What Did Hugo Weasley Do?
I just heard, is it true?
I just heard and I don't believe it! I don't mind but...
You didn't, did you?
Ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Lol.
That's excellent mate.
How I would've loved to seen Uncle Ron's face,
Well, well, well, welcome to the club cuz.
Who'd have thought. I remember when we used to compare you to Grandpa, all silent and wise like a cactus (a very handsome cactus, obviously). Look at you now, Huey-ewey, you're like a more surprising cactus.
I'm slightly drunk.
Dad just got home, tell me what really happened...!
Molly and Ly!
P.s. Ly, doesn't approve of the excessive use of !
Banned from something at last! You are banned right? that's what you were going for? I'll write to James and we'll rescue you! Then you can tell us how you did it but not everything. No thanks mate, not sure I want to know everything.
Dad just came home and he won't say what happened.
Tell me everything! I don't have a life and thus need to live vicariously through you.
Everyone else is writing letters to you so I thought I would to... how's your food supply? Knock on the wall when you need anything.
Belle wants to know if it's true. I already know that it's true.
I'm always here to talk.
The best cousin in the world;
OMG You didn't!
L. L. L-P.
Why didn't I come to your lame New Year Party?
I hope your parents aren't treating you too badly, but honestly you could've just come and visited me in my office. You're my godson, I would've loved to have caught up. Instead you ran off with the foreign diplomat I was meant to be entertaining over Christmas. Oh well, I hope you had fun at least. He didn't happen to mention anything about backing my vote at the next summit did he? I suppose you were concerned with, ahem, other matters ;) If you need to be granted asylum, I probably can't help, but I could try. Gather evidence on wrongful imprisonment!
P.s. This was me trying to be a bad influence, I've heard that's the custom for godfathers nowadays.
P.p.s. You're banned from the ministry, not that you mind, I think you've seduced your way into the history books.
How is self imposed exile? If you want I can pretend to go into labour and call your Mum away. I don't know how I'd convince your Dad to come to the hospital. If you need anything just write back, Dennis is waiting on me hand and foot and he needs something to do before the baby is born.
Your loving cousin
I would quite like to escape but I can't expect you to do that. If you want you can pretend to go into labour as a test run for how prepared Dennis is but that seems a Lily-like thing to do and quite mean to him. Just remember this baby is as much as an upheaval for him as it is for you and he just wants to help you so that he can acclimatise himself to the new change that's coming into his life. Plus he's probably bored.
I asked Dennis whether he was being upheaved. He said yes and that he had to rely on me for when the upheaval might happen and I was very unpredictable and that this was all very stressful for him. He also said that the amount of preparation you can do for having a baby is ridiculously minuscule to the amount you have to do once you've had the child, so we're already over-prepared, and apparently we're going to view private nurseries in August. You are so good at giving advice, I think we should have guessed about you earlier, Hugo.
Hi Leigh here! Tell us what's going on! Hugo won't write back to us. I blame James.
It's not my fault.
It is James' fault he's a lousy brother.
Whereas I am an awesome brother as is Teddy.
Well Teddy's not technically my brother-
Don't be mean Lily!
I wasn't I love Teddy.
LOLLL, sorry Rose you didn't see Teddy just fell off his chair, anyway me and Holly will write this letter now, so how are things at Casa de la Hugo et Rosa? Write to us with all the gossip! What are Auntie Hermione and Uncle Ron saying to Hugo?
Leigh, Holly, James, Fred, Albus, Belle, Lily, Teds xxxx oh and Roxie
L/H/J/F/A/B/L/T oh and Roxie
Hugo why didn't you tell us this before- 21 times
You can talk to us you know-28 times
Why don't you come downstairs/out of your room-17 times
Ron why don't you talk to him\(again)- 3 times all with hilarious effects
Times I've had to reconfigure the What Would Hugo Weasley Do Game- 16!
Awkward Silence-14 hours 6 minutes and 8 seconds
Hugo has been a legend, Dad has been... Dad, he's run his hands through his hair so many times it is now impossible for him to attempt a comb over. Hugo finally came out (haha) of his room and told them he didn't have a disease and he wasn't dying. When Mum asked if he was worried about anything Hugo told her 'Yes, I didn't get the guy's number'. I think Mum actually thought about tracking the dude down just for something to do.
