Aaron Hotchner and Spencer Reid
Aaron Hotchner was nervously waiting in line with Spencer Reid who was standing right next to him.
"How are you holding up?" Aaron looked quizzically over at the man next to him.
"I'm okay I guess. I mean I knew this day was coming, but," Spencer didn't know what to say, especially to his boss, the man he's had a crush on for the last five years.
"But what Reid? I need to know how you're feeling about all this. We haven't had a chance to talk much." Aaron stopped and gripped the younger man's shoulder.
"I just always hoped, however foolish that is, that the person I ended up with could love me," He says so softly that Aaron almost missed it.
"And what makes you think I couldn't love you Reid?" Aaron's professional mask was in place but it was only covering his nervousness. When he had married Haley he defied convention by marrying for love and eschewing the normal arrangements. He had known for a long time that he and Spencer were matched up to be married but he was still with Haley at the time. Of course all that changed with the Reaper, a psychopath who had stalked him for months, broke into his apartment, violated him then a few short months later killed his wife and nearly killed his son. Now, though, he and Reid were given no choice but to follow a directive and part of that was grating on his nerves. The fact that it was his subordinate just made it all the worse, added on to all of that Spencer Reid was under the impression that Aaron couldn't eventually love him. He knew he respected and cared for the younger man and he hoped that in time that maybe there could be love.
"You had that one big one and I never have." They moved forward together as the next couple moved off, seemingly happy and excited with their match.
"Reid," Aaron took a deep breath before he answered, "I consider you a good friend and I know this is awkward, for both of us, but," Aaron wasn't sure what he wanted to say but he felt it was important anyway, "This could be good for both of us. I've been missing having someone there," He looked over at Reid and tried to figure out his feelings for the younger man. He was definitely confused, but he hoped that in time he could feel more than just deep friendship, though he couldn't deny he had been attracted to the young man for a long-time. "Jack is looking forward to having you around more." Aaron smiled shyly at the young genius.
Spencer smiled back at the man next to him trying to believe that this was going to be a good thing.
"Come on, we're next," They had finally made it to the front of the line.
The two men handed in their paperwork and stood next to each other waiting for the Judge to begin.
"Do you Aaron Michael Hotchner take this man Spencer Matthew Reid to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The Judge recited by rote.
Aaron gave Spencer one of his rare smiles, "I do."
"And do you Spencer Matthew Reid take this man Aaron Michael Hotchner to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Spencer saw Aaron's smile and didn't quite know what to do with it. He was having trouble processing everything but he knew this had to happen.
"I do," He said barely loud enough for the Judge to hear.
"The rings?" The Judge prompted and Aaron produced the simple tungsten rings. However Spencer noticed that the one Aaron put on his finger had the look of the Tardis, the spaceship from Spencer's favorite Sci-Fi show Dr. Who. This was another thing he put aside not knowing what it actually meant. Aaron was speaking and he shook himself out of his revere.
"…I thee wed," Aaron repeated. Spencer took the other ring from the box and slid it on Aaron's finger.
"With this ring I thee wed." He repeated.
"By the power invested in me by the State of Virginia I now pronounce you husband and husband." Aaron quirked up a brow and leaned in, Spencer wasn't quite sure what was happening but he stayed rooted to his spot. Ever so softly Aaron touched his lips to Spencer's. The young man's eyes widened at the feel of his boss's lips on his but he realized it wasn't unpleasant, just new so he filed that away also with all of the other things that he observed over the last couple of hours in a box in his head titled Aaron.
Hotch and Reid were given a week off for a "honeymoon". They used this time to move Reid into Hotch's house. He had sold the one he and Haley had lived in and had put the money aside for later use. When he realized that he needed something bigger for him and Jack this house had just become available. He thought that subconsciously he was working up towards this day, but it didn't mean that he wasn't nervous. The empty room they turned into an office-library combination with rich dark bookshelves taking up one wall. An old fashioned roll top desk sat against another wall. Spencer's couch and club chair from his apartment fit perfectly. Another wall had floating shelves that held some of Spencer's favorite Dr. Who, Star Trek and Firefly memorabilia.
The two men stepped back after they were done getting the room set-up and admired their handiwork.
"What do you think?" Aaron had a wide smile on his face as he looked over at his husband.
"It's perfect, thank you Hotch, you didn't have to-" Spencer was stopped from completing his sentence by soft lips pressing against his. Again there was that faint flutter in his stomach and he didn't quite know what was going on.
"I want you to feel comfortable here Spencer," The young man looked up wide-eyed at Hotch. This was the first time since his rescue in Georgia that his boss has used his first name."Um, okay Hotch," He says feeling shy and quiet all of a sudden.
Aaron looks over at the young man, "Spencer, it's okay to call me Aaron, especially when we are home."
"Oh, yeah okay, Aaron." He blushes deeply at the thought of using Aaron's first name. It seemed to make this whole situation more real and more intimate all of a sudden.
"Come on let's get cleaned up and we'll go get some lunch." Aaron made his way into their bedroom.
Their bedroom, Spencer was still trying to get used to sleeping in a bed with someone else. So far Hotch had been a perfect gentlemen and nothing happened between the two of them other than sleeping. If he sometimes woke with a raging hard on at the knowledge that he was sleeping in the same bed with his boss, the man he's had a crush on from practically day one, then he dealt with it alone.
When Hotch came out of the shower completely naked Reid swallowed back the lump in his throat. He still wasn't used to how free and easy his husband was with his nudity. His husband, this was another thing that Reid was also still trying to process. It had only been barely four days and he still couldn't believe he was married. Married, I'm married to my boss. Aaron Hotchner is my husband. This wasn't the first time those thoughts took over Reid's mind. When he looked up he saw Hotch staring at him, a tiny smiled graced his lips.
"What?" Reid started blushing at the way Hotch was looking at him.
"Nothing, I was going to ask you the same thing. You've been staring since I came in the bedroom." Hotch teased him.
"Oh I guess I'm just not used to seeing you," Reid waved towards Hotch.
