Coming to term with the loss
It's been a couple of hours now and the doctor came back to check on Bella to see how she was doing.
"How is she doing Doc?" Alice asked.
"She's doing pretty good considering." The Doctor replied.
"Why is she still asleep?" She asked.
"It is her way of healing. This is pretty normal with people in Bella's condition." He explained.
"Thank you." I said.
"It my job kid, I love just knowing I'm saving lives." He said before walking out of Bella's room.
Another hour passed and Bella started to stir.
"Edward." She whispered.
"I'm here love."
"I'm sorry." She crocked out.
"Why in the world would you need to be sorry for love?" I said confused as to what she was sorry for.
"I scared you and I'm sorry for that." She whispered brokenly.
"Love, you may have scared me but you have no need to apologize to me, okay." I said sadly.
The heaviness of the darkness was starting to get lighter and I was able to start waking up. I felt like I had been run over by a huge truck. My head was pounding and my body was sore. I couldn't find my voice at first but I managed to get out what I had been most worried about.
"Edward." I managed to whisper.
"I'm here love." He said so lovingly it made me want him even more.
"I'm sorry." I crocked out.
"Why in the world would you need to be sorry for love?" He said confused as to what I was sorry for.
"I scared you and I'm sorry for that." I whispered brokenly scared of what he would say.
"Love, you may have scared me but you have no need to apologize to me, okay." He said sternly.
"Okay." I replied.
A few minutes later and the Doctor came in and asked everyone to leave so he could check me over.
"So how are you feeling Bella?" He asked concerned.
"Truthfully?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said with a small chuckle.
"Like I have been run over by a truck. My head is pounding and my body is so sore, it's unbelievable and my heart hurts from loss just to know I won't ever get the chance to see my baby cry, laugh and grow up." I confessed as tears fell.
"Well that's normal for someone that has gone through what you have and the soreness should dull in a few weeks or so and as for your head I will go and get you some painkillers." He said checking the last few thing out on the machine.
"Thank you Doctor." I said.
"That okay, and I'm sorry about your loss. I tried everything i possibly could but it just wasn't enough." He said sadly.
I just faked smiled and he walked out to get my painkillers.
Everyone walked back into the room fussing and asking if I was okay? If I need anything? Was I comfortable? I know they are worried about me I do it's just right now it was doing my head in even more.
"Alice please I'm fine." I snapped, immediately feeling guilty.
"I'm soo sorry, Ali." I whispered.
"No don't its fine. I'm sorry I keep on but I'm just worried about you Bella. It's just not good to bottle all this us, please talk to us." She begged.
"About?" I said not wanting to say it.
"The god damn baby Bella, you know what." She snapped.
"What do you want me to fucking say Alice I'm still trying to get to grips with what has happened, how do you expected me to be. All happy and talkative like you, well I'm fucking sorry to hurt your feeling but I can't be like that knowing my baby is GONE." I shouted.
"I just hate seeing you like this Bella, you're my best friend and I love you." She said brokenly.
"WAS my best friend." I said angrily. She and everyone else just stood there stunned at what I had just said when she didn't respond I carried on.
"Just leave all of you." I said. When no one moved I shouted and told them to leave again.
Once they finally left I broke down, I curled into a ball and carried on crying. After a while I started to get really bad pains shooting through my stomach and I cried out in pain. The pains where getting worse and I couldn't breathe properly, the pain moved to my heart where I knew it would always be from now on from the loss of my baby.
Hours passed and no one bother me which I wasn't so grateful about the pains where so intense, I carried on crying out but I couldn't after a while my throat felt like it was closing and I was gasping for breaths. Just then the doctor walked in and when he notice me he had a worried expression.
"Bella. Bella. I need you to calm down can you do that for me sweetie." He asked.
"Edward." I managed to choke out.
"You want Edward here." He asked and I nodded my head signalling as a yes.
"He will be here in a minute but until then I need you to try and calm down." The doctor said.
"Bella." Edward said running to my side a few seconds later.
As soon as I felt his hand in mine I managed to calm myself down and listen to what the Doctor was saying.
"You need to rest Bella." The doctor said before leaving.
"You gave me a quite a scare just then." Edward said.
I couldn't bring myself to say anything because I knew as soon as I tried I would break down again.
