Chapter 23: Two Asshats, Two Bitches, and a King Walk into a Bar
It was quiet. Sam was unsure why Dean wasn’t talking his ear off. It had been just them in the room for the past 15 minutes and not more than two words could have been said. “You cold?” Sam asked examining who Dean studying a ‘Busty Asians Magazine’ with his feet propped up on Sam’s bed.
“What? No not really…” Dean answered confused looking up from his ‘interesting read.’
“It’s just you never really keep your sleeves rolled down like that,” Sam mentioned shrugging.
“I don’t know I guess I am cold,” Dean said nodding quickly getting back to his porn.
“You’re doing much better Sam,” Cas smiled walking into the room with a bowl of soup, Charlie at his heels.
“I feel better,” Sam replied taking the soup from Cas happily.
Cas looked up at Dean and cleared his throat when he noticed what Dean had in his hands, and that he was more interested in that then Cas.
“Hm?” Dean murmured not looking up.
“Wow! Hello Miss July,” Charlie said peeking over Dean’s shoulder at the magazine.
“Right? The things I’d do to her…” Dean agreed tilting his head examining harder.
Cas cleared his throat again flustered. “Dean?”
“Yeah?” Dean asked hesitantly looking up.
Cas stood there like a deer in head lights not really having anything to say. “I, uh, just wanted to tell you I love you,” Cas smiled hoping that was enough so nobody would notice his jealousy.
Dean smiled and got up putting the magazine down on the chair and walked over to Cas. “I love you too baby,” Dean said planting a soft kiss on Cas’ lips.
“Aw,” Charlie groaned. “Sam I’m sorry but the second you’re not sick I have to go back and see Dorothy.”
“That’s totally understandable,” Sam laughed slurping down a spoonful of his soup. “So Dean?”
“What’s up?” Dean asked turning towards Sam.
“Did Crowley say when he was going to be back? I can’t believe I’m saying this but I kinda miss the guy…” Sam said with and embarrassed smile.
“No, and I hate to say it Sammy but I wouldn’t be surprised if he never comes back,” Dean patted Sam on the shoulder.
“What makes you think that?” Sam asked upset by the answer.
“Just a feeling,” Dean shrugged.
“Great! I didn’t even get to ask him what Matt Smith’s hair smells like!” Charlie pouted plopping herself down in the chair.
“A good liking guy like that? Probably smells like green apples…” Dean smiled.
“I bet,” Charlie sighed putting her head in her hand.
“Mmm… Apples… apple pie! Damn it I want some pie!” Dean said suddenly sounding frustrated. “I’m gonna go get some pie.”
“There’s strawberry pie in the kitchen,” Cas said. “I can get you a slice…”
“No that’s okay baby I want apple pie,” Dean’s eyes widened excitedly giving Cas a quick kiss on the cheek and he was headed for the door. “I’ll be back!”
Dean was back in the throne room. Now that he’s taken care of Crowley and Cas, Sam, and Charlie thought he was out getting pie he had time to start making things they was he wanted.
“You’re back sir,” Grant bowed quickly attending to Dean’s needs.
“Sorry what was that?” Dean asked lifting his hand up dramatically to his ear as if he couldn’t hear.
“I- I mean your highness,” Grant stuttered with an apologetic look.
“Oh why yes I am Grant,” Dean said sitting on his newly claimed throne. “Now tell me is the word out that I am King now?”
“Yes sir. Some people are not to please though,” Grant answered shyly.
“Are you one of those people Grant?” Dean asked making the first blade appear in his hand so he could examine it.
“No, of course not your highness! I couldn’t be more thrilled!” Grant smiled in fear eyeing the blade.
“You know what Grant?” Dean asked looking up at him.
“What’s that your highness?” Grant swallowed down his urge to run for it.
“You’re a kiss ass!” Dean pointed the blade at him. “You know that right?”
“Yes your highness I am well aware,” Grant at this point was nearly shaking in his shoes.
