What Would Hugo Weasley Do?

By Collaborawesome

Humor / Romance

What Would Belle Do?

Dear All,

When writing couple names, please stop referring to me as Helevator. It implies I got off with an elevator. I did not, I got off with someone inside of an elevator.

Love Hugo


Dear Hugo

Ahah, you admit it.

James


James

Never denied it,

Helevator


Dear Mum,

I hope you are well, I'm glad that I'm going to be seeing you soon. One thing, I have a boyfriend, Lysander Scamander, and we've been dating for a couple of months now. I want to introduce him to you and Daddy but I'm worried about how Daddy will react. There's nothing wrong with Lysander he's perfect, and normal and you'll love him. However, I think Daddy knows about Lorcan, his identical twin, who Lucy stalks. I don't know how Daddy will react.

See you at Easter.

Love Molly.


Vic,

I've just found out we have a holiday in three days or three weeks. I can't remember how long for or why.

I suppose was feeling sad, that it's just the two of us. Anyway I guess I'll see you at the station.

Louis


Lou,

Thank you for your letter, I can't pick you up from the station for your Spring Break, sorry. Mum and Dad will pick you up. You can come over and visit Isolde, Dennis and I anytime.

Please don't feel sad.

Victoire.


Vic,

We have parents? I thought I was an orphan. Thanks.

Lou.


Louis,

I heard from Victoire that you thought your Mother and I were dead. I don't know why you thought this, or how long you believed this, but I hope this letter convinces you that we're not.

For Merlin's sake Louis, what do they teach you there? That if you don't hear from your parents every five minutes we just drop out of existence, it's probably a good idea you are coming home mid-term. You need to get out of that place, I told your mother it wasn't right for someone like you.

Dad.


Lou-Lou,

My poor bebe, I am so sorry, we have not forgotten you. Do not cry out my sweet one, for the only tears that you shed should be happy. Your Papa says that school has poisoned your thoughts, but he does not understand like I do.

He thinks that you seek attention but I know you are strong, you are my brave little boy. You were just confused, you missed us so, and I missed you, I miss you so much. I feel that I hardly get to see you, and now to see you for Spring, it is a blessing. Victoire told us you would be at the station with your cousins, we will see you soon, my little flower.

Lots of love

Mama.


James,

How about we spend half the time at your place and half the time at my Great-Grandmothers?

Leigh


Leigh,

She scares me, why don't we have our own place yet? Can't we just stay at the burrow?

Jamie


James,

The baby will be with me until I leave school and you'll be playing Quidditch around the world we don't need a place for a few months.

I suppose I could visit the burrow.

Gosh why can't I just have this baby already?

Leigh


Leigh,

I don't know, can you have the baby? My Mum said babies just arrive when they want to.

Jamie.


Dear Fred,

We'd be delighted to see Holly again, she's such a lovely girl.

We are very excited that you'll be staying with us over the break.

If we could make one request, that you don't bring anything too loud from the shop.

Last year we enjoyed the Squealing Squealers and the Wild Winders, but this year I don't know if my heart can take grabbing thin air and having it turn into a circus trick.

However if you could bring some more clingfilm, I reckon we could charm it to cover James doorway so that he just bounces off it. I love muggle pranks!

Lots of Love,

Grandpa.


Mother, Father,

I'm not spending the Easter holiday with you, not that you would notice unless you felt the urge to perform a head count. Belle simply insisted I inform you.

ASP


Albus,

Apologise immediately to your father and I, we both love you very much, we have no idea where you get this 'middle child' complex from. We do not ignore you, as you seem to suggest in all of your letters. Will you at least tell us if you are spending the break at Hogwarts or somewhere else?

Mum.


Hi Ginny,

Albus wants to let you know that he'll be spending the break at my home. My parents wrote to invite him, as they wanted to get to know him. I hope that's all okay.

All my best,

Belle


Dear Belle,

How lovely to hear from you, I hope you and Albus enjoy your break.

Thank you for writing to us.

Ginny and Harry.


Dear Teddy,

My Mum and Dad are away over spring break, so I will be spending my time at the burrow, but I'd really like to see you, we all would, outside of class, I mean, obviously.

