What Would Hugo Weasley Do?

Proposing baby names

Leigh-Ly,

Why can't I choose a baby name? I thought of some great ones.

Very unhappy,

Jamie.


Jamie,

For many, many, oh so many reasons, primarily you will pick the most ridiculous name known to man. It will probably be something you and Fred invented.

*shudders*

During my potion induced post labour haze, where all manner of things could happen, I will somehow decide that the name you chose would be a good idea, and our child shall be saddled with a name that will haunt him/her for endless hours and many will bully him/her for it.

Do you really want that?

Love,

Leigh.

P.S. Because I love you and want to make you happy, you are allowed to tell me your suggestions although I will veto them all. I could use a laugh.


Leigh,

That's just mean, and personally I think Humphrey would love his name.

Love Jamie. X


Jamie,

Why have you decided he/she is a boy? It doesn't work by you just deciding what gender it will be. I really don't want to have the 'talk' with the man who got me pregnant...

Leigh.

Xxx


Leigh,

Glad we decided on Humphrey. Here's how I know it's a boy; I love the baby the most, more than anyone else ever (I even like him a bit more than you-because of that one time you punched me in the balls that really hurt). Plus didn't Dumbledore say love was the most powerful magic? (I may have paraphrased, and it may have been my dad or someone else).

So you see, I'm male and so is the baby, give him a pat from me.

Love Jamie.

P.S. Hi Humphrey


Jamie,

We did not decide on Humphrey - Humphrey is not the baby's name. Repeat after me: 'Our baby is not called Humphrey'. You love the baby more than me? I love the baby more than you, then. I thought you might love me the same amount as the baby - but fine whatever. You deserve to be punched in the balls again.

I still don't think you can choose the gender of the baby, no matter how much you paraphrase love from others. I gave the baby a pat, and I'm thinking if it comes out ugly (like you) I may switch our baby, for a pretty girl baby. HaHa.

Leigh.

P.S. Hi daddy! - that wasn't said by Humphrey

P.P.S. Have your other girlfriend have a baby called Humphrey


Leigh,

I repeated it out loud, and Lily asked if the baby was going to be called Humphrey so I told her he was.

I love you forever, don't you remember the song. If you want I can sing it to you again? I just love Humphrey as well. If you want I can try and not like him. Maybe he'll be like Al, that'll make it easier.

Don't punch me again, we may need those baby-making machines if you're baby-swapping plan doesn't work out.

Love Jamie.

Xxxx

P.S. Humphrey can talk? I like being called Daddy :)

P. P. S. What other girlfriend? Is this one of those 'in jokes' that I meant to get but don't?


Dear Leigh,

Congrats on deciding on a name, I know you and James had been droning on about it. Give humphrey a pat from me.

Your future sister,

Lily.


Dear Leigh,

I hope you and my little nephew are doing well. We've just learnt of the name you and your- well James chose, it's an interesting choice. Belle really likes it she says it has a 1960s class. James also seems very happy, therefore I, like any good Uncle (and future Godfather?) am thinking up cute nicknames.

Give my love to Humphrey and your Dad.

ASP and Belle.


Jamie,

Oh Merlin, let's hope our baby doesn't get your brains.

I think it may be a good idea if you remind me why I love you, and seeing as I love it when you sing... Start now and I'll see if I can hear you from here.

I don't want you to not love the baby, but maybe you could pretend to love me as much...? Your brother isn't that bad...he's a bit standoffish and a bit of a sadist, but I'm sure deep down he's a lovely person. He is very smart - though not always in a good way...hmmm...well maybe we'll just have to supervise any baby/uncle time they have.

Stop putting sexual advances in your letters. Just kidding I love them. My baby swapping plan may not be necessary if it's a girl - which it will be.

Love Leigh. Xxx

P.S. Of course, The baby can talk - apart from the fact that he may not have vocal chords, or a mouth yet.

P.P.S. Never mind *rolls eyes*


Lily,

Do not listen to anything your brother says, no matter how much I love him. He is an idiot and will not be allowed any part in naming the baby, to avoid years of therapy.

I gave the baby a pat, he/she would like to see his/her Aunt Lily more...instead of you spending all your time with...he-who-must-not-be-mentioned-for-fear-of-legal-and-social-ramifications.

Your future sister-in-law,

Leigh.


Dear ASP and Belle.

