Dinosaurs: Caveman Park
There’s a brief shot of dinosaur footprints and human footprints in the brush of jungle. Little orange to brownish furry food critters are running around, happy they’ve gone away so they jump up and down in their trees.
Then, over the nearest volcano... A mostly gray long necked dinosaur reporter with safari like clothes of pale white and brown is there holding a microphone, with a rock carved camera on a rock carved camera tripod.
He says, “ok. Is this on?”
The camera almost falls over the mountain side. But, the reporter props it up with his tail.
With some relief, he comments, “oh, good. Ahem.”
The reporter then asks, “what separates us dinosaurs from cavemen? Is it our brains the size of walnuts, or is it the Pangaea way?”
A dark brown pterodactyl comments, “hey, walnut brain! Your pretentious documentary is scaring the flying food.”
The reporter says, “sorry.”
He moves further down the volcano with the rock carved camera as a flock of flying furry food critters with platypus bill like wings are flying away.
The dark brown pterodactyl comments to himself, “hm. Nice stand. Wonder who had it first. Oh well. It’s mine to play with now.”
He flies away with the tripod in his beak.
At the bottom of the volcano... The reporter goes on with the camera, “what was I saying before I was rudely interrupted? Oh, right. Where is that tripod?”
He waves the thought off. He says, “oh. Here’s a rock.”
He places the camera on the rock. Then, he gets out a projector screen to hang over the side of the volcano: With the light volcanic lava flow burning it up right away.
The reporter goes on, “well, fellow dinosaurs... I may have been laughed out of the reporting business by WeSaySo. But, the magic of Solomon and me are getting the last laugh. Ha. Ahem.”
The projector screen is half burnt off already.
The reporter doesn’t care though.
He says, “what you are about to see is shocking. It may even, dare I say, burn away your appetite! But, the sheer diabolicalness and mayhem of WeSaySo...the public has a right to know. And on this day, we all have the right to question if we’re really as separate from cavemen as we like to think. So, I ask you, pray for me now.”
The reporter starts crying, “I can’t be a caveman! I can’t be a cave...”
The mystical lava flow runs off the projector, magically turning him into a furry were-man.
He roars to the sky before running off and roaring like mad up and down the volcano. But, the lava cooled around the projector screen becomes its own projector.
Across it is WeSaySo’s logo...over Caveman Park in big stone carved letters, between two big rock pillars as a gateway.
A disclaimer in miniscule rock letters pops up saying, “WeSaySo is not responsible for any out of body experiences that you may have from looking at our production cameras too long. WeSaySo is also not confirming nor denying we have magic of our own: Because that just would be too out of this world for us good working dinosaurs up in WeSaySo.”
And, with the disclaimer out of the way, the picture on the projector changes to something completely different. Well...not completely.
A ominous very dark red helicopter with WeSaySo’s logo of the world on it is coming down on a rock carved landing pad, right over a waterfall at a canyon.
Two big rock pillars are behind the pad...on either side of a sign of Caveman Park in big stone letters, propped up with spherical gold bars top and bottom.
Cavemen with little pale spikes out of their arms and legs are running around the auditorium sized cages, banging up a storm. There’s cavemen with arctic chill, and cavemen with hot fevers and hands that scorch the metal.
Security cameras with tranquilizers on them and dinosaur guards are plenty. Brownish plaques are plenty too, with North Cavemen, South Cavemen, Ice Cavemen, and Burning Cavemen on them with info on them as though they were always a different species of cavemen. Some signs are even up saying “feel free to feed the cavemen: Then we don’t have to ourselves” and “don’t touch the electric fence unless you want costly litigation: Tried to warn you”.
Mr. Richfield and Earl Sinclair get out of the helicopter.
Earl is looking around, going uh uh uh.
Salivating... Mr. Richfield brags, “just look at it, Sinclair: A park full of cavemen to breed and mutate for our coal and gold mines, visitors fees for the kids to come and enjoy the tour, no expense needs be spared from our pockets so long as the Antedullivan Science Division brings in more money, and more money! Ha ha!”
Earl Sinclair adds kind of nervously, “oh well...no expense is good sir.” Mr. Richfield says, “thank you.”
Earl Sinclair complains, “yet, I can’t help but say something that’s been on my mind after you pulled me out here.”
Mr. Richfield cuttingly remarks, “you know Sinclair, it would be a lot better if you didn’t think.”
With his hands up... Earl Sinclair exclaims, “you called me over here on Thursday nights just to look at cavemen?!”
The picture changes over to the Antedullivan Broadcasting Company’s news logo.
