23 April, 1977 14:49
"Sirius, I'm going to ask you to do something for me. I will owe you whatever you want."
I raised an eyebrow. "I'm afraid to agree before you tell me what it is."
James glanced around, then pulled out a flask. "Polyjuice Potion. Cost me fifteen Galleons."
"You need money?"
"No, see—Lily laughed at my joke yesterday."
"I'm not following…"
James lowered his voice. "She wants it."
I laughed. "Sure, mate, but where does Polyjuice Potion come in?"
"Well, one of us has to know what we're doing, and it's not going to be her."
Now I understood. "You're serious?"
"No, you are."
I tried not to grin. "Cut it out." I pulled him aside. "Really, though, are you asking me what I think you're asking?"
"You take the potion, turn into Lily…It's guaranteed to last at least thirty minutes. I just need to know how it all works. Plus, you're into guys, I'm into girls, so it works out, right? It doesn't even count, anyway." James put an arm around me. "C'mon, I'll make it fun, I promise."
I wished I didn't want to have sex with James, that way I could say no, and maybe James would get Peter to do it. The biggest part of me, though, was stupidly curious of the idea, and I tried to keep myself from imagining it.
"I'll toss you off after, if that helps convince you…"
I swallowed, trying to ignore the last bit so I didn't get excited. "Yeah, sure. I'll do it. Just…don't tell the others, alright?"
"Can I tell Lily? When she and I are married, of course."
"No, you can't!" I pushed him a little, grinning. "Prick. "
25 April, 1977 19:09
We sat on James' bed, flipping through a book of sex positions. "Well, missionary, obviously…you'll try being on top, too…that's enough, don't you think? Then I'll finger you, and eat you out. Probably those first, I dunno if I'll stay up, since you won't really be Lily. If I'm having trouble, though, can you help me out?"
As James handed me the flask, I asked, "How are you so relaxed about this?" I was hurt, but I didn't let it show. James thought I'd ruin his hard-on?
He cracked a little. "Sorry. If I act like I'm relaxed, it helps. Hang on…Muffliato! There, now we won't be disturbed. Go on, you can take the Polyjuice Potion."
As I forced myself to down the potion, James continued his instructions. "If you want to stop, tell me. If I'm doing something that's weird, or I'm not pleasing you enough—"
I couldn't help splutter as I drank.
"Quit it, I'm trying to be serious, here! This is purely for research. I need your feedback, alright?"
I handed the flask back to him. My skin bubbled and shrank, my hair grew, and my eyesight improved slightly, all as James eyed me, hungry.
"How do I look?" My voice came out in a higher pitch, in Lily's voice.
James nodded, smiling. "Beautiful. I'll do most of the work, alright? Since I don't know how much she'll be doing when this actually happens."
I could tell, suddenly, that he was nervous, so I kissed him first. It was almost as I remembered the first time, except James felt more in control now than he had then. He backed me up further onto the bed, then took off my shirt. We both stared at my tits.
James took a quick breath, then removed his own shirt. I undid my belt and slipped it off before sliding my trousers to my ankles. James tugged my pants off, face turning pale. "Alright, do you mind if I look for a moment?"
"What are you, my doctor?"
"Yes. Your sex doctor." James smirked at me, and I bit my lip to keep from exchanging the expression.
"Open your legs," he said.
"Yes, sir, Dr. Potter."
James looked back up at me. "Sirius—I mean, Lily—you are killing the moment."
I rolled my eyes, then rested my head on the pillows.
"My God, it's a jungle down here."
"I mean it's not as simple as I thought it'd look." James took a deep breath, ready to go in.
I lifted my head up. "Hang on, you're moving way too fast."
"What do you mean?"
"Is that you talking or Lily?"
"I dunno, both? Kiss me a while first."
We locked eyes. The bed squeaked as James crawled toward me. His lips met mine and he ran his hands along my sides and up to my breasts. I moaned a little—while Lily's voice put me off, it made James handle me with more vigor. As our tongues met, I pulled off his shirt. His chest was warm and smooth, in stark contrast to Remus'. My fingers kneaded the muscles in his back, feeling the beads of sweat on his skin.
