Part Five: Miss World
Jade arrived at the park where the Vegetarian Cook-Off was being held. Apparently this looked like the next big thing after the Quidditch Cup. Wizards and witches alike were setting up tents everywhere. Rita's tall white tent was already set up and she was given a long white table to cook and present her final dishes for the judge's deliberation.
"All right! Let's get this Cook-Off started!" Aunt Muriel said sharpening two very large knives. Everyone paled and Bilius slowly took the knives away from Aunt Muriel.
"How about you advertise? Catch a judge's eye?" Bilius asked.
"I could do that too. I'm good at attracting people." Aunt Muriel said.
"Attracting the living dead is more like it." Bilius muttered to Jade who muffled a giggle.
Shetty appeared with a couple of costumes and handed one to Jade.
"The world? I will not represent the world." Jade said seeing Shetty hold up a broccoli and a rainbow costume.
"Then you're either one of these mate." Shetty said. Aunt Muriel grabbed the broccoli costume from Shetty's hands and started to walk away.
"I'm always the nutritious and delicious one!" she claimed.
"This is absolutely unfair! I don't want to wear a costume. Cant I help with the cooking?" Jade asked.
"Well if you're willing to make 5 dishes for 500 people-"
"I think I can wear the world for today." Jade said taking the world from Shetty.
A half an hour later, Jade was dressed as the entire world, singing monotonously to a jingle that Rita wrote and composed herself.
"Another batch of people!" Shetty said with more excitement than Jade had ever seen since he saw a bag of weed. Aunt Muriel nudged Jade who let out a rough sigh and started off the jingle.
"Our world is precious, our world is pure Why should we kill the innocent whores-"
"Why should we kill things we don't abhor!" Rita, Bilius and Molly corrected fiercely.
"I keep saying that one line. It's stuck to my head and I can't correct it! It just comes out." Jade waved her hand at them. She could hardly move around in her costume. She was an enormous globe and she started sweating profusely from inside. She saw a little child walk towards her and blink at her, Shetty and Aunt Muriel.
"Do you want to hear our stupid jingle?" Jade asked enthusiastically. The little girl nodded slowly and Jade turned to Bilius, Rita and Molly.
"I'm going to kill myself!" she yelled.
"How are things going with Rita and company?" Florean Fortescue asked appearing with Madame Puddifoot, Ambrosius Flume and Mrs. Flume. Rita smiled brightly at them.
"Yes well we are-"
"Oh my God! I love you." Jade squealed when she saw Mr. and Mrs. Flume.
"I'm a regular customer at Honeydukes and I absolutely love your sweets. I'm a fan of you both. And Mr. Fortescue, I absolutely love the Double Trouble Boil and Bubble Ice Cream Cauldron! I think it's the best invention after condoms!" Jade said.
Everyone looked at her strangely and Florean Fortescue blushed bright red. Jade let go of his arms and took a step back.
"So…do you want to hear the jingle Rita made up?" Jade asked laughing nervously.
"No, that would be all right." He said finally being able to speak again.
"We were just making rounds to see how our contestants were doing." Mrs. Flume said.
"And I've heard about you my dear. You did such a wonderful thing for Madame Rosmerta." Madame Puddifoot said placing a hand on Jade's arm. Florean Fortescue, Ambrosius Flume and Mrs. Flume looked pleasantly surprised.
"So, you've paid for her cancer treatments? How is she by the way? We haven't heard from her in a while." Florean said with concern.
"I spoke to the muggle Healer and she's still recovering from the surgery but still a little weak. She'll be starting chemotherapy soon." Jade said.
"My sister's husband was suffering from cancer. Terrible ailment I say, but I cannot tell you enough how much we appreciate that you did this for Rosmerta. She hasn't a husband nor children to carry out this enormous responsibility and here you are, saving her life." Ambrosius said.
"To tell you the truth I'm not a hero at all. I couldn't pay for her surgery but someone gave an anonymous donation. That's the real hero and without him or her…I don't know what would have happened." Jade said feeling herself tear up.