If you can make it.

Love Lily.


Hi Lily,

Of course I'll come to the burrow, I didn't know Ginny and Harry were out of of town, they didn't mention that to Albus when they wrote to him.

Teddy.


Teddy,

I've asked if you can stay and Grandma said yes, I hope that's ok.

They haven't told Albus that they're going to the Bahamas, but as soon as they'd got rid of him they'd booked. After all one child safe is all the assurance they need to leave the country.

Love Lily.


Dear Mum and Daddy

I am very much enjoying my stay in the Cotswolds, the cottage has a lovely view and is just a short walk from the nearest village, the perfect compromise of seclusion and isolation. I think you would like it here if you came to visit. Silas and I have been on some lovely walks and are enjoying the surrounding area, we walked this route (see the front of the postcard). Silas said we were going to see some RHINOS tomorrow apparently they are the muggle version of Erumpents? I don't know whether to believe him.

Hope you are well.

Rosie xx


Dear Hugo,

I hope you are enjoying your Spring Break with Mum and Daddy. I can say with certainty that I'm having a better time than you, but I won't rub it in. Don't tell Silas but the Cotswolds, even though some may say they are boring (I may have) they're not so bad. In fact it's really lovely here, the air is like pure-oxygen-crack, it's so nice. I wake up in the morning and we're on top of probably the only hill here and it's like eye-heroin you can't get enough of these views. I didn't know just walking around holding hands could ALMOST be as good as sex. Ok, different type of good. I may just marry Silas for this house.

Seriously this is one hell of a way to woo a girl, I'm arse-over-tits for this guy, Hugo. It feels very nice to be loved. I chose these postcards specially for you, I had to spellotape two together, but the first one, I had a feeling you would particularly enjoy.

I don't wish you were here, I would have to kick you out of the house.

Lots of Love, Rose xx


Hi Belle,

Happy Easter. I hope you are having a nice time. Even though you're with my brother, but apparently you dig that so whatevs. Anyway Grandmum misses him so I said as I was writing to you anyway I send these along. I hope Albus isn't being too weird, he doesn't really know how to act around people, if you want I can make up a family emergency, all you need to do is ask.

Lots of love,

Lily (your favourite Potter, seriously why Albus?).


Hi Lily,

Thanks for your letter, we're actually having a lovely time here. I'll be honest, Albus is not being Albus at all. I think he's trying to create a 'good impression' but I don't know who taught him because he is doing the oddest things ever. It's frigging hilarious.

Love Belle.


Belle,

Lily showed us your letter, it's so boring here, especially as we don't have Rose, usually we spike her drink and she tells everyone about her 'romantic encounters'. We insist on details of your Easter break, ASAP

Love Hugo. And, James and Leigh (or Lames), Victoire, and LilTed (We're owning that now)


Hi Hugo and everyone else?,

It started kinda normal, he was just overly polite and started saying all the cliche things 'You have a lovely home' etc. I didn't really notice until he smiled at my sister. God, was it creepy, I don't know exactly what happened but she burst into tears.

My Mum was really embarrassed and said that my sister didn't like new people. Which is a total lie, she usually clings on to them, my sister would be so easy to kidnap, but apparently my Mum wants to impress Albus almost as much as he wants to impress her. Gosh, Parents!

I don't know what relationship he was trying to form with my Dad but we left them alone, so my Dad could do the whole 'If you hurt my daughter…" and now they may elope. Albus may have cursed him, imperio'd him, I don't know but I am competing for attention.

So basically my Dad has a crush on Albus, my sister is scared to death of him and my Mum wants to adopt him.

I'm generally confused.

Love Belle


Hi Belle,

James says that we're happy for you to have him, but Lucy says that's mean. She and Molly are with us now, so we just had to tell them. Louis also came to stay, we're all at the Burrow and we've been playing WWHWD? the theme is 'Meeting the Parents'. We'd so love to be flies on the wall, where you are.

I just had to explain that phrase to Fred, he says I should change it to paintings on the wall, as they can talk.

