The Aurseize

Part One: Goblin Apprehension

Jade apparated to her building and went up the stairs, feeling absolutely exhausted of the day's antics. She went to her flat to retire for the day but saw a bouquet of flowers. The first person she thought about was Draco and knew that if she ever saw him again, she would kick his manhood out of his throat. She looked at the note that simply said

'Roses are red,

Violets are Blue

No one says no to me

And you shouldn't too.'

Then there was another man that Jade wouldn't mind kicking a manhood out of a throat and that was Charles Greem. Jade took the flowers inside and placed them in her living room.

"Ello Jerry!" Jade said tapping on his tank. He was swimming around gracefully, without the worlds tension on his shoulders. She went into her bedroom to change her clothes but saw the same red note on her nightstand. The killer came to visit her apartment again. The Howler opened up and gave its message to her.

'I told you, you filthy mudblood lover, that you'll pay. And you will certainly pay for not heeding my warnings. I'll kill you, your boyfriend and your fucking turtle'

The Howler disintegrated and Jade suddenly felt cold and numb. Her life was in full fledge danger and she didn't know how to stop it. She looked around her apartment and took out a steak knife from her kitchen drawer. She didn't have her wand with her, thanks to fucking Malfoy. If the killer was going to come after her, he was going to lose a serious organ and it wasn't going to be a finger. Jade tossed and turned in her bed, unable to fall asleep. She heard something moving against her bedroom window and she froze, watching a large shadow loom over the window.

'It's a fucking tree…please tell me it's a tree.' Jade begged with herself.

The window opened smoothly and a pair of eyes looked in. Jade leapt out of her bed and screamed from the top of her lungs. She charged after the window with a steak knife in her hand. She threw the window open and ran like a gorilla after him. He was trying to leave but Jade, in her flimsy nightgown, no shoes and no right mind, Jade jumped at him, digging the knife into the first place that was available to her; his buttocks.

"ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!" he roared in pain. Jade got up to run after him but he turned around, stunned her and ran off.


Jade opened her eyes, seeing herself looking up to Ginny and a couple of other Healers.

"Look who decided to join us!" Ginny said smiling at Jade. Jade looked at her other neighbors who leaned forward, looking at her.

"I saw the whole damn thing. I never saw a woman without underwear stab a man in the arse with a knife before." Mr. Jones said giving Jade a toothless smile.

"How long was I out?" Jade asked, getting up.

"Just a few minutes. Everyone in the building heard you and got to see you stab a bloke in the arse. I swear, I think your job is perfect for you. By the way, it wasn't Malfoy by any chance was it?" Ginny asked seeing Jade shake her head.

"That's a damn shame." Ginny said.

"Jade!" Seamus Finnigan said, smiling boyishly at Jade. "Ginny told me you were an Aurseize now! Really…brave." He said. Jade rubbed her head and Ginny held Jade by the arm.

"You need some rest. The Aurors are on their way to take a statement." Ginny said.


In the morning, Jade woke up and got dressed for work. She gave Jerry a couple of fishes and heavily encouraged him to snap at anyone who tried to hurt him.

"No one can touch you without your permission! Men are dogs and nice little turtles like you have no business of talking to arses like them." Jade said seeing Jerry bob his head up and down. She left her apartment, securing it but had no idea why she was securing it in the first place. She might as well leave it open since serial killers were fond of coming and going into her apartment. She went and apparated to the Ministry and went up to the Aurseize Office to see Parvati handing Harry his files. Harry turned around and he nodded at her, his lips hinting a smile.

"Knife to the arse eh? Classic." Harry said. Jade burned in embarrassment and she rubbed her neck as Parvati covered her face with a folder, laughing silently.

"Do you have files for me?" Jade asked. Parvati held up a couple of files for Jade.

"There are three apprehensions to be made, each a reasonable 1,000 Galleons." Parvati said. Jade took the files from her and looked over them. The door opened and Jade looked up to see Ron coming out of his office.

"Heard you had quite the night." Ron said. Jade scowled and left the Aurseize Office, wondering if she should change her career. She stood outside the Aurseize Office, looking at her files and remembering that she didn't have her wand on her. Jade looked around to see Harry leaving.

Jade followed him out and saw him take his broom out from his breast pocket. Jade put a hand on his shoulder and the next thing she knew, she was slammed against the wall with her arm tightly locked behind her and something cool pressed against her temple.

"Unfh." Jade managed.

Harry instantly released her and Jade turned around, seeing Harry tuck a semiautomatic into his holster.

"You really caught me by surprise." Harry said grimly as Jade tried rubbing her arm socket.

"Do you always greet people this way whenever they catch you by surprise?" Jade asked seeing him look at her darkly.

"Everyone knows well enough not to catch me by surprise." He said. Jade surrendered and backed away.

"Well I'm an idiot so I don't count, but I'll keep that in mind now." Jade said seeing him smile.

"You're not an idiot…crazy maybe but not stupid…what did you need me for?" he asked.

"I er…don't have a wand…or a broom and I need to make apprehensions." Jade said waving her folders at him. Harry smiled, shaking his head.

"You're a piece of work babe."


Jade flew to her first apprehension for the day. They arrived in front of Grunack the Flat Footed's home and Jade knocked on the door.

"Aurseize agency! Open up!" Jade said, hitting the door. Harry stood there, his arm crossed, waiting for the capture. The door opened and Jade went to confront Grunack but she looked down, about a few feet down.

"Never seen a little man before?" he asked, narrowing his beady black eyes at her.

"I…er…" Jade said, looking at his long hairy ears and pointy dirty fingernails. She heard Harry taking a few steps back. This told Jade that Harry was going to enjoy watching this.

"I need to take you in for embezzlement charges." Jade said seeing the goblin give her a disgusted look.

"I will not be brought in by a vampire." He squeaked. Jade turned around and looked at Harry who tried to control his smile but looked like he wasn't doing a great job hiding it.

"Who are you calling a vampire? Do you see any vampires around here?" Jade asked. Grunack lifted a long and dirty nailed finger at Jade.

"You are a vampire and they are less trusted than ordinary wizards." He said. He shut the door and Jade turned around to Harry who stepped in and blasted the door open with one swift kick. He walked in and Jade ran around the back to see Grunack scurrying out of his backyard.

"Hey!" Jade called, seeing him go through a small metal door of a fence. He closed the door and locked it, leaving Jade in a dilemma. She needed to climb over the fence. Jade dragged a pot of plants and stepped on it, getting a good boost out of the fence. Jade went to land on the other side but lo and behold; the loop of her belt got caught and ripped out as she fell.

"Fuck!" Jade swore. She looked up and something hard flew into her face. Jade instantly covered her face, hearing Grunack scream and throw something flaky and hard. Jade finally looked around to see him throwing bulbs of garlic at her.

"Take that you blood sucking leech!" he shrilled. Jade dodged the bulbs of garlic and charged after Grunack. She had never seen a goblins eyes go so wide before. Jade couldn't blame him; she was the one that flew right on top of him. Grunack didn't give up without a fight. He tried pulling her hair, clawing at her and kicking, anything he could do.

"Help! Sexual harassment!" the goblin called. Jade got him on his stomach and locked his arms behind his back with her weight. Jade turned around and saw Harry grinning widely. Jade looked down at her body, seeing that she wasn't wearing any pants at all except for her shocking blue underwear.

"Kinky." Harry said.


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