Thanks for your letter, we are doing fine, though one of us has decided to start moving a lot when Mummy is trying to sleep.

Please ignore your brother entirely, anything he says immediately disregard it. The baby does not share a name with a 60 year old man - it does not in fact even have a gender, we want it to be a surprise.

No offense to 60y/o men named Humphrey - the name isn't that bad. I like the idea of cute nicknames (however funny it might be - no tyrant heroes), but you will have to fight Freddie for the position of Godfather.

Hope you and Belle are both well.

Leigh


Dear Leigh,

I usually ignore James, I shall resume that practice immediately.

If you have decided on Fred for Godfather that's fine I won't fight him I'll just wait until he's nearly asleep and then...

-He's just kidding, I'm sure he won't murder Fred- love B

I was kidding.

We're both fine, Belle says the baby moving is a good thing, I don't know how she knows these things.

Love ASP and Belle


Leigh,

This is what I'm singing can you hear me?

'If you leave me now you take away the biggest part of me

Ooooo-oooo-oooooooo-oooo-ooooh

Baby (and Humphrey) please don't go'.

You know my brother plots the ways I could possibly die. When he looks at me at breakfast I'm sure he's just thinking 'James could choke on that'. I think he wants to be Lily's favourite. As for leaving him alone with Humphrey. Never.

We can try for a girl another time or we could just alter the potion that Albus made Belle with.

Jamie.

P.S. well then how does he talk? Ask him see what he says?


Jamie,

I love your singing! More and louder - just to make sure I don't leave you (don't worry - I won't).

I won't let him kill you, and neither will Belle, mainly because he is already Lily's favourite, you are not really that much competition - just kidding, I'm Lily's favourite.

Well, Belle seems like quite a nice creation, maybe she can babysit the baby, whilst Albus creates a baby girl for us. Y'know because I'm not going to become to your sexual advances, and...well...we could steal a baby.

Love you,

Leigh

P.S. I asked he/she is busy sorting out child poverty, and thinks we should stop arguing about his/her name, and just let he/she decide when it's born.


Dear Leigh,

My head hurts it went right through my wall. I was just standing by my window singing to you, then all of a sudden Albus, Belle, Mum, Dad, Lily and Teddy (didn't even know he was here) marched into my room and threw silencing spells at me. I went flying backwards into the picture of me and Fred dressed as hammocks.

Do you think they didn't like the song?

Jamie xxxx


Rose,

You do know it's not nice to leave your fiance in your closet whilst you talk about mentally scarring girl stuff with your mother?

Silas


Silas,

Oh my bad. You're my first fiance and I don't have all the etiquette down yet.

Rose


Rose,

I told you I wanted to come over and ask your Father for your hand in marriage if I come over again today will you resist the temptation of my body? You may have to avert your eyes I'm just that hot.

Silas


Silas,

Just leave me be. We both know this 'relationship' is going to crash and burn.

Rose


Rose

I doubt we'll be that lucky,

Is tonight ok?

Silas


Rose?

Why didn't you reply?

Silas


Rose?

Can I see you tonight?

Si


Rose,

I promise to not talk at all and just screw you.

Silas


Silas,

I'm not saying no, I'm simply suggesting you don't ask my parents permission. I don't think they'll be as adaptable to the concept.

Rose (I'm keeping my name)


Rose (like hell you are),

I guess this means you'll have to give in to me visiting you in the holidays.

What do you think of the Cotswolds? I was going to ask you but your tongue, oh Merlin, let's celebrate tonight!

Silas


Silas,

Celebrate what? The Cotswolds are fine, as long as you're apparating away from them. And yes, you can ask permission this later this week, you'll probably be let in on some family secrets. They may outweigh the sex.

Rose


Rose,

You realise I've finally got you talking right? And all I had to do was fuck you into maybe marrying me. It's like we're dating.

Silas.


Silas,

We're not dating I just agreed to marry you that is all. Just because I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you does not mean I like you.

Rose


Harry,

A young hoodlum just appeared and apparently Rose is getting married. When did my children grow up?

Fancy a drink?

Ron


Ron

Sure I'll meet you at the Hog's Head after I finish work. What's a hoodlum?

Harry


Harry.

A distasteful word for the fact my son-in-law-to-be is richer than me, who the fuck needs a house in the Cotswolds?

Ron.



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