The Aurseize

Part Seven: Aurseize Interviews

The next afternoon, Jade sat in her living room, still mildly upset about last night's incident. She saw Sage reading a thick book on the floor, her hair split into braids. Jade hadn't yet told Draco about what happened with Harry because she knew that if she gave Draco a reason to murder Harry, Draco would take it. Even though Harry deserved to be murdered for what he did last night, his behavior wasn't explaining quite a lot. Jade's phone rang and Jade picked it up to hear Ron on the other line.

"You might want to get to the Aurseize Office now." Ron said.

"Why?" Jade asked.

"Your Aurseizes to be are here." Ron said.

"The interviews are today? Holy crap!" Jade said getting up. She closed the phone and picked Sage up.

"Where are we going?" Sage asked.

"The Ministry! You'll get to see where Mummy and Daddy works." Jade said.

Jade and Sage apparated to the Ministry and walked through the Auror Department, greeting everyone warmly. Jade saw a line of good looking and ridiculously buffed men in the Aurseize Office and she walked in to see Lavender sitting on the desk evaluating one.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Jade asked.

"Jade! See, we were evaluating these very single and very bodacious and very good looking men." Lavender said.

Jade looked at the men, seeing them grin and she looked back at Lavender and Parvati with her mouth hanging open.

"I'll flex for you sexy." A bald man said.

Sage cringed and Jade snatched the newspaper from a nearby man's hands.

"Aurseize Office looking for tall, dark and dreamy looking males only?! Must be single and with good body? Are you pulling my wank?" Jade asked. Sage let go of Jade's hand and walked over to Parvati's desk, looking over some of the items on her desk.

"Why did Colin write this in the article? This isn't what I wanted!" Jade said.

"You heard the woman! Get on out of here you bunch of sodding pricks! Just leave your name and number on the way please." Lavender said quietly. They all exited and Jade got a hold of Colin as soon as he rushed in.

"Exactly what was this article about? I need Aurseizes, not models!" Jade said, shaking the newspaper in Colin's face.

"They told me to do it!" Colin said, pointing at Lavender and Parvati who hid behind Sage. Jade smacked her forehead with her hand and Colin tried not to laugh at Jade's situation.

"I knew you were going to be a little…stressed so I printed another ad to show up at two o' clock." He said, flipping the page over.

"Oh Colin! Thank you so much! I'm sorry for acting like a Banshee on you." Jade said seeing him smile cheekily at her.

"It's okay. I know you were a little…" He said circling his temple with his index finger. Jade smiled and patted his arm as a few people knocked on the door.

"We're here for the Aurseize occupation?"


"Name?" Jade asked. Jade was sitting between Parvati and Lavender, beginning their evaluation with a woman with curly platinum blonde hair and blue eye shadow and bright red lipstick. She was overweight and looked exhausted, slouching against the chair.

"The Killer." She said.

Jade glanced at Lavender who raised her eyebrow at 'The Killer'.

"So do you have a last name or is that all?" Jade asked.


"Name?" Parvati asked.

A man was sitting in front of them with sunglasses and leather pants and a sleeveless black shirt with studs on the sides. He took off his sunglasses and revealed one pale eye and one red eye.

"Rick Gammond." He said fiercely.

"Um…Mr. Gammond, how many years of experience have you had with capturing criminals?" Jade asked, seeing him stand up.

"Rick don't need years. Rick needs one criminal and he's history!" Rick said.

"What do you mean he's history? You won't shoot him will you?" Lavender asked.

"Rick doesn't shoot…Rick can strangle a bear with his bare hands." Rick said, picking up the chair, trying to strangle it to death above him, leaving Jade, Parvati, Lavender, Colin and Sage wide eyed.


"What the hell's your name?" Lavender asked for the thousandth time at the poor old deaf man.

"What?" he squawked.

"What's your…why are you here?" Jade asked, seeing him try to squint at her with his thick black framed glasses.

"Is this Ruth Stellar's house?" he asked loudly. Everyone exchanged questioned glances and Lavender rummaged through her bag.

"I'm going to shoot someone's arse today." She said.


"Name?" Sage asked from Jade's lap.

"You're an adorable little girl. Single?" the man winked.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE AND AWAY FROM MY BABY!" Jade roared.


"Name?" Colin asked.

"Elmira." She said. She had curly black hair and was thin and short. She looked familiar to Jade who leaned over, trying to remember where she had seen her before.

"Hang on." Jade said, pointing at her.

"I've seen you before." Jade said.

"Damn right you did. You were looking for that prostitute abusing psychopath David Greem in Knockturn Alley. Woman you're nutters." She said.

"I like her." Lavender said carefully.

"So you want to be an Aurseize for me?" Jade asked seeing Elmira nod.

"I would do very good…well; I would do very well in it." She said, correcting herself.