"Sweetheart." Madame Puddifoot said reaching out to hug Jade.
"Your intentions speak for itself. We know you would have done whatever you could to help her." Mrs. Flume said. Florean Fortescue dabbed the corner of his eye and smiled brightly at Jade.
"I wish we could sit here and speak to you but we must visit the other contestants. It was an absolute honor to meet with you." he said shaking her hand.
"You and your family are welcomed for free sweets in Honeydukes, whenever you'd like and bring your husband as well." Mrs. Flume said.
"Oh that's right! You were in the front page of the Daily Prophet for marrying Harry Potter!" Ambrosius said.
"That's wonderful! Two of Wizarding World's heroes married to each other. We'd love to see him again." Mrs. Flume said.
"Harry Potter is my Great nephew-in-law." Aunt Muriel said proudly.
"And I am his Father-In-Law, how do you do?" Bilius asked reaching his hand forward.
"Dad!" Jade said as he shook the judges' hands.
"My goodness! I didn't know Harry Potter's wife and family were here competing in our Cook-Off! Such a delight to know!" Florean chuckled.
"I'm Jade's Auntie; I've basically raised Harry since he was 11 and now he's married to my niece…I'm a big part of their lives you know." Aunt Molly said blushing a bit.
Jade stared at them open mouthed, seeing them all carry on a conversation about her and Harry.
"Make sure you come and visit! Harry would love to see you as well!" Bilius said waving at them as they left smiling widely.
"You know, I can't believe you'd do that to me." Jade said slapping down the bell she was holding onto for the jingles.
"But they loved you! And they loved Harry! And you just happen to be married to Harry!" Bilius said.
"Yeah I know but we didn't get married because we wanted to, that was an accident. You know I'm with Draco." Jade said. Bilius made an apologetic sound and took Jade into his arms.
"Sugar cookie, we know you love Draco…but we were just blowing smoke up their arses so they could choose us, that's all." He said.
"You're not lying to me are you?" Jade asked.
"Of course we're not." Bilius said.
He looked at Molly, Aunt Muriel, Rita and Shetty, motioning and mouthing words that he didn't mean it. Jade pulled back and smiled at her father.
"Well what do we have here? The big fat stupid world, a rainbow that's high and the oldest piece of broccoli I have ever gotten to see." Pansy sneered.
Jade turned around, seeing Pansy in a bright shiny red leather outfit. She looked like she came out of one of those naughty magazines she would usually pull out from Fred and George's mattresses when she'd often visit the Burrow. Her lips were painted on in a fire engine red color and right now, Jade could see how much Aunt Muriel wanted to knock it off of her face.
"Well look at that, the little red riding whore just rode in on her fat arse." Aunt Muriel said. Pansy looked at Aunt Muriel threateningly.
"Watch it crypt keeper, I am not fat." Pansy said.
"Leave my Aunt Muriel out of this Pansy. Why are you here anyways?" Jade asked.
"I came to capture the Bertie Bott's killers. Big reward for their capture." Pansy said cracking her knuckles.
"Do you even know what they look like?" Jade asked seeing Pansy sneer at her.
"You mind your own business and I'll mind mine. Keep on with your circus, it's quite entertaining." She said. She left and Jade shook her head, turning around.
"Unbelievable." Jade said. She grabbed a brownie hiding next to Shetty and crammed it in her mouth.
"Hmm…thif ith…diffewent." Jade said. She swallowed the brownie and took another one.
"These are really good…but tastes so…weird." Jade said eating it. Shetty grinned goofily and handed her a couple more.
"You're going to thank me one day buddy." He said seeing Jade grin.
"I'm thanking you now. Wow these are good!" Jade said. She felt a tug on her hair and she turned around to see Harry standing there, looking thoroughly amused by her outfit.
"I don't know what to say every time I look at you." he said.
"Usually it's something snarky." Jade said, seeing him trace the United Kingdom with his finger.
