. My cheeks reddened and I grimaced.
"Good morning." I mumbled.
Embry smiled and I scowled at him.
"My, Evelyn, don't you look wonderful today." Jared laughed. I sighed, rolling my eyes and looking up at Sam.
"What do you want?"
He didn't smile. "Evelyn." He said in his deep, authoritative voice. I suddenly knew why he was the alpha. He was terrifying. "Seth has joined Jacob in protecting Bella."
"Quil said something about that last night..." I said quietly. He had visited the house yesterday to keep me up to date- though he couldn't tell me everything.
"We need you to do something."
Jared grinned. "Oh, this is so mission impossible."
"Shut it." Sam barked at him. "This is the only way to get a message through without anyone getting hurt."
My eyes widened a little. "What do you want me to do?"
I walked nervously up the drive. My heart pounded as I clutched the Tupperware box in my hands, the ground crunching beneath my feet. There was a part of me that knew this was stupid- irrational even. But it meant I got to see my Seth and know he was alright.
He'd probably kill me for doing this.
Sam had driven me to the treaty line and I walked from there. It wasn't that long of a walk- I've been on longer- and it gave me time to think. To go over what he told me to do. I didn't like to think this was me joining any sides, but then again, I didn't know the entire story.
The wind ruffled my loose hair which I had haphazardly brushed. I was wearing a jumper Seth had left in my room a few nights ago- it was way too big and was dark grey. It almost reached my knees. I nervously tucked some of my hair behind my ear as I neared the large house. The enormity of it scared me a little and I sucked in a deep breath before walking up the steps.
The door opened just as I got to it, revealing a stark-looking Dr Cullen, his eyes a muddy yellow.
"Evelyn? What on earth..."
"Hello, Mr Cullen." I said softly. "I... erm... come bearing gifts." I lifted the box a little. He watched me with careful eyes.
"I... suppose you better come in." He stood back to let me through and then the onslaught came.
"EVELYN! What the hell are you doing here?!" Seth shouted at me, his eyes fuming. I had barely stepped into the house. I breathed steadily in. Seth never got angry at me, but I knew he had a good reason.
"Sam sent me."
His eyes widened and I passed him.
"Crap." He whispered.
I saw Jacob and he looked to me with wide eyes. "Evelyn?"
"Hello." I smiled. "Sam told me Leah left, too. And that she wouldn't eat anything from the Cullen's." I brought the box forward. "I made them myself."
"Jesus, Evelyn." Seth murmured, coming to stand by Jacob. Everyone was watching me with nervous eyes- as if I was a bomb that was going to go off at any moment. I sensed the tension and knitted my hands together in front of me.
"Sam sent you here?" One of them asked me. I nodded a little.
"Um... he said that this was the safest way of communicating... and that I wouldn't say no to coming here." I mumbled. My eyes traced over them and then I looked to Jacob. "He says he is sorry and that, as his Beta, he wishes for you to come back. But he know you won't." I swallowed, looking to Seth. "And he said that if you stay here, he has no reason not to kill you when the time comes." It was hard to say those words. They cut so deep with me. My fingers trembled a little and I had to look away from him.
My eyes met Edward's and I paled a little. The mood was so sombre, like that of a funeral. And I knew that feeling all too well. "Can I see her?" I asked quietly. He nodded acutely and I followed him up the stairs, leaving Seth and the others behind me.
"Evelyn? What are you doing here?" Bella whispered as I came to sit in front of her. She looked so frail, so tiny. Rosalie glanced to Edward as I came in. I nervously swallowed and smiled sadly at her.
"Sam sent me." I murmured.
"Oh." Was all she said. I nodded a little, sniffing. She reached forward to take my hand in her bony one. I couldn't believe it. After all she was going through... she was trying to comfort me. "It's bad news, isn't it? Nobody will tell me what's going on, so I guess it's bad news."
I sighed, feeling tears prick at my eyes. "I just worry for Seth. I know he won't change his mind, and I don't want him to."
"It'll be okay." She whispered, letting go of my hand and reaching up to tuck some of my hair behind my ear. She suddenly reminded me of my mother then- a younger version of her. Terrified of her future, of not being good enough for the child within her. I looked into Bella's brown eyes, knowing she wasn't far from death.
If I knew anything from death, it was this.
