AAARGH. She's so dense! Why? Why are blondes naturally denser than normal people? All day long, she's been following me around like a puppy, asking what the matter is, making sure I haven't told anybody (like who?), alternately apologising and thanking me. But she never sees that something's wrong with me. Funny, huh? A laugh riot.
All the live long day we went around like this until finally she catches me heading for the bus after school. That's the end of her patience, and she accosts me and jerks me over to her car.
"I'm starting to worry about you," she hissed. "Why are you taking the bus?"
"Ames... listen, don't do this to me right now, okay? I'm in a bad place."
"Did I do something wrong?" Wincing, she said, "Wait, don't answer that. I know it's about Saturday night. I'm not an idiot."
"No? You do a pretty well-rehearsed impression."
"Ha, ha. Come on, I know it was weird... it really was, but you have no idea-"
"If you're gonna say that I have no idea how much it meant to you, save it, because I think I actually do have an idea after hearing you say it a thousand times. Amy, I get it, you're eternally grateful and will build a palace in my honour once you're Queen of America. Now get out of my face."
"It was weird!" I almost shouted. Came really close to it, I mean it. "I told you it was too weird, that I wouldn't do it, and you couldn't take 'no' for an answer, you kept pushing and pushing and it was freaking Looney Tunes. I have never felt that out-of-body in my life, okay? And no, your little apologies and gratitudes don't make a dent. The only thing that's gonna get me over this one is time."
Now she was crying. Of course. Right on cue. It's like somebody crossed some wires in that girl's head and gave her overactive tear ducts that need to be purged at least once daily. "Laynie, come on... I... I didn't..."
"I know. You never do."
It was underhanded and I knew it, but I wanted her to go through a tenth of what I suffered with over that long, long Sunday. God... maybe I'm the one with the crossed wires.
She drove straight to my house so that she was waiting when I got off the bus. And she comes up to me and says, "Laynie, listen-"
"No listening. Just let me go inside, you know how much homework we have to d-"
"Talk to me!" she urged. "I... I know, you said it was weird, but can't we talk about how weird it was and make it less weird or something?"
I sighed. "Go away, Amy. Leave me alone forever."
To be honest, she had already been crying when the conversation started, but now it was like she shifted the crying into high gear. "Come on, you can't shut me out! I... not completely, I need to talk to you, I can't not talk to you about it!"
"Talk is cheap. And I don't waste my time on cheap shit."
"LAYNIE!" I shouted back at her, startling her so badly she jumped backward into my mom's begonias. "That's all you ever say! You said it a whole lot Saturday night, too! Laynie, Laynie, Layniiieee! That can sometimes have an adverse effect on relationships, you know!"
Still crying, she looked way. "I know I did that. I'm not that dumb that I already forgot how that went. I just... I thought you understood."
"Well, I don't. I don't understand how you can want your best friend talking to you while you do that to yourself, then invoke her name while you climax... and then try to pass it off as normal! It's not! It's completely fucked, and I am not over it yet!"
"I told you that I'm not..." She cleared her throat and looked around before she whispered, "I'm not into you. I mean it, okay? I just, you were the only one with me, so I said your name. It wasn't supposed to mean anyth-"
"WELL IT DID!" I shouted. "It meant that I can't talk to you anymore for the rest of our lives because now every time you say my name, I think about you screwing yourself! That you had phone sex with me!"
At that Amy actually had the temerity to roll her eyes. (temerity: new word of the day!) "Come on, that's not what happened. It was just you holding my hand while I went at it; for it to be phone sex we'd both have to be going at it, right?"
I was stunned into silence. I'd been trying so hard not to think about it that when she brought up the possibility, all I could do was blink and feel awkward. It was like I was the one finding out for the first time that I had been a participant instead of a spectator.
"Wait..." Then she squinted at me like I was a contract with fine print that she wasn't sure she ought to sign. "You didn't... not while I was... you didn't do anything, did you?"
I couldn't handle any more. I turned on my heel and stomped into the house, locking the door behind me.
Fifteen minutes I have sat on my bed, listening to her pound on the door and call my name over and over (yeah, even though I just told her how it made me feel nowadays; see how remarkably dense she is?). Then the phone rang; it wasn't Amy. It was our neighbor asking what was going on and why the Abbott girl was so upset. I snapped, "What, haven't you ever seen two girls have a fight before?" and hung up.
Should I let her in? Is this at all wise to do? Can't very well leave her down there, spewing out noise pollution left and right. Vapid bitch. Be back soon.
AUTHORESS'S NOTE: God, it was good to get that out. Actually I really have been relishing the opportunity for someone to just ream Amy, and there it is. I love her dearly, yes, but... URGH, she has some frustrating character flaws!
Soulless: If you don't feel some tinge of empathy for the characters then I may as well give up, so I'll take that as a compliment.13: One can never have enough Monty Python! If I could find a way to work in something about Clodagh Rodgers pioneering safer fruit for Mr Neutron and the Spanish Inquisition I'd gladly do, but sometimes there just isn't room for these things. Also, yes, Amy tends to steamroll over everyone else's wishes unintentionally. In fact, everyone seems to do that to Laynie. She always winds up being ignored. Which is why, of course, I wrote her an entire fanfiction :)
NEXT: The healing begins. It will be brutally painful.