She didn't know what time it was as she lay in her bed and stared up at the ceiling. After a rather fitful sleep, Regina simply gave up on it all together. Her blinds completely shut out all signs of morning, making her room completely dark and silent.
As much as she liked the silence, it gave her mind a chance to break away from the reassurance she kept repeating to herself. She started to think on things, and that brought back memories she more than despised- Robin, the baby, then Robin again. Everything seemed to go back to him.
It was a repeated loop; thinking about him would make her think about the baby, and the baby would make her think about Robin. It made Regina want to bang her head against a wall.
She remembered how things were when they had first made it to Storybrooke through that portal- nothing really mattered, only the panic she felt inside.
As much as she hated it, tears formed in her eyes once again. The panic returned; it made her mind race to the point where she couldn't control it. Her mind imagined what would happen if she were to have a baby completely by herself- experiencing things that were supposed to be done together, between two people who really loved each other. She wondered what it would be like to raise that baby, grasping at straws, wondering if he were dead or just plain moved on.
Burying her face in her pillow, Regina let out hollow sobs as her thoughts completely overtook her.
He still didn't know.
He didn't know about the nausea, the repeated doctor visits, or the constant worry. This made her cry harder- she needed him to know. She was scared and she was alone. Then, Regina remembered the words he had told her that early morning in their small little house when she claimed incoherently that she didn't think she was all that beautiful. His words of encouragement still sounded loud and clear in her head.
Number one- your smile. Always makes me happy.
Her breaths were shaky as she attempted to calm herself down.
Secondly, I love your tiny adorable hands.
Regina sat herself up, not even bothering to vanquish her tears as she concentrated on his words.
The next one is definitely your amazing cooking skills.
She almost smiled to herself when she thought about the burnt oats.
The fourth one is your magic- you're pretty damn sexy when you use it.
Irrelevant now. Hopefully he wouldn't mind too much.
And last of all, I love how great a mother you are. It was no coincidence you're the one Roland ran into while in Neverland.
Regina glanced down at her stomach, even though it was still flat. Nevertheless, she knew there was a little baby in there- her baby, Robin's baby. She hoped their baby would think she was a good mother.
Regina peered around her darkened room and let out a heavy sigh. She was relieved to know there was a way to control her anguish, even if it was just for a little while.
Still, something in the back of her mind taunted her; it was something she had been wondering since she had first moved in with Robin.
Had she really changed?
Slowly, Regina brought her hand up to her chest, letting her fingers lightly touch the fabric of her shirt. She knew she wasn't supposed to, but she had to know.
She pressed her hand into her chest and felt the same biting rush of pain she experienced while shopping with Ruby as her fingers wrapped around her heart, quickly jerking it out to cease the pain.
In front of her was a strong beating heart, one that glowed bright through the darkness. She carefully examined it in her hands, holding it like it was the most precious thing on earth. Seeing her heart so full of color was truly a surprise to her, even if she had been with Robin for months. The last time she took it out, her heart looked almost hopeless, the redness only barely pushing through the black char she had out upon herself. Henry, Roland, Robin... They had all changed her. Despite her joy, however, she could still catch the subtle blackness that laced itself through, almost daring to resurface again.