"How would you do that?" Parvati asked.

"I'm street smart. I seen a lot in my life and I'm not going to stand to waste my life being a good shag for all these people. I'm going to take their arses to the Ministry and believe me; I know a lot of them. I have good contacts." Elmira said.

"I know exactly what you mean. It's why I left being an escort. Live life on the edge." Lavender said.

"Amen!" Elmira said.

Lavender and Elmira slapped each other's hands and Jade smiled, looking at Sage.

"What do you think?" Jade asked. Sage took Jade's pen and put a large check next to Elmira's name.

"What happened to your other friend?" Jade asked.

"Gina? The big one?" Elmira asked, seeing Jade nod. Elmira sighed, looking wistful.

"Gina was killed. Avada Kadavra'd by some punk. I'm doing this partly because of her." Elmira said.

"I'm really sorry to hear that." Jade said, seeing Elmira shake her hand.

"You don't have to apologize. It's not your fault." Elmira said.

"Thanks for coming to our interview; we'll give you a call tomorrow to pick up a few files." Jade said seeing Elmira nod and get up. They shook hands and Elmira left.


"Name?" Sage giggled.

"Wait a minute, Aunt Muriel; you're not supposed to be here." Jade said.

"Why the hell not? I'm young, sexy and ready to kick some arse!" Aunt Muriel said.

"Does Dad know that you snuck out of the house for this job interview?" Jade asked seeing Aunt Muriel shrug.

"Maybe, maybe not." she said.

"You put a sleeping potion in his food again didn't you?" Jade asked.

"So did I get the job?" Aunt Muriel asked, perking up.


"So Pansy Parkinson's disease, what's your name?" Aunt Muriel asked Pansy who stormed into the Aurseize Office.

"I'm the Head Aurseize here! Who the fuck gave you the permission to find another Aurseize?" Pansy asked, wearing a flaming skull tank top and a short leather skirt.

"I'm Supervisor of this office; you got a problem with that?" Jade asked.

"Yes I do bitch." Pansy said.

Jade took Sage off her lap and Aunt Muriel cracked her knuckles.

"Pop a good one in her face. If you don't do that, you're no niece of mine!" she said.

"She won't do it." Pansy smirked, looking at Jade's pregnant form.

"She's too fat and by the way, your kid is ugly." Pansy said looking at Sage who raised an eyebrow.

"I'm ugly? I've seen Kneazles cough up better hairballs than your hair." Sage said.

Lavender, Parvati, Colin and Aunt Muriel burst into gut busting laughter and Pansy glared at Sage.

"You devil child!" Pansy growled, going to attack Sage.

Jade swung hard at Pansy's face, connecting her fist to her face. Pansy fell, her feet flipping into the air and Aunt Muriel hooted, clapping her hands.

"That's a Weasley! Sage definitely has Weasley blood in her!" Aunt Muriel said, hugging Sage tightly.


After Pansy was kicked out of the Aurseize Office, Draco walked in, checking up on Jade and Sage.

"Name?" Lavender asked Draco who cocked his eyebrow at her.

"Take a seat and tell us your name." Jade said, showing him to his chair.

"Okay." He said, taking a seat.

"Are you secretly gay?" Aunt Muriel asked.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Draco asked. Jade laughed and Sage climbed on Draco's lap as everyone told Draco about the crazy interviews they had throughout the entire day.

"Honey, you said that to Pansy?" Draco asked Sage who nodded.

"I was so proud of her, I wanted to adopt her." Lavender said.

The door to the office opened and Shetty walked in with an extremely shiny and tight purple outfit, the contours and details of his package visibly showing. His long hair was covered and the only opening was his face. In the middle of his chest was a large golden 'A' which Jade could guess was for Aurseize.

"Super Aurseize to the rescue!" Shetty wheezed.

Draco covered Sage's eyes and Shetty walked towards them, squeaking very loudly. Everyone was silent, staring at Shetty in awe. Sage kept trying to watch but Draco had a firm hand over her eyes.

"Super Aurseize? Shetty, didn't you just have a kid?" Jade asked.

"A little boy! We've named him Shet!" Shetty said.

Everyone tried to swallow their tongue, hoping to choke on it rather than saying their next word or laughing. The only people that blew out laughing was Aunt Muriel and Lavender.

"Are we the only ones who think that name is-"

"That's a…NICE name!" Jade forced out.

"Why thank you." Shetty said thoughtfully.

"Super Aurseize." He said quickly, posing for Jade. "Appreciates that." He said. His both arms were up in the air and he squatted, flexing his arms.

Squeak. Squeak.

"You're welcome." Jade said as Aunt Muriel and Lavender wheezed in laughter, rolling off of their seats, onto the floor.

"I might have a heart attack for the first time in my life!" Aunt Muriel laughed.

"Me…Me…Me too!" Lavender said.


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