"Alright, now," I managed, after his mouth trailed to my neck. I shivered and let my eyes close as one of his hands moved up my thigh, the other he lubricated with magic. "So what're you going to do? The book said to 'stimulate the clit'—"
To answer, James rubbed his finger around the skin next to it, then on it.
"Okay. That's…" I gripped the sheets and arched my back. He ran his entire hand up and down over me, and my breath quickened.
"I'm going in," he told me.
I managed a nod before I felt the tip of his finger making little circles inside me. He worked his way deeper, flexing up and down. At first, it didn't do much. Whenever he looked to me for approval, I shook my head. Just as it began to be too uncomfortable, James had made out my sounds to indicate what worked and what didn't.
"Two, use two…" I dug the back of my head into my pillow, the pleasure too unbearable to stay still. James' movements intensified until I came. I had come many times before, but this was stronger, different; was it because of James, or that I was a woman? It had taken more to put me over the edge, but the reward was worth the time.
James pulled out, then sniffed his fingers.
"The fuck are you doing?" I said, breathing hard.
"Research," James replied. We grinned at each other. Face flushed, James unbuckled his trousers and pulled them off along with his pants, ready to go further.
"Shit," I said graciously, studying him. James positioned himself, hands on either side of me, then entered me again. "Prongs…" I said as he began to thrust. At first, there was discomfort, pain even, but it wore away.
"Good?" James asked, teeth gritted.
"Fuck, yes…" I wound my fingers into his. "Wait, do it slow first—" My voice dissolved into a gasp and I couldn't continue. An intense feeling spread through my body, and I couldn't identify it as fueled by either love or lust, but it was electric.
Minutes passed. I didn't come this time, but James did, and he immediately rolled off me.
"Merlin, that was brilliant." James exhaled, eyelids drooping, and turned his head to study me. "Tips?"
I hesitated, still hungry for more, emotionally and physically. I looked at Lily's body. "First off, I think it was good for a first time. But it would help to do something romantic first. Get her excited…do a strip tease."
"Okay, get her excited…Wait, are you serious about the strip tease?"
"It'd lighten the mood, I think. And also, let the anticipation build more before taking it to the next step. The last thing is to…Merlin, this is awkward, but do more to her first. Like eat her out. And don't go all in at first."
James brushed my hair aside. "This is probably the strangest thing I've ever done, or ever will do."
"What about me?"
I felt immensely embarrassed, and annoyed that he hadn't thought of her, or me. "What should I do?"
"Oh, er…I suppose, touch my—or whoever's—dick more. And more moaning. But I can't tell her that before we fuck. Probably."
We turned to lay on our backs. I felt my body churn again and knew I was changing back. I stayed silent, unable to bear James' disappointment when he saw me instead of Lily. His eyes fluttered closed, on the verge of sleep, it seemed.
When I had returned to myself, I kissed him.
James rose to meet me, but soon realized I was no longer in Lily's body.
"Are you going to hold up your end of the deal?" I asked. I hoped he wasn't planning to touch me out of pity.
James hesitated a moment before saying, "Yeah, sure. Just let me clean up." He put on his shirt and trousers before leaving the room.
I studied the ceiling. I hoped we hadn't crossed a line, that nothing would be different after having sex, even if I had been in Lily's body. I ignored the thought in the back of my mind that the fantasies I'd had about sex with James made the act dull. Disappointing, even. In my wandering mind, James had always had a command of himself that automatically made him a good lover, even with both us of us virgins.
I reached for my wand to clean up the sheets, then noticed a pink bottle on the nightstand. "Scourgify," I said, pointing at the bed. Then I studied the label on the bottle. "'Re'em Stimulating Serum.'" The bottle was vaguely phallic. "Where the hell did he get this?"
The door opened, and James slipped through. I felt my lower torso flush with anticipation.