"Naked," Hotch teased him, his eyes sparkled with a bit of humor. "Spencer, we've shared enough hotel rooms over the years that I didn't think. If you'd rather me change in the bathroom-"
"No, it's okay, it just surprises me that's all. On cases you're so formal, I'm just trying to process this side of you." Reid smiled up at Hotch as his cheeks flushed.
"You know, if you keep blushing like that I just don't know what I will do with myself," Hotch teased, but there was just a bit of heat behind it and Reid suddenly bolted for the bathroom. Hotch chuckled slightly as he continued getting dressed.
What Reid didn't realize and what Hotch had always kept hidden was his attraction to the young genius. He knew this situation was awkward for the both of them but he was determined to start making Reid feel comfortable around him in this new relationship. He was grateful that Jessica had taken Jack for the week so that he could work on that very thing. It was barely Tuesday and Hotch knew he didn't have much time alone with Reid left. Once they were back at work he knew their working relationship would change. He wasn't sure how but he knew there was going to be a difference, whether it was going to be the team, or if he himself was going to change he just didn't know.
He was deep in these thoughts when Reid came back out of the bathroom in only his boxers. It was the first time since the Friday before that he had actually seen this much of his husband. Reid was still shy about getting into bed with Hotch and he ended up wearing sweats and a t-shirt most nights.
Aaron stopped and just stared at the young genius for a few minutes. He took in the long lanky, but surprisingly muscular body. He was pale, but it wasn't unpleasant, Hotch was beginning to enjoy looking at Reid more than he ever had before. He couldn't stop himself as he walked over and grabbed the young genius in a hug and kissed him. His hands fisted in the younger man's long curly hair as he ravished that soft mouth.
Reid was shocked again at the kiss. His eyes wide, he didn't quite know what to do with his hands. He still wasn't quite sure what Hotch actually wanted out of their relationship and the kissing didn't actually tell him anything, though Hotch kept doing it. Unfortunately this one was more heated than the quick pecks that Hotch kept giving him. And it didn't help that he was getting slightly aroused from it. This just added to his confusion. Finally he laid his hands on Hotch's chest and gently pushed the older man away.
"Aaron, what, what are you doing?" His face was red with embarrassment.
"I thought I was kissing my husband," Hotch said so softly it was almost a whisper. "I'm ah, I'm sorry. I won't presume-" His face was red with shame. He turned back to the closet and concentrated on getting dressed, not looking at Reid as his stoic mask came up and he shut down his emotions.
"Aaron-" Reid started to say something but Hotch cut him off.
"Its okay Reid, It's fine. Let's just go to lunch, okay?" He tried to smile but Reid could tell it was forced and he knew he had deeply hurt Hotch. He wasn't quite sure what to do to make this better, make this less awkward. Instead of saying anything he got dressed, ready to go out. Out was safe, out there were other people around and he didn't have to try to analyze what was happening in this quasi-relationship.
They ended up at a small Italian restaurant near the house and the two men ate in awkward silence. What had started out as a fairly fun day had quickly turned into uncomfortable silence and hurt. Reid still didn't know how to make this situation right with his husband. He hadn't even realized that the older man could feel anything other than friendship towards him and it wasn't like they had discussed anything, especially any intimacy.
When they got back home Hotch retreated to his office still trying to get his emotions under control. He knew they hadn't discussed any of the more intimate aspects of marriage but he knew on some level that Reid had a crush on him. And the gesture hadn't been anything more than a kiss but Hotch felt the rejection deep in his heart. Ever since the attack by Foyet he was more vulnerable than his team realized and a seed of doubt about any possible intimacy with Reid had taken root. He sat back with a glass of scotch and let those doubts and self-recriminations enter his mind. He knew he needed to get past this but he just didn't know how. Maybe friendship was all he was ever going to get from Reid and it made his heart ache.
When Reid saw that Hotch shut himself in his office he knew then just how deeply he hurt the older man. He didn't understand what his husband wanted and he knew they needed to talk but he had a feeling now wasn't going to be the right time. He wanted more, god did he want more, but he may have just ruined that chance by pushing Hotch away from him. He didn't even understand why he did it and he knew it was going to take work to fix it.
Hotch knew he couldn't hide in his office all night. He knew he wasn't ready to talk yet, but he thought he'd at least make a gesture. He found Reid curled up on the couch with a book and for some reason it put a smile on his face.
"Spencer," He tried to keep his voice light, hoping it worked. Reid looked up to see the older man standing there watching him.
"Yes Aaron?" He asked cautiously, he hoped that they weren't going to talk about what happened, he also wasn't ready yet.
"Want to watch a movie? Or, I'm willing to see what this Doctor Who is all about." He hoped that Reid saw it as the olive branch he meant it to be.
"Really?" Reid's eyes lit up as he wandered over to the cabinet with all of their DVD's. He pulled out season one of the new series and turned to Hotch, "We'll start with the new series. It's a bit more accessible as the older version was more serialized so there is a bit of overlap in each episode which today's audience finds harder to take in." He looked over and saw Hotch give him one of his rare dimple showing smiles and something settled in his heart. One step at a time Spencer, One step at a time. He thought to himself.
"Sounds like fun." Hotch grabbed some drinks for them before they settled on the couch and started watching the show.
After a while both men started to relax and the awkward tension eased just a little. Spencer had been worrying, contemplating something in his head and he made a decision. It was a small gesture as he slowly moved his hand across the couch and finally after what seemed like forever he laid his hand on top of Hotch's. He felt his husband stiffen slightly and he cursed himself for putting that doubt in Hotch's head. He was rewarded after a few minutes though of Hotch gently lacing his fingers with Reid's.
They sat like that for the longest time watching Doctor Who and holding hands.
Later that night when Hotch got ready for bed he said goodnight to Reid, but there was no touching of his shoulder, no chaste kiss on his forehead, nothing. Hotch had pulled back completely and Reid cursed himself once more. He was determined that in the morning they would talk about this. He knew they had to get this out in the open or it would sit and fester between them. He didn't want to have a marriage, no matter that it was arranged, built on silence. He wanted Hotch's friendship and if he was truly honest with himself, he wanted the affection.
Reid made another bold decision that night and when he got into bed he wore only his boxers. He wanted to get over his shyness and wanted to show Hotch he was willing to work on their relationship. He wanted to show his husband he wanted to work towards intimacy, even if it took them both a while to get there.
