What Would Hugo Weasley Do?

By Collaborawesome

Humor / Romance

Blue Balls

Lucy,

I'm sorry I was short with you last night. I should have listened. Do you want to meet up and talk today? I have a free afternoon.

Sorry again,

Hugo.


Hugo,

Don't worry about it, Huey. I shouldn't have barged into the boys dorms after hours and woken you up just to tell you that Lorcan had seen me following him to charms. I was overreacting when I stormed out I was just embarrassed at what you said. Are you ok?

Lucy.


Luce,

Thanks, I still shouldn't have told you to 'get over it', I was just really tired.

Hugo.


Huey,

No, you were right, even when you are half asleep and grumpy your advice is spot on; I can't let these little set backs get me down, Lorcan and I are meant to be together.

Anyway, I've got to get up to the Owlery Tower, one of my scouts saw Lorcan up there.

Lucy

x


Silas,

Take your hand off my thigh before I start severing other parts of your anatomy off.

R. Weasley


Rosie,

Why so angry? It's not like I was fingering you in class... I know you hate it when I distract you.

I thought you'd be in a good mood after what we did at lunch.

Silas.


Silas,

Firstly, do not call me Rosie, my Father calls me Rosie.

Secondly, am I supposed to thank-you for not acting inappropriately? We are in class, dipshit, take notes.

Thirdly, no I'm not in a good mood, I'm all pent up, and I can't concentrate.

Rose.


Rose,

I am taking notes, you are the one that's not. Maybe it was my plan all along, to distract you, so I can get better grades than you - I am a Slytherin after all.

How about a do over after class? We do have a free period.

Silas.


Silas,

Yes. You need the practice.

Rose.

P.S. I do like your hand on my leg.


Silas!

Not that far up my leg.

Rose ;)


Dear Lily,

As you are clearly not taking notes again would you like to write to me?

Love your favourite cousin, Molly. xx

Sure, why not? As long as we don't mention the T-word. How're things with you Molly?

Things are good with me thank you, apart from you being unhappy obviously, but otherwise I'm good.

and Ly?

Oh, he's good too, you know Ly he's easy to please, particularly if I'm on top.

Molly Weasley, what are you telling me? you little slut!

At least we had the decency to lose our virginities in a bed like NORMAL people.

Well that was uncalled for.

Sorry, I'm sure vegetables are very romantic.

Oh, shut it. So how was it?

It was nice.

Nice?! Is he gay?


Dear Molly Weasley

I am so very sorry that I called your boyfriend gay, now please continue to tell me about your experience of the two of you bumping uglies. Oh, that makes me sound like a perv.

Yours Sincerely

Lily Luna Potter the Unbelievably Magnificent


Dear Lily Luna Potter the believably non-magnificent,

Leave my sex life alone it was absolutely fine until you came along, alright there was one weird thing but apart from that it was awesome.

Molly Weasley


Molly,

What was weird? Does he not have a penis or something?

Lily


Lily,

Oh Merlin. I am never talking to you again.

Molly


Molly,

Please talk to me.

LLP

Molly,

Please, please, please, pease, peas, pea, pleeee, plee!

Lily!

Molly,

You know I might be able to help, I have had sex. Ok, it was in a vegetable patch, and then against a wall but still...

Lily.


Lily,

Fine I'll tell you.

It was all going lovely and romantic, how it does usually, but obviously this time we were taking things a bit further. When we were both completely naked and getting down to it, I suddenly realised if we were to be caught then there was no hiding what we were doing. It gave me this weird feeling that- oh merlin I can't believe I'm writing this- I was being watched, and that somehow my Dad knew I was being defiled.

I mean my Dad knows all, he's in the business of intelligence, well ministry intelligence but I just feel like he knew even though he's miles away..

Molly.


Molly,

Sorry, didn't mean to laugh. Did you tell Lysander this?

Lily


Lily,

Of course not, I want a boyfriend not a pile of goo.

Molly


Sander-bro,

Heard you got laid, eventually. Well done. It was kind of an embarrassment having you around, I mean with some people you can just tell they are a virgin. Seriously though bro, good job nailing that chick.

Lor.


Lorcan,

How the fudge did you find out I had sex with Molly?

Lysander


Ly,

Didn't! Thanks for the confirmation. I had an inkling; as a well-bedded fellow I can tell a 'just got laid' grin a mile off and when you came down for breakfast the other day you were practically shouting 'I just had sex, all hail the new sex god of Hogwarts'

Lor.


Lorcan

I was shouting no such thing, you're such an arse.

Ly


Ly,

So was it really kinky? I always imagined her kinky, you know what they say; it's always the quiet ones.

Lorc.


Dear Lysander,

Your brother just came to find me and asked me to change his testicles back to their normal colour, which I did not mind doing at all, he has yet to realise my new penchant for men. He did mention though that it was your fault he literally had blue balls. May I ask why?

Hugo.


Hugo,

He deserved it.

Lysander.


Hey Leigh,

Can I see you tonight? I want to check on Humphrey.

Love Jamie xx x


Jamie,

Check on him how, exactly? I can't lose him when he's growing inside me.

And for the last time, his name isn't Humphrey.

Leigh


Leigh,

I just like to tell him things, so he realises I'm not as stupid as you tell him I am.

And I want to name him Humphrey after my Dad.

Jamie,


Jamie,

Oh Merlin - I don't think talking to him will help. Your Dad's name is Harry? How can you not know that.