Dean examined him. He wasn’t much to look at really. He was lanky and pale and had short brown almost black hair. Not the meat suit Dean would have chosen. “Well as long as you’re aware,” Dean rolled his eyes sarcastically, pulling the blade back so it sat non-hazardous in his hands. “Who isn’t pleased about my move to power?”
“Well mostly Azazel your highness, and Alastair, and Lilith…” Grant started.
“I’m sorry who?” Dean asked laughing.
“Uh, Azazel, Alastair, and Lilith,” Grant answered worried he’d done something wrong.
“Did they jump out of their graves and tell you that they were upset about this whole situation? They are dead!” Dean yelled.
“Well sir, I- I mean your highness,” Grant twitched nervously swallowing. “When Lucifer was released from the cage he, well he brought a few demon’s back you see, and they’re locked up now in hells most impenetrable cells.”
“They’re alive?” Dean asked through his teeth eyes black, mark burning.
Grant could barely speak now, his answer was more of a squeak, “Yes.”
“R-Ruby… “ Grant whispered.
“Ruby?! Bring me all four!” Dean roared and Grant was gone in a flash suddenly back with four of the demon’s that had ruined Dean and Sam’s life. They were each kneeling on the floor in demon chains with three demon’s surrounding each of them.
“Well Hell-o!” Dean greeted them sarcastically. “Like it? I just came up with it!” Dean laughed angrily.
“Wow… Four? Five years? And you’re still not funny Dean…” Ruby scoffed looking up.
“So the bitch wants to go fist huh?” Dean smiled suddenly in front of her. He pushed her long black hair out of her face and caressed her cheek. “This is gonna be so good the second time around…” Dean laughed pressing the blade to her neck.
“Really?” Azazel laughed. “Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size pal?”
Dean hissed annoyed, moving to Azazel. “There ain’t nobody bigger than me…” Dean glared pulling Azazel’s head up by the hairs on his head to look him in the eyes.
“Dean… You look well,” Azazel smiled eyes turning into a swirling yellow.
“Yeah and you’re the ass hat that started this mess,” Dean murmured returning a half smile.
“You should thank me… Now you’re King, right?” Azazel winced at the grip Dean had on his hair.
“No I’m not thanking you for anything,” Dean growled holding the blade up against his throat.
“Where did you get that?” Azazel asked in awe eyeing the first blade.
“I’m the one asking the questions,” Dean murmured slicing into Azazel’s skin pulling an unholy scream from him.
“Oh suck it up you wimp,” Alastair called from beside Lilith.
“Shut your nasally cake hole jackass you’ll get your turn!” Dean yelled.
“I’m so sorry, continue,” Alastair murmured with a smile.
Dean ignored Alastair’s ignorance and turned back to Azazel. “It was supposed to be Sammy boy taking over the throne not you Dean-o,” Azazel breathed heavy not trying to think of the pain. “I guess plans never actually pan out how they’re supposed too.”
“What do you mean? You were preparing him for Lucifer to take over him! He wasn’t supposed to rule,” Dean growled.
“Well technically since Lucifer was supposed to win the great apocalypse battle and take his rightful place as king while using Sam as a vessel, Sam would technically be ruling hell with Lucifer. But that nuisance horse man Death couldn’t take it anymore so he told you how to push Daddy back in the hole. Then that crap cross roads demon used his connections to take over. You messed everything up!” Azazel yelled forgetting Dean’s anger.
“So I can see you’re a tad upset with my rise to power… to bad I couldn’t give two shakes of a rats ass… Grant?” Dean asked suddenly feeling curious.
“Y-Y-Yes your highness?” He stuttered stepping forward.
“Is that right? Do rats shake their asses?” Dean asked squinting his eyes.
“I-I uh, I don’t know,” Grant managed.
“Huh,” Dean shrugged turning back to Azazel. “Anyways what was I saying? Oh yeah, your vote doesn’t count,” Dean smiled then jabbed the blade right through Azazel’s heart. Dean watched as his eyes drained from swirling yellow back to a dull listless pale brown. “Well I liked that so much I think I’ll have another…” Dean laughed moving on to Lilith who was next in line.