When Hotch woke the next morning he felt someone curled up into him and it startled him. After Reid's rejection of the day before he didn't know what to do or what this meant. Slowly he started to extricate himself from the younger man.
"Don't go," Reid said sleepily as he wrapped his arm around Hotch's waist and pulled in tighter to his husband.
After the day before Hotch wasn't quite sure what to do. He tentatively wrapped an arm around his husband's shoulders and relaxed back on the bed. He didn't say anything yet, he wasn't quite sure how to approach what happened between them.
"I'm sorry Aaron," Reid sat up and leaned over Hotch, his hair falling around his face. Something caught in Hotch's heart as he looked up into the boyish face of his husband.
"Spencer, I-" Reid cut him off. He wanted to finish what he was going to say before Hotch said anything.
"Let me finish Aaron." Reid sat up even more on the bed, "I'm not sure what you want from me and the kissing caught me off guard. I know I hurt you and I never meant to. I don't know how to do this," He looked down at the bed as he pulled his knees up to his chest. "I don't know how to be in a relationship. I've had sex before, but no one's ever been intimate with me and it scared me." Reid took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he looked down at Hotch.
Hotch sat up against the headboard his legs crossed, "I haven't done this since my divorce from Haley, Spence. Believe it or not I am just as much out of my element but," He gave a shy smile to his husband, "I have a confession, something I probably should have told you a long time ago." He tentatively took a hold of Reid's hand, "I've wanted you for a while now Spence, but after the divorce and then Haley," His breath caught in his throat as his mind wandered back to the day his ex-wife was killed.
"Oh god Aaron," Reid closed his eyes as comprehension dawned on why Hotch was being so affectionate. "You haven't had anyone in your life since have you?"
"No, no I haven't Spencer. Look if you want or need me to back off I will. I just felt so comfortable around you that I didn't stop and think." He swallowed hard because of how deep this conversation was getting. "I know how I present myself at work Spencer, but I need to be that hard, demanding person when we are in the field because I expect the best out of everyone. But at home, I need comfort and safety." Hotch pulled his hand back and clasped them in his lap, he lowered his eyes not wanting to see what Reid was feeling and he wanted to get this out in the open before it was too late. "I haven't felt safe since Foyet, Spence. Everyday I have to be strong for Jack's sake, but I don't always feel safe." His voice was quiet and Reid had never seen Hotch this vulnerable.
Spencer was take aback by this confession. The team had been worried about him when Haley went into hiding and they saw his slow breakdown, but this confession wasn't a side that anyone had seen. Spencer wasn't sure if he was ready for a vulnerable Hotch. He closed his eyes and took a shaky breath, he didn't want his husband to see what he was feeling. The fact was after he came back to work everyone was watching him too closely yet no one really and truly saw him. And he felt a spike of shame arrow through him because he was one of those that hadn't known how to help and he kept his distance. He thought about it as they sat there in silence and he came to a decision.
"Aaron, it wasn't that I didn't enjoy you kissing me, I did, I mean I do, but I wasn't sure what it meant. I know that, well I'm not sure how you feel about it but if it is possible, I mean," God, why am I rambling? Why can't I just say it? Reid thought to himself.
"Spence, eventually I do want to be more intimate, and yes that does mean sex. But, I need to take this slow." A cloud of pain flashed across his face as he thought about his recent past.
Spencer felt there was something Hotch wasn't telling him, a deeper reason for his behavior after the Reaper and his feelings of safety. At first he wasn't going to push, but he knew that secrets were not a good start to any kind of marriage, even arranged ones. He reached over and grabbed Hotch's hand in his and held it tight.
"Aaron, what aren't you telling me?" Reid's breathing was shallow because he wasn't sure he wanted to hear what Hotch had to say, but he knew he needed to for some reason.
Hotch looked up at Reid and his eyes were dark with pain, "There are things I kept out of the official report from Foyet's attack Spence. Things that were too personal and no one needed to know." Reid's heart was hammering in his chest because he had a sick feeling he knew where this conversation was going. "But, if we are going to make this work at all you need to know." Hotch closed his eyes tight as he held his husband's hand in his, "Foyet didn't just stab me Spence, he ah, he," Tears started to roll down Hotch's face unbidden, he hadn't told anyone this and he was finding it harder than he thought it would be to tell Reid.
"Aaron, did Foyet, did he rape you?" Reid's pulse quickened at the thought that this strong, oft resilient man might have been violated in the worst way possible. It would also explain a lot of Hotch's erratic behavior in those months after the attack.
Hotch kept his eyes closed because he didn't want to see whatever was in Reid's eyes, "Yes," the word came out so softly that Reid almost missed it and his heart ached not only for Hotch the Unit Chief, but it ached even more for Aaron the man, his husband.
Reid moved up the bed and lay down on his back, he opened his arms, "Come here Aaron," Hotch finally opened his eyes and saw nothing but compassion as he lowered himself into Reid's arms. When he felt himself being enveloped by those surprisingly strong arms he let go. He had not let himself deal with the attack, he had pushed all those feelings down and just kept going. First it was for Jack, then it was for the team, then it was just so he wouldn't have to deal with it. Now, he knew he was going to have to deal with it and he was feeling emotionally raw.
"Aaron what happened to you wasn't your fault and you know it. How many women have we counseled over the years? What this man did, he did to hurt you, to make you falter. Don't let him win, not after everything you have been through, don't let him win Aaron." Reid pulled the older man closer and held him tight as Hotch released all of the pain he had been holding in. After a while, drained and emotionally spent, Aaron fell asleep in Reid's arms. The young genius cursed himself that no one on the team had seen the signs and they should have. They were profiler's for god sakes, they should have seen what it was that Hotch was actually going through at the time. So much became clear to him after Hotch's confession. He closed his eyes and let his own tears fall. These weren't tears for himself, they were for the man he was holding. In all those months he was alone and in pain and none of them had tried to reach out, and he especially felt guilty because of all the things that Hotch had done for him. Especially after Georgia and how his boss, his friend had reached out quietly, away from everyone and helped him through his addiction. Why hadn't he done the same? Stop it Spencer, this will get you nowhere. You're here now, help him now that's what will count. Reid closed his eyes and fell asleep himself but he went over in his head what it was he could do to help his husband, help both of them work towards a more intimate relationship.