"Oh, you found the serum." James stretched luxuriously, muscles taut, and by his grin I could tell he knew the effect he had on me. "I didn't want to try it when you were Lily because I didn't want to skew the experiment. I do want to know how it works, though." He knelt beside the bed and placed his hands on either side of me. "You want it, or what?"
I spread my legs a bit. "Cheeky bastard." I bent and kissed him, tasting the toothpaste on his tongue. I slid my trousers to my ankles, then reached for the serum.
"Allow me," James said, pouring a generous amount on his palms. He started slow, back and forth, until I was fully hard, then worked faster. The serum enhanced the warmth that flooded me.
James hesitated, then trailed his hand down to the base of my shaft and leaned closer. His mouth—warm, soft—closed around the head of my cock, and I gasped, eyes on him in a mixture of shock and deep surrender as his mouth moved up and down.
"Oh, god, James, fuck—Remus!" I sat up, and James was forced to let go. "Fuck's sake, James! You forgot to lock the door!" I grabbed my wand to diffuse my hard-on. "Moony walked in, just now. He went downstairs, probably broken up. Bloody hell, I can't believe…"
James cleaned his hands. "What use would it've done to lock the door? And, shit, you're not allowed to fuck around with me?"
"Well—no, I suppose—I don't know."
James pulled his shirt on. "Then why the fuck would you have me do that? You're a fucking idiot…"
"None of this should've happened." After dressing quickly, I grabbed my wand. "It was a bloody mistake." I ran downstairs. Remus was nowhere in sight.
"Hey, Lily, you seen Remus?"
Lily turned to look at me, and I could tell she didn't plan on being helpful.
"Just tell me which way he went."
"Out the portrait hole." She seemed to want to comment, but remembered her friends were nearby and averted her gaze.
I caught up with Remus soon after he entered the boy's bathroom. He was bent over the sink, breathing heavily. Before I could speak, he said, "I didn't know it was going to be like this. I thought he was straight."
"You really had me thinking that you…that we…I tried to do the whole casual thing, but I couldn't. Well, in the end, you were just stringing me along. You're an arsehole."
I grabbed his arm and turned him around. "James is the arsehole. Do you know what he asked me to do?"
Remus wrenched his arm away, glaring furiously beyond me.
"He had—he had me be Lily, so he could practice."
Remus looked at me, finally. "Like…sex practice?"
"Yeah. He bought some Polyjuice Potion and had me become her so he'd be ready for when they fucked. The sex wasn't as good as I thought it'd be. I dunno what I expected. Anyhow, it wasn't an even deal, so he threw in a hand job."
Remus blinked rapidly. "You say it so casually, like this is what friends do. He clearly fancies you, and you play into it…"
"He doesn't. He's told me."
"How do you know he's not lying?"
"I can tell."
Remus held me by my shoulders. "How, Sirius? How can you tell? You're seeing what you want to see!"
"And so are you. Listen, why would he take me in Lily's body? He wants her. He wants sex, and he wants a best mate, but he's not gay."
"What do you call that, then? You said he promised a hand job, but when I saw you…If you say you're just friends, then why—"
"Remus, I love you."
Remus looked around, face splotchy. It was the first time either of us had said it.
Finally, his eyes met mine again. "But you love James, too."
"Of course I do! But I'm in love with you. And look, if Prongs asks me to do something like this again, I'll refuse, and have Wormtail handle it. Because I don't want anything to come between us, or the Marauders."
Remus shook his head. "But…for my sake, I can't give all of myself to you if you don't give all of yourself to me. I won't be able to fully be with you when you're with James, too."
"I'm not with James. My friendship with James is just that—friendship. Just because we express it differently than other people doesn't mean it has to mean the same thing. A snog for James is like a hug for other best friends."
Remus frowned. "Why?"
I thought for a moment. "Because they aren't close to each other as he and I are, I don't know, it just is."
Remus sighed, breath shaking. "So you're not going to change."