“Oh come on your gonna pick the broad before you pick me?” Alastair complained sarcastically.
“Well ya know I’m saving the worst for last,” Dean smirked at him.
“Aw that is really sweet Dean, you think I’m the worst? I’m flattered… I am, I don’t know what to say,” Alastair gave a sarcastic smile.
“Yeah to bad you’re next,” Dean laughed.
“You mean you’re killing her last!?” Alastair asked looking genuinely offended. “What about all that time we spent in hell? You tellin’ me that was all for nothing?”
Dean gave him an annoyed look and turned to Lilith who was kneeling head down almost shaking. “You haven’t said anything this whole time… Daddy’s little angel got nothing to say?” Dean forced her face up so she could look at him. The fear in her eyes was delicious.
“Well I’m truly offended, I am,” Dean heard Alastair mummer, glancing at him he noticed he was leaning over telling it to Ruby.
Dean rolled his eyes and turned back to the white eyes that were eyeing the blade in his hand. “You scared of this?”
“How are you using that without the…” Lilith began.
“The Mark of Cain?” Dean cut her off rolling up his sleeve to reveal the mark.
Lilith swallowed hard and closed her eyes.
“I’m mean geez forty years together in hell and you think you know a guy…” Azazel sighed.
Dean rolled his eyes. “Open your eyes, it’s better that way,” Dean explained slicing Lilith’s arm a bit when she didn’t listen forcing her eyes open. Dean sliced her throat also watching her eye’s drain from white back to a green paste.
“Oh goody is it my turn yet?” Alastair bounced with fake excitement.
“I don’t know why you’re so eager to be killed but hey… to each his own,” Dean shrugged stopping in front of him.
“Well it’s not like it’s the end, ya know?” Alastair laughed.
“What do you mean?” Dean demanded.
“Lucifer played god, by creating all these demons. Despite what you think… he was a good Dad… unlike yours. Oh yes John Winchester was even a worse dad than the devil… That’s saying something isn’t it…” Alastair winked at him just adding on to the anger Dean felt. “Anyway he created a place for dead demons to go.”
“Like a demon hell?” Dean asked curious.
“No… and not like a demon haven, or a demon purgatory either… I get it’s more of a demon limbo…” Alastair explained. “We can’t get out unless daddy pulls us out. We also can’t come to earth, hell, heaven, or purgatory. It’s nothing fancy but hey… it’s something…”
“Well thanks for sharing but I’ve been itching to kill you for awhile. So I’m just gonna,” Dean started.
“What no dessert?” Alastair laughed still smiling as Dean sliced through his neck letting his head roll to the floor. That kill felt better then the last two.
He glanced at Ruby who was sitting terrified on the floor staring at Alastair’s severed head. Dean debated whether or not he should save killing Ruby for later. She was gonna feel good. So good. Finally killing her again would be a treat. Dean decided though that now was the time.
“Hi Ruby…” Dean smiled grabbing her attention.
“Dean please…” her voice was quiet and shaky.
“Dean what?” Dean asked pretending he didn’t hear her.
“I’m sorry,” She sighed not making eye contact.
“Sorry don’t cut it sweet heart,” Dean murmured wiping blood off the blade with his rolled down sleeve. Once the blade was clean he rolled up that sleeve too.
“Dean I was only doing what I was told…” She reasoned.
“You were told to lead my brother on. You were told to make him drink demon blood. To ‘train’ him I know. Save it sister,” Dean scoffed.
“Dean I did really care for Sam. I still do! Please just hear me out…” Ruby begged.
“I don’t even want any foreplay with you…” Dean sighed. “All I can think about is slicing you into a billion little pieces. Besides you have nothing to worry about right. You got demon limbo to look forward to?”
“The only people who shouldn’t worry about that place are the demon’s high up on the command chain. They run the place torturing lower class demons. I’m not exactly high up,” Ruby sighed.
“Shame… Hey there should be a demon there named Meg. Be sure to send her my love and tell her I’m treating Cas real well. In fact tell her these words exactly: Your pizza man found a new babysitter,” Dean laughed. “Got it?”