A few hours later and Hotch woke-up with a headache. When he realized he was still in Reid's arms he stiffened a little but when those arms just pulled him in tighter he relaxed. He hadn't ever meant to tell anyone the truth of what really happened to him and he was afraid of what Reid was going to think of him when he finally woke.
"I can practically hear you thinking Aaron," Reid said so softly that Hotch almost missed it.
"Spencer-" He wasn't sure what he wanted to say but he was cut off by the younger man.
"Aaron, it's okay. If you think that I feel any differently for you because of what you told me I don't. I think I understand more now. We will work on this, together okay?" Reid didn't know where he was getting this strength from, he never took the lead in relationships, but he knew right here and right now he needed to. Hotch had given him something profound and Reid was determined to protect it, protect him. No one else needed to know and he knew he'd never break that trust.
Hotch wasn't going to let himself cry again, he'd already done enough of it and somehow he knew that he had needed to talk about those things he had repressed for so long. With Reid it was easy, their friendship had made it easier than he realized and he felt freer having shared that with someone else.
"I think we should get out of bed," Hotch started to get up but Reid just pulled him back down.
"Not before I do this," Slowly, almost agonizingly slow Reid bent over Hotch and touched his lips to his husband's in a soft, gentle kiss. It was the first time that he initiated any type of intimate contact and it felt good, it felt right and he knew that in time he wanted more.
Hotch's heart was caught in his throat at the soft contact. His eyes fluttered closed as he lifted his hands and fisted them gently in Reid's hair, pulling the man a little closer and deepening the kiss. He wasn't sure who moaned and he didn't care, he was just enjoying the touch. After what seemed like forever he pulled out of the kiss and smiled.
"Thank you Spencer," He hesitated a moment but then took a chance and brushed the back of his hand across Reid's cheek. The young genius signed almost contentedly as he leaned into the touch.
"Aaron, I know you need to take things slow, and so do I to be honest. But, I want you to know that I want this to work, I want us to work." His heart was pounding in his chest as he thought of the words he really wanted to say but neither of them were ready for that yet. That was a level of commitment even he wasn't ready for.
"I want this to work too Spencer," The smile he gave his husband was one Reid hadn't seen for a long time and he felt happy that he put that smile there.
"Okay, now I need coffee," Reid got up and went to the kitchen to anxiously wait for the coffee pot to finish while Hotch got up, feeling better than he had since his divorce. He got dressed in jeans and a polo shirt and decided to make brunch for the both of them.
"So, something else we haven't really talked about Spencer," Hotch hesitated a moment, "How are you feeling about being a parent to Jack." Hotch put it out there and patiently went about chopping vegetables for omelets.
"What, what do you mean?" Reid came to sit in front of Hotch at the breakfast bar. He sat down on the bar stool and took a long drink of coffee to settle his nerves. This possibility hadn't even crossed his mind and now he was having a minor freak out.
"Well, Spencer, you are my husband and Jack already loves you, what did you think you were going to be to him?" Hotch quirked a brow in amusement. All thought of their earlier conversation and the emotional purge afterwards were put aside. Now, he needed to let Reid know that he is trusting him with the most important person in his life.
"I, I don't know how to be a parent Aaron," The look on Reid's face was almost comical. And any other time Aaron might have laughed, but not now. Now he knew he needed to reassure his husband.
"Spence, I know you love Jack and he loves you. God, I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there for him these last few months Spencer. You'll know what to do, I trust you with him." Aaron moved around the counter and took Spencer's face in his hands and gently kissed him, "I trust you with us Spencer."
"Aaron," Spencer breathed out as new emotions filled his heart, "I don't know what to say. This is all new to me but thank you it means a lot that you trust me like this." He reached up and kissed his husband back finally able to reconcile the affection and needs of his husband.
Aaron goes back to the kitchen and finishes making them brunch. After a while he serves them cheese and mushroom omelet's, crisp deli bacon and sourdough toast. They ate in silence, but this time it was a comfortable silence both men feeling more at ease after their long talk.
The rest of the week was time spent talking, cuddling and light kisses. Each man beginning to enjoy this new aspect of their relationship. Aaron was more than grateful for the hard won intimacy he was both receiving and giving. He knew they had a long way to go, but suddenly everything had started to click into place.
Later that day Jack was due to arrive back home and Spencer was nervous. He and Jack had gotten close those few months after Haley's death, but this arrangement changes everything.
"Spence, it's going to be okay. Jack will be happy, I promise you." Aaron kissed the younger man's temple and Spencer relished it.
"Okay, I trust you Aaron," When he looked up at his husbands face he saw a smile grow on Aaron's face.
"And I trust you Spence," He leaned in and waited a second for Spencer to nod, then he kissed him like he had that day. It was heated and Spencer melted into the kiss savoring the feeling of his husband's lips against his own. And when strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him in close he didn't protest.
They only broke apart when they heard the knock at the door. Hotch pulled back with a smile on his face. After their talk and the move towards more he could honestly say he couldn't be happier. He moved to answer the door and when he did a 5 year old bundle flashed through the house and barreled into his father's arms.
"Daddy," Jack cried as he threw his arms around his dad's neck as he was picked-up in strong arms.
"Come in Jess," Aaron moved back to let his ex-sister-in-law in.
"Thanks," She leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. They walked into the dining room where Reid was waiting nervously.
"Uncle Spencer," Jack wiggled to get down so he could run and give Reid a hug. The genius happily picked-up the five-year old and held him close. Every so often the team still teased him about the Reid-Effect, but Henry and Jack both had broken him of that.
"Hey Jack-Jack. How would you like to go to the Smithsonian today? They have that special Batman exhibit." Spencer brushed the boy's hair back and was lost. There was no denying that he had grown to love the youngest Hotchner over the months after Haley's death. Even though he hadn't been there for Aaron like he realized he should have, he was there for Jack and the two had grown close.
"Can we Dad? Can we?" Jack was practically bouncing in Reid's arms.