Love Holly. And the rest of the gang.


Dear Frolly, Lames, LilTed, Vicness, MySander (if he's there too), Luce, Hugo, Louis, and Roxie (I know she can't read yet),

I have a new What Would Hugo Weasley do? This is the scenario, you are at dinner with your boyfriend, your little sister (covered in spaghetti, if that helps), and your parents. When your Father asks your boyfriend if he is a homosexual.

Personally, I didn't know which way to take this;

A) My Father is hitting on my boyfriend.

B) My Father doesn't think I'm worthy of Albus Potter, and that he must be my gay friend.

C) My Father thinks I'm male

I won't tell you the solution, I'll let you work it out for yourselves.

Love Belle


Hi Belle,

Thank you very much for your scenario, I referee'd as obviously I don't get to play my own game. We did get into a fight quite early on, as I would not award Mysander points for recognising that my future boyfriend would indeed be homosexual. The game after all is what I would do if I was in your situation, even if it wouldn't be applicable to me.

We took your situation with the full seriousness it deserved, firstly we took a poll, voting on whether A, B or C, as the most likely reason for the question being asked.

A-8

B-4

C-2 (Roxie was bribed to go towards this answer)

We came up with some good solutions, Frolly thought an open display of affection would cement your relationship status.

Lucy thinks you should observe closely and if given the opportunity, take out the competition. This answer did not win.

Vicness, thought as you were at dinner it would be a good time to get things out in the open, convince your sister not to be scared and this answer came second.

Surprisingly it was LilTed, not necessarily known for their situation handling skills who gave me the best answer.

I'm intrigued to ask how you handled the situation,

Love,

Hugo


Dear Hugo, Roxie, Mysander, Lucy, Frolly, Vicness, Lames, Louis, and LilTed,

To be honest I didn't really handle it as I was gaping like a Dilbertfilly out of water. When I pulled myself together and my sister out of her spaghetti, she was similarly shocked, or more likely entranced by her noodles. I said rather leeringly "You wouldn't have asked that question last night," and then blushed the same colour as a Venomous Tentacular because really I don't know what possessed me to say such a thing. I think I may have even winked. Albus had the good grace to look embarrassed and a little disgusted at his sex fiend of a girlfriend. I blame him entirely he shouldn't have been flirting with my Dad to begin with.

My parents have moved us into different rooms, so I'm now with my Spaghetti sister, I don't know why we were in the same room to begin with, my parents are too trusting.

Love Belle.


Dear Belle,

Funnily enough, that was LilTed's suggestion, well they said 'make your relationship status clear' but I suppose you took their advice one way or another.

The Potters want me to insist that you blame Albus wholeheartedly, so, from all of us to you;

It's Albus fault, the scoundrel!

Love (in Alphabetical /order of importance) Lily, Hugo, Mysander, Leigh, Holly, James, Fred, Teddy, VicNess (We're too grown up to mind where our name comes), Lucy (lose the battle, win the war), Louis (He asked me to write his name for him), Roxie (she couldn't fight over the quill poor thing).


James,

I have concerns, I was reading in the baby book that your Aunt Hermione got us about overdue babies and what to do to induce labour - what if none of it works? What do I do then, what if the baby stays in so long, my abdomen explodes and it just like walks out...

Freaking out,

Leigh


Leigh,

That would be so cool. If you wait long enough it'll have been potty trained, and can feed itself and do our taxes and everything.

Jamie


James.

Oh yeah, I'll be really pleased with that, y'know what with my insides splattered all over the walls.

I don't think you are taking me seriously.

Leigh


Leigh,

I don't take anything seriously, speed limits, splattered insides, contraception.

I thought you knew this when we started dating?

James


James,

That's it, I'm finding someone else, someone who takes me seriously. Someone whose child hasn't eaten my ankles. Seriously they are not there anymore and I'm hungry all the time.

Leigh


Leigh,

I think you may be putting two and two together and getting the giant squid. But I believe you anyway - do you want me to come over tonight and we can look for your feet - first stop our child's stomach.

Love James


James,

That sounds lovely I've decided I will keep you after all.

Leigh.


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