CODE RED. This… this is the worst, and it's a complete spasm of pulsating evil. Hang on.
Okay, I'm back; not starting a new entry, just had to shut the door. This can't be written while any old motherfucker could walk in. Y'know, like my family.
Maybe a couple days passed since my last entry. It's all good between me and Amy, right? A few hours ago, I go over to her house. We start a movie, we're watching it, we get bored and start throwing cheese curls at each other. Amy's Dad walks in and demands we pick up the food before "the rats think we're running a bistro that caters to their clientele" or something snooty like that, classic Harold Abbott. Then he goes out to pick up Rose from some meeting or other of hers in which she's probably the only important person there. Bright is hanging with Ephram (STILL unprecedented and strange), which leaves just the two of us alone in the living room of an empty house.
We start picking up the food, laughing and joking about the movie in which Julia Roberts is way overacting but she's still our hero, blah blah blah. You ready?
Our hands touch. Wait, hang on, I'm not done. They touch, and we had been shuffling around on the carpet in stocking feet, so we shock each other.
"Ow," says Amy as she puts the zapped middle finger in her mouth. Then she makes a face and goes, "Ew, cheese and carpet fuzzies are not a delicious combination."
"Idiot," I laugh. But I feel a little unsettled. They were literal sparks we felt at each other's touch; just a byproduct of static electricity, but SPARKS, right? Such a cliché! I can't help but look at her flushed face; we were hunched over the carpet and all that, a little blood went to her head.
Don't laugh and start pointing fingers, but I swear to God I felt this rush of affection. Not like I wanted to "pop the question", just like... she's my best friend. I know I'd rather be hanging out with her and feeling carpet-volts than out partying with the cutest guy in all of Colorado. NOT because I'm gay, because I'm not, but I mean, in spite of her wet-blanketness and tendency to cry at the drop of a hat, she's still one of maybe five decent human beings I know.
All it took was for me to read that back to hear how I sound, so don't YOU start.
The rest of the night I'm smiling, smiling, all daffodils and sunshine, and Amy laughs at me a little here and there for being so smiley. I tell her I'm just in a good mood; it's not a lie, either. Everything has been such a psychedelic Technicolour dream since I drilled her. Whatever that might mean.
Then I'm about to head home. We've already made plans to study for this offensive calc test tomorrow night, maybe lay into a pizza and show both it and the test who's boss around here. That's when The Moment happens.
Not that the carpet thing wasn't a "moment", but it wasn't really; it was just idiocy. This is different.
Amy's sighing, "Okay, well... guess I'll see you then."
"Yep. Wild horses couldn't drag me away."
"Are there even wild horses anymore?" she mused. "Don't they have them all caught and bridled?"
I shrug. "Nah. It stands to reason that as many horses as there are, mankind would have missed a few."
"Hmm, probably. Well, don't worry, I won't be rounding up a few just to keep you away from me."
"Ooh, maybe you should," I tell her, letting my voice drop down into a creepy register. "Big Bad Laynie could gobble you up before you get to grandma's house."
"Right!" she giggled. "Because MY grandma wouldn't totally cream your ass once she found out!" Yeah, let me just say, if you don't know? Edna Harper is one tough old woman. I hope I'm half that awesome when I get to be a senior citizen.
"I might give her the slip," I growl, stalking around her and making her giggle more, covering her face with her hands as if she'd already giggled too much and was trying to keep some of it from leaking out so she could use it later. "You're not safe, you helpless little blonde. I'm a dangerous element."
"Ooh, I bet you are," she repeats in the same tone, and we both laugh. Then we're clasping hands, all hands, not just two. There's pleasant arm-swinging, and huge grins, and I felt it.
There was a definite flutter.
We both kind of freeze for a second, then Amy pulls away, tucking her hair behind her ear. Why's she all nervous now? The hair-ear thing is her go-to nervous gesture. Mine is to hook my thumbs in my front pockets and look away, which I am also doing. Then I give her a little wave and a "see ya" and I'm gone.
You're already saying "but that's nothing", I just know you are. I'm not so sure. Do I want it to be anything or not? Even that is unclear. I'm pretty much going crazy.
Whatever, it's not like it would be a big deal. And you're probably telling me it would be because then I'd be a lesbian, but that's just it; I don't really care if I turn out to be a lesbian. I think they're pretty commendable folk for the most part. It's just… Amy's my best friend already, we've known each other since like, the Big Bang. It would be too weird if we hooked up. Wrong, and twisted, and beyond confusing. I'm pretty sure neither of us could handle it – especially not Amy, because she IS hung up on stuff like "lesbians" and "gayness" and "heteronormativity" and yadda yadda yadda. Part of her is still waiting for Colin to come back from the grave so they can get married and have 2.5 children and live Typically Ever After.
I… I sound like I'm losing it. Maybe I am losing it, maybe Zoloft is sending me off the deep end. I'm going to sleep. I have to sleep, right now. Goodnight.
AUTHORESS'S NOTE: Yes, we're getting grungy now! Alegría especial, si? I went to great pains to put myself behind Laynie's eyes, to not just use stock answers but really, REALLY feel out how she would react. All-girls school, disdain for everything that falls under the umbrella of "normal"... she'd would be as freaked by other expressions of sexuality as some. On the other hand, she is still a teenager who has never truly been in love yet. How did I do?
Xpsi: Apparently your name stands for "Xeroderma Pigmentosum Society, Inc", an organisation devoted to a specific skin condition. Or "Xtreme Pounds per Square Inch"? Anyway, I agree with you on virginity; it's not strictly necessary to orgasm, but I feel like it's kind of sad to mark the occasion when you haven't. Don't you?13th: Everyone is a bit silly and stupid, all the time. Either you're silly or you're a predator, and I'd rather not handle any predatory characters if I can avoid it, and therefore... lol. Sorry to disappoint you with the phone call being unimportant, but I'll tell you in advance: there will come another time when a phone call is NOT so unimportant. Ooh, foreshadowing! :D
NEXT: A request that pushes the boundaries of friendship. Again!