"Of course Jack. Let's just finish our breakfast then we'll go." Hotch leaned down and kissed the top of the little boy's head.
Reid put him down on a stool next to him then went back to finishing his breakfast. It didn't take long and with coffee mugs in hand they were quickly out the door.
"Uncle Spencer," Jack was sitting in the back seat of the car trying to get Reid's attention.
"Yes Jack?" He turned so he could see the little boy.
"You and Daddy are married now," He was looking at Reid and the concentration on the little boy's face put a smile on his face.
"Yes Jack, we are." He wasn't sure where this was going but he'd wait the little boy out.
"Daddy is Daddy, you're Uncle Spencer but if you're married now can I call you Papa?" Jack looked at the young genius with wide hopeful eyes and Reid was a little flustered. He knew Jack loved him just like he loved Jack but he never expected this.
"Yes Jack if you ah, if you want you can call me Papa," Reid turned around and had tears in his eyes. He never thought he would have children but here Hotch and Jack had given him a gift.
The day went by smoothly and Hotch could tell how happy his son was. Every time he called Reid papa it did something to his heart. Jack's love and affection for his husband wasn't something he worried about but the name change showed Hotch where Reid was in Jack's heart.
They had a fun lunch with Jack talking almost non-stop about the exhibits. Superheroes were Jacks favorite thing and he looked up to his father with such hero worship that it left a little hitch in Hotch's heart. Sometimes he wondered if he lived up to his son's view of him. It was ultimately Jack that solidified his decision to go back to work after Haley's death. His son saw him as the super hero, the one who stops the bad guys and he didn't want to disappoint Jack. He was startled back to reality when he heard Reid talking.
"...And yes Jack, your Dad is a hero. He's the best kind because he does his best to save people, he saved me once and I will always love him for that." Reid smiled at the little boy whose smile got even wider. Reid hadn't realized what he said and he blushed when he looked back up in Hotch's face.
"Spencer," Hotch breathed out, his shock quite evident. "I, I don't know what to say." His breath was shallow and he knew he wanted to say it also because a part of him did love the genius but he wasn't quite ready to say it back.
"Aaron," He looked up wide-eyed at the older man as the realization of his words his him, "Its okay, I, just I, um you ah don't have to say anything Aaron," His breathing was shallow and his heart was pounding and he wasn't even sure why. He wasn't sure if it was the confession, or the look that Aaron was giving him.
"Spencer, I do care very much for you-" He was stopped by soft lips pressing against his own. The kiss was wonderful, calming and Hotch smiled against those lips.
"You'll say it when you're ready." Reid pulled back and he had a shy smile on his face. After a few minutes of just staring at each other they went back to finishing their lunch.
Later that night after getting home and having a night of movies, Pizza and Popcorn, they put an exhausted Jack to bed. The boy was more than excited by having Reid now there all the time. He had become quite attached after his mother's death. Reid came by quite often to take him out to really cool places and Jack loved it. He had wanted Reid to read to him and the young man was all too happy to comply with his request. At first he was hesitant because he knew that was Hotch's time but when the older man said it was okay Reid smiled and happily read to the little boy. Then when Jack said "Night Papa," Reid came close to having tears in his eyes so it was with a happy heart that the genius settled Jack into bed and made his way back to Aaron.
The two men cuddled together on the couch. Reid was stretched out with his head on Aaron's lap reading a book of his own and Aaron was leaning back against the couch watching a movie on TV. Aaron was running his hands through the younger man's hair, relishing in the feeling of the soft curls through his fingers. Every so often he'd stroke his hand down Reid's cheek or forehead. The genius would just sigh happily at the soft touches. When his eyes started to close Aaron knew it was time to go to bed.
A short while later they were taking showers and crawling into bed Aaron pulled the younger man to him, holding him close. When he felt his husband's erection against his leg he didn't want to ignore it anymore. He wanted to feel that thrill of a lover under his hands again, but he was shy about it. Foyet had taken more than Haley, he took Aaron's confidence when it came to a lover, to intimacy, to sex. Hotch wanted to try something at least, to up their intimacy, to start moving towards a more sexual relationship.
"Spencer," He whispered in the younger man's ear, wanting to know if he was awake or not.
"Yes, Aaron?" His face was only inches away and his breath was ragged and uneven in anticipation. He had felt something had changed in his husband and he wasn't sure what it was. He hoped he knew what it was and he hoped that he could help Hotch.
"I," Aaron swallowed hard not knowing if he was going to be rejected or not but he wanted to take the chance. "I want to touch you Spencer," His voice was almost a whisper in Reid's ear.
"Oh god yes," Reid's eyes dilated at the thought of what Hotch might want to do and at this point he would take anything his husband was comfortable with. "Please."
Hotch reached down and took Reid's cock in his hand and slowly started to stroke, he was halfway between fear and ecstasy at the feel of his husband's sex in his hand. He was touching Reid intimately and it was the first time he has done something like this since his attack. He wanted to get past those memories and make better, cleaner memories and in the arms of his husband he hoped that was possible.
Hotch quickly turned around and grabbed the bottle of lube he had bought a couple of days earlier in anticipation of a night like this. He slicked up his hand and turned back to his husband and started to stroke again slowly letting his hand glide up and down the hard erection. His thumb circled the head spreading the bit of pre-cum that had leaked out back down onto Reid. He watched his lover's face which was thrown back in pleasure, his eyes closed and his mouth slightly open.
"Aaron, oh god," Reid's breath hitched at what the man in front of him was doing to his cock.
"Spencer, look at me," Aaron wanted to see Reid's eyes and he wasn't disappointed. The genius looked at Hotch and what he saw there was desire. Reid wanted to touch, wanted to give back but he wasn't sure how his husband would respond. So he decided to take it slowly. He reached out and stroked Hotch's arms, letting his hands slide over soft skin, ghosting along his hips and coming up his back. The older man shivered in pleasure at the touch of Reid's hands all over his body and he let out a moan as his hand continued to work Spencer towards release.