After a while I finally fell into a restless sleep, not to soon later I woke up in a sweat, shaking and screaming.
"Bella. Bella. You okay love look at me. You’re okay." He said looking me in the eyes.
I broke down all over again.
"Bella. Talk to me please." Edward said worried.
"I'm fine I promise." I lied.
Edward stayed by my side for the rest of the night as I fell back to sleep.
When I woke up Edward was still next to me asleep.
Just then the doctor came in waking Edward up to.
"Sorry. I just came to check on you Bella. Did you sleep well?" He asked.
"Well…." Edward started to say but I cut him off.
"Yes, fine thanks." I lied.
"Good, Good. Well I think you will be able to go home in a day or two I just want to make sure you are well before we do." He said before getting back to checking the machine that was monitoring me and writing it down.
After a few more minutes he left and Edward looked at me angrily.
"You're not fine so why are you lying." Edward snapped.
"I'm fine Edward okay so just go." I lie again, snapping back.
"What." He said taken aback.
"You heard me leave." I said a few tears fell.
He looked at me sadly before getting off of the bed and leaving. As soon as the door shut I broke down crying.
Why me? Why did he do this to me? Arrrr I mentally screamed I hate him.
Two days passed and I was finally allowed to leave and go home. Yesterday I apologize to Alice, I had felt so guilty for saying what I did to her, I mean we have been best friends since forever and I love her like a sister and I feel like such a bitch for saying what I did but she said she understood that I never meant it and I was so glad she forgave me. Edward and I was okay now to which I was glad about to.
"Come on love lets go." Edward said as we all walked to the car.
I had been so nervous about going home, I was more scared then anything.
"Bell's you okay sweetie." Alice said worriedly.
"You seem a bit out of it." Rose said worriedly to.
"I'm fine. I promise." I lied.
In truth I was a complete wreak.
What if I saw Charlie or Jacob? Would I be able to cope? My hands started to shake and Jasper put his hand over mine giving me a small smile.
As soon as we park we all got out and my hands started to shake again. Edward noticed this time and held my hand and held me close to him. Emmett, Rose and Alice, Jasper walked ahead of us.
"It's going to be okay." Edward whispered in my ear.
"Is it though." I said shakily as a few tears fell.
He wiped my tears away and gave me a small smile.
"I'll always be here for you, day or night. I promise." He said.
"Come on let get you in so you can sit down, it's been a long day." He said as we started walking towards the apartment.
We all sat in the front room and chatted for a while, well everyone else was I just sat there to lost in thought.
"I'm going to lay down for a bit." I said to everyone getting up.
"I'll come." Edward said.
"It's okay, stay, I'll be fine." I said.
I opened the door and went in shutting the door behind me, I sat on the end of my bed just thinking and then I saw the baby bags, crib, Changing matt unit. I felt sadness and anger take over as a whole new round of tears started, I went over and I started smashing all the baby stuff I brought which was all set up. I didn't realize anyone else was in the room until I felt Edwards’s arms around me.
"Oh Bella." Edward said coming next to me to stop me while the rest of them stayed at the door.
"She gone. My beautiful baby is gone. He took her away from me." I said in between sobs.
I turned and cuddled up to him as sobs racked through me. I saw the rest of them leave with sad expression. The tears started falling harder and it was getting hard to breath. He picked me up bridle style and put me on the bed next to him and held me closer to him and let me cry myself out until I feel to sleep.
I quietly got out of his hold and went over to where he put all the baby stuff.
I went through the bag of clothes and held them to me as the tears began to fall.
"I love you baby, I should of protected you more, I'm so sorry." I said to the scan picture of my baby.
I put the clothes back and turned to go back into the room when I noticed Edward standing there.
"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" I said wiping my tears away.
"No. it's not your fault you know." He said.
"I should have tried harder to protect my baby." I said in-between sobs.
"Don't blame yourself, its Charlie's fault he had no right to push you." Edward said. "Come here." Edward said holding his hand out to me.
I took his hand, feeling the tears fall down harder. He laid next to me on the bed holding me close. I felt safe in his arms and I knew nothing could hurt me while he was here.
"Talk to me please love." He begged.
"I'm scared." I got out between sobs.
"Maybe you should see a canceller of something. Please don't be mad but I think it will help love." He said sadly.
"Okay." I said.