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Cross To Bear

By Zafona

Adventure / Drama

16 Years-Old: Power Surge

Their hug was warm and welcomed, Castiel could feel his legs tingle and his arms flex slowly. He'd managed to do it on his own, he brought that power up of his own accord for the first time and it left him feeling tired. But that wasn't all he felt, that strength that poured from his body into Nikki's had ebbed for a few minutes but it hadn't left. He wanted it to drift back where he'd got it from; he didn't like the feeling of all that energy.

But it didn't, he could feel it almost boiling inside him and starting to spike again. Cas swallowed nervously and tried to step back from the hug with Jet and Dean. The power surged through his arms again and both his brother and friend were flung across the room. Castiel's heart dropped and he covered his mouth, "Oh my god!" he cried against his skin and took a step to help them. The floor groaned beneath his sneaker and sparks cracked; he froze. "What's going on?!" Panic mixed with his blood and he tried to step closer again only to get the same result.

The room felt electric and there were almost sparks coming directly from his fingertips. Castiel's breath caught in his throat but it didn't affect him, he stopped breathing. "What is this!?" the pitch of his voice rose as he started to feel dizzy, his hands trembled against his mouth.

Dean and Jet had hit the opposite wall; knocking so many things down Cas couldn't even count. There was a low moan coming from both of them now, Jet sat up first and looked at him in confusion. "Cas?" he asked numbly and pressed the palm of his hand to his temple.

"Cas, don't move," Nikki tried to tell him but he was starting to lose the ability to really listen.

"What's happening to me?!" He shouted as tears fell down his face and every single light suddenly exploded. It was loud and startling, Sam covered his head and Cas watched Dean rush across the room to cover their little brother. His heart sank a little further.

"Cas calm down!" Dean sounded angry, and rightfully so he should've been. Cas flung him into a wall and sent shards of glass raining down on Sam. Though even if he thought he deserved the anger it still hurt, his concentration broke as his heart beat erratically.

The house's foundation seemed to groan beneath them.

"You have to calm down!" Dean was scared now, a tight grip on Sammy.

"I can't!" He screamed back and pressed his hands against his face to cover it. Cas couldn't stop every muscle in his body from shuddering as the energy built up in him like a goddamn bomb. His legs shook but he managed to remain standing, he didn't know how. The fixtures where light bulbs had once been sparked and threatened to blow out whatever might be left of the socket.

He felt sick. Cas' stomach twisted in on itself with pain, his head pounded and soon all he heard was the sound of blood rushing in his ears. The words of the others were lost to him and he sobbed violently. Each sound he made started to pulse around the room; it sent short shockwaves out of him and cracked anything made of glass within the house. It escalated, each wave built on the next and pummeled the walls, furniture and people in the house.

Castiel couldn't control a damn thing and it was terrifying. He'd lost track of what he was doing and how it affected everything around him. It was all a muffled blur and a thundering heartbeat. Part of him could sense the others' panic – or was that his? He didn't know and it scared him more.

He cried in the whirlwind of his own mind and the destruction of Jet's home, his mother's bedroom. Desperate and horrified breaths racked his chest, he struggled to function. He was breathing again, he didn't know what that had happened, or if he'd lost his mind enough to forget he'd never stopped. The room shook, or he did, he didn't know that either. He wasn't even sure if he was still standing or if he'd already fallen to the floor.

In fact, he didn't know when the energy build had stopped. He coughed heavily and gasped for another panicked breath as he tried to focus on himself. It had slowly grown inside him, making every part of his body tingle, but he'd lost track of that too. It hadn't erupted into anything; it just swelled and slipped away. Maybe that was worse, he thought momentarily. If it'd burst at least it'd be out of him, instead he was stretched internally and mentally but left that way without the satisfaction of a finale.

Cas' entire body was shaking as he tried to get a grip on where he was, where the others were. He realized his face was against fabric, there was a strong hold around his upper body and he heard Dean's voice; "Shhh, Cas it's okay, you're okay." Dean was whispering, it was so soft and just in Cas' ear.

He didn't want to move yet, not that he knew if he could. His heart slowed a little, or at least quieted down. Cas let out what he thought would be a sigh; it came out strained and cut short. He swallowed thickly and closed his eyes against what he realized was Dean's chest.

"I think he's calming down," Jet said quietly.

"Cas?" Sam reached over and touched the side of his face, Cas didn't respond, he couldn't. His head was heavy, his body felt tired and more than anything he wanted to close his eyes and sleep.

"I'm so sorry," he managed the words despite his beliefs that he couldn't. "I'm sorry…"

"It's okay," Dean kissed the top of his head and sighed with some relief against his scalp. Cas lifted his gaze to see them, he could feel them but he didn't believe what was coming back to him. They weren't mad at him and they weren't scared, more than that they were relieved he was talking to them.

"Is anyone hurt?" He asked softly and Jet shrugged first.

"We're all a little shaken up but that's about it," he grinned and looked at his mom and Sam, "right?"

"Totally," Sam agreed quickly with a nod, Nikki doing the same.

Cas smiled hesitantly at them before attempting to look at Dean, but he wouldn't let Cas go. "Dean?" He whispered, only trying to move a little bit.

Dean shook his head and swallowed thickly, it was louder when Cas was closer to his brother's throat. Dean's emotional state was exhausted; he'd been put through a lot in the last events. "I'm just glad you're okay," Dean whispered, his voice was shaky and almost broken, "Just be okay, Cas."