Tentatively the younger man slowly stroked along Hotch's chest and leaning forward he kissed and licked at one of the scars. Aaron thought he would balk at the sort of thing that Reid was doing but he didn't he felt cared for and that brought tears to his eyes. At first Reid thought he was doing something wrong but then Hotch's breath hitched and his eyes fluttered closed and he panted out a breathy, "Don't stop."
Reid continued his ministrations which spurred the older man on, he started to work his husband's cock faster and harder. He shifted around a little so he could get his other hand to massage the heavy balls that were tightening up against Reid's now straining cock. This spurred the younger man on and his strokes and kisses became more passionate, and he reached down while looking in Hotch's eyes to make sure everything he was doing was wanted. When he passed a thumb across the head of Hotch's own cock the man's eyes rolled back in pleasure and a soft moan escaped the older man's lips.
Hotch's movements became more frantic in his need to see his lover's release.
"God yes Aaron, please don't stop," Reid started to thrust his hips forward into Hotch's hand frantically in his need to come.
"That's it Spencer, come for me," Hotch whispered to him, his husband's beautiful face so close to his he just needed to move his head a fraction of an inch and he was kissing Reid in a way he hadn't before. It was rough and passionate and needy. That was all it took was to feel those lips on his and the genius was crying out against the kiss as he released into his husbands hand.
"Aaron," He sighed and smiled as he gave Hotch another kiss. His own hand had been slowly working Hotch's own cock and when he didn't flinch only thrust his hips forward that spurred Reid on. He reached for the lube and slicked up his hand and quickly went back to his ministrations. He kept his eyes on his husbands face and stayed aware just in-case Hotch became uncomfortable at any time. When the older man started to thrust frantically in his hand Reid sped up him movements and before either man knew it Hotch was crying out his pleasure as he released his load into Reid's hand.
Both men lay there for a few moments just looking at each other as a new emotional connection was made. Hotch made some connections in his own mind, realized feelings he had long ago buried and it was almost too much. The intimacy was what he had needed to begin to breakdown those barriers he had placed around his heart after his wife's death.
Slowly, almost reluctantly he got up off the bed and went to get a warm wet washcloth to clean the both of them up with. When he came back to bed and after cleaning Reid he pulled the younger man into his arms and silently cried.
"Thank you Spencer," Hotch choked on his own emotions as he held his husband close to him.
"Aaron, you don't have to thank me. I've wanted to touch you like that for a long time but I just wasn't sure if you'd let me, if you were ready."
"You gave me something Spence. You let me feel something clean and pure again." Hotch shut his eyes tightly against the emotions running through him.
"Aaron," Reid looked up to see Hotch's face and it both broke his heart but comforted him at the same time. He reached up and brushed away the tears and kissed him sweetly. "I promise I would never hurt you I only want to make you happy Aaron." And as soon as he said it Reid knew it was true. All he wanted to do was make the man he loved happy.
"Spencer," Aaron looked down at the shaggy head on his shoulder, "Did you," He took a deep breath before continuing, "Did you mean what you said earlier?" Hotch was stroking Reid's back making lazy circles along his spine.
Reid knew exactly what he was talking about and knew this question was coming, "Yes, Aaron I did mean it. You didn't leave me alone after Georgia like everyone else did. You stayed, you got me through it and I," This was a moment of truth for Reid, Hotch had been so honest with him this last week that he knew he needed to give a bit of it back, "I love you Aaron. I have ever since then but I knew, at that time, I couldn't have more than friendship. When we got our arrangement papers, I got scared. You had your big love and I didn't want to let myself believe that you could feel anything other than friendship for me." He buried his head in Hotch's shoulder, he didn't want to see his husbands face or his reaction.
"Spencer look at me," Hotch placed a hand on the younger man's chin and lifted his face. "I'm not ready to say what I feel, but Spence I do feel something more than friendship for you but give me time, okay?" He kissed that soft willing mouth again and he was lost again. Hotch's feelings were reawakening but he needed time to process, time to understand what they were.
"I'll wait Aaron because you are worth it." Reid settle back down onto Hotch's shoulder and slowly fell asleep. Hotch was still awake just holding the genius in his arms as tears came again to his eyes. I'm sorry Haley. I didn't mean to move on but I need to, I hope you understand. I'll always love you but I can't live with your ghost anymore, it's hurting me too much. I love Spencer, I think I have for a long time and just didn't want to admit it. He's good with Jack, and he loves him too. I have to let you go and as much as that hurts if I don't I could lose the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Goodbye Haley. Hotch sent up these thoughts and when he did it settled something in his heart and he had new hope for his future.
Monday morning came too fast for the newlyweds and both were nervous about going into work. The normally stoic unit chief had a bit of the butterflies in his stomach. They were holding hands all the way till they entered the bullpen on the sixth floor. Reluctantly they broke apart but not before Hotch stole a quick kiss.
"Remember, just because we're married now Spencer doesn't mean I'll be any easier on you." Hotch's normal stoic mask slips on as they both go through the glass doors.
"I know Aaron, we've already been over this and I've already told you I can handle it. I can separate our home life from our work life, okay?" Reid was a bit frustrated because they had already talked about this ad naseum.
"Okay, I'm sorry I just want this to work." Hotch smiled before he got any further.
"I do to Aaron. Now stop worrying and go be a Unit Chief," Reid shook his head as he made his way to his desk. When he got there he saw several people standing around.
"What are you guys doing?" He asks hesitantly gripping the strap of his ever present messenger bag.
"Hey pretty boy is back," Morgan moved off of Reid's desk and gave the young man a one-armed hug.
Garcia saw him and practically squealed as she rushed him and grabbed him in a full body hug, "Okay dish, is he a good kisser? Cause seriously I think he is, did you guys you know, come on tell us everything my baby genius," Her eyes sparkled as much as the flamboyant outfit she was wearing that day.
"Garcia," Reid blushed deeply. He wasn't going to talk about any of their intimate moments with anyone else. Hotch trusted him with his secrets and Reid wasn't going to violate that trust, no matter how close he was with his team.
"Pen, I think that is something that is between them," JJ saw the tenseness in Reid and that he didn't want to talk about this.
"I know, I'm sorry Reid," Garcia let out a slight pout as she kissed the side of the young man's cheek.
