Cross To Bear

Here's Looking At You, Meg part 2

The following three years were an oddity to her, his friendship had become a real thing in her life and she'd almost forgotten what she was there to do. Cas' grace didn't do anything interesting until one night on the street where he'd glowed and healed a dying woman. He'd seen Death again that night and showed her one more time the scars she'd caused.

It was the start of the guilt in her, to see that expression on his face and hear how he denied himself. The word 'angel' bothered him and that was her fault. But if he couldn't be an angel and she wouldn't do her duty as a demon, what the hell were they? Two very strange individuals in a messed up world, cruel fates awaited both of them.

That night was the first night in a downhill slide. Castiel healed a kid at school, and wouldn't you know it, it was Kubrick. The only one who'd have a mental breakdown over the idea of an angel walking among them. Meg watched it all fall apart with an increasing sense of dread in her gut.

She was closer to him, she knew what he felt like and when the small power surges started one afternoon she knew what was coming. Meg had to make a decision for herself right there and then; what was she going to do when it all came crashing down? How would she protect him then?

It dawned on her later that she didn't consider not helping him, but how she'd do it instead. The idea of 'do I tell my father or don't I' was never a question at all. It was something in herself she could feel a little proud of, because god knows she'd learned she shouldn't have been at all.

Whatever happened, she decided, she'd fight for him. That thought remained with her during the days Castiel skipped school, nothing happened except Kubrick's psychosis. Some people believed him but mostly everyone else avoided him, figured he was insane. She helped spread that as best she could but the dulled silence that came from Castiel's general direction made her stomach turn. She realized more and more she missed his presence, he never skipped school and to do it for that long was worrisome. She knew she could call or go visit but it felt invasive now, like she had no right to do it. So she didn't.

Then he returned. The school was buzzing as usual, Castiel's name mentioned on repeat. But it was more than that; something was boiling to the surface in him and she knew that every demon around would get a whiff. She had to do something, stall them or try to convince them otherwise. It was during her attempt to lie and say it was an experiment of hers, that if they sensed something it wasn't actually an angel, that Castiel's grace erupted. There was no lying about it.

She raced ahead of as many of them as she could, Cas was in trouble and she'd need to keep him from getting taken.

Meg made it to Cas first; he was outside and practically on display for the onslaught to see. She hadn't been fast enough to warn him, they were surrounded and she came to terms with the fact that she'd be fighting soon. She still tried to pull authority, "Let me take him." But it didn't work, not that she thought it would. Her father didn't trust her anymore, and she didn't rightly blame him for that.

Castiel took her order to leave, she'd killed one of her own and that was just the start of it. She knew the kinds of monsters that would show up to take Cas in, the one lying beneath the school for good measure. She was the one who originally suggested it be there and now she was sorely regretting it. There wasn't a lot she could do against a demon that size, but the rest she knew she was stronger than.

It wasn't until Castiel killed their enormous beast that she really understood something about him; he was special even for an angel. That wasn't a feat any archangel other than Michael or Lucifer could have accomplished. Castiel wasn't just a new angel, he wasn't just any type of angel; he was at the very least a new type of archangel. She smiled, maybe he could do this.

The reception she received as the fights came to a close wasn't terribly pleasant. The demons she hadn't killed decided to flee after some choice words slung her way. Traitor was a popular one. In the end she didn't care, there were bodies strewn all around and that hardly fazed her either. What mattered was the fact that Cas was alive.

Meg stood in the massacre of her people and the students she'd come to know for several years, it was a weird feeling. She'd killed before, she'd stood in the blood of others many times but it felt different that day. And as she started to feel remorse for it she saw Castiel flying overhead, he'd come back. She went to meet him, hesitant of how he'd now perceive her. He'd been attacked by demons several times, the first two were her fault but this one, the worst one, was something she'd tried to prevent.

It was the first time she realized she wanted redemption, and that's what she gave to him as a reason. Despite wanting to be honest she still lied. She said from the beginning she didn't know who he was, but she did. She said she was just trying to make it as a human girl in high school, but that was a lie too. The reasons she didn't tell the truth were so foggy to her but that's what she did anyway. She didn't want him to know that some of the most painful moments in his early years were her fault, she needed him to trust and to give anything like that away would hinder her.

Cas told her then that Dean was taken to purgatory. She realized that the others had retreated too easily after waiting for so long, but she didn't know they'd abduct Cas' family. That was it then, Castiel would cross into Hell first. The least she could do was open the way to his brother, she couldn't stop him from leaving and she knew better than to try and convince him to abandon Dean.

"Could you please look after my family while I'm away?"

Right before he left he gave her that. Maybe it was his way of telling her he trusted her, offering a chance to redeem herself, or maybe it was just a way to say 'prove you're trustworthy by doing this impossible task.' It was like he didn't even know how bad Earth would be after he crossed the border. What could she do but say yes?

And just like that she found herself watching him leave. She looked for the Winchesters and found herself in the middle of what must have been a mini apocalypse. Demons were everywhere and the Earth opened up like broken skin. She got into another fight, her own kind swarmed her as the traitor she was.

It wasn't as easy the second time around; she had to push harder and took several hits. She'd hit the ground more than once and experienced a few blows she wished she hadn't. It left her breathless and at the end of it made her wish it'd be over.

But Castiel, that idiot, asked her to take care of his family. So instead of rolling over Meg let herself off the hinges, she fought like a madwoman with nothing left to lose. Her blade slashed through several of her brethren and she'd lost count of the necks she'd snapped. In the end she found herself elbow deep in chests of two demons on either side of her, one hand made it in with her blade and the other just forced through. They fell to the ground as she pulled herself away, one at a time.

It took a little bit more time but she found the Winchesters, she was grateful she'd paid attention when Cas randomly talked about family friends in Sioux Falls. There was a large metallic box in the ground, fire all around and life inside. Meg wasted no time with breaking the door in, happy to find the family she was sent out to save inside, all intact.

The following hours were filled with questions, answers, more questions, and some silence until they'd hit a roadblock. Meg knew the peace wouldn't last; she barely flinched when Jet told everyone to get down because right then, that moment was one of the reasons Cas asked her to help.

She wasn't exactly expecting her father though. "What do you want?"

"What do you think you're doing?" Azazel held the features of his real form, demonic and ugly as ever. "We're hunting down the angel, why are you sitting around? It's not because you've gone soft, is it? You like that angel boy." He knew the whole time; he was just poking at her pride now.

"Fuck off, I don't answer to you."

He'd expected that response and before she could even imagine it she was going toe-to-toe with her father. The others launched into the fight with one command and she knew she'd never survive it in human form. The transformation was a little slower than she'd anticipated, she hadn't done it in so long already.

Meg fought with whatever strength was left in her, the ground had begun to quake and she was deflecting the attacks as they came at her. When she'd miss one it'd send her straight to the ground, coughing and struggling to regain her bearings. Azazel grabbed her and lifted her up, a grin on his face that she swiftly corrected. A gash on his cheek and a kick to his chest freed her, which gave her the momentum to dodge what would've been a punishing blow.

The fight was only minutes long, she'd been told later, but to her it was an eternity. Every second she thought she should've been dead and every second she proved herself wrong. Especially the very last time, when she was certain she'd be overcome, Castiel arrived. He reached into the fight and pulled her out.

She didn't have a chance to understand what she was feeling then; she just went with it and before she knew it Cas absorbed her into himself. It was terrifying and comforting all at the same time. She'd never been so close to him, years ago he'd opened up to her but it was nothing like what she was experiencing right then. She was almost lost to it if it weren't for knowing that Cas was fighting Azazel and an oncoming army was a horizon away.

But Castiel managed to prove himself one more time, injuring her dad in a way she'd never seen before. Then following that up by basically exploding. A special kind of angel, indeed.

Meg found herself standing on the ground moments later, her legs boneless and her strength faded. She started to fall but Jet was there to catch her, she'd never been so happy to see that jackass.

All said and done she still couldn't believe what had happened. She'd gone from waiting for an order to take over Earth, to one of Castiel's friends hiding out in an army base. She sat in a quiet room with the sleeping bodies of Cas' friends and family, the angel himself lying awake amongst them, and that was the most comforting place she'd been in a long time.

She hadn't told Cas much about anything yet, they hadn't had a chance to talk but the time she spent inside him was very telling for her. She felt another change in herself, the start of a purification and redemption she'd only briefly thought about. It seemed like an excuse and a dream, but maybe it could be real. The kinds of human emotions that Castiel could bring up in a wretched soul like hers were astounding, to the say the least.

Having taken a beating in every sense of the word, she decided it had all been worth it. Castiel was worth fighting for and she was proud to be part of his little team. If that meant rooting for Heaven, then so be it. Lucifer would have her head, but if it meant keeping Castiel alive then so be it, she'd offer it herself.

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