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Dazzle and Stretch: The Twilight Musical

By Elysian III

Humor / Romance

Act 2, Scene 5: Bella

2.5 Bella

Following the proposal of the last scene, a large portion of the cast return onstage dressed in their finest attire. Among them are the Cullens, the Fork Folks and even some members of the Wolf Pack. Alice rushes Bella offstage. Edward also exits, only to reappear a moment later wearing a bright turquoise suit jacket with a sequined tie. The wedding guests form two cohesive clusters, leaving an aisle down the middle of the stage. Edward takes his place at the end of the aisle, with Emmett right beside him standing as the best man. Bella and Alice reenter. Bella is dressed in a fluffy wedding dress, with big, poufy sleeves and a veil that is taller than she is.

She joins Edward at the front, and they clasp hands. "I love your tie, Edward! It's as dazzling as you are!"

Edward beams, opens his mouth and sings:

"The Wedding"

To the tune of "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves

Sung by Edward Cullen and Bella Swan

Edward: I still can't believe I convinced you to say our "I do's

Here I thought we'd still be at odds until we both turn blue

Now finally you walk down the aisle and you're all dressed in white

'Cause so many years I've waited for a future this bright

Both: Today we'll be married, at last!

Today we'll be married, at last!

Today we'll be married, at last!

Edward: I'll fin'lly get laid!

Hey! Alright now,

I'll fin'lly get laid!

As Edward and Bella sing, the wedding guests start swaying in place, and then begin dancing a jive with the people standing next to them. Several of the pairs are stranger than others. For instance, Tyler and Mike are left do-si-doing with each other.

Bella: The bargain was after we're married, I would finally turn

'Cause being with you after life is my only concern

If it means we're together forever I'll bear any pain

Though I'm not very happy you forced me to wear a white train

Both: Today we'll be married, at last!

Today we'll be married, at last!

Today we'll be married, at last!

Bella: I'll fin'lly get laid!

Hey! Alright now,

I'll fin'lly get laid!

Oh, yeah,

I'll fin'lly get laid!

Both: We're getting married

We're getting married

Now kiss the bride, now kiss the bride, now kiss the bride to seal the deal

Now kiss the bride, now kiss the bride, now kiss the bride to seal the deal

And now we are married, at last!

And now we are married, at last!

And now we are married, at last!

We'll fin'lly get laid!

The song ends with everyone on stage still dancing with their respective partners, this time doing a country line dance in one big line. Charlie sobs at watching his little girl get hitched, but is pulled into the line along with everyone else. Edward dips Bella and kisses her, before sweeping her into his arms and rushing offstage, announcing for the whole stage—and the audience—to hear, "I've been a virgin for over 50 years; I'm not waiting any longer!"

The only one who notices their departure is Jacob, who stares after them with a hangdog expression on his face.

One by one, the wedding guests dance offstage until the only ones left are the Cullens and Jacob. A jazzy tune breaks the relative silence. Rosalie pulls out her cell phone and flips it open.

"Hello? Bella? Why are you calling me? We hate each other. You're changing the status quo here!" She listens for a few seconds, then gasps. "What? You're pregnant? That was quick; you don't waste any time, do you?"

The rest of the Cullens are now hanging onto her every word, eager to find out the gossip. Rosalie continues her phone conversation, nodding her head. "Of course I'll help, even if the baby kills you! I'd rather have the baby than you, anyway! Now, when will you be home?"

At that moment, Bella and Edward reenter the stage, both wearing flowing, Grecian-style togas, complete with golden wreaths on their heads. Bella is holding a cell phone to her ear. "Can you see me now? Good."

Rosalie flips her phone closed and everyone onstage stares, mouths gaping open, at Bella, whose bulging belly suggests that she is at least five months pregnant.

Alice rushes over, hugging Bella and asking, "How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Pickles? Ice cream?" Bella shakes her head.

Edward throws his hands into the air. "Someone talk some reason into her, will you? She's convinced she's going to carry the baby to term, even if it kills her!"

"She can't! Not if it kills her!" Jacob states in horror.

Rosalie puts her hands on her hips and states aggressively, "Of course she can!"

Bella steps to the middle of the stage and explains herself in song:

"New Life"

To the tune of "Holding Out For a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler

Sung by Bella Cullen and Rosalie Hale

Bella: My honeymoon was all I dreamed

Since I was just a girl

Romantic scenes and privacy

Within our little world

Though it was supposed to be my last human goodbye

Seems as though I've been knocked up, which threw our plans aside

'Cause it's a new life!