"Usually…but not always." He said lifting up her chin. They silently stared at each other as everyone around them chattered and walked around, enjoying the cook off.
"I fixed an appointment in the Marriage Bureau for our annulment. But for now we're strictly doing business. Ryker, Knox, Blake and Peyton are stationed around the entire park. I'm strictly in the middle of it, looking out for Rita and the most popular target; you." Harry said seeing Jade scowl and eat another brownie.
"You shouldn't be eating so many sweets." Harry said.
"Someone has been trying to kill and kidnap me, I need some comfort!" Jade said seeing Harry close his eyes, looking slightly irritated.
After a few minutes of eating the brownies, Jade started to feel like she could do absolutely anything she wanted.
"You know…you are so cute." Jade said punching Harry's arm. Harry slid her a dark look and Jade giggled.
"My Macho man…my James Bond." Jade said punching his arm again. Harry caught her arm and leaned in to check on her breath.
"You know what's very frustrating?" Jade asked Harry snatched the brownie away from her hand.
"That…I can't have you." Jade said. Harry threw away the brownie and crossed his arms.
"I never said you couldn't have me…you just chose Malfoy." He said taking her arm.
"I couldn't lose him again. But wow, you are so handsome!" Jade said. She punched his shoulder and Harry locked her hands together.
"If you hit me again sweet thing, I will manhandle you in front of these people." Harry said.
"Manhandling…I like." Jade said wagging her eyebrows.
Harry took out his cell phone and dialed Draco.
"Jade's high on special brownies." Harry explained to Draco.
"What the fuck for? Where did she get those brownies from?" Draco asked.
Harry looked around and saw Shetty dancing to a group of children in a rainbow outfit.
"You'll know when you get here." Harry said.
He snapped off the phone and Draco appeared to see Jade sitting on the ground, pouting. Her hands were locked together and she was leaning against Harry's leg. Draco looked at Shetty who rang a bell and sang Rita's jingle and a plate of brownie crumbs.
"She's abusive." Harry said.
Jade nibbled on Harry's pants and bit lightly. Draco bent down and with the help of Harry, scooped Jade up.
"We need to take you in the tent to give you a potion." Draco said. Harry let Jade go as Draco walked into the tent with Jade who kept babbling on about nonsense.
"Why do I feel like I'm…different? Usually when this happens…I smoke it or drink." Jade said as Draco sat her down.
"You ate the special brownies. I'm going to kill Shetty but stay put for now. I need to get your potion." Draco said.
He left and Jade looked around, already starting to get bored.
"Hell…I need to pee." Jade said. She got up and exited the tent. She was still in her world costume, making it hard for her to slip away so easily. Harry stood outside of her tent, talking to Ron, next to the table. Jade thought about James Bond again and how incredibly hard it was right now for her to sneak away without getting caught by Harry.
What would James Bond have done?
Jade slowly got out of the tent and moved with blind stealth. Things kept distracting her, like the color of the grass or a pretty little daffodil. A group of people holding a table sideways walked by, making it the perfect way to sneak out under Harry's nose. She crept away until she was far away from her tent.
"Excuse me…do you know where the ladies room is?" Jade asked a wizard who stopped stroking his beard and looked at her curiously.
"You mean just a regular loo?" he asked.
"No…a lady loo." Jade slurred.
"Hmph…hardly thought I would ever come across a planet on drugs." He said. He pointed to a row of Port a Potty's and Jade nodded vigorously at him.
"Thank you good sir…good day to you!" Jade said giving him a curtsey. She wobbled towards one of the potties and opened the door. She went to walk in but stumbled back. She kept trying to walk in but kept being bumped back because of the shape of her costume.
"You will go in so I could pee! Or it will be me against the world!" Jade hollered. She tried to fit herself in but felt someone's hand around her arm.
"Need a little help?" a voice asked.
"I need to pee and-" Jade turned around to see Michael leering at her.
"Uh oh…not this again." Jade sighed.