The Daily Prophet owled for a statement, Mum wouldn't let me send them my response on the best places to have sex in the ministry not even after I asked Kingsley for some advice- he ruled out some of the bathrooms, disturbingly. Dad went to work and tried to be supportive by telling everyone Hugo was gay in the same voice you would if he'd been voted Minister of Magic, Mum sent him to the garage when he came home to think about what he'd done, and then made him go and talk to Hugo. Hugo responded with this line; 'Some say homosexuality in wizards is actually genetic, it's normal for anyone with bi-curious tendencies to react the way you did.' So Mum had to calm Dad down and tell him that Hugo was upset and just playing a joke on him.
Mum actually tried to get Dad to speak to Hugo again today 'man to man' honestly she could have said 'father to son' I was listening through the wall you should've seen Dad bolt when Hugo said 'Actually I have been wondering about gay sex.' Hugo got sent to his room for that one and Dad had to have a lay down.
I've had to sneak Hugo some food once or twice but I've always tried to make it phallic in shape just to keep his spirits up.
Love Rose xxx
Keep us updated as much as you can. Leigh has been laughing so much she had to pee ten times as much as she usually does so we've left her on the loo. Holly's squealing with laughter she cannot sit up.
James and Fred are trying to make the world's longest extendable ear so it can stretch to Surrey, we're not going to burst that bubble for them. I'm trying to be supportive although I'm being regaled with what a fuck up Hugo is, he's just the best one at hiding it. Albus is sitting here looking indifferent but that's his version of interested.
P.s. Sorry for the delay in sending this there was a mad chase to stop Roxie eating a firework
Don't worry about Hugo, he's loving this. He does something like this every ten years so we don't forget about him. It's always something truly crazy, when he was 8 he broke into the Ministry of Magic, we still have the press cuttings we'll send them to you if you like. Where do you think the What Would Hugo Weasley Do game came from?
James, Albus, Lily and whoever else is there.
Oh god it was the funniest thing. Hugo came down for dinner and we were all making polite conversation and then he winked at me and said to Dad 'could you pass the sausages please, I really fancy one.' Dad just had an aneurysm. It was hilarious.
Hugo's created a shit storm here but we're loving it. All our parents are trying to find out our secrets we're trying to convince them Louis is gay too and we're trying to convince them that Hugo's starting a gay cabaret act and that's why Uncle Ron's so annoyed. James trying to convince Aunt Ginny that Albus wanted a sex change she got mad and sent him to his room. We don't think she believed him somehow, he's hiding out here with us as well now.
Love Molly (We are all at Fred's- helping Holly rearrange the furniture for when she moves in)
Mum's going spare she just tried to talk to Hugo about men. The conversation started with 'Now we've got something in common' because really all those shared genes they had nothing in common otherwise? good one Mum. She just stormed in to my room to try and fix me, good thing she was busy ranting it gave Silas time to pull some clothes on and hide in my wardrobe. Too many closet jokes. Can't write. I may leave the room and not tell him when it's safe to come out. All in good fun.
Hugo just knocked on my wall, I'll go get him some food.
I bought these books in Muggle London yesterday, I didn't think you would appreciate me buying them in Flourish and Blotts. I don't know if they'll help, they are about coming to terms with your sexuality but you seem to have a handle on that already.
I wish you'd talk to me Hugo, I would have loved to tell you all this myself instead I had to slip these in your trunk when you weren't looking.
I love you.
Leigh and Holly,
Will you please control your men? Normally I wouldn't ask something so blatantly sexist but I'm sick of them constantly winking at me and making lewd gestures.
Of course we'll get them to stop Huey, but just out of interest what exactly was going on in that lift?
Oh not you too, I thought I could count on you to respect my privacy.
There is nothing, and I mean nothing, private about getting it on in the lift at the New Year's Ministry Party. Holly protests this she thinks a lift is a fine place as long as no one opens the doors. Tough luck about that. I've got to say you went from innocent Hugo to sexy Hugo at the press of a button, literally. What a way to reinvent the phrase 'coming out of the closet'. So who was the dude anyway?
Leigh (& Holly)
I am not discussing this, please. Besides I've got moves you'll never see.
Holly just shouted really loudly 'Smooth, baby!'