I'm holding on 'til I bring this baby into this life

He's gonna arrive

And he's gotta survive

And he'll never know trouble or strife

It's a new life!

I'm holding on 'til I bring this baby out of the night

He's gonna be whole

And he's gotta be sound

And I know that he will be alright

He'll be alright

Rosalie: I'm so glad you called me

Chose to place your trust in me

I'm the one who's on the side

Of this defenseless lil' baby

Bella this I promise you that even if you die

I'll raise your child as my own and here's the reason why:

'Cause it's a new life!

Keep holding on 'til you bring this baby into this life

He's gonna arrive

And he's gotta survive

And he'll never know trouble or strife

It's a new life!

Keep holding on 'til you bring this baby out of the night

He's gonna be whole

And he's gotta be sound

And I know that he will be alright

'Cause it's a new life!

Keep holding on 'til you bring this baby into this life

Both: For now this baby is our brand new goal

Who we'll protect at any cost

Against all opposition we will not be crossed

Against husband and family alike

We will dare them to try

In this case we will stand together as allies

'Cause it's a new life!

We're holding on 'til we bring this baby into this life

He's gonna arrive

And he's gotta survive

And he'll never know trouble or strife

It's a new life!

We're holding on 'til we bring this baby out of the night

He's gonna be whole

And he's gotta be sound

And I know that he will be alright

'Cause it's a new life!

We're holding on 'til we bring this baby into this life!

During the song, plush armchairs are pushed onstage, making a living room scene behind the group. Rosalie clenches her fist in a passion fist as she holds out the last line. Rather than finishing the last note strongly, Bella groans and grabs her stomach, her voice fading out. Jasper and Emmett jump to grab her arms and lead her to the nearest chair. Edward kneels by her, taking her hand. Jacob paces behind the chair. Carlisle examines her face worriedly and sizes up the problem in a moment.

"She's starving." Esme and Alice gasp. Rosalie kneels by Bella's other side.

"How is the baby?"

Her question is ignored.

Carlisle rubs his forehead. "I'm stumped, to be perfectly honest. We've tried giving her everything: liver and onions, tripe, sushi, escargot, even haggis. But nothing works! The baby is rejecting everything!"

"Have you tried blood?" Jacob interjects.

Everyone stares at him dumbfoundedly. He shrugs. "Well, he is half-vampire, so…"

Emmett brings a plastic bottle from behind his back and hands it to Bella. "I was saving it for a midnight snack, but I guess you need it more."

Bella takes a sip, licks her lips and smiles. "I think it's working!"

Carlisle nudges Jacob with his elbow. "A family of vampires and you're the one who figures out the vampire baby wants blood? Are you sure you're not one of us?"

Bella gasps and grabs her stomach, "Oh! I felt a kick!"

Rosalie lays her hand on Bella's stomach too, slapping Edward's hand away when he tries to move her. "I feel it too! He's really moving!"

"She." Edward sounds awed. "It's a girl. I can hear her thoughts! She's thinking 'It's about time I got some real food. Bunch of geniuses you all are!'"

Bella smiles, tears in her eyes. "A girl. Let's name her after our mothers."

Alice looks at her. "You mean name her Esme Renee? Or Renee Esme?"

Bella shakes her head. "I was thinking we could combine the names. How about Renesmee?"

Jasper barks out a laugh, then tries to disguise it with a cough.

"What's she saying now?" Bella asks Edward.

"That she wants out."

As if on cue, Bella screams in agony, doubling over. Carlisle kneels beside her, yelling instructions at his family members. "I need boiling water and towels—lots of them! And somebody grab my medical kit—she'll want an epidural when the contractions really start!"

Esme and Emmett run out of the room to retrieve the items. Rosalie, Alice and Jasper crowd in front of the armchair, blocking Bella from everyone's view, particularly the audience. Edward and Jacob pace at the front of the stage like nervous fathers, passing each other at the middle. Esme and Emmett return with their arms full and pass the supplies through the wall of Cullens to Carlisle on the inside. They then join the wall themselves.

A baby's cry fills the stage, stopping Edward and Jacob in their tracks. Carlisle emerges from the circle and hands the crying baby to Edward, muttering, "She might not make it," and returns to tend to Bella. A scream is heard from inside the circle. Edward glances once at baby Renesmee before gingerly handing her to Jacob and following Carlisle.