However many funerals I have to go to, however many flowers I have to place on gravestones, I never pretend to not think of the horrible times. I knew this memory of Bella would forever be etched into my mind- because it was her lasting image. If she were to die, I would only remember her this way. My parents died but their lovely, warm image was still fresh in my mind. Harry died but all I could remember was his laughter.
I nodded, knowing full well that everything would not be okay. She smiled, her lips white as she let go of me, closing her eyes. Stiffly, I stood, not daring to look at Edward or Rosalie as I passed, walking downstairs and taking the box outside to Leah.
She thanked me and I sat beside her on a rock by the river. She was silent as she ate the sandwiches and I hugged my arms around myself, looking up the bank and to the house. My eyes were misted. Did Seth hate me now?
"Of course not." She murmured. I looked to her, realising I had voiced my thoughts out loud. "He'd never hate you. It goes against him." She said as she ate hungrily.
"But why not? People fall out of favour all the time." I muttered. She looked to me, her eyes shadowed but showing sparks of care.
"Not you, Evelyn. You could never fall out of favour with him- or anyone. You're just too kind, too warm hearted. Besides, he loves you more than he loves anything else."
She returned back to eating and I breathed out, looking back to the house. My heart thudded when I remembered Seth shouting and I bit my lip.
"I wish he'd tell me how he felt." I whispered.
"Yeah, I do too." She mumbled. I brushed my hand over my tired, teary eyes and bid her a good bye before walking back up to the house. I could hear people moving around upstairs and so I decided to quietly slip out the front door. It wasn't like I was wanted anyway.
My hand was reaching for the door when someone grabbed my wrist. Flames of warmth danced up my skin and I looked- shocked- to see Seth was gazing down at me, his chest heaving as he breathed.
"Where are you going?"
"I... well, home." I mumbled, my cheeks staining red.
"Eve, that's a twenty mile walk. You're not doing that." His hand loosened a little on my wrist and suddenly he pulled me to his chest, hugging me tightly. "I'm sorry. You just scared me. I thought you were on their side." He whispered into my hair. He gently pulled me back, his eyes soft as he gazed at me. "I know you hate shouting. I'm sorry Eve, I really am."
I breathed out in relief. "I-it's okay. I knew you'd react that way..."
He smiled in a self-depreciating way. "Please don't be scared of me."
"I'm not." I mumbled. "I'm scared of what will happen. I have to go home, I know that. But it kills me to think you're here... and I can't talk to you."
His eyes saddened. "Eve..."
"Just be safe. Please." I smiled sadly at him, reaching up to kiss his cheek. "And I like walking. You know that."
I looked around to him. "I believe in you. Can you believe in me now?"
He swallowed and grudgingly let go of my wrist. I pulled the door open and walked out, my heart beating fast, tears building in my eyes. Don't think that was the last time you will see him. I whispered to myself. He loves you. He won't put himself in any unnecessary danger.
I glanced around, tears making everything fuzzy now. He ran down the steps, his eyes wide with fear. He stopped a few feet in front of me, his hair ruffled by the wind. I swallowed, turning a little away from him.
"Don't do anything stupid." I muttered, turning fully around and walking away, my arms wrapped tightly around myself. "I care about you too much."
Monday 11th September 2006
The wind roared in my ears, pushing up the dark blue waves, sand lifting in the air. My mouth was dry as were my eyes. I was staring, unfeeling. Sometimes, I was uncertain if my own heart was beating any more. That I had somehow turned into a ghost which wandered the shore line.
My feet were freezing. Seaweed curled around my toes as I stared out to the ocean, my arms crossed, my fingers gently quivering. It was always cold when he wasn't here. But sometimes the cold was good. It woke me up to my harsh reality.
I wasn't really sure how I felt about all of this. Most of all, I wanted him back. It was a sort of strange yearning and somehow I knew he missed me, too. I didn't try to think that he could die. I faced that every day. I wanted to trust him. But I knew all too well that he took unnecessary risks.
Stupidly, I liked that about him. There were many silly things I liked about him. But my world began and ended with his grin. He was childish, immature and frankly mindless. But he was so kind, so good-hearted, so friendly.
And so warm.