“I don’t get it…” Ruby said confused.
“You’re not supposed to… But hey now you have the look on her face when you tell her to look forward to!” Dean smiled encouragingly.
“Dea-“ Ruby never finished before Dean was slamming the blade into her chest. He cut and slashed each slice filling Dean with satisfaction. When he finally stopped he was kneeling in a puddle of her blood. Bits and pieces of her scattered the room.
“Clean up this mess,” Dean demanded and seven demons rushed to start cleaning. “Grant I need a towel and a change of clothes…”
Grant was suddenly holding out a towel and pile of fresh clothing. “Here you are your highness…”
“Yeah,” Dean grabbed the towel wiping his face and hands clean of splattered blood. He snapped and suddenly the clean clothes were on him and the blood stained ones sat uncomfortably in Grants hands. “I gotta go, I’ll be back though. What I want you to do is round up my army. We’re going to take over everything. Heaven and earth.”
“How are we going to take over heaven?” Grant asked immediately regretting it.
Dean sighed annoyed. “Look the fact that you are questioning me makes me mad. But since you are my second in command… for now I’ll tell you. Heaven is not stable. My angel happens to have the key to heaven. I use him to get in there. We enslave every one of those god forsaken winged douche bags and presto what do ya know? Heaven is mine.”
“G-Good plan sir… I mean your highness…” Grant smiled encouragingly.
“I’ll be back…” Dean said suddenly back at the bunker outside of Sam’s room. He poked his head in barely even showing his shoulders. “Hey I’m back.”
“Cas is in your room he says he has a surprise for you…” Charlie whispered looking up from a magazine. There was a small pile on the floor next to the chair.
“Been busy?” Dean whispered back noticing Sam was asleep.
“Hey I like the literature,” Charlie gave him a wink.
Dean laughed and headed down the hall to his room. A surprise huh? Dean shook his head laughing a bit as he reached for the door knob. He took a deep breath and opened the door. There on his bed in a tight pair of black boxers sat his angel messing around with something on his smart phone. Charlie had helped him download a lot of apps for when he got board. Cas looked up and nearly threw the phone behind him and tried to strike a seductive pose. Cas wasn’t too used to the idea yet and looked awkward on the bed. Dean chuckled.
“What a pleasant surprise…” Dean smiled shutting the door and walking over to the bed.
“Well you wanted to do something earlier and we couldn’t so now that the Grace is controlled and we have free time I thought we could have some fun,” Cas explained. “It was Charlie’s idea for me to do this…”
“I like it shows you’re ready to play,” Dean laughed crawling over top Cas and settling on his thighs.
Cas’ eyes scanned Dean’s face and squinted then laughed. “Is that cherry pie?” Cas laughed taking his finger and wiping something red off Dean’s cheek.
Dean eyed the red substance on Cas’ finger nervously. He cursed at himself internally realizing he must not have cleaned off his face as well as he thought. Dean smiled and tried to play it off cool. “Must be,” He winked and sucked it off of Cas’ finger not particularly minding the metal tang to it.
Cas couldn’t take his eyes off Dean as he slowly licked his finger clean. “I- I thought you were gonna get apple pie…” Cas tried to keep the conversation going.
“They were all out,” Dean smiled.
Cas laughed. “Well you’re one messy eater…”
“Oh honey you know it,” Dean chuckled.
“Matter of fact you changed your clothes didn’t you?” Cas added suddenly curious.
“Well like you said I’m a messy eater had to change,” Dean said hoping Cas would buy it.
Cas shrugged and smiled. He opened his mouth to say something but Dean stopped him with a kiss not wanting to talk about it anymore.
“God you are so beautiful,” Dean murmured against Cas’ lips. Dean let his hands run over Cas’ chest and his firm arms and they eventually made their way twisting into Cas’ hair. Licking into Cas’ mouth it dragged a gorgeous moan from the angels lips. The sound and sudden release of hot breath down Dean’s neck pulled a moan from him too. Cas took the opportunity to start planting slopping wet kisses up and down Dean’s jaw line.
Cas helped Dean shrug out of his pale green over shirt and shed his pants. In the process Cas managed to switch positions with Dean now on top of him laying him down on the bed. Slipping his hands under Dean’s under shirt Cas found his way back to Dean’s lips.
“You’re getting a lot better at this,” Dean sighed with pleasure.
“I’ve been doing research,” Cas said suddenly pulling away to look Dean in the eyes with an excited smile.
“Oh have you?” Dean laughed amused by Cas’ dedication.
“Yes actually,” Cas nodded proud of himself. “It’s good to go slow at first. Making sure you know your partner’s body. You have to work up to the actual sex part.”
“Oh is that right?” Dean smirked.
“Yes like I’m supposed to know your face,” Cas planted a kiss on Dean’s lips. “Your jaw line,” Cas mumbled kissing up Dean’s jaw. “Your neck and chest,” Cas added moving his lips to Dean’s neck and running his hands over Dean’s chest. Dean lifted his hands to reach for Cas’ back but Cas grabbed his wrists. “I’m supposed to know you first… In fact I need to know your fingers,” Cas said planting a kiss on each Dean’s fingers on both his hands.
Dean laid back on his pillow getting lost in each of Cas’ kisses. Tuning in and out of what Cas was saying. Letting his mind go blank. He shut his eyes.
“I need to know your wrists,” Cas explained licking each wrist. Dean shivered at the lick loving it.
“Mmmhmmm,” Dean nodded.
“I need to know you’re forearms,” Cas added kissing one forearm and pausing at the other.
“Come on don’t stop,” Dean complained. Dean opened his eyes suddenly realizing his mistake.
Cas was staring at his arm in disbelief. “Is that the?” Cas couldn’t even finish his sentence.
Dean squirmed uncomfortably under him. “Okay I know this looks bad now.”
Suddenly they were in the dungeon Cas still pinned on top of him on the colder floor. “Oh having a party are we?” Crowley asked smiling at the two.
“Crowley is this where you’ve been?” Cas asked suddenly startled by his presence.
“Would somebody let me out I am in need of a hit,” Crowley said kind of jittery. “I’ve been able to get my own for a while but locked up I can’t.”
“You locked Crowley up?” Cas asked turning back to Dean.
“Yes and that’s a good thing! You and I can rule over everything together!” Dean smiled happy.
“Dean no! Why would you do this to yourself?” Cas questioned.
“It’s for a good cause! You’ll come around!” Dean sighed suddenly gone leaving Cas in his boxers alone on the cold cement floor.
“Get me out of here and get me some human blood. I need it man! Trench coat I’m dying! I’m going absolutely crazy! I mean look I’ve got a twitch!” Crowley yelled bursting with energy. Tapping his fingers eagerly on the chair arms.
Cas looked at him. “You’re not twitching. I’m you’re bouncy but not twitching…” Cas stood up.
“It only happens when you’re not looking! Keep looking at me Cas I don’t want to twitch!” Crowley yelled panic in his voice.
“You need to calm down, we need to focus on Dean,” Cas explained. “He has the mark back! Did you do this?”
“What? No! I found out about the mark and he locked me down here!” Crowley explained eyes wide and crazy. “Come on Cas! I haven’t been able to go out and get some juice in a while! I need something now!”
Cas rolled his eyes and a syringe appeared him his hand. “Here it’s left over Charlie blood.”
Crowley grabbed it greedily letting his head drop back in pleasure as the blood entered his system. Cas untied him and broke the devils trap.
“Anytime you’re ready,” Cas said annoyed. “It’s not like Dean has the mark again or anything…”
Crowley lifted his head. “Sorry,” He got up at followed Cas out of the room. “He’s trying to take over my throne. And well the little jack ass has probably done it by now…” Crowley sighed.
“What do you mean!?” Cas asked worried.
“Taking over hell isn’t that hard if the King is tied up… Remember Abadon?” Crowley explained raising his eyebrows.