Cross To Bear

Here's Looking at You, Meg part 1

16 years earlier…


Meg heard her father cursing nearby and rolled her eyes, he was a drama queen to beat the band, that was for sure. "What is it now, Azazel?" she'd taken to calling him by his name instead of 'dad' or anything close to familiar. Lucifer was up in Heaven, what could he possibly be cursing about? Demonkind was starting a war and they were going to win hands down with their Lord of Hell himself at the helm, what could be so 'fuck' worthy?

Azazel didn't answer for some time before he cursed again, this time in Latin and even some Enochian. Well that couldn't be a good sign, he never cursed in an angel's tongue. "Seriously, what?" Her tone took on a more appropriate edge as she walked over to him.

The battalions that Azazel had been in charge of were stationed on Earth, as they'd always been. He was the assault front for the middle ground, God's precious humanity ready to be picked off and ruled. Earth would be their home, a wretched place for the sinful that didn't burn them or torture them just for existing. He just needed the go ahead, because anything he'd do on Earth could be reversed if God and the holy squad of assholes were still around. Well, enough damage couldn't be reversed but any ground they'd make for themselves would be taken away at the very least. Her father expression held a sort of 'the attack is going to be delayed' kinda gloom.

"Heaven's been sealed off, those motherfuckers were ready for us."

"What kind of sealed off? The type that can be broken with enough brute force or…?" She trailed off as Azazel shook his head, angry yellow eyes glowering at blood pool of communication he'd set up.

"It's an ancient spell, only something God Himself could pull off. Time has stopped for Heaven and I haven't been getting any updates from Hell… with the gates left open it might have spread through there too." He ran a hand down his face slowly, pulling at the human skin in agitation. They'd been on Earth for many decades, making up identities for themselves and hiding in wait for that very moment. All for nothing, it seemed.

Megan stared at the blood in stunned silence, how could Lucifer have failed? Maybe it wasn't failure, it was a delay. "So what can we do to fix it?" She held up some form of hope their saviour could be freed again, he'd only recently been sprung from his unholy prison for Pete's sake.

"An angel is the only thing that can free both sides." Azazel sat down and rubbed at his chin thoughtfully, something picked up from humankind a long time back already.

"But they're all frozen, aren't they? Angels don't come down to Earth very often." Meg didn't want to believe her own words but there it was, wasn't it? They'd lost so many to one move, all of Hell included. Lucifer was never coming back.

Azazel didn't respond and for the first time that made her anxious.

"Why don't we just do what we were here to do anyway? We can just take over the Earth with whatever forces we have-"

"We don't have enough." He interrupted her, "Humans are weak but we're not invincible. There are billions of them, many cannot fight but the ones that can amount to more of a threat than you think. We were only meant to be the starting force; the second waves were waiting Hell."

Just like that it sounded like all of their efforts were over, all the plans put in place and time wasted. She was sitting silently in the room as Azazel paced periodically between angry drops into his chair. It was several minutes of this before anything happened.

"Father," her brother entered hastily, "an angel was sighted coming down to Earth moments before everything stopped. We believe it was Gabriel, though we don't know what he was up to. May I have permission to go and look for what he might've been doing?"

"An archangel?" Azazel perked up, "What did he do after that? Where did he go?"

"He landed somewhere in the Americas but returned to Heaven moments later." Her brother's name was simply 'Tom' on Earth. He didn't care for it but she kind of liked her human name.

Azazel nodded, a smile coming to his lips. "This could be a good thing or a very bad thing."

"What are you thinking happened?" Tom asked with a curious furrowing of his brow, eyes giving Meg a quick glance before returning to watch his father's now excited paces.

"I think Heaven's had a recent addition to the Angelic host."

"A new angel?" Meg's eyes widened, "That usually means something's coming; it could be why they knew about the invasion. But I don't see how that helps us –" She paused and nodded as it dawned on her.

"You see it, don't you?" Azazel smiled at her wickedly, "If we find that little thing we can bring it to Hell, wake up our brothers and take over the Earth. After we've done that we can open up Heaven and let our dear Lord free." He was laughing now; relief was the only thing keeping his energy so high.

"I'll go immediately," Tom replied to their excitement with a curt few words.

"Once you find any proof I want a report." Azazel sent him off, and with that they waited.