L. X


Leigh,

How am I meant to know, I don't call him Humphrey or Harry, I call him Dad.

Jamie.


Jamie,

I'll get my Dad to give me a pass to see you - there's obviously a lot to explain and I've missed you.

Leigh x


Leigh,

I win! Wahoo!

Jamie xx

P.s. I miss you too


Jamie,

You don't win and I've really missed you

Leigh xx


Leigh,

Ohh, you've really missed me, does that mean nudge nudge wink ;) wink? Can we even do that with Humphrey in the way?

James x


Jamie,

You know nothing of a woman's body do you? Besides I'm not having sex with you for at least the next six months, don't you want some of this whilst you can?

Leigh x


Leigh,

Why six months? Humphrey is going to be born in May that's less than 3 months away I counted on my fingers!

Jamie


Jamie,

Yes but for at least a month I will be disgusted by you and by the fact I just passed another live being out of me.

Leigh xx


Leigh,

Don't talk about it, it's like being back in that ante-natal class when that awful healer was talking about the miracle of birth and then told me off for not being married to you, like it was my fault?- oh Merlin- I can't think about it, why did you make me go to that thing?

James


James,

I'm sorry, would it cheer you up to know Humphrey's real name?

Leigh


Leigh

He's changed it already? Tell him he can't, you said I can't change mine unless I live with it for a week and sew all my own Quidditch robes.

James


Jamie,

He's called Augustus after my great-grandmother. I just told Dad and he says I can come see you now.

Leigh


Louis,

Have you noticed that one side of your head is bald?

Hugo


Hugo,

Of course I had, what do you take me for?

Louis


Louis,

You had absolutely no idea did you?

Hugo


Huey,

None whatsoever, I thought one side of my head felt colder but I thought I was coming down of a bad smoke.

Lou.


Louis,

So you have no explanation?

Hugo


Hugo,

You don't really think I'd shave half my head and then not have an explanation, do you? Because If you do you'd be wrong. I'm pretty sure I bet a rather attractive Ravenclaw, who was very impressed on how laid back I was, that I could perform any charm she wished so completely half-arsed so that it would only have half the effect.

Louis


Louis Weasley,

I have no idea whether you're a genius or a fool. Oh wait, I've just worked it out. You're a fool, Louis Weasley, a beautiful fool.

Hugo.


Hey Ted,

How're things? Vic's really been worried ever since you left on Sunday night. Both of the girls are asleep right now so I just wanted you to know that you could write to me whilst Vic is busy with Izzy.

Dennis


Hey Dennis,

Things are stressful, I thought breaking up with Lily, would help, make things go back to normal, now everyone seems to hate me. Hugo wrote an excellent essay on how werewolves are great, but their children are evil and go around breaking young girls hearts. I still had to give him an E. I've seen Lily twice, once in the Great Hall and once on the way to lessons she didn't look at me either time.

Man, I don't know what to do - I need a time turner or something.

Hope the girls are doing well.

Teddy.


Ted,

The Weasley-Potter family, are an undisputed force, if you have one of them against you, you have all of them. Until Lily forgives you and moves on, or you sort out whatever the problem was. You're going to be in a kind of exile.

Things need to change, you have to teach them and you don't want to lose your job, as well as your family.

The girls are fine, Isolde is perfect, and Victoire's mapped out a new fitness regime, to get her body back - I don't know what she sees but to me it's the same. Everytime she talks about it, she glares at my middle aged spread, I think the fitness regime may actually be for me.

Dennis


Dennis,

I know, I want them back and I want Lily, I want it to be Lily and I and everyone to celebrate us and encourage our relationship - I just need a way to make that happen.

With Victoire, it's best just to go along with it, maybe a run to the pub..?

Teddy.


Lily,

I know I shouldn't open other people's letters and steal them and send them to others, but that's what being married is all about.

So just read the letter enclosed and then send it back, so Dennis doesn't wonder why Teddy didn't reply.

Victoire


Vic,

Here's the letter back, hope it didn't go amiss.

Lily.


Lily,

...and? Tell me you felt something, he wants you back... and I know you didn't stop loving him.

Victoire.

P.S. Isolde gurgled something whilst I wrote this - pretty sure it was 'Auntie Lily loves Uncle Teddy'


Dear Fred,

Leigh said Holly was upset? Did you get her pregnant?

James


James,

No I didn't. I know she's upset, I don't really know what to do.

Fred


Fred

Uh-oh, Hollsy is never upset. What happened?

James

PS Can it be fixed with some dungbombs and a pygmy puff


James,

We went to visit her parents.

Fred

P.S. I don't think it can


Fred

Bugger. Bollocks. Shit.

James


James

I love her. I don't know how she deals with it, they are in complete denial. Every time she mentions anything magical, they just shut her down, her dad even said she'll 'grow out of this circus stuff'.

It's so fucked up

Fred


Fred

I know man, I know families are all weird in their own way and that. But your kid is a witch, nothing wrong with it, in fact she's a really good one. How can you not be proud, or accept it? She's one strong girl for just carrying on.

James


James

I'm proud of her, and love her, but my love can never cancel out the absence of her parents. I so wish it did.

Fred


Fred

You'd never think she was going through all this shit, Uncle Neville said she had a difficult home life and to look out for her before first year, but I thought she'd just be scared of ghosts or something.

Well. She's ours now, we're her family.

James


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