With spinning by narration... Howard Handupme’s voice then cuts in, “we thought we could control cavemen, control the beasts within for the Good of Pangaea. We were dead wrong. We were so dead wrong. It was a PR nightmare like never before.”
In lower hard to hear narration, the captioning adds, “at least until the coming of FruitCo. But, don’t tell him that.”
The picture cuts to cavemen tearing through the bars and through the park, jumping up and down and tearing their way through guards and dinosaur visitors alike. Screams fill the night.
With a elderly woman dinosaur’s voice... Stone carved narration comes next to fill the night, “Dinosaurs: Caveman Park. The video game. Rated Everyone Ten and Up. Re-edited from dinosaur video game age ratings to fit human video game age ratings.”
In his office... Robbie Sinclair nervously says, “why me? Why any of us?”
From behind his desk... Mr. Richfield calls out, “hey. We got to find someone to get the press off our tail and stop the cavemen. I’m looking at him! I’ll even pay you.”
Robbie Sinclair figures, “tempting. But, I’d like to keep my...dignity. Wait. Those spikes on those cavemen. You’ve been in Thornoids smuggling, haven’t you?”
Mr. Richfield answers sinisterly, “those spikes just happen to look the same. No relation. None. Besides...you don’t want your whole family to have lawyers in “costly ligation” eating you alive out there. Do you?”
Robbie Sinclair reluctantly says, “sigh. Yeah. I hate to admit it. But, you got a point.”
Mr. Richfield goes, “good. Now get out there and catch those mutant cavemen!”
The picture cuts over to a Caveman Park styled video game box: With a video game cartridge with the helicopter from earlier being thrown off the cliff by several mutant cavemen, instruction book done out like The Sacred Book of Dinosaur, and all.
The narrator says, “here are some passages from This Sacred Video Game Instruction Book of Dinosaurs.”
They go like this:
...can play as any of the Sinclair family, Monica, or Roy.
Baby Sinclair can whack enemies with a frying pan and be flung across long distances by enemies without health meter going down much. Robbie can set up traps with vines and pulleys. Charlene can eat food critters or enemies and let out a mighty howl to intimidate enemies.
Roy and Earl can knock down trees on enemies or clear the way by knocking down trees. Monica can whack enemies or clear the way with her tail.
Fran can set up traps with open creature screens and cook food critters or enemies for points. Ethyl can roll around fast in her wheelchair, whack enemies with her cane, and set up campfires and cook food critter or enemies for points.
...can unlock the never before released cut of Changing Nature, where Solomon the Great and his protestors can save the day with the magic of friendship and animatronics terror on WeSaySo.
As for our unlockable characters...
They include Robbie as the alien from We Are Not Alone. He can zap enemies with lasers like you’d expect from a alien invader.
There’s Captain Impressive from Don’t Be a Hero, Earl. He has the same powers. But man, has he got a radioactive stink that makes him kind of a easy target to hit.
But, no: It doesn’t stop there.
There’s Pearl Sinclair from Earl and Pearl. She can calm down enemies with her country singing and drag their bodies while in a tranced state to a cave to collect points.
There’s Georgie from Georgie Must Die and Blarney from Terrible Twos. They can calm down enemies with sing along and jump up and down on them while in a tranced state to collect points, let out a booming voice to intimidate enemies, clear the way by tearing through with their costume claws, let out a childish voice to leave enemies defenseless or confused to be taken down easily, and send in lawyer dinosaur minions with weak health meters to be easy targets to keep enemies scattered in their attacks.
Then there’s Terrible Twos Baby Sinclair himself from Terrible Twos.
He has telekinesis, greater strength that can clear the way by tearing through with his claws, greater speed and dodge to be almost indestructible.
His one weakness? He can be left defenseless or confused by birthday cake with candles scattered throughout the levels and be tempted to eat it...which would cause Terrible Twos Baby Sinclair to lose a life with cosmic lightning from the sky, because since when does Dinosaurs do anything easy?
The narrator concludes, “I hope you’re happy: I’m not. Where’s my paycheck? Oh thank you, mister nice WeSaySo man whoever you are. Wait. Was that microphone on the whole time? Oh dear. I’m never going to be liked in the Pangaea polls again.”
The picture changes to a playset of Caveman Park. Then...it changes back to the side of the volcano.
Crawled over the edge... The dinosaur reporter from the beginning is there: Back as a dinosaur, and with very sweaty and torn up clothes.
Tired and exhaustedly and holding a bottle of alcohol... He says, “Dinosaurs: Caveman Park. Fun for the whole...family.”
He lands against the volcano’s side with a big thud. The bottle smashes on the crumpled down edge of the lava flow cooled remains of the projector screen.