I shivered when a gust of wind blew up against me, ruffling my hair. I began to move again, over the pebbles, the soles of my feet hurting badly. But pain didn't really matter. Everything seemed to take on a grey quality as I walked up the beach. I didn't know how long I spent out there, but eventually the grey turned to something darker. The forest was foreboding, staring me right in the face. There would always be a part of me fascinated with it- with the rich bark, the mossy ground, how the air helped me breathe just a little better.
Things were too dangerous now. I shoved my shoes back on, not caring my feet were wet from standing in the ocean. The ends of my jeans were damp, as were the ends of my hair. It was a tangled mess- something I knew I'd have to deal with later.
I scaled up the beach, my feet digging into the sand, the tips of my fingers ice. The sea still bellowed behind me, sounding like some kind of demon.
I moved with deliberate slowness into the evening. I was fairly aware of my stomach grumbling, but I decided not to think about it. I made sure my thoughts stayed on Seth. Maybe if I kept thinking about him that would keep him safe.
There was a moment on my way home that my heart began to accelerate and I became breathless. I choked, falling against a tree trunk that luckily was close. Fear stained my mind and yet I carried on, my heart aching badly, my shoulders shaking from the cold.
"Evelyn!" I was vaguely aware of someone shouting. I felt hands wrap around me and before I knew it, I was in front of a hot fire, a thick blanket around my shoulders, a hand rubbing soothingly on my back. For a moment, I thought it was my mother. But I looked over and saw my grandma. "Gosh you gave us a scare, darling. You didn't come home! It's eight at night Evelyn. That isn't very responsible of you."
Tears pricked in my eyes. "Nobody seems responsible for themselves these days." I whispered hoarsely, leaning against her, feeling the flames against my cheeks. It reminded me so much of Seth that I couldn't hold the tears in any longer. They just fell. I didn't stop them.
I shouldn't be crying over him. I didn't want to cry over him. That was too close to mourning and I wasn't there yet. I needed to have faith in him.
"Your friend... erm, Gina? She called." Grandma said softly. The tears had already dried in the heat of the fire and so I looked to her.
"Yes..." Her eyes were a little confused. "She said she sat with you at lunch today."
"Oh, yes, she did." I murmured. I didn't know what made her do it- maybe we were both just lonely. She just came and sat next to me to eat her lunch. It was a kind gesture. "Why did she call?" I asked quietly, rubbing my eyes.
"To see if you were alright." She said. "I thought you were at a friends house..."
"The only friend's house I go to is Seth's." I mumbled, pulling my legs up to my chest and sighing deeply.
Grandpa then came in, his white hair in all directions from the wind. He placed the basket of wood down by the fire and sighed, looking at me.
"Would you like some dinner?"
"Um, okay." I said quietly. He nodded, kissing my head as he passed to go into the kitchen. Grandma paused by my side, making sure I was warm before going to make me a hot drink. I could hear some music grandpa liked cooking to play in the kitchen and the soft sound of the cooker on.
Everything was slow. I moved sluggishly, sipping my hot chocolate slowly as my grandma turned on an old movie in black and white. I lied on my side, the blanket wrapped around me. My eyes closed and I breathed out the coldness, succumbing to sleep.
I awoke some time later, sitting up, looking about myself blearily. The lights had been turned off but there were a few candles dotted about, giving the room a warm, woody smell. I blinked, standing and walking into the kitchen.
Grandma was washing up and grandpa looked to me with a smile. He had a glass of brandy in his hand.
"Oh darling, you slept through dinner."
"Oh." I mumbled, clutching my stomach.
"We saved some for you." Grandma said, glancing to me. Grandpa quickly made me a plate of the food and heated it up. I sat at the island, eating stew slowly, blowing the steam away. It was a gorgeous braised beef with a rich red wine sauce- one of grandpa's specialities. I almost said that we should save some for Seth. I knew how much he loved grandpa's stews. Just that thought made my eyes mist up a bit.
The wind howled outside, whipping at the trees.
"It's meant to die down during the night." Grandpa said. "That's what Barney at the dollar store said."
"Well that's good." Grandma commented, finishing washing up the dishes and wiping her hands on her apron. "Don't want my wisteria being destroyed."
I smiled at their chatter. They both knew each other so well. Their relationship was admirable and I sat in silence, listening to them talk. By the time I had finished, they had migrated back to the living room to catch the nine o'clock show. I washed my dish slowly, my eyes travelling to the window above the sink and to the black trees against the dark indigo blue sky.