Meg didn't hear about it for some time, they'd narrowed it down to the United States at least. But that was only because she had recalled the archangel Gabriel loved that country, something about the chaos being entertaining. She agreed, it was usually a fun one to watch for a laugh.

After some effort Tom's team had narrowed it down to somewhere in the center few states. That was the first good news she'd heard in a few years, Azazel split them up and posed as different types of people in different towns, hoping to narrow it a little further.

Meg found herself in human form though many years younger. She was young compared to some demons but a child? It was more or less insulting, but it was for a good cause. It was her duty to find their angel and goddammit she'd deliver.

In a school at a young age was when she met Castiel Winchester and she didn't realize he would have changed her life so much she'd never recognize herself. At the time he was a goofy kid, big blue eyes and always the weirdest things to say. He didn't take notice of her for a long time, but when he did he seemed uncomfortable around her. In a sea of dumb children, having to pretend to be one was difficult for her so silence was her best friend. However, having not said much, most other kids looked at her as if she were no threat or was maybe a bit weird. Castiel, however, with the angelic name and everything, tried to avoid her whether conscious of it or not.

Bingo. He showed no signs of an angelic grace but that had to be him.

She told her father she might have found him but Azazel raised an eyebrow at her, "Are you certain? No one else can sense him."

"There isn't any grace but I'm sure it has to be him."

"We need to make sure." Was what she was told. Patience wasn't always her strongest suit but she did her best with it.

Being the best soldier Azazel had, Meg was the one in charge of watching out for Castiel Winchester. No one had bothered to ask her his name, though. They didn't care unless it was the real thing; the plans couldn't be set in motion until they could be 100% positive they'd caught the right one. She wanted to just drag him down to Hell right then, but again she was told to be patient.

Attempting to get close to Cas was more of a difficult task than she'd thought. As he did his best to avoid her she couldn't find a way to get to him. It was only after she'd worked her way into the popular books and was posing as a 13-year-old girl did she finally get a chance to get close. It was a spin-the-bottle game but even then she was overshadowed by something else. Being straightforward was her only option.

One date, that's what she asked for and to her surprise he said yes (after checking with his mom, something that made her laugh her ass off when she'd gotten home).

She hadn't expected it to go the way it did. That one date was her first time experiencing Castiel in full force. Immediately she noticed a presence as their date began, it felt like something trying to see her and in her mind she knew instantly what it was. She'd known since she saw him during those first years but it felt so much more real, the start of Cas' grace was so small she couldn't feel it. But he could still project himself, his consciousness tried to see hers and it was alarming at first. Demons tended not to do that, but Castiel wasn't shy.

That was the day she realized she liked him. She realized that a subtle approach would never work and for him to trust her she'd have to give something first. So she told him she was like him, she could do what he could do and it opened him up to her, finally.

It was strange, she'd known Cas, had sent two different demons to go after him to test out the angel theory of hers and both had died. It had scared him, scarred him, but the second time he'd done something incredible. As they talked that came back, she could see the scarring she'd caused him and at the time didn't feel bad. She didn't know she would someday, but at that moment it was just part of her job.

Then he snapped. She'd been doing a fair amount of acting during their date, so she would say later on about the bashfulness he'd brought out in her, but she wasn't faking anything after Castiel shouted. She felt the angelic force behind his voice, it seared through her and for the first time that she could remember; she was afraid.

Tentatively she attempted to see inside his head, it was the first real show of grace she'd seen yet and she wanted to check for sure. Castiel offered himself to her immediately; he was shocked, stunned, and so confused.

That moment could have been her proof; that could have been the moment she'd been waiting to take back to her father. The plan could begin; they could free Hell and take over Earth. But something in her didn't agree.

Something changed, instead of doing what she knew she should she wanted to protect this idiot. Castiel had opened himself fully to her in that moment and it was the most enlightening experience she'd ever had. His being was beautiful, and not in the vain kind of way. It made her want to cry and it made her sorry for what she'd become. She couldn't keep track of the number of feelings and thoughts that struck then, all at once it nearly knocked her over.

And then she took his hand and protected him, someone she knew she liked, someone that liked someone else and could never feel that way for her, and someone so much more than that. How could a being be that pure that it could change the mind of a demon that had lived for a centuries? She didn't know but he'd done it.

She'd let him hug her and what's more she agreed to be 'real friends' as he had put it. It was like he'd read her mind.

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