Part Five: Rita and John Lennon
"Fuck!" Jade yelled hitting the wooden doors to the Marriage Bureau. It closed on Friday afternoons and re opened its doors on Monday morning.
"Can you believe this shit? It's Friday and we have to wait until Monday for it to open! How can anyone wait throughout the entire weekend for an annulment?! I'm going to kill Knox." Jade growled going to leave.
Harry, who had lightened up on their visit to the Marriage Bureau looked like he enjoyed to see Jade rant.
"Enough time to consummate the marriage." He said.
Jade narrowed her eyes at him and rubbed her forehead vigorously.
"This is fine. It's all right. I'm going to be fine." Jade chanted. She felt Harry take her back to the elevators and out of the Ministry.
"I think you need to lie down for a minute…wife." Harry said.
"Please don't call me that. I feel like a heartburn from hell coming on." Jade said. Harry dropped her off at her flat and took her apprehension papers.
"Relax…before you pop a nerve in your head." Harry said. He kissed her briefly and left, leaving her to herself.
Jade changed into her pajamas and broke out a cold bottle of Firewhiskey, watching the television that Harry had left for her when he moved in briefly. She absentmindedly flipped through the channels and looked down at her ring finger to see the gold band on her finger. She thought it was absolutely odd but felt like something new which could hold on to her for a very long time. Marriage scared her from the time she had started thinking so seriously about it.
Commitment to a man and sharing everything, even the bathroom? Jade's stomach churned at the thought of it. Though sharing a bathroom with Harry or Draco was unsettling with her at first but she got used to it. Between the two of them, Jade would have never thought of herself marrying Harry.
There were heavy and rapid knocks on her door and Jade got up, taking her wand with her. She opened the door to Shetty and Rita who scrambled in with pillows and a duffel bag.
"Close the door! Or else they'll kill us!" Shetty hissed.
"Who?" Jade asked. She looked out of her door and into the hallway, seeing no one.
"Bertie Bott's murderers are coming after us!" Rita said.
Jade closed the door and locked it, seeing them settle themselves on the sofas.
"What?" Jade asked seeing them nod.
"They're dressed up in costumes. One as a giant purple jellybean-"
"Honey I think it was an eggplant." Rita said.
Shetty looked at Rita and shook his head.
"No baby…eggplants have leaves on top of it…you know? This was a jellybean." Shetty said. Rita stroked his arm and smiled.
"I love you…but I have to disagree." She said.
"All right. It's either a jellybean or a very bald eggplant! Keep going!" Jade said impatiently.
"Right well…there was a jellybean, You-Know-Who and Dumbledore." Shetty said.
Jade cocked her head to the side, trying to assess whatever Shetty was trying to tell her. After a moment, she finally pulled herself out of the shock and confusion and asked Shetty again.
"Hold on a minute, you saw Dumbledore-"
"Only that it wasn't Dumbledore. It was clear he was wearing a mask." Rita said.
"And what about You-Know-Who?" Jade asked.
"That too was a mask mate." Shetty said.
"So people who are dressed up as You-Know-Who, Dumbledore and a large jellybean are after you both." Jade said seeing them nod.
"They told us to drop out from the Cook-Off or they'd do the same thing that they did to Bertie Bott to us." Rita said.
"But I held on to my soul mate and told them…peace on earth. It's only a competition for the world to go round." He said holding up two fingers.
Jade closed her eyes and buried her head in her arms.
"What does the winner get again?" Jade asked.
"A quarter of a million Galleons and the top secret recipe to Bertie Bott's newest collection of jellybeans called Pandora's Box." Rita told her.
"Pandora's box? You-Know-Who, Dumbledore and a jellybean would kill you to get the secret recipe of Pandora's Box?" Jade asked.
"I heard he put an ingredient to induce euphoria…" Shetty breathed. He looked at Rita who gave him a vicious look, something Jade didn't want to see and wish she hadn't.
"So…I'll just sleep in my bedroom…lots of work tomorrow." Jade said as Shetty and Rita started snogging. Jade shut her door closed and buried herself underneath the covers, trying to fall asleep but failed horribly.
The next morning, Jade startled awake from her fire alarm going off. Jade bolted from her bed and went around in circles, trying to find the fire in her bedroom. When she realized that the fire was coming from her living room, Jade threw open her bedroom door and saw Shetty and Rita sleeping soundly on the sofa as a bag was sitting on the floor, burning up into a ball of fire.
"Shit! Shit!" Jade coughed, breathing in the smoke. She tried waking up Shetty and Rita who woke up slowly and breathed in the smoke.
"I love the smell of Mary Jane in the morning." Shetty said.
"My house is on FIRE!" Jade screamed.
Shetty and Rita stood there, watching the bag as Jade took a blanket from her room and started beating the bag.
"Wait! No! That's my weed!" Shetty shrieked.
"This building is going to burn down! Call the Aurors!" Jade screamed as her blanket set fire. Shetty and Rita ran into the kitchen and brought back a cup of water, throwing it at the sprawling flames. Jade gave them a look of disbelief and called for the Aurors.
"Aguamenti!" Jade pointed at the bag of weed on fire.
Water shot out of her wand and put the fire out. She stumbled back and looked at Rita and Shetty who guffawed and Jade burst into laughter, feeling that everything in the world was working quite well for her. The door opened and Jade saw Draco, Blaise and Albert walk in, spotting her on the floor with Shetty and Rita.