Jacob stares down at the bundle in his arms with a star-struck expression. He raises the baby into the air, displaying her crying face a la Lion King, and sings:

"Imprint"

To the tune of "Sweet Home Alabama"

Sung by Jacob Black

Before this all happened

I was convinced it was all wrong

Bella saw through my feelings

But she begged me to go along

Though I didn't belong, no

Still I was dead set against this baby

And I labeled her a parasite

But now I know there is no maybe

This Cullen vermin's my whole world and my light

For though she's a day old

She's the one who's meant for me

As soon as I saw her

I knew together we would be

She is the one that I've been searching

My imprint and my other half

Now for her I would do anything

I'd even brave her father's wrath

When he's mad

For though she's a day old

She's the one who's meant for me

As soon as I saw her

I knew together we would be

(Musical Interlude)

Now I'm aware that this is crazy

For there are years between the two of us

So for now I'll be a brother

Until in age she catches up

To her wolf pup

For though she's a day old

She's the one who's meant for me

As soon as I saw her

I knew together we would be

For though she's a day old

(Or a little less)

She's the one who's meant for me

(And she'll agree)

As soon as I saw her

(Oh, yeah)

I knew together we would be

Rosalie comes to claim the baby from Jacob and walks offstage with her. Jacob follows like a lovesick puppy. The wall of Cullens finally disperses as Carlisle and Edward emerge from the middle. Edward has changed clothes yet again, this time into ripped blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a leather bomber jacket. His hair style is reminiscent of Danny Zuko from Grease. Bella is writhing on the armchair. Carlisle rubs his hands with a towel, saying gravely, "It's done. In three days she'll be as dead as the rest of us."

Suddenly, Bella jumps up from her chair, startling everyone. Carlisle checks his watch with a bewildered expression, "Again, very short 72 hours."

Bella throws her arms around Edward, squeezes him, and then reels back to ask, "Where's my baby?" The rest of the Cullens exchange rather uncomfortable looks before pointing offstage towards where Rosalie had disappeared with the baby. The woman in question enters from the opposite side, leading a little girl with dark hair by the hand. Jacob is clutching the girl's other hand.

"What are you guys looking at?"

Everyone jumps again, visibly startled. Esme is the first to recover, and makes the introductions between mother and child.

"Bella, here's Renesmee. Renesmee, meet your mommy."

Bella stares in confusion at her daughter, who is now big enough to be a toddler despite having only just been born. Renesmee runs to embrace her, then puts her hands on either side of Bella's face, chanting "Ohmm, ohmmm". Bella looks shocked, and her eyes become slightly glazed.

Jacob clears his throat. "Nessie, it's snacktime."

Renesmee obediently takes Jacob's hand again and is led back offstage. The other Cullens follow, Emmett remarking, "Finally! I'm starving for some O negative!"

Bella is left alone onstage, watching as the others disappear. Her lips form the name 'Nessie?', but not a sound escapes from her lips. She turns to face the audience. "What…was that?"

Clearly not expecting an answer, Bella continues in song:

"Nessie"

To the tune of "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood

Sung by Bella Swan

Three days: the number I was under

For my heart to stop

And my whole entire world change

Three days: I had a little girl

And then it all went dark

Now ev'rything is so strange

Because this toddler is before me

And through mem'ries

She keeps calling me her mommy

It seems to be

My girl has grown up far too fast

I've missed essential moments of her past

Now I must discover who is she

She has already stolen her way in our lives

Charmed us all with her doe-eyes

But they had the gall to nickname her 'Nessie'

Nessie, the oddest nickname that

I. would. not. have. thought. to ever name her

And yet, her real name is Renesmee

And I am thinking that it's really not much better

But now I'm simply gonna stop and hold my tongue to wait and see

It seems to be

My girl has grown up far too fast

I've missed essential moments of her past

Now I must discover who is she

She has already stolen her way in our lives

Charmed us all with her doe-eyes

But they had the gall to nickname her 'Nessie'

Now I'm fin'lly bonding with my little girl

But for me she'll never be

No, you know she won't be 'Nessie'

No, not 'Nessie'

My girl has grown up far too fast

I've missed essential moments of her past

Now I must discover who is she

She has already stolen her way in our lives

Charmed us all with her doe-eyes

But they had the gall to nickname her 'Nessie'

Oh, they had the gall to nickname her 'Nessie'

Ohhh, not 'Nessie'

During the last singing of the chorus, the Cullens, Jacob and Renesmee have filed back onstage. Rosalie is carrying Renesmee, but the others are holding cigarette lighters and waving them in the air as Bella finishes singing. Rosalie sways with Renesmee as her stand-in lighter. The lights dim until the tiny flames are the only remaining source of light before they, too, are extinguished, leaving the stage dark.

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