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What Would Hugo Weasley Do?

By Collaborawesome

Humor / Romance

The ruse is over

Hi Molly,

Just had a chat to Hugo, he was very interested to see you on the map, with your dot merged with my boyfriend's dot, well the person who everyone thinks is my boyfriend. Then Hugo fixed me with a look, you know his look, and asked how Teddy was.

Could you and Lysander maybe try and keep things you know...discreet? So not to disclose my pretense of a relationship with him?

Just kidding, I hear things are going great. Chat later about our men?

Lily


Hi Lysander,

So you know how you are my fake boyfriend and everything? Well it's super awkward for me when you suddenly declare that you love Molly Weasley in front of the whole school, well at least all our friends. I mean I get it I love Molly Weasley too, she's a great girl, but technically the whole of the school thinks you're dating her cousin, namely me. So if you didn't ruin our sham of a relationship I'd be really grateful. Or at least break up with me first?

Your girlfriend,

Lily


Lily,

Did you go into my room and steal the map? If you are looking for more vegetable patches to have sex in, you could have just asked. Please return the map to me and stop invading my privacy.

Hugo


Hugo,

I needed the map, why do you need it anyway?

Lily


Lily,

I keep the map so I can hand it out to whomever needs when they really need it. Also, so we know where it is in case of emergency.

Hugo


Hugo,

Fine, I'll give it back,

Lily.


Hey Hugo,

What's up?

Last Night I went down to the kitchens to get a midnight snack, Albus leant me the map after you gave it to him. The elves are really helpful, and they made me Italian food (don't tell my Mama!).

It feels like ages since I talked to you, write back.

Love,

Louis


Lou,

You're a 4th year and only just discovering the kitchens? For a Ravenclaw, you're not so smart. Don't worry I won't say anything to your Mum.

Everything's fine with me thanks Lou, what about you?

Hugo.

P.s. Can I have the map back?


Huey,

I'm fine, can we stop skirting around the point? I saw you on the map.

Lou

P.s. Yes, if you talk to me


Lucy,

How're you doing? I heard about the thing with Lorcan. Have you ever considered that he might not be the one for you? There might be someone even more suited to you out there right now, stalking somebody.

Your cousin,

Victoire.


Dear Leigh,

As your future sister-in-law, I don't know if you and James have discussed that, but Mum super wants you to get married. She keeps chatting about finally getting a daughter. What does she think I am?

Anyways, just wondering how the baby was? Also, if you wanted me to steal you anything from the kitchen at any time. I'm going there now with T- a friend.

Lily.


Dear Lily.

Maybe one day I'll be your sister-in-law, James is certainly hoping so.

Your mum knows you are a girl, it's just there are so many guys in your family - she wants another one.

The baby is fine, and your cousin and future cousin-in-law a.k.a Fred and Holly have already given me more than enough food. So, no scaring the house elves into giving you food, unless you want some for yourself.

You didn't cross that last line out well enough, so who is this 'T' person?

Leigh.


Leigh.

He's no-one.

Glad the baby's okay.

Lily.


Lily.

So, it's a he?

Tell me more, or I'll tell James you have someone.

Leigh


Leigh.

Okay. Please don't tell James or anyone else, there is a 'he'. Molly knows and she can tell you how bad it will be if anyone finds out. I'm talking about heads exploding, Dad arresting people - including me and several dead bodies.

Lily.


Lily,

I spoke to Molly, and she looked really nervous and said that it was nothing for me to be worried about. So now I am worried, can you meet me in the library?

Leigh.


-Far east corner of the library-

Leigh,

I don't want to say it aloud, because you don't know what these walls can hear.

Also, you have to promise not to tell anyone, swear on your life...

Lily.

Lily,

I swear, just tell me, I'm really worried... Do you want to be in this relationship?

No one should force you into anything you don't one to do.

Leigh.

Leigh,

Thanks for promising. You don't have to worry, it's a great relationship, just very secret and not allowed.

Lily.

Lil,

Okaaaay... So tell me.

Lei,

I can't.

Lil,

Why? Because Teddy just walked in? Does he know? Can I ask him?

Leigh.

Leigh,

Can you talk? Can you write? You've gone a funny colour?

Is the baby okay? Are you okay?

Lily.

Lily.

It's Teddy, isn't it?

Leigh.

Leigh,

Yes.

Can you breathe yet?

Lily.

Lil,

I don't know how to react. He's your teacher, he's Teddy. It's wro-

Leigh, don't you dare say it is wrong. It's the furthest thing wrong that there's ever been.


Dear Lily,

I understand that you are upset with me. I got the message once you set the note on fire, I don't think it was necessary to set my homework on fire as well.

I'm sorry, okay, I'm really sorry. However, I reserve the right as a human being, who lives in a free world, to have my own opinion.

Your relationship with Teddy, took me by surprise. I'm not as used to the idea as Molly is, but she has explained certain points of it in detail, when we have had the opportunity.

This has all been by notes and we have destroyed them afterwards, to keep it a secret.

I still have a lot of questions, such as who else knows? How long have you been together? Are you going to tell your mum and dad? If so, when? And, could I be there?

I, as your maybe future sister-in-law, must warn you, that even though your parents may be understanding. I think your brothers will be very angry with Teddy, and I hope that you approach it in a manner which allows them both to act reasonably when they are told.

Best wishes,

Leigh.