I reached for his hand, knowing I could lose him if I didn't say the right thing. "No, I will. I know I crossed a line." I stepped closer. "We'll be exclusive."
"If that's okay."
Remus nodded, trying to hide any hint of a smile. "I'm still fucking pissed at you."
I touched his cheek lightly, then kissed him. After I pulled away, still inches from his lips, I whispered, "I don't want anyone to know. Besides Prongs, that is."
"What about Peter?"
I leaned back, frowning. "No, he's uncomfortable about these things. The main reason I want James to know is so we can set boundaries."
31 July, 1977 10:18
The heavy-set police officer could barely squeeze him stomach past the car, snapping the wing mirror with his arse on his way out.
"Get off the bike!" he yelled as we basked in the flashing blue lights.
Hands up, James and I stepped off.
"No helmets!" the other one yelled, pointing at our heads.
"Exceeding the speed limit by—by a considerable amount! Failing to stop for the police!" the first added.
"We'd have loved to stop for a chat," said James, "only we were trying—"
"Don't get smart—you two are in a heap of trouble!" snarled the cop. "Names!"
"Names?" I echoed. "Er—well, let's see. There's Wilberforce…Bathsheba…Elvendork…"
James smirked. "And what's nice about that one is, you can use it for a boy or a girl."
"Oh, our names, did you mean?" I asked as the cop spluttered with rage. "You should've said! This here is James Potter, and I'm Sirius Black!"
"Things'll be seriously black for you in a minute, you cheeky little—"
I froze. Rowle and his cousins had rounded the corner, flying straight at us. We drew our wands.
The policemen failed to make the connection. One said, "Drumsticks? Right pair of jokers, aren't you? Right, we're arresting you on a charge of—"
"Integumentum!" we shouted. The police car flipped, shielding us. Rowle and his cousins were flying too fast; they slammed into the police car, brooms (and bones, no doubt) breaking on impact.
We hopped back onto the bike, and when one of the cops turned to look at us, I called over the throb of the engine, "Thanks very much! We owe you one!"
"Yeah, nice meeting you!" said James. "And don't forget: Elvendork! It's unisex!" He flicked his wand and the car flipped back upright.
I revved the engine and we took back off into the night.
6 October, 1977 21:45
Remus and I sat as close to each other as appeared casual. Our thighs brushed together, and whenever I laughed, I used him to support myself.
I studied James and Lily from across the room and realized their body language reflected ours. I averted my gaze just as James looked over. I nuzzled into the crook of Remus' shoulder to see if I would make James jealous. When I glanced back over, I could tell he was annoyed.
A few days later, as we—the Slytherin and Gryffindor seventh-years—trudged back to the school from the greenhouses, we found James and Lily behind one of the sheds, snogging.
I realized, after a moment, that I had forgotten to breathe, my mouth agape. I caught myself and pressed my lips together once James met my gaze. Seeing the shock in my eyes, his excitement faded; it was the first time I'd seen them kiss, and he could tell my weak smirk masked what I was really feeling.
I followed Lily's gaze and watched as Snivellus stormed off. I tried to read her expression, but it changed too quickly for me to place any one emotion—except, I realized, smugness. A seemingly absurd thought crossed my mind: what if she had meant for him to see them snogging?
17 July, 1978 9:33
I woke up to the sunlight. Pulling Remus' arm off of me, I got out of bed, went to the loo, then returned to wake the others.
I poked James with my foot. "Stag party, tonight. Let's get pissed. Wormtail's working again, but we can get off our heads with just us."
James rolled onto his back and stretched. "Sure. I want to enjoy my last night as a free man."
Remus yawned. "Yeah, it's gonna be tough, what with constant sex, working for the Order with your wife and your best friends…"
I rummaged through my things to find my Magically Automated Shaving Kit, then tapped the top of the box to set it to work. "How about London? We should use the Muggle money you have left over from last summer." I glanced at Remus. "You up for it?"
Remus ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, why not?"
