What Would Hugo Weasley Do?

By Collaborawesome

Humor / Romance

Welcome to the world Gus!

Hey Mate,

Can you tell coach I'm not coming to practice today because Leigh is having pretend contractions. I don't really understand but apparently you have fake ones before the real ones. I would tell coach myself but she scares me.

Thanks.

James.


Dear Teddy,

I was standing in the Post Office when I got the patronus about Leigh.

May have totally ruined their service forever.

Or possibly now be seen as a deity due to the argument I was having, I'll tell you about it another time.

Fred


Dear Holly,

Sorry in advance about terrifying your parents with the flaming bird. Mango's not looking her best at the moment so stroke her left wing if you want to send a message back.

I'd really like it if you could come over.

Dad said he'd apparate you in.

Labour is 1) painful and 2) dull.

There's a healer in green robes hovering in the corner probably because I told him to stay the fuck away and Harry told him not to leave my side. I think he's like chief of the wizarding health or something.

James is completely unhelpful he keeps picking things up and then wandering off to find out what they do. Then he'll come back and tell me all the fascinating things he's discovered. I don't know where everyone else is. Mum keeps saying they are coming and then she and Ginny run off somewhere, to get something or tell someone, or reminisce about their horrible labours.

Leigh


Leigh-honey,

Mango just gave my parents more proof that I am being haunted by the devil. Don't worry about it though, I am only here a few more days then I'm staying with George and Angelina for the rest of the break, oh and my Freddy-bear. I can swing by the shop and get someone to apparate me to Mungos pronto, be they family, friend, customer or stranger, whoever looks willing.

By the way I've bought Gus seven Pygmy puffs but I'm fostering them all for him at the moment because I'm an excellent G-M and they are Adorbs.

Seriously though, don't you worry gurlfriend. .

Godmumma Holly to the Rescue.

P.S. Mango is looking rough.


Dear Holly,

You need to get here ASAP as we are seriously in need of some comic relief. Healers keep shoving their wands up you know where (which cannot be sanitary). My mum keeps asking what the pressure is like, in front of people! I have to live with these people for the rest of my life! It's embarrassing! Now I know why women used to just go off and find a cave to give birth.

James is being slightly more supportive he's crushed every bone in my hand squeezing it so hard and he's kind of sweating like a lot.

Plus he keeps shouting at the man in the green robes, who might not even know how to deliver babies. I think Harry just asked for the most qualified person. My great-grandma arrived and brought up the fact we're not married, she doesn't approve of Jamie's defence 'well, I did ask'. So I'm trying to distract myself by urging you to Hurry Up! But I'm a little distracted by all the pain and people.

Love Leigh


Leigh,

I hope you and Gus are well, Mum sent me some pictures. I'm sorry I couldn't be there to support you and James but nobody told me not even Hugo. I've already sent him a postcard about it, apparently I didn't fit in or something. Just incase no one is keeping you up to date with the gossip, LilTed is a thing. I know I was shocked to apparently it happened during Gus's arrival. Another, much lesser, reason I was annoyed not to be told. It was probably all Hugo's fault but apparently things got deep, I'm sure you and James out of wedlock got tossed around and that thing we never talk about, well, Victoire had to split up Harry and Teddy again although no one got punched. Luckily James announced little Gus and Lily jumped Teddy, I don't know what made Harry go back on his 'no dating my daughter' stance. Do you? They seemed all loved up, that's what my sources tell me. I haven't floo'd everyone though.

We'll be back before school and we're dying to see you both.

Love and best wishes Rose and Silas.

Leigh,

We're sorry you missed it, we apologise profusely (note the use of 'we'). So as your congratulations, you made it through labour and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, we shall chronicle the events of the waiting room take 2.

It was a warm may evening, and a fair maiden was yelling from a white hospital room

- Teddy, what are you doing?

- Making it more dramatic.

- Don't

- Sorry

So whilst you were 'yelling' as Teddy so delicately puts it, I sent a patronus to everyone because you know James gets distracted and would probably wind up telling a Muggle in Alberquerque. Everyone arrives, and gathers in the waiting room, and as luck/Hugo would have it, Teddy and I are standing next to each other, and as you take forever to give birth, there's a lot of standing, sitting, getting tea, more standing and sitting, Fred suggesting a game of exploding snap, sitting and finally we are standing, when James comes in and says, it's a baby, and then just smiles like an delusional clown. Everyone embraces and it's all really happy. Teddy and I stare at each other for a moment and then kiss it's really hot, she does this thing Teddy! Victoire stands in front of us using Izzy as a shield and whilst everyone screams no, My hair turns pink, and Dad finds it in himself not to be a jerk and let us date. She missed out all the parts about death threats and me heroically saying I don't care, I love her. Then we went home and had sex.

Lots of love

Teddy and Lily


Leigh,

Ok so here's what actually happened; after Fred suggested a game of exploding snap, (which I was totally up for, bee-tee-dubs) everyone was like noooo, boooh, let's wait around some more whilst Lee-lee takes 5-ever to give birth. On that note, you were just popping out a baby, what the frigg took so long?