"Just, you know it's between us okay?" He wanted to change the subject and went over to his desk. Sitting there was a small chocolate cake which made Reid smile, "Garcia, did you do this?"
"Yeah, I knew you guys didn't want the big wedding to do, but you have to have cake."
"Thank you Garcia, now can we just get to work, okay?" He just wanted to get back some semblance of normalcy. He told Hotch that he could separate he just hoped it was true.
"Alright, come on let's leave the genius alone." Morgan grabbed his wife's shoulders and steered her away.
Reid settled down at his desk and smiled at Garcia's thoughtfulness over the cake. He looked up to Hotch's office, grabbed the cake and went to go show him.
"I think the team is a little enthusiastic over our arrangement," He set the cake on Hotch's desk and sat down smiling.
Hotch just shook his head, "And this is from Dave," Aaron quirked up a brow and handed an envelope over to Reid. It was a gift certificate to one of Dave's favorite upscale Italian restaurants.
"So, seems like they've been waiting for this to happen," Reid shook his head a little. He was glad that the team cared and that they were so supportive. Though they still needed to work through some of their issues, they had a good start. Reid looked up into his husband's face and saw him smiling, in the office an actual warm genuine smile in the office, that threw Reid for a moment.
"What?" Hotch quirked up his brow as he kept that smile on his face.
"Well, it's just that you are smiling, in the office, kinda threw me." He teased.
"I smile-" Hotch frowned a little.
"No Hotch actually for quite a while you haven't. It's nice to see." Reid's expression softened and he made a bold move by getting up and walking around the desk that was between them. He bent down and kissed his husband quite enthusiastically.
"Reid," He sighed against those lips as his arms came up to pull the younger man onto his lap.
"Ahem," Dave walked in and had his own crooked smile on his face. "I hope that I don't come in here one day and find the two of you doing something entirely different." He teased.
"Dave," Aaron blushed almost as deeply as Reid at the implication.
"Well, the way you two were going at it could have almost been a sure bet." He teased some more.
"Dave," The two men said at the same time as Reid got up off Aaron's lap and still blushing rushed out of the office and back to his desk.
The older man chuckled under his breath then sat down across from his friend.
"Aaron, tell me, how are you really?" Dave folded his hands in front of him and waited.
Hotch took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair, "I wasn't sure at first Dave. After Haley I didn't think, well I know I care very deeply for Reid and it's going to take us time but I want this."
"Good. You two have been circling each other for a long-time now and I know why you didn't confirm your arrangement right away but I think he's good for you Aaron, don't screw it up." Dave gave a quick smile then walked out of Hotch's office.
Hotch just shook his head then looked out his office window and down towards his team. He could see they were still teasing Reid and he knew his husband could handle it. Something shifted in his heart as he watched the younger man and knew right then he would do whatever it took to keep Reid for Jack and for himself.
Six months later and the couple was doing surprisingly well. Though Hotch was still having trouble with sex and they had moved on from just mutual masturbation. Reid was patient and knew that this was difficult territory for his husband.
"Spencer," Hotch's frustration with himself was showing, "I'm sorry, I thought-"
"Shhh, it's okay. I told you it'll happen when you are ready. I don't need penetrative sex Aaron. I love you and if this is all we do, then I'm happy with that." He noticed Hotch's embarrassment.
"Come here let me just hold you." Hotch moved to Spencer's arms and let himself be comforted. When they had just gotten to sleep their phones went off.
Got a case Hotch, it looks like they need us right away. – JJ
"Damn, I'll call Jessica. Can you check our GoBags?" Hotch moved off the bed and called his ex- sister-in-law and went to get Jack up. After making coffee and getting dressed they were out the door within the hour.
They immediately made their wat to the conference room after getting into the office. JJ handed Hotch the file for him to look over first.
"I had flagged this case as a potential but I just hadn't had a chance to go over it with you. When the Lodi Police called me and said they had another body, I just didn't think we could wait." JJ said as he sat down while the rest of the team trickled in.
Reid was carefully studying the file and when he understood what they were dealing with his head shot up to look at Hotch. He saw the moment the Unit Chief understood too.
"Hotch," Reid looked over and their eyes met, "You sure?" They were having a silent conversation and everyone around the table looked confused.
"Is there something we should know?" Dave looked between the two men.
Hotch cleared his throat, but his face was pale, "I'll be fine Reid," He looked at his husband with a glare.
"No Dave, nothing you need to know." He looked back down at the file. "JJ, go ahead."
JJ frowned because Hotch did not look like he was fine, "Um well we have 7 men in the last eight months who have been raped, sodomized and stabbed multiple times." JJ put up each of their pictures and told the group their names, when they were found and the details of each of their injuries. It didn't help that they victims were all of similar build to him. As each man was mentioned Hotch's face grew paler, and sweat started to break out. Reid saw the panic attack coming on and he leapt out of his seat and was across the room in seconds.
"Come on Aaron, breath, head between your knees. You need to calm down." He rubbed circles around his husbands back trying to help relax his breathing. Reid lifted his chin so they could look each other in the eye, "We don't have to take this case." He whispered in Hotch's ear.
"Yes, yes we do," He stared at Reid for a long time, "I do." He said quietly.
"Aaron, I love you but I don't want you to do anything that's going to set you back." He tried to keep his voice low but everyone was staring at them. He knew they were going to ask questions. "They are going to ask Aaron."
Hotch sat up again and looked down at the file again. Reid had left and brought him back a cool washcloth and some bottled water. The Unit Chief took the water and downed half of it before looking at the worried faces around him.
Morgan got up and moved around the table, sitting next to the older man. "Hotch, I'm going to ask you something and I don't want you to take it the wrong way but by your reaction to this case I think I have a pretty good idea." He took a deep breath before continuing, "Aaron, when you were attacked by Foyet, did something else happen? Something you didn't tell us?" His voice was calm and gentle which warred with the angry voice inside.
"Morgan, please." When Morgan saw the look in Hotch's eyes his heart broke and he knew.
Morgan closed his eyes a moment, "So much makes more sense now. The erratic behavior, the closing off, I noticed other things but I didn't put it together. I just thought you were distraught over Haley and Jack being gone, but that wasn't all. Why didn't you tell us, man?" Morgan tried to hold back his emotions knowing that his friend, his boss didn't need to see him break.