"Alright." James went to his closet and started pulling clothes. "None of my trousers will fit you two, you're too tall, especially you, Moony, but maybe something else…" He held up a black top, then tossed it to me.
Remus sat up and said, "What about my 'Werewolves of London' shirt?"
James grinned. "Perfect." He pulled on jeans and a white shirt, then ruffled his hair and sat down, watching us change. "Isn't it mad? I can't believe I'm getting married tomorrow."
Remus smirked. "To Lily, no less. Do you remember when you first told her you'd marry her?"
"Of course." James leaned back.
I put away the shaving kit before surveying my features in the mirror. "I don't remember."
"You must've blocked it out." James made eye contact with my reflection, trying to play off the implications of what he'd said with a smile. "Anyhow, I had asked her what she'd want to name our kids."
Remus chuckled. "She said, 'What makes you think we're having kids?'"
"And I said, 'If we're going to marry each other, wouldn't we have kids?'"
"And what she say to that?" I smiled, as though I could understand the fondness of the memory.
"She didn't know what to say, it seemed. She told me to piss off."
Remus glanced at me, catching the forced nature of my expression. "Not much has changed, then."
That night, we Apparated to the Leaky Cauldron, then headed out onto Charing Cross Road. After walking down a few blocks looking for a place to drink, we stopped in front of the London Astoria. Posters hung in the windows, reading: THE SUNDOWNER CLUB HOSTS: BANG! MONDAY NIGHT DISCO.
"What about here? Disco is about as Muggle as it can get."
We followed the signs to the basement, and as we neared, the music grew louder.
James opened the doors, and we immediately froze. There must've been a thousand people filling the low-lit club, dancing under colored spotlights. But what took us aback was the realization that the vast majority of people there were men.
"It's a gay club," James shouted over the blare of "San Francisco/You got me/You got me, baby…"
"Yeah, no shit." A significant portion of the men were shirtless, and some looked our way as we loitered by the entrance. I had trouble taking it all in.
James put his arms around our shoulders. "Well, what are we waiting for?"
I looked at Remus, who shrugged weakly before saying, "Let's drink first."
We took a couple shots at the bar before mixing into the crowd. It was an oddly elating, albeit overwhelming feeling to be surrounded by hundreds of men like me. I felt as though we were sharing the same experience; a chance to break away from what was accepted, from passing in the straight world as the contained, edited versions of ourselves we were limited to, to something more real. And horny.
After an hour, we were sweaty, giddy, and more physical than normal. I had to (as subtly as possible) diffuse my hard-on several times.
After taking his shirt off only a minute prior, James attracted a man closer, taken aback as the man began to dance in front of him.
"I'm straight," James said, slurring his words a little.
"Sure, honey," he replied, placing his hands at James' waist.
"I'm getting married tomorrow," James said, half to the man, half to himself.
The man raised his eyebrows. "Does your fiancé know you're a poofer?"
James laughed, and turned around so the man could grind against him.
Remus' tolerance for alcohol was higher than ours since he was a werewolf, but still, the alcohol managed to dissolve the insecurities he had about his scars. He didn't seem to mind the attention the marks on his torso had drawn.
"Bear attack," he explained loudly to a few men nearby. There were a few men at least thirty years older than us transfixed by him.
I was a little slow to react, but then anger swept over me. I stalked over to Remus. "Sod off!" I told them, dragging him over to join James.
As we reached James, a man—different from who he'd been dancing with—dropped a pill in his mouth.
"Fuck, James!" I grabbed his arm, but the bloke was already moving on.
James stumbled a bit. "What's the big deal?"
Remus realized what I meant. "Prongs, he could've been a Death Eater."
"What? At a gay club?" James doubled over, laughing.
I couldn't keep myself from smiling. "You never know. Slytherins are into some kinky shite. Seriously though, they could've tracked us."
James wiped tears from his eyes. "Fair enough." He put his arms around my neck, grinning. "Forgive me?"
I rolled my eyes. "Course."
"Okay. Let's have another drink." We each had another beer, and James took two more shots.
Grinning widely as the idea dawned on him, James put his arms around my shoulder. "C'mon, you two should find someone for a threesome."
I shook my head. "No, I don't think so…"
Remus watched my reaction, then shook his head.
I gaped at him. "If I'd said yes, you would've said yes?"
Remus nodded, then shook his head.
I was again astonished. "I said no because I thought…"
James groaned. "For Merlin's sake, let's get you two out there."
As James pushed as along, I scanned the dance floor.
Remus stopped James and nudged me. "There."
I followed his gaze. "What color hair?"
I squinted. "I'm fairly certain that's a woman."
Remus laughed. "I know, I'm just fucking with you. I don't want a threesome." He kissed me. "Just you."
James made a show of rolling his eyes, exasperated. "You two are so dull." He allowed himself to be pulled in toward the center of the dancing.
I turned my attention back to Remus. "Just me?" I repeated, studying him as I placed my hands on either side of his face. "I'm not as fit as some of these other blokes, though."
Remus leaned closer to me. "I'm glad your self-esteem is so low."
"Yeah, it means you won't go leaving me."
"Oh, there are other reasons I don't want anyone else," I said, teasing my lips against his.
"Please, indulge me."
"For one, I now know we can go to gay clubs together."
"And you know me better than anyone."
"I hope those aren't in order of importance."
There was a flicker of a moment when I saw Remus close his eyes before we kissed. Heat rushed through me—he wanted to block out the world quickly so the only sensation he'd feel was my body, my lips, my tongue.
3 December, 1979 18:57
“Is it because you think you’ll fuck me?”
“I just want to make sure.”
Remus’ lips wobbled as he tried not to smile. “Of course not. Anyhow, I doubt I would, it’s not as though we’re the same species. You wouldn’t even be a wolf.”
“I’m joking, you know.” I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “It wouldn’t kill me, anyway. It’d just be, er, awkward to explain at St. Mungo’s. ‘My werewolf boyfriend hurt me when he transformed. You want to see the wound? Right now? Alright, I’ll drop my trousers.’” Sensing Remus wanted me to be more solemn, I added, “I’m sorry you have to go through this.”
Remus shrugged the apology off. “If not taking Wolfsbane for one transformation means Damocles can find out its long-term effects, then it’s worth it.”
“Once Damocles leaves, I’ll be there.”
It was agony to wait for the full moon to sink back beneath the horizon. I had meant to sleep, but found it impossible. For the last three or so years, I’d been with Remus for his transformations. Damocles introduced a final trial of Wolfsbane after we graduated, which made it less necessary for me to comfort Remus, but it reassured me as much as it did him.
I was simultaneously thankful and frustrated that I couldn’t hear Remus’ howls; Damocles had cast protective enchantments on the barn. It was all that kept me from running after him.
Finally, the sky began to lighten. Damocles came from round the back of the barn and lifted the protective enchantments. I transformed into a dog, hidden in the bushes. We’d decided the less Damocles—or anyone, for that matter—knew about our living arrangement, the better. As far as Damocles knew, Remus didn’t want help returning home only because of the secrecy of the Order, not because he was hiding a relationship.
As soon as Damocles Disapparated, I ran from my hiding place and into the barn. Remus lay curled up, naked except for a blanket, various potions placed around him with instructions written on slips of parchment.
I transformed back into a human and knelt at his side. “Hey.” I gently pulled the blanket back, then tried to hide the disgust from my face; deep cuts ran across Remus’ torso and thighs, and his body shone with sweat. “Alright, let’s get you healed.”
Remus tried to open his eyes.
“C’mon, you’re nineteen, you’re young and spry, you can handle a scratch or two.”
“Prick,” Remus groaned.
“We’ll have time for my prick later,” I replied as I searched for the right healing solution. “Let’s give this a go. Damocles wrote that it’s supposed to sting, which probably means it’ll hurt like hell.” I reached out and gripped Remus’ hand. “Here goes nothing.”
After a strained and tedious thirty minutes, Remus was nearly healed of physical injury. Mentally, though, he was unreadable, distant.
“Are you okay to Apparate?”
Remus nodded, and I, potions in my cloak pocket, took his arm and Disapparated.
I helped Remus into bed, then stripped and climbed in with him so we faced each other. He was still shivering.
I drew him to my chest, careful to avoid where he’d hurt himself. His breathing was warm on my neck, but the hand he rested on my chest was cold.
I tried not to cry. Remus was significantly taller than me, a better dueler, smarter, braver—but because of his damned disease, I had to be the one holding him. It felt suddenly like too much. How could I protect him and myself?
“This isn’t going to last, Sirius.”
I tightened my grip on him. He couldn’t have known what I was thinking, could he? “What do you mean?”
“I mean…once of us is going to be killed. Even if we do survive the War, this disease—the Lycanthropy—it’s going to kill me.”
I flushed, stubborn, wanting to take back what I’d thought. If we both saw our relationship as temporary bliss, what hope did we have? “We can’t think about that. Just—just sleep, and don’t think.” I pressed my lips to the top of his head. “I love you, okay?”
Remus exhaled slowly and nuzzled beneath my chin. “I love you, too.”
28 April, 1980 15:13
"I got a letter from Fenrir. He's calling on all werewolves to join You-Know-Who."
I looked up. "What? Fucking hell, that's bold of him."
Remus studied the paper. "Well, it seems as though the letter's been enchanted so only werewolves can read it. Look."
I scanned the blank page quickly, sweat breaking out on my brow. "What're you gonna do?"
He thought for a moment. "Tell the Order. But I won't respond, obviously."
"Obviously," I echoed quietly, watching as he put the letter into his drawer. What he’d said, this wouldn’t last, suddenly rang in my ears, and I shuddered.
1 August, 1980 7:29
Lily had the baby! His name is Harry James Potter (I know, it's a bit conceited) and he is healthy, thank god. You and Moony should stop by to see him this week. Let me know before you do, though, I don't want to be covered in vomit or shit when you come over.
P.S. It may be easier with the war to communicate with the two-way mirror in case the Death Eaters come after us.
29 October, 1980 15:10
James explained everything: the prophecy, how he and Lily would go into hiding indefinitely, and the spell that was necessary to protect them. Once he had finished, he peeked at Harry, who had slept through our entire conversation, then looked at me. "You'll be our secret keeper, then, Padfoot?"
"Of course. What about Remus?"
"You're living together, I'm sure he won't be offended." James looked between me and Lily. "Alright, it's settled."
23 July, 1981 19:46
I've thought about your offer, and I want to help. The full moon is in a week, and I have a plan for targets—
"So I was planning on taking a bath, you know, relieve the stress from today," Remus said as he walked into the room. "If you'd like to join me, it's big enough for the both of us." Remus noticed what I was reading. "Sirius. Listen—"
"You're working for him?"
"No! Of course not, he ruined my life, why would…? Christ, Sirius, it's not what it looks like."
"Then what the hell is it?"
Remus fidgeted. "I wanted to be a double agent. I thought I could do it, but—I was too much of a coward." He searched me, frown deepening. "You don't believe me."
I tried to seem calm. "I believe you." But I didn't. I couldn't. "How would Fenrir trust you, especially after what he did?"
"Exactly. That's why I couldn't bring myself to join him; I might've had to kill to prove myself, and that was unimaginable." Remus took the letter from my numb fingers and put it back in the drawer, then wrapped his arms around me.
I drew a steadying breath. He couldn't know that I suspected him, guilty or not. It would make sense, though, Remus turning against us. Ever since he got Fenrir's letter, he'd been clingy, wanting sex or to cuddle whenever we had the time. He was trying to distract me, get closer to me. "How about that bath?" I said, holding him at arms' length, forcing a smile.
Remus nodded, kissed me, and led me to the bathroom.