Getting to the good part...

So, Huey-McLovely, said 'I think this would go faster if we talked about the issues holding us back as a family'

To which I was like 'Huh? what? I don't speak Psycho-babble? TRANSLATION: Let's talk about Lily and Teddy and them, uhhh, *cough* brownchickenbrowncow *cough*.

I thought no one would say anything, boy, was I wrong.

Then in the middle of it all you decided to FINALLY have Gus, so James came and told us.

Lily and Teddy start making out, as per the use. Vic got all sassy which totally ruined Teddy's Romeo speech, no one was listening, mind.

Give my love to Gussy-tus

Holly XXXXXXXX


Leigh,

How are you? How is Gus? How is James? Is he being at all helpful do you want us to jinx him? By us I mean me and Lysander or as we are now being referred to Mysander (I quite like it, don't tell anyone though, I don't want to be defined by my boyfriend, but it's better than Helevator).

I'm also sending you a fruit basket, for some reason the people in this family don't understand that fruit does not need to be encased in pastry.

I know Lily may have told you a little about what happened in the waiting room, but here's a brief summary, Lily and Teddy are all over each other, I thought Uncle Harry was going to physically separate them and Albus did begin to list caves where they could make out. In a bit too much detail, is Belle into Splunking or something? When James came out and told us it was a boy, I mean you should have seen his face, it was adorable. I want Lysander to look like that when I have babies, just ultimate jubilation put it'll be more rocking back and forth in a corner with a calculator screaming we can't afford this. Then everyone is hugging and kissing and LilTed begin to make out, as per the use. Harry sort of clears his throat and Teddy puts her down. Harry gives this little speech, as to say I've told you about this before but you are both ridiculously stubborn and I can't help the inevitable. Ginny chimed in and said that she loved them both equally and they best hope this works out because we can't unsee them together. Hugo looked delighted, as did most of us.

Lily and Teddy were shocked I mean it is a bit of a 360, but Uncle Harry is a diplomat and you can't fight change. They just both look really happy when they look at each other, I was at the Potters yesterday and they were smiling at each other whilst peeling potatoes. I mean come on, they are so adorable. I'm so happy for them.

Lots of love to you and Gus,

Molly.


My Leigh,

I miss you terribly. I understand Gus had to come out of you sometime or you'd explode but I didn't realise I wouldn't be able to see you for weeks and months, it's been almost a year. Technically, a day and a half but it feels like forever.

What is with all the security around you? I can't get in to see you, they won't let me. I did protest made a placard out of a leaflet on contraception but they threatened to call the Magical Law Enforcement Team so I scadadalled with attitude. I came back today and told them I was your sister, and they didn't believe me - something about our different appearances, I mean I'm black not an alien so I called them racist and prejudice and they got a little offended and banned me from the premises (technically again). I thought it would be best just to write and I'll come visit you as soon as they release you from this medical prison they call a maternity hospital.

Just tell me, how you are and how little Gus is?

Love you both loads and loads,

Miss you bestie,

Holly

P.S. I'm sneaking this in with James and I would also like pictures.


Holly,

I miss you too. I'm sorry they won't let you in, I'm only allowed immediate family as a reporter tried to sneak in and take pictures of Gus and I, so James got angry and Harry went into full protect mode. It is nice to have a little peace but I get lonely, and I miss you loads.

Gus is well, he's so happy, I mean he cries obviously but most the time he just sort of stares and smiles in his own obfuscate manner. He reminds me so much of James and when they are together, it's slightly worrying, it's like they have their own little team.

As for me, I knew my body wouldn't just revert back to its sexiness but seriously what in Merlin's name, there is fat in weird places and bits of me I didn't know could be so sore, and my skin is like memory foam, and all the nurses have manhandled my boobs to help me feed Gus.

Let me tell you, breast feeding isn't the beautiful bonding activity I imagine it to be, it hurts, and my boobs are volatile and Gus only likes one of them, which I cried about for like three hours, don't know why, all my weirdness I'm blaming on hormones.

So, it's perfect I love him so much and it's just 'eeeee' even all the weird craziness of the last couple days can't dampen my mood, but I would like to be at home and not have someone asking about my fanny in so much detail.

Miss you, what's going on in the outside world? Particularly in the potter-weasley brood, by which I mean potter, and one potter in particular. Tell all!

Lots of love,

Gus (such a demanding baby, insisted on his name being first) and Leigh

P.S. Have included a treacle tart load of pictures, you can make a story book out of them.


Dear Molly,

I got back home safely and I just wanted to write to you I have to say it is exhausting being around your family. Everyone is either kissing or threatening to kill one another, I don't understand how you cope with all the drama. Why can't somebody just suggest a nice walk rather than a duel to the death?

Of course I relish it all for a moment without you is misery.

Much love,

Lysander. Xxx


~The Daily Prophet~

Augustus Humphrey Potter

born 11th May, happy and healthy

to proud, tired, newly-betrothed parents

James Potter and Leigh Longbottom


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