"I, I couldn't Morgan, I couldn't talk about it, especially with everything else that was going on. Please I don't want to talk about it now."
JJ fled the room with tears in her eyes, Emily and Dave just sat there stunned. No one knew what to say.
"Please, everyone let's just get back to this. Reid can you go see to JJ." Aaron was shutting down and everyone knew it, could see it.
"We could hand this over to one of the other teams Aaron," Dave finally found his voice. Guilt started to creep in as he also realized where Hotch's erratic behavior came from. He became angry with himself that he didn't see the signs. He had backed off when Hotch kept telling him he was fine. This man was like a son to him and he wasn't there when he was needed the most. He had no idea how he was going to deal with this new knowledge.
"No, Dave we can't," He needed this, he didn't know why but he needed this case. "I need to do this." Aaron's stoic mask was in place and his resolve hardened.
"Aaron-" Dave wanted to say more but the look he was getting from the younger man made him back off.
"Please, let's just focus on the case." He schooled his emotions and went back to reviewing the case with the team without JJ and Reid. A few moments later they walked back into the room and Hotch could see the media liaison had been crying. A part of him wanted to reach out but he knew he couldn't right now. If he did he knew he would break and he couldn't afford it. He couldn't let himself be that vulnerable in front of the team. Later, when he was alone with Reid he'd let himself go, but not here and not now.
"Okay, wheels up in thirty," Aaron got up from his chair and went to his office to gather a few things for his briefcase. Reid came in and shut and locked the door behind him. He walked over and took the items Hotch was holding out of his hands then wrapped his arms around his husband. It took a moment before Aaron reciprocated and pulled Reid in tighter to him, burying his head in the genius's neck.
"I can do this," He said quietly in Reid's ear. He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince, Reid, or himself.
"I know you can. I'll be there every step of the way Aaron." He gently fisted his hands in the older man's hair, holding him, soothing him.
After a few minutes Hotch pulled away and kissed Reid fiercely almost bruising as he held the younger man so tight against him he knew he was going to leave bruises, but he needed to feel Reid against him, needed to feel that anchor and the genius let him.
They broke apart after a couple of minutes, "Come on, we need to get to the plane." Hotch said as he brushed a hand across Reid's cheek. "Thank you Spencer," He felt more settled, more himself and knew it came from a strength borrowed from the bright, resilient man he married.
"Aaron, you don't ever have to thank me. Come on we have to go." Reid unlocked the door, grabbed their go bags and started off towards their car. Hotch was right behind him knowing this case was either going to break him, or help him he wasn't sure which, but he knew he needed to find out.
Four days and two more bodies later and they finally got their break in the case. It was a twenty-eight year old man whose family had lost their dairy farm to a gay couple. The couple were both brilliant businessmen and knew the dairy industry inside and out. They had moved from factory farming to an independent small batch dairy farm and they had taken off. The man, Jeremy Rainier, was jealous of the success of the couple and he was taking his rage out on men who resembled them. Jeremy was also a repressed homosexual who had been abused as a child and teen by his father who was extremely homophobic.
Reid and Hotch had gotten a call from Asa Stiles, one of the new owners of the farm, in a panic. Jeremy was holding the two men hostage at gunpoint. They had tried traditional hostage negotiations, but the unsub had insisted he see them in person. Currently the two agents were in the house, guns trained on the young man while he held Simon Stiles to him with a gun pointed at the man's head.
"Jeremy, let Simon go," Aaron was trying to be sympathetic, trying to use all his training but he was having a hard time being objective.
"They ruined my LIFE," He screamed at the top of his lungs.
"How did this man ruin your life Jeremy?" Reid was trying to talk down the suspect, injecting compassion and understanding in his voice.
"They stole my family's farm, these fags are making a mockery of my grandfather's legacy," He spat out as he held a frightened Simon tight against him.
"Jeremy, you're parents sold the farm legally. These men have done nothing wrong. I understand you feel like you failed you're parents and if you keep doing what you are doing you will have. Put the gun down Jeremy, let us help you." Reid didn't put his gun down but he noticed when the young man started listening.
"Jeremy, hurting and killing these men won't get you the farm back, it won't make you successful and it won't make you something you aren't." Hotch said in his measured even voice, though his inner voice was screaming at him to kill this rapist and murderer. Screaming at him to exorcise his own demons, to get something back by hurting this killer. He knew he needed to not listen to that voice, if he did, he would never come back from it.
"And what is it that you think I am?" He replied, every word tinged with anger and self-loathing.
"A homosexual man whose been told that he's somehow wrong all his life. I saw your arrangement papers Jeremy, he was your first victim wasn't he? Marcus Aimes, he loved you didn't he Jeremy? And I bet you loved him too, but all those years of being told how wrong you were culminated when you got those papers, then the selling of the farm and it was too much for you. Jeremy, we can help you, put the gun down and let these men go." Hotch didn't waiver even though his mind was screaming at him.
"And how the fuck would you know how I feel?" Jeremy looked at him wild with hate and anger but both Reid and Hotch knew it was mostly directed inwards. They had read the reports on the abuse in the house, the rest was conjecture, but it turned out that they were right.
"You see that man behind me Jeremy?" Hotch tilted his head just slightly to indicate Reid.
"So, he's a fed just like you, what's it to me?" Jeremy pushed the gun tighter against Simon's head but the man was holding on, and Hotch was impressed by his resolve.
"I had a father like yours Jeremy. He took his anger and rage out on me, didn't like that I preferred men, he thought it made me weak, made me somehow not a man. Every chance he got he humiliated me, hurt me, but look at me Jeremy, I pulled myself up and I proved him wrong. No one did it for me, I turned that pain and anger I had for my father and I made something of myself. Then I was given a gift. A gift in that man behind me. A man I love and could never hurt." Reid's breath caught in his throat at the confession that Hotch just made, but he schooled his emotions. He needed to stay calm to help them all get out of this alive. "Jeremy, you hurt that man that you loved, you hate yourself so much that you ruined what could have been something good." That was what Hotch had been waