The Freak Show
Kid panted as he stood up and looked over the bloody corpse of Krampus. He looked back at the dark blue soul, quietly observing them as the snow drifted down from the ceiling. The soul cast an eerie glow on the ground below.
"Ewwww, Kid; why did you have to do that?" Patty complained before Liz piped up.
"Yeah, what was that for?" Liz shouted. Kid only responded with a sigh.
"Sorry about that. I guess I just saw an opening and took it," he said, using his jacket to wipe off the blood. They changed into their human forms and Patty collected Krampus' soul.
Liz, meanwhile, grabbed Kid and put him into a headlock while looking down at him with an angry smile.
"If you ever do some like that again, I will personally kick your sorry little ass," Liz warned, tightening her grip on him just slightly.
"Alright fine, I won't do it again!" Kid replied as he struggled. Liz released him.
"How are we going to get back to the shooting gallery?" Patty asked while Kid caught his breath.
"I'm not su—" Before he could finish, they were suddenly in front of the shooting gallery once more as if they were teleported the instant they blinked. The three of them seemed to jump at once upon realizing what had just happened.
"Well that was eerie…" Liz commented, Patty and Kid both nodded before approaching the shooting gallery.
The curtain drew back to reveal that the Ferris wheel representing Rickety Town had disappeared; all that was left was the strange face looking left and right while its mechanical jaw opened and closed periodically, representing the Freak Show.
"Let's go then," Kid said before Liz and Patty changed back into their weapon forms; he then shot the odd face.
The group was once again floating in the purple and black swirling void as the jester's skull appeared again.
"It's the Freak Show, the Freak Show,
See the strange and bizarre.
Step right up; we'd love to see you;
We think you could be the star!" the skull taunted before laughing maniacally and dumping them at the entrance to the Freak Show.
The entrance to the Freak Show looked like a larger version of the model at the shooting gallery — save for the words Freak Show written in glowing orange and yellow letters on the front of the face's straw hat and the looping audio of a man with a strange accent saying: "Step right up! It's the Freak Show!" while advertisements for various attractions surrounded it. Within the face's slow-moving mouth was a spinning tunnel with a yellow and red pattern.
Kid timed the mouth and quickly jumped inside as soon as it opened wide enough, finding himself spinning inside the tunnel as if he were in the tumble cycle of a dryer. He eventually managed to jump out, feeling a little dizzy and sickened.
"Remind me to never go in one of those ever again," Kid said, stumbling only slightly as he regained his balance and looked down. He saw that he appeared to be on a huge tongue. Kid turned around and took a step back, seeing that the other side of the entrance was the visage of the jester's skull with the tunnel being inside its open mouth.
"Well that's not creepy at all," Kid sarcastically said, turning and checking out the first part of the Freak Show.
Directly in front of him was a long stage stretching across most of the area. Its background was made up mostly of curtains and advertisements. To the left of the stage was a small red and white stripped tent with a darkened entrance. The area was dotted with extended wooden benches, some facing the main stage while others faced two stages to the far left and far right of the main stage.
The stage to the far left was a small stage with a frame and a large curtain with an image on it. The curtain's image depicted a bald, yellow man with a goofy grin wearing an orange leotard with what looked like a vague black shape of a frowning face along with orange gloves. The man was missing most of his teeth and was sticking his tongue out, but what was most striking about him was the fact that the lower half of his body did not have legs — in fact he had a second torso that looked exactly like the upper torso only upside down due to their position. The man was offering a normal woman flowers while holding a visible knife behind his back while said woman recoiled in horror at the freak. Just above the scene was an orange banner that read Flap Jack in white letters.
"Well that certainly does look unusual," Kid commented.
"I think he looks silly," Patty said with a giggle.
The curtain suddenly rose to reveal Flap Jack, cackling as he flipped off the stage, his attached "brother" taking the top position upon landing in front of Kid and attempting to punch the young man. Kid dodged and shot Flap Jack three times in the face, causing him to let out a loud choking sound before falling over, dead.
"Hmmm... He seemed to go down rather quickly for a guy with two heads…" The lower jumped and tried to grab his leg, but Kid only shot him in the face. "That's what I thought," Kid said. Patty collected Flap Jack's soul.
"Do you think there are more?" Liz asked just as two more Flap Jacks emerged from the small tent, one of whom was wielding a bloody wooden club with bent nails driven through it.
"I guess that answers that," Patty said, transforming back into a weapon.
The two Flap Jacks ran up to Kid and tried to hit him with their fists and club respectively. Kid managed to dodge the first one's club, but he was struck in the arm by second one's punches. He grunted before shooting the second one's lower head and causing him to fall. The both of them cackled as the first one continued to swing his club at Kid. Kid jumped back and managed to hit both of the heads with a shot from each gun. The heads bled out over themselves, but they persisted in their attack.
"They seem a little too persistent," Kid grumbled.
"Maybe they're just too stupid to stop?" Liz suggested. Kid shot the second one until its head was a bloody pulp as it was approaching them. The second one was then shot in the chest until he keeled over and died.
Liz and Patty collected the souls before they headed over to the second stage which was the same as the previous one except the curtain was different. The image on the curtain depict a very fat woman in a red dress with brown hair, a pink bow in the back of her hair and a long beard-and-mustache combo. She was holding a knife and a fork and looking down hungrily at a table which held a pie, a full roast chicken, and a plate of ham. Meanwhile, the banner above her read The Bearded Mama while two white circles with black text read Live and 700LBS respectively.
"Well, this should be interesting," Kid said as he readied his weapons, expecting the worst.
The curtain raised to reveal a stage designed like a small bed room with a green bed, a large potted plant in the background and a lamp with a green shade behind the bed. The Bearded Mama was lying on the bed, dead. She was wearing a blue dress with a matching bow and her hair and beard remained despite her face being nothing but a skull. Her arms and legs were simply bloody stumps while what was left of her pale skin was covered in odd black dots. A section of her dress around her engorged stomach revealed rotten, torn away flesh and some of her ribcage. Kid barely held back the bile that was desperately trying to escape as he turned away from the bloated corpse.
"Holy crap!" Patty exclaimed in shock.
"I don't even want to know what happened here," Liz said, barely holding back a disgusted shudder.
"Me either; let's move on," Kid replied.
"Kid, watch out!" Patty shouted as a large maggot with a wrinkled human-like face sprung out from the corpse's mouth and flew towards his face. Kid quickly shot it down, turning it into a bloody pulp.
"Let's go before something else happens to make me throw up," he said, turning left and heading towards a hall.
The hall was made up of two green and white stripped curtains leading to a tall, cylindrical tent of a similar pattern with an entrance that resembled an oversized Venus flytrap. On the right curtain there was a red and yellow sign that said Fly Trap and on the left was a similar sign which said This Way! with a big red arrow pointing towards the entrance to the tower tent. Upon approaching the flytrap, it opened up and revealed what seemed to be a normal living room.
Kid stepped inside and looked around, seeing a green armchair, a large wood-finished TV showing static, a fridge, a stool with a half-eaten pizza in its box, a calendar, and a door with a sign that read The Museum of the Slightly Curious.
"This doesn't seem so bad," Liz commented before a loud buzzing came to their attention.
"What's that noise?" Kid asked before looking up and seeing three hovering creatures watching them.
The creatures looked like giant flies, save for their heads which were large, egg-shaped human heads with pointed noses and large, bulging eyes. The fly-people started to dive bomb Kid once he made his presence know. Kid took out the first two but the third managed to fly up and scratch his shoulder before he shot its head off.
"Ugh, I'm starting to get sick of these freaks," Kid snarled, rubbing the minor scratch.
The floor suddenly crumbled away, save for a narrow section which led to the museum, revealing a pit full of the wrinkle-faced maggots writhing in a strange yellow slurry. Kid rushed and jumped into the museum before any of the maggots got the chance to jump at him.
"I hope that's the last we see of those things…" Liz said as they walked up to the museum's first attraction.
The first attraction was a yellow jar with a large, blue eye on a tall table with a sign that said Thing in a Bottle. Past it was the next few attractions such as an Egyptian sarcophagus; a shoe about the size of a small car with a sign that said World's Biggest Show; a blue mosaic skull with a red cranium and black balls in its eyes labeled Ancient Mystery Skull of Time; and a skeleton in a blue sailor's uniform with an eye patch inside a glass case, above him was a yellow sign that read Share a Laugh with Smiling Jack! 25¢.
"Well these certainly are interesting objects," Kid said.
"At least they're not trying to kill us…" Liz grumbled.
"They're kinda neat," Patty commented as they moved on to the next set of attractions.
The next set of attractions were a flea the size of a cat on a wooden pedestal labeled 80lb. Flea; a large white squirrel holding a bloody knifed labeled Mechanical Killer Squirrel 10¢; a huge block of ice with a short caveman inside labeled Frozen in Time; and finally a stuffed horse lacking a mane with a sign that said Horse Without a Mane. Past the stuffed horse was the exit where a Flap Jack emerged and ran up to Kid while swinging his club.
"I almost forgot about you," Kid commented before shooting the faces to a bloody pulp before letting Patty collect the soul and move on.
Outside the museum was a small arena with two wooden stands. In the center was a large spinning wheel with a skeleton strapped to it that had several knives imbedded in its chest. Next to the arena was a large, concrete tower which Kid slowly walked around while looking up at it.
As he observed the tall structure, Kid suddenly found himself on a green seesaw which suddenly launched him up into the air after a Flap Jack jumped off a platform on the building. At the top of the building was a glass dome which Kid promptly smashed through before hitting a wooden platform and dropping Liz and Patty off the platform, losing consciousness.
Kid groaned as he woke up. An unusual monkey was standing on his chest. The monkey had a blue face, long sharp teeth, six legs and wore a red fez on its head. Upon finding out he was awake, the monkey proceeded to shriek and tried to maul Kid before he punched it off the platform. Kid stood up and looked around to see that inside the tower was a monkey enclosure with various wooden platforms, ropes, tire swings and black metal bars scattered about as the monkeys moved and played about.
"Kid! Where are you?" a familiar voice called as Kid looked down. He saw Liz and Patty at the bottom of the tower, still in their weapon forms.
"I'm up here!" Kid called back, drawing the monkeys' attention. "What are you doing down there? Why haven't you tried coming up to find me?"
"The monkeys didn't seem to notice us like this, so we decided to wait for you!" Patty called as the monkeys started climbing towards Kid.
"Great," Kid said, jumping down onto a lower platform, and kicking off a monkey. Two more of the beasts climbed towards him on an overhead rope.
Kid punched the first monkey on the rope before diving to a lower platform and kicking the second monkey as it tried to drop down on top of him. The monkeys were knocked unconscious as Kid dropped down one more platform before getting to the ground and picking up Liz and Patty. He then shot at some of the monkeys before opening the iron gated door to the building and heading out. Some of the monkeys followed him out but scattered before he could fight them.
"Do you think those monkeys will come back to haunt us?" Liz asked.
"Nah, this is a pretty big place; I'm sure they'll find bananas or something," Patty replied.
"Let's at least hope so," Kid commented before walking up to the entrance of the next attraction.
Just outside of the monkey cage was a tall castle tower with a staircase that led up to a small drawbridge lit by two torches, the words Chamber of Horrors were written above of it in big glowing red letters. The draw bridge suddenly opened and a figure stepped out. The torchlight revealed the figure to be a tall, burly man wearing metal gauntlets, spiked shoulder pads, metal hooks, and leggings. The man had two heads, each of which had a single huge eye and a mouth with clearly missing teeth. The man's chest was dotted with three large eyes while the uncovered parts of his arms each had its own huge eye. The man wielded a massive claymore.
"I am Eyeclops!" he declared in a thick British accent before approaching Kid with his claymore drawn.
Kid started firing at Eyeclops, but the shots were deflected with the claymore and gauntlets before trying to slash at the young man with the sword. Kid dodged the attacks, managing to shoot one of the eyes on his chest. It popped, sending forth a spray of gore and eye puss.
"Ow — me eye!" Eyeclops cried out in pain as he smacked Kid in the face with his free hand, knocking him to the ground.
Kid groaned, sitting up to find Eyeclops bringing his sword down on him. Kid rolled out of the way and fired two shots, one from each gun. The first one deflected harmlessly off of Eyeclop's shoulder pad. The other hit the left head's eye.
"Shepherd's Pie!" Eyeclops cried, clutching what remained of the damaged optic, while Kid stood up and continued firing at him. The shots hit either the gauntlets or parts of his chest.
"His accent is starting to get on my nerves," Kid said as Eyeclops swung his sword in a horizontal slash, Kid ducked and managed to shoot another eye on his chest.
"I think it's funny," Patty said, chuckling as Kid jumped back and continued firing.
Eyeclops used his sword to block the shots before charging at Kid, his right side forward. Kid backed up a bit before charging towards him as well.
"Um, Kid? What are you doing?" Liz asked.
"You'll see," Kid replied, getting within three feet of him before jumping up and firing Patty point blank at his eye, causing it to rupture and bleed.
"Bloody hell!" Eyeclops cried out before falling back, dead. His red soul slowly floated out a few moments later as Kid landed on the other side.
"That was so cool!" Patty cheered as she collected Eyeclops' soul.
"That was kind of stupid," Liz snarked.
"At least now we can move on," Kid replied as Patty changed back and they entered the Chamber of Horrors.
Once inside, the drawbridge shut behind them and several bars rose from the floor and ceiling to cover it, making any chance of escape impossible. The hall was a typical medieval affair with torches strewn about the hallway, colorful tapestries hanging from the ceiling, and reinforced double doors lining the halls. Kid walked down the hall, watching the doors carefully. He sighed in relief as he reached the end of the hall.
"Well, that wasn't too bad," he said just as he heard all the doors creak open. He turned to see that they were, indeed, open.
From one of the doors emerged a bald man wearing a leather loin cloth and wielding a bloody sabre. His knees were cut open, revealing bloody flesh and bone. His face was covered in black leather straps pulling back his cheeks and eyelids so that it would seem he was smiling and keeping his eyes open. His stomach area, meanwhile, was being held open by hooked straps, revealing the muscles beneath the skin. The man twitched as he lumbered towards Kid with his sabre drawn, every step seeming like another agonizing movement.
"Dear God — what is that?" Kid wondered as the tortured man approached, erratically slashing his sabre about.
"I…don't know. I just... just kill it!" Liz said. Kid shot at the man, causing him to scream through his teeth before falling back and dying in a pool of blood. It's Kishin egg slowly hovered out and was quickly collected by Patty.
"Well that was freaky," Kid said before moving onward.
At the end of the hallway, there was a large, cylindrical area with an empty pillory which Kid went around only to encounter a man with large rivets stuck in his arms and head. The top part of his head was obscured by a metal ring with a bloody hole that exposed his eyes. Kid quickly killed him and collected his soul before progressing.
Beyond the pillory was a wide open area with a doorway at the end. The area contained two cages hanging from the ceiling and chains on the wall, but it also contained two torture devices — both of them were occupied by the leather-strapped men. One was an iron maiden which quickly shut on its own, blood oozing out while the other was an electric chair which turned on at that moment. The man in the chair screamed, arching his back, and struggled to get out of his restraints.
Kid quickly ran past them and into a large room that sloped off after a short distance into a bloody white tiled floor with a human-sized hole in the ground. A bloody corpse lay next to it while skeletons hung from the ceilings.
"I wonder where this leads..." Kid wondered aloud before being pushed by one of the nailed men down the slippery tiles and into the hole, landing on a conveyor belt with a grunt.
Kid stood up and looked around, seeing a row of three more conveyor belts coming out of tunnels. One was occupied by a leather-strapped man. The leather-strapped man, upon seeing Kid, threw his saber at him. Kid dodged while resisting the urge to shoot him. Eventually the conveyor belts ended on a drop which led to another conveyor belt, rolling to a grinder. The leather-strapped man was quickly ground up into a bloody pulp before Kid jumped off the conveyor belt.
