Part Three: Scarlett Fucking Cilla
Jade was already in the Aurseize Office and met with Parvati who sat along, talking to Lavender.
"Well hello sunshine. We were waiting for you." Parvati said.
Pansy stalked through the door, wearing her usual Aurseize outfit and her makeup looking smeared and disturbed.
"What happened to you?" Jade asked seeing Pansy glare at her.
"I was sitting outside of your building for the whole night!" she said.
"So?" Jade asked.
"So…I was following you around and you never came out! I saw Aurors leaving your building, where the hell were you?" Pansy asked.
"Did you have an Auror Party?" Parvati asked. Lavender shook her head.
"Jade found Oryan's penis. Michael told me last night." Lavender said. Parvati gasped and Pansy looked disgusted.
"You've got to be joking." Pansy said.
"You're the joke." Lavender said.
"Blow me." Pansy said.
"I have a lot to do. Excuse me." Jade said leaving.
She heard Pansy coming behind her, but ignored it, going to make a few apprehensions. Surprisingly the few fugitives that she had apprehended hadn't been a problem. Though some gave her a tough time and Pansy wasn't bothering to help, Jade managed to drag them back to the Aurseize Office and collect her checks. Now she was sitting in a restaurant with Pansy sitting a table away, uninterested in helping her.
"Hello there. Can I have your order sweet love?" a handsome man asked, flashing his perfect white teeth at Jade.
If Jade weren't romantically linked to Draco or confused about Harry, she would have forgotten about her fugitive.
"Um actually…I was thinking if you can get her to take my order. Not that anything's wrong with you." Jade said quickly seeing the waiter purse his lips. He turned around to see who Jade was referring to and looked disappointed.
"Since you bend that way, I would have expected a woman like you to have good taste but apparently not." the waiter said, tucking his pen back behind his ear. He signaled Cathy Strudel, an exceptionally large woman with bleach blonde hair and a neck that could probably swallow the train to Hogwarts. She waddled over to Jade's table and placed a hand on her hip, looking at the handsome man.
"What the fuck do yeh want now?!" she demanded, her triple chin dancing. The handsome man pointed to Jade.
"She asked for you Cat. I think she likes her women with meat on them." He said walking away to take Pansy's order. Cathy Strudel gave Jade a deadpanned look, her hand still on her hip.
"Now what do you want?" she asked. Jade gulped and glanced down at the menu.
"I'll have a corn salad…and a water." Jade said, seeing Cathy not moving a muscle.
"Is that it?" she asked.
"Yep." Jade said quickly. Cathy put her other hand on her hip.
"Now look here. I don't swing that way. I'm not interested in women, I don't care how pretty or cute you look-"
"Oh no, I'm not gay!" Jade yelled.
The entire restaurant quieted and focused their attention on Jade and Cathy.
"Of course you're not gay. You're probably the first gay vampire in the Wizarding world and I have the misfortune of having you lust after me." Cathy said turning around and leaving. Jade gaped at her, still feeling the stares of everyone on her.
"I'm not a vampire!" Jade said.
Pansy snickered, along with the handsome waiter who finally found a bed buddy for the night. Jade sunk in her chair and scowled, wondering why life decided to be cruel to her. Cathy came back and placed the corn salad in front of Jade which smelled like it was doused with garlic. Jade looked at Cathy who handed her a glass of water and stood back, watching her. The chefs from the kitchen were also poking their heads out, staring at Jade who took a spoon and started picking her food. She stared at the corn salad and a number of things ran through her mind; the first thing was Harry.
Not only did she need him for this apprehension, but this was the type of food Harry would call healthy eating and eat himself. She hated corn just as much as she hated Pansy and wished that she didn't have to order it in the first place. She took a spoon and scooped up a spoonful of corn and shoved it in her mouth. The overwhelming taste of garlic oil and raw garlic mixed up in the corn salad nearly made her gag but Jade gulped it in. It took her a moment for the food to settle in her stomach and she looked up at Cathy who looked like she was ready to kill Jade. After trying another spoonful, Jade gave up.
"Listen," Jade said tossing the spoon away. "This is ridiculous. I ordered a corn fucking salad and I get a corn salad filled with so much garlic, it could kill an army of vampires!" Jade said standing up.
"And I have apprehension papers to arrest you and bring you back to the Ministry for shoplifting in Heavy Curves for leather underwear!" Jade yelled, shaking her apprehension papers in front of Cathy who looked red faced.
"I, I, I…" Cathy stammered.
Jade took out her wand and went to lock Cathy's hands but Cathy grabbed Jade's corn salad bowl and dumped it on her head.
"Vampire Attack!" Cathy screamed.
Everyone moved back and the chefs from the kitchen came running out with freshly peeled garlic and threw it at Jade, seeing her trying to struggle towards Cathy. Jade grabbed Cathy's hands and tried to get the chefs to stop but they keep insisting.
"Give me! Give me the garlic! I'll put it in her eyes!" Cathy yelled.
"Wait, I'm not-" but it was too late.
Cathy poked Jade's eyes with freshly cut garlic and Jade doubled back, hissing and rubbing her eyes from stinging. Her eyes flowed with tears but Jade couldn't keep them open because the open air would irritate her. She felt someone grab her hair and two ear splitting shots rang out, causing everyone to shriek and the hands from her hair let go.
"Come any closer and you'll find out what happens next." A deep and rough voice said.
Jade sat there silently, feeling the corn and garlic seep through her hair and start setting on her skin.
"Miss…you need to come with me." The voice said. Jade lifted her face, her eyes still closed.
"I don't know you! Who are you-"
"Ryker…I work for Mr. Potter." He said.
"Oh…okay then." Jade said moving to get up. Ryker pulled her up and started guiding her away.
"Hey! Where are you taking her? I'm supposed to be watching her!" Pansy called.
"For Merlin's sake, shoot her and we'll all live easier." Jade hissed.
She heard Pansy squeak and tumble on to the floor and Ryker kept guiding Jade out of the door.
"What did you do to her?" Jade asked.
"I am not allowed to say Ma'am." Ryker said.
"Or what?" Jade asked.
"No questions Ma'am." Ryker said.
When they reached outside, Ryker asked where he was going to have to drop Jade off. Her apartment was still closed from the Auror Department so she opted for Draco's house. She gave Ryker the address and Ryker helped her apparate in front of Draco's home.
"Thanks." Jade said struggling to open her eyes. She wished she hadn't because whatever looked back at her, was a man who looked like he was on fire. He was absolutely bald but his head was tattooed with bright red flames and had an overbuilt body. The man was huge beyond belief and something Jade had never seen in her life. His face was set serious and his eyes slightly large, maybe it was because of the corn in her hair.
"Thanks, I appreciate it." Jade said.
Ryker stood still and Jade walked away, fishing for the keys in her purse. She turned around to see Ryker still standing there.
"Now what?" Jade asked. "I'm supposed to stand here until you enter the house and lock your door." Ryker said, crossing his arms.
"Harry told you that?" Jade asked seeing him nod once.
"What if you don't?" Jade asked.
"That is not an option." Ryker said.
"Er…but what if you don't?" Jade asked.
"That is not an option." Ryker repeated.
"We can go back and forth like this all day you know." Jade said.
Ryker didn't move a muscle on his face. He instead stood there, waiting for her to open the door. Jade opened the door, said one last 'thank you' and goodbye to Ryker and closed the door shut, locking it. Draco wasn't home yet and the latest he would be home by was in the evening. Jade tapped the glass on Jerry's tank and went upstairs to change out of her clothes and take a shower. She looked at the mirror and scowled, knowing she looked like the devil ran her over with hell on wheels over and over again.
Corn was everywhere on her hair, even pieces of garlic, green peppers, red peppers and onions. She only needed a frying pan and a stove and she could have called herself and omelet. Her eyeliner was spread around her eyes and down her cheeks from when Cathy shoved garlic in her eyes and Jade tore up. The white of her eyes were red and dry, causing her to blink and tear again, causing her nose to turn red.
"Fuck my life." Jade sighed.
She heard the doorbell ring from downstairs and she put a hand to her head. Draco was home and he had probably gotten word of what happened. Jade went down the stairs and opened the door to a drop dead gorgeous woman with beach blonde hair with a dark pink fitted tank top and low rise jeans with a white purse in her arm. Jade definitely knew who this was and right now, Scarlett Cilla couldn't have waited for any other time to drop in like this.
"Who the hell are you?" she snapped.
"Excuse me? I should be asking you that." Jade said seeing Scarlett's eyes narrow dangerously.
"I'm Scarlett fucking Cilla and you're in my boyfriend's house." Scarlett said.
"Well Scarlett fucking Cilla, I'm Draco's roommate and he's not here right now so if you would leave a message, I'll gladly wipe my arse with it and let you hope that it gets to him." Jade said.
Scarlett pointed a long, perfectly manicured nail at Jade's face.
"Listen you garlic breathing piece of corn shit, don't even imagine to pick a fight with me…I'll ruin you. Draco is mine so back off of him and move out." She hissed. Jade stood her ground, not allowing Scarlett to faze her.
"I'll try my best." Jade said. Scarlett smirked and took a step back.
"You don't have to sweetie, with that face, that hair and that fat hanging out of those jeans, it won't be long until Draco comes crawling on his knees to me. I'll drop by again until I see my man!" Scarlett said.
With that, she apparated and Jade slammed the door, feeling herself shaking in her own tears. She stalked up the stairs and shut herself in the bathroom, trying to get the pieces of corn and peppers out of her hair and the smell of garlic.