Molly,

Pumpkin, I love you, you do know that right? But I have no clue what is going on in your family. It's all upside down, this year everyone has suddenly decided to start acting weird around me. I'm writing this in History of Magic, beside me I have Albus who isn't plotting to kill people so that's his version of happy, which is strange. And Rose who ISN'T TAKING NOTES instead she's fidgeting about like she's got a slapped arse. I'm just asking as it seems that ever since James got Leigh pregnant the whole world has gone mad. Thank Merlin for Hugo, eh?

Lots of love

Your Snuggle Monster


L,

Don't ask me, I'm only related to Hugo the others I try to deny.

Shouldn't you be taking notes?

Snuggles later?

Molly xx


Molly,

I had wondered if you are related to them, at least you have one good member in your family.

Mine - well Lorcan is a man-whore, Mum lives in a world of her own, and Dad inspects everyone like they are animals - He sometimes refers to me by my genus, instead of my name. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a file on me.

I am taking notes, but I much prefer writing to you.

Lots of snuggles later definitely... where do you want to meet?

L. X


James,

Due to your impending fatherhood-ness I've decided to replace you as my number one test subject your replacement is dun dun duhhhh Roxy! It's great she never says no, mainly because she can't speak.

Hope everything's good with you and the sprog!

Fred-meister


Fred,

You are a good friend, the scan went well thanks for asking, Muggle hospitals are weird though. I think we should have just disguised ourselves and gone to St Mungos instead of trusting a doctor. We've got loads of pictures and we've already given a dozen away.

I enclose a copy you can put it in your shop window unfortunately you can't tell anyone whose baby it is still.

James


Leigh (and Baby),

I've just thought of something how about we give everyone a picture of the baby scan for Christmas?

James


Jamie,

That would've been a really good and cheap idea for Christmas had I not just sent a load out. Why couldn't you have told me this when we were at the hospital. Now tell me what I should get for Hugo.

Leigh


Leigh,

Hugo's easy to buy for, he likes whatever you get him.

James


James,

That's because Hugo's super easy going, I want to get him something he wants, something he needs, not just something he'll be happy with.

Leigh


Leigh,

I asked Fred, he laughed and said to get Hugo a girlfriend.

James


James (and Fred),

Neither of you are any help.

Leigh


Hey Holly-meister,

My sexy unicorn, (A bit of beastiality to start off a letter).

I'm sex-napping you tonight, thank Merlin for that secret tunnel my dad built.

I hope Leigh is okay, I checked up on James the other day, and then we got drunk and ran at walls with colanders on our heads - not sure why, was quite drunk.

I've self-appointed us god-parents, just in case they wanted the kid to be normal - like that's going to happen.

Love your sexy beast,

Fred-meister

P.S. Underwear is optional


To my sexy beast,

I'll be by the tunnel entrance tonight at 8.

I think us being godparents is necessary, I'll pass on the info to Leigh-Mummy.

Love your sexy unicorn.

P.S. I don't own any underwear.


Leigh-mumma,

I'm rendezvousing with the boyf tonight.

Can I trust you not to have a mental collapse when you find another sock doesn't fit your cankles?

Just-a-kidding, you don't have cankles.

Loveya,

God-Holly


God-Holly, or otherwise known as future worse godparent in the world.

Use Protection.

My cankles are hot, James even said so.

Loveya also (though I think the pregnancy may be affecting my judgement)

Leigh.


Leigh-mum,

I'll be a great godmum.

I'm seriously questioning both your parenting abilities.

See you tomozzo,

Holly-Godmumma.


Dear Leigh,

Thank you for the picture of the baby, aren't muggles clever.

The scan of the baby looks just perfect although the child does look a bit too rotund. You don't need to eat for two you just need a bit extra you do know that don't you?

Your great-grandmother

Augusta Longbottom I


James,

Our baby is fat.

Love Leigh


Leigh,

I don't understand, do we have to go to the hospital?

Love Jamie


James,

No, we just have to cry and eat chocolate.

Leigh


Lucy,

I'm concerned, you still haven't backed off Lorcan, he'll take out a magical restraint petition against you if you're not careful. Surely you want to hang out with your friends instead, do you even have friends?

Molly.


Molly,

Well, that's just rude. I have friends and only half of them have MRPs from Lorcan.

Lucy


Lucy,

Those people aren't friends, they're the scouts you use to track where Lorcan is when you're in class. They're your minions.

Molly


Molly,

They are too friends because one weekend we didn't stalk Lorcan ha!

Well, he was away with his family in Africa and we couldn't raise the money to go but still instead we had a picnic together. So we are friends and just because I'm the leader just means I have the best ways of stalking not that they are my minions.

Lucy


Lucy,

You have no idea how you sound do you?

Molly


Rose, Lily, Molly,

If you are going to play What Would Hugo Weasley Do? Can I at least join? Oh and Molly was right I would have never hexed those ducks in the last scenario.

Hugo


Huey,

No you can't play because you will always win. You may referee.

Love Lily


Lily,

You can't fire the referee after one game and you can't banish me to the other side of the common room.

Hugo


Hugo.

Yes I can, now stop sending paper aeroplanes at me. I can't enchant any, the spell is too hard, so I have to keep on convincing third years to run over to you with these notes.

Love Lily


Lily,

I could teach you the spell, of course I'd have to come sit near you again at least within shouting distance.

Hugo.


Hugo,

Ok fine, come over and teach me but if I can't do it within three tries, you are banished again.

Lily


Huey,

Yaay. I can do it! I've got a Hugo seeking plane. I've missed you, Huey, come sit next to me. I want to tell you something.

Lily


Lily,

I've realised I've just done a very terrible thing.

Hugo



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