"What the fuck just happened. Is anyone hurt?" Draco asked walking in.
"I know what you all burned up." Albert sang sniffing his way towards the bag.
"It was good product." Shetty said as Rita giggled.
"I believe you." Blaise said pocketing the wet weed. Draco crouched down to Jade and took her arms.
"Are you hurt?" he asked seeing her smile mischievously.
"Yes sir! Let's play Healer!" Jade said unbuttoning her shirt. Draco held on to her hands and picked her up.
"You are so cute." Jade said circling her arms around his neck.
"I'm taking her to her father's house until the apartment is fixed again." Draco said, walking Jade into the hallway.
"I'd take advantage if I were you." Blaise winked.
Draco gave a cold stare at Blaise who cowered away and called for cleaners. Jade stuck her nose against Draco's shirt and inhaled deeply.
"What are you doing?" Draco asked seeing her look up.
"You so smell good. I could just…eat you." Jade said pulling at his shirt.
"Calm down." Draco said as they walked down the stairs. Jade punched Draco's arm lightly and giggled when he ignored it. She punched harder and a few more times, seeing him roll his eyes.
"Do you not like me? Do you not want this?" Jade asked slamming herself against the wall. She rubbed her head when she bumped her head on the wall and saw Draco try to suppress a smile.
"You ended everything with me." He said taking her hand again. Jade frowned and grabbed his face.
"I like you a lot…let's do it." Jade said enthusiastically. Draco took her hands away from his face and went to respond but they heard Harry appear coming up the stairs.
"What happened to her?" Harry asked.
"You might want your wife back. Wouldn't want people to see her trying to take advantage of a single man like me." Draco said stepping away from Jade. Harry walked up to Jade and stood in front of her, seeing her cover her face.
"Babe." Harry said.
"You hollered?" Jade asked looking at him.
Harry sighed and took her hand. He thanked Draco and walked out of the building and apparated to Bilius Weasley's home. Harry rang the doorbell and held firmly to Jade's arm when she tried to run away to 'explore' the new world. She wrapped her arms around his neck and jumped, hooking her legs around his waist. Harry quickly supported her on his hip, carrying her like a small child as she nuzzled her nose against his neck.
"Cuff me to the bed again?" she asked. She placed small kisses up his neck and blew in his ear. Harry clenched his jaw leaving Jade to dissolve in laughter. Bilius opened the door and shook the Daily Prophet at them.
"You both are married? Why hasn't there been a ceremony? Why was I not invited?" Bilius yelled.
"Here comes the bride…all dressed in white." Jade sang, still sitting on Harry's hip. Aunt Muriel appeared and smacked Jade with her purse.
"How come Ronald Weasley that little girl got to see you married and I didn't?" Aunt Muriel asked vehemently.
"That hurt." Jade whined, rubbing her arm.
Harry walked in and pushed through Bilius and Aunt Muriel. He closed Jade in her bedroom and Jade waited as Bilius and Aunt Muriel calmed down.
"Are you feeling better or should I leave you in there for another two hours?" Harry asked seeing Jade sit up from her bed.
"I'm sane now. My head still feels a little light though." Jade said. Harry gently pushed Jade back on the bed and sat next to her.
"I have to take the evening Portkey out of the country but I think you'll kill me before I leave." He said. Jade smiled and looked at the ceiling as Harry took her hand.
"What was Rita and John Lennon doing in your apartment?" Harry asked.
Jade who didn't appear to get the joke explained to Harry about Rita and Shetty escaping from Bertie Bott's murderers.
"They wore masks?" Harry asked seeing Jade nod. "One was Voldemort, another was Dumbledore and the other was a purple jellybean?" Harry asked seeing Jade nod.
"Or a bald eggplant but who cares? They've asked Rita to step down from the competition. Apparently they're after the money and the secret ingredient to Bertie Bott's mysterious Pandora's Box." Jade said.
"But Pandora's Box is a jellybean." Harry said. Jade raised an eyebrow.
"Really?" Jade asked. Harry shook his head, probably in denial about the fact that he was involved with these bizarre things and took out his phone.
"I need you to run background checks on the participants of the Healthy Eating Cook Off and bring it back in two copies; one for me and the other for Jade." Harry said. He shut the phone off and stood up.
"I need you to do something for me. Be careful." He said.
"Even though you'll have someone watching me." Jade said seeing Harry shake his head.
"I'll have more than one person watching you. Apparently you make my men sick…but I think they love you." he said touching her cheek.
"That's so nice to hear." Jade said dryly.
"And I want you to snoop around in the Cook Off. If you find anything tell Ryker." Harry said. Jade nodded along as Harry started leaving.
"You're coming back on Monday for the annulment though right?" Jade asked. Harry gave a small smile and Jade felt a heavy weight drop in her stomach.
"Please tell me you're coming back on time to annul this marriage! I can't stay married like this!" Jade said, her voice thinning out until she sounded like she inhaled helium.
"I like being married." Harry said seeing Jade scramble away from him.
"I hope you're joking." Jade said seeing him shrug his cloak on.
"I can't guarantee you to come back on Monday but I promise you an annulment. I'll see you soon." He said. He kissed her shortly and left.