On the other side of the grinder was a tube which fed the pulpy gore into a row of huge, blue bowls on another conveyor belt which fed each bowl one at a time. The bowls had purple rims with teddy bear and star designs on the outside. Kid dived between the bowls to reach the other side.
"I wonder what these bowls are for?" Kid asked.
"I bet they're for a biiig baby!" Patty replied.
"Come on, Patty. That'd just be stupid," Liz said.
"Indeed, it would be ridiculous," Kid said.
"Hmph. You don't have to be so mean about it," Patty said, feeling a little offended.
Kid turned and saw a staircase which led up to a door that said EXIT in bright red letters. Kid smiled as he ran up the stairs and out the door. He found himself on a cliff overlooking a path that led to the right. Turning down the path, Kid was suddenly jumped by the troop of monkeys from earlier. Kid quickly shot them all before moving.
"Huh, what do you know?" Liz said in a slightly smug tone.
Kid simply sighed and continued down the path, eventually coming upon a rickety looking bridge that led to the giant doors of a concrete coliseum. Upon approaching it, two giant dischargers near the top of the entrance and — on opposite sides — came to life. Electricity sparked within each of them as the doors opened.
The inside of the coliseum looked like a giant sized version of a child's play area. The walls were purple with repeating designs of a cow jumping over the moon. There was a train track that circled the entire arena, and to the left, some huge building blocks stacked up, a bus and a house in the distance with some plastic people toys. To the right, there was what looked to be a gigantic crib. As Kid entered, a green two car train-one a platform the other the engine-with the jester's skull embedded into the front of the engine passed them by.
"Don't wake the baby!" it said in the jester skull's usual voice before the crib turned and rose straight up, facing Kid and revealing its contents.
Inside the crib was a variety of wires and meters all hooked up to a metal dome which, after a brief spark, brought the colossal baby to life. The baby was at least 30 feet tall and seemed to be stitched together from various bits of flesh. It wore a white diaper and carried a skull-shaped rattle. It was missing its right eye.
"I knew I was right!" Patty said in a self-congratulatory tone.
"I wish you weren't," Kid replied as the baby started running towards him. He shot at it.
The baby continued careening towards Kid, his shots barely seemed to make it wince as it tried to smash him with its rattle. Kid jumped out of the way and ran towards the house. The baby gave chase while Kid continued to pour fire onto it. The baby knocked over the blocks, barely missing Kid before he ran past the toy people and into the house. He managed to catch his breath. The house was pretty empty, save for a plastic couch and chair.
"How the hell are we going to beat that?" Kid asked.
"Oh I know! Let's give him a giant bottle!" Patty suggested as the baby tore off the roof.
"Not helping, Patty!" Liz shouted as the baby started to vomit on them, Kid managed to avoid it but still got a little on his back while he ran out.
Kid stumbled upon the train and quickly got on the platform, the train going with the baby in hot pursuit. Kid kept firing at the baby, but he only caused its head to tilt back slightly while it kept swinging its rattle at him. Soon, they started to approach the crib, the bus from earlier somehow ended up on the tracks, causing the train to derail. Kid managed to jump off in time before the train jackknifed and rolled over, laughing as it crashed into the crib, causing the wires to come loose and flail about, sizzling and crackling like deadly snakes. The baby positioned itself in front of the crib and started throwing giant rattles and safety pins at Kid. Kid dodged and kept shooting at it, causing it to lean back but not quite push it into the wire.
"Damn it. We need something more to push it in…" Kid said.
"Look! What's that?" Patty shouted as Kid looked to see Beelzebub flying down from the sky.
"I was wondering where that went," Kid said.
Beelzebub flew past Kid and slammed into the baby's head, knocking it back and causing it to make contact with the wires. Electricity surged through the baby's body, causing it to jitter and flail before its charred corpse stopped and crumbled to pieces. The baby's green soul rose out of its body as Beelzebub returned to Kid.