Libby Just One More Night
[[FAIR WARNING: Remember oh-so-many-months back when I mentioned these last two installments would be rated "M", and that eventually you'd find out why? This chapter may not be for the faint of heart. No, listen - it's got some er... yep. I dare not elaborate.]]
Before I could do or say anything, she shoved herself to her feet, hand tucking a golden strand behind her ear distractedly. The transformation in her was instantaneous and complete; she went from being apologetic and soft-spoken to defensive and indignant. I didn't need to hear her say anything else to be able to tell, and it was far from comforting.
"Sabrina, settle down, you-"
"No, you- I what?!" she repeated. "Wh-why would I say that, what are you talking about?"
"Well," I said slowly, patiently, "you said if you told me or anyone else you love, you'd lose your powers. Wouldn't that group me among the people you... y'know, love?"
"Ohhh. Well, yeah!" she giggled brightly. "Absolutely, of course I do!"
"Uhhh, thanks." Seriously, suspicious much? Meanwhile, I'm well aware of how drastic some of this issue-pushing is about to get, and you have no idea how horrible I feel about it. I'm not proud of this moment - one of many occasions in which I was more frightened of my own actions than anything else. "But... that's not what we're really talking about here, is it?"
The plastic grin on her face was slowly melting away, revealing sheer panic; it seemed to finally hit her that she'd slipped up, and boy, had she. "Yes it is, of course it is! You're my best friend, and I- I think you're awesome! Why wouldn't I consider you a loved one? Like... like the sister I never had, or something! I heart you, sis!"
That stupid organ in my chest was galloping away, making it hard to talk. In that moment, the last thread holding me back had broken, and I lost all control of myself. "This, the back and forth- it's getting too unbearable to deal with anymore."
Her heavy breathing should have been loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood. "There IS no 'this'!" she hissed, eyes darting to the window and back to me. "What the hell do you mean by-"
"Sabrina, please," I whispered, standing up and pacing toward her; a hunger had possessed me, and concepts like will and judgment fell silent in its wake. She was showing weakness, and the predator in me I had bred so carefully throughout high school yearned to strike at her, consume her - force her to give me what I needed. "Stop railing against it so hard, can't you see that's only making it worse?"
"No!" she moaned quietly, stumbling backwards. "No, no, no, no, no-"
"Believe me," I laughed dementedly, "I know whereof I speak; if you act all defensive and homophobic, it just makes you seem severely closeted. Ask Ophelia!"
"I- I know," she squeaked as her back ran into the wall. "And, and you're right, but-"
Before my wily brain had caught up with the pony in my chest, my hands were on either side of her head, pressing against the wall. The lids around her blue eyes stretched as wide as they could go - wider, maybe - and though they drifted to either side of the room, searching for an easy escape, they mostly focused on how close my face was to hers. Every inch of her alabaster skin was flushed. Her twitching mouth stretched wide in fear, breath coming faster and faster.
"Tell me, Sabrina," I breathed, my lips moving so close to the side of her head that you would've had trouble slipping a piece of paper in there; I felt her shudder, heard her respiration falter as hot air caressed her ear. My brain was desperately clawing, trying to catch up and end this horrible experience, but the animal in me had shut it out - killer instinct had taken over my being. "Is- is this magic? Are powers beyond our control behind this? Because if they aren't, then... then-"
When I drew back enough to see her eyes again, I could see it all there as if she were holding a billboard: the revulsion, the confusion, the panic... and something new. Something that, if I wasn't imagining it, could so easily be mistaken for longing - and I aimed to find out. In my sudden madness, this felt like a downward slope with the ultimate answers waiting for me at the bottom, and now that I was already sliding...
"Who's bewitching who, here?" I said feverishly, my hips pressing against hers, causing her back to arch against the unyielding wall. "Are you doing this to me? Are you making me? Or am I making you?!"
"Libby!" she gasped, her shock mixing with her pleasure - or what I perceived as such.
"Is this a game, or is it real?" I demanded, feeling my one of my bosoms slip between hers, sensing a corresponding shiver of delight and anguish. My head was swimming; I couldn't keep it up forever, not with so much heat building between us. "Tell me!"
But for the moment, the throes of passion were so strong she couldn't speak; one of her hands fell to my waist, her pyjama pantleg grazed my bare one, and her mouth floated toward mine unbidden, clearly acting against the wills that wrestled within her eyes.
"S-Sabrina, you'd better tell me now before it's too late - before I... I can't hold back!" Pearls rolled down her cheeks silently as my lips brushed against her chin, craving nothing more than to inch upward. Desperation had crept into my voice - to my overlapping horror and satisfaction, I knew I wasn't bluffing. "Is it really me wh-who wants this so badly?!"
"YES!" she screamed, and before her final shred of self-control dissolved under my ministrations, she mustered all of her strength...
...and pushed me to the floor. Roughly, too; I could tell my tailbone would bruise, despite the carpeting. Sitting up painfully, I looked up into her face and saw the shame I felt reflected.
"Why, Libby?" she sobbed, utterly and totally bewildered, arms clutching at her stomach as if nauseated as her head shook unceasingly. "Wh-why are you... why are you so damn persistent?"