Castiel closed his eyes again and dropped against Dean heavily, relishing in the love and worry for his safety. It wasn't always that his brother showed this kind of affection, but when he did it reminded Cas of their kiss a few years ago. "I'm alright," he responded and rested there.


He must have blacked out or even slept because the next thing he knew he was nestled in the back seat of the Impala, his parents had come to get them. His head was resting on Dean's lap, body shifted so his legs were off the bench right where Sam was sitting. He listened to the rumble of the car and the silence of the passengers, no one spoke, maybe they'd done all the talking while he was out.

"Dean?" He asked and felt a hand shift in his hair, had it always been there?

"How're you feeling?" Dean was a little excited to hearing him speaking again, glad that Cas was awake.

"I'm okay, I think I passed out."

"Sort of," Sam said with a little laughter in his throat, it was more nervous than anything else.

Castiel hummed softly and closed his eyes one more time, letting the moment sink in. He enjoyed lying on Dean and if he could do it without being looked at strangely he'd take it. "What happened to Jet's house? Is it okay?"

"It's fine, the place is a mess but Jet said he'd clean it up." Dean answered after a moment, his hand slipped through Cas' hair again.

"What happened back there, boys? Cas?" John looked into the rearview mirror at them, at him.

Castiel sighed lightly but decided not to sit up, instead he waited and listened. He could hear the whispers of their minds, the questions and fear of what happened to him, what he'd done. He let himself drift further and sense it, their worry and concern for his well-being, his health, and his mental state. But that wasn't all; there was something on his parents' minds, something no one would say, something they questioned more than they ever had.

John shared a look with Mary and for a moment she disagreed, majority of her didn't want John to say or do whatever it was he was planning. But the longer he looked the more she understood and had to give in.

"Boys, there's something we need to all talk about tonight."

Castiel sat up and looked at his parents, their expressions were serious but caring, nothing but good intentions in their hearts. Part of him feared the conversation but he knew it was necessary. He had no idea what it was but he knew he needed it.


Sitting in the living room, all three boys lined up on the couch with John and Mary across from them felt like a strange way to do it. Cas looked at Dean cautiously who shook his head, he had no idea what it could be either.

"Cas," Mary started sweetly, her voice was calming and Cas tried to keep that in mind as he listened. They were tense, whatever it was they were about to say they wanted it taken the right way. Cas did his best to keep an open mind. "How do you feel?"

"I'm better," he looked her over and shifted his weight as he started to feel awkward. "What'd you need to say? Do you know something about what's going on with me?" The last question was hopeful, a quick shot in the dark but it seemed to hit a nerve. John and Mary exchanged a glance that caught Cas' attention.

"We're not sure if it has anything to do with what's happening to you, but it is about you." Mary responded and he had to remind himself again to keep his head together.

"Okay?"

John sighed lightly and sat forward in his chair, "We don't know how to say this, I hope you know, that all of you know, we love you no matter what. Cas, you weren't born into this family." John said the last sentence carefully and a little slower but it still seemed too fast. Castiel stared at him with widening eyes and no words.

"What?" Dean was the first to say anything in the silence after the bomb that had been dropped. "He was adopted?"

"No," John furrowed his brow and rubbed at his five o'clock shadow, "When Dean was just born, maybe a few months old, I went to the store to get us some supplies. On my way out I saw a man who had broken into the car. I scared him off but when I got there I realized he'd left a baby in the backseat."

Cas was shocked, and yet part of him really wasn't. Just another thing about him that was different.

"Cas isn't related to us by blood, but that doesn't matter." Mary got up and went to him, kneeling on the floor in front of him as she took his hands in hers. "Castiel you've always been my baby, I'm still your mom and this will always be your family. I know you're going through so much, sweetie, I'm so sorry we had to add to it."

He stared at her eyes; she was scared of his reaction. He was a little scared of his reaction, what would he say? Cas' mind had been put to the test so many times that day; it was exhausting. Kubrick in the morning knowing about his healing ability, the stress of fixing a friend's loved one, and then nearly exploding from his own energy surge. Cas had had rough days before but this one really took the cake.

What to say, though? What was there to say? Did the news of the past change who he was now? No, it was just information. Had it given him insight into what was going on with him? No, nothing of the sort just yet. What was there he could reflect on? He felt no different, though he hadn't seen it coming. It was like a fairy tale or surprise twist in a novel, something you wonder about when you're ten years old but never consider could happen to you.

"Mom," he squeezed her hand and steadied himself, Cas hadn't realized how much it did effect him despite his thought process. She was so distraught and the longer he waited to speak the more it hurt her. That feeling of pained anxiety transferred to him as he held her hands tightly, he wanted to take it off of her conscience altogether. "I love you, and to be honest I don't care if I wasn't born from you."

Mary's eyes relaxed but her expression tightened as she tried to hold back tears, "Oh Cas, come here." She cried softly as he leaned down to hug her.

Sam and Dean looked at one another; a silent conversation passed between them before they hopped forward and took part in the family hug. They'd been having a lot of those, Cas thought to himself as his dad moved in to squeeze them all together. It was nice, though he didn't overlook the reason for each hug, always something to do with him.

"We love you, Cas." Sam mumbled against his arm. "We're still brothers, okay?"

"I love you too." He whispered through new tears, "You'll always be my family."


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28. 16 Years-Old: Power Surge
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