I went upstairs after that and took a long shower. It was mainly a distraction from my loneliness. I towel dried my hair as I sat on the edge of my bed. I had newly redressed it and so the duvet was primrose yellow, the cushions too. It was a bright, summery colour and was a welcome difference to my usual grey or dark purple.
Of course I couldn't sleep that night. Even fishing out my brothers light up planetarium didn't help. It just reminded me of how Seth and I used to camp under the stars.
And so in the dead of night I wrapped a blanket around myself and creaked downstairs. Outside it was silent- the wind had completely died down. I opened the front door wearily and closed it behind me, shuffling to the bench to lie down. The porch light was dim and away from me, not glaring above me.
Finally, I found peace. The sound of birds and the trees creaking lulled me into slumber. I always knew I was a child of the wild. Honestly, I should've been raised by wolves. Instead, I had found my own wild wolf- with his warm brown eyes and soft grin.
I awoke to the sound of crunching footsteps. It was barely light out and the cold stung the air. The sky above was a slightly dark blue, the morning sun gracing it.
Blearily I sat up, rubbing my eyes, my fluffy blonde hair tumbling around me. The figure walking up the path took his hands out of his pockets, seeing me.
Shakily, I stood, my heart thumping hard.
He then smiled at me and I burst into a beam, the blanket pooling around my feet as I flew down the steps, bolting to him and to his arms.
His warmth seared my skin and tears pricked in my eyes. He gently caressed my hair and I could feel his fast heart beat under my ear. He breathed out shakily and I stood back to look at him, to weave my fingers through his hair. He smiled softly, his eyes ever warm. I was standing on my tiptoes and I still didn't match his height.
"You're wearing my jumper." He said casually.
"If you had been here you could've taken it back." I threw back at him. He chuckled, his dark eyes sparking. He looked exhausted. I was about to say something on the matter but he suddenly pressed his forehead against mine. I closed my eyes, trying to slow my rapid heartbeat.
"For the first time I thought things were really going to go bad." He uttered softly, his hand coming up to cup my cheek. "I didn't trust myself. All I could think about was you. I think... that made it better."
I wanted to shout. I wanted to hug him so tightly and tell him that was exactly what I had been doing. I wanted to do anything but this horrible aching. It tensed in my heart, pulling at my muscles until I was frozen. He bent back a bit to look at me, his eyes unguarded, his hand still on my cheek. I couldn't move, but if I could, I was fairly sure I would reach up and kiss him.
"Why were you sleeping outside?" He asked calmly. "You know how much I hate you getting cold."
"I couldn't sleep." I mumbled, a blush tingeing my cheeks. "Just being outside... well, it reminded me of you. It comforted me."
His cheeks gradually darkened and he smiled. His heart throbbed- I could feel it under my hand. Was he flustered? The thought thrilled me. He nervously tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
"What's wrong?" I asked sweetly.
He tried to grin but his real emotions gave away. "It's not totally wrong to want to kiss you right now, is it?"
I was fairly sure my tongue got stuck in my throat. I pressed my lips together, trying to think of something to say. I'd jump him if I wasn't careful. He chuckled nervously and I smiled tightly.
"No." I said cautiously. "Seth, I don't think you realise how just being within a metre of distance with you is horrible for me. This is pretty unbearable... but I'm too scared." I mumbled, hoping he didn't take it the wrong way.
"I know you're scared." He whispered, leaning his face closer to mine, making sure my eyes connected with his. "But I always iron that out of you, don't I?"
I nodded a little, weary under his heated gaze.
"And so this won't be so scary."
However, before I could utter anything, he pressed his lips softly against mine. My heart stammered and then roared into a full gallop, my cheeks staining tomato red. He wrapped his arms around my waist and so he could lift me up a little. Nervously, I tangled my hands in his hair. He chuckled breathlessly and I smiled. It seemed quite funny to the both of us- to be kissing after all this time. He soon calmed down though and kissed me more gently, his hands flat on my lower back.
I broke away from him with a gasp, catching my breath, realising he had suspended me in the air. He laughed, gently placing me down so I was at my normal height- up to his shoulder.
"Is it me or are you getting smaller?"
I scowled, my cheeks still hot. He smiled, reaching down to kiss me softly one more time before wrapping an arm around me, taking us both into the house.
END OF PART FOUR