"But Sabrina, I- I'm-"
As if it were possible, her eyes got yet wider. "Oh my God..."
With a start, I noticed her line of vision wasn't leading to my face... and it also seemed to me that my panties weren't as dry as they were when all this started.
"N-no way," I breathed, not even daring to look for myself; Sabrina's disgusted-yet-allured expression told me everything. I caught movement in her throat that probably meant she was having trouble swallowing. "But- but I couldn't have wanted- not like- but it was just-"
"Finish a sentence!" she shouted, then slapped her hand over her mouth.
"I'm sorry," I said automatically, glancing away from her face... only to see that her chest was definitely trying to poke its way through her pyjama top. "Christ, what did-"
"W-we can't," she moaned helplessly, shaking all over and threatening to faint dead away right there. "I can't do this, I- I can't be this!"
And before I knew what was happening, she was glittering again... and there was nothing. It took me a few seconds to realise that, surprise surprise, I was alone - alone in my humiliation and regret.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
As I stared at the ceiling of Gran's spare bedroom, it all seemed pretty simple. Why wouldn't Sabrina acknowledge that something was there? It seemed like we'd been doing this intricate tango for two years, slowly working up to a grand finale, and yet all she wanted to do was run and hide. Why couldn't she see everything as clearly as I could? I'd be sure and ask her in the morning.
But then, morning actually came - and without the burlap curtain of sheer grief that covered everything the previous day, the situation appeared slightly different.
"What the hell is wrong with me?!" I yelled at my reflection, combing through my sopping wet hair as violently as the pick would allow and breaking so many strands I could almost hear my scalp screaming. "Has somebody been slipping mind-altering drugs into my water again?! 'Oh, baby, stop fighting it! It's only THE MOST WRONG THING EVER TO BE PROPOSED!' Oh my God, I must be out of my fucking tree!"
I had spent almost an hour in the shower, trying to cleanse my skin of the things I had done last night - but of course, all I managed was a pretty thorough sloughing, which I guess was a positive blip amidst this sea of negativity. Yay for skin care!
Why did this have to happen to us? It felt like I was wading through sludge all the time when I thought about Sabrina. She was such a great person that I felt myself drawn to her like no one before or since, and unfortunately that includes Adymm, but... at the same time, that's what scared me. What if I couldn't escape her gravitational pull? What if every time I entered her orbit I got sucked down, crashing into her seas, like I had so many times before? What if this drove a permanent wedge between my boyfriend and I - as if it weren't already trending in that direction? And let's not forget the one detail that made it all so much more daunting than it should have been...
She's not a HE. On the one hand, I wanted to be all forward-thinking and disregard that part, say alternative couples were fine and dandy and that the reason I was so frightened of all this was because she's an old school friend and it would complicate things - which was excruciatingly true! But I couldn't ignore that the feelings I'd been... uh, feeling, were not normal for me. They felt wrong, and ugly, and disgusting, and every time I thought about being with Sabrina in a Biblical sense I wanted to hurl... but at the same time, I kept thinking about it more and more, and the nausea was weakening. Is it insanity for a person to be nothing less than terrified of themselves, of the evolution of their own mind and soul? If so, let me tell you, I was fast approaching Dipsy-Doodle Land.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Unwanted thoughts plagued me all the way to the reading of Gran's will. See, I figured as long as I was there I might as well hear it, and it was an activity I could participate in that wouldn't involve seeing any of my friends and facing the complete wrongness of last night. But to save you from what ended up being a really long, boring thing that didn't distract me at all, I'll tell you straight out what Gran left me.
Her house. Yeah, all of a sudden I was a homeowner! Of course, I'd rather my Gran was with me, but I couldn't help but feel shocked and honoured when I found out. She also left me a savings bond that would mature on my 21st birthday worth - get this - $10,000! Student loans, say goodbye to the slow trickle of Libby Chessler's liquid assets! How was I ever supposed to not feel guilty for forgetting to stop by last December?
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
On the way back to "my" house, Dad seemed to notice I was having some trouble dealing with all of this... though he didn't know there was a whole other issue bumping around in there.
"Libby, honey," he said quietly, "I was wondering if you had made up your mind. About going home yet, that is. Maybe I shouldn't be pushing you, but-"
"No, it's okay. You told me about some kind of legal thing, right?"
"Yes," he said, glancing at me from the steering wheel of the rental car. "It's tomorrow night, and my publisher'll probably have a small aneurism if I don't show up, so... if you need to, we could stay another night, catch a flight in the morning. And we don't necessarily have to take the same 747, you could fly back on your own whenever you want. Like I said before, the ball's in your court."
As I stared out the window at the tall trees and wispy clouds, at a group of junior high kids sitting on the front steps of a convenience store gossiping, I knew I should probably get out ay-sap. Too much had happened recently - way, waaaay too much - and maybe if I gave Sabrina some space we could try one last time to grow back toward a normal, healthy friendship. It was worth it, wasn't it? I honestly believed that, with all my heart.
Nevertheless, I was about to do something I'd been doing a lot of lately.
"I can leave tomorrow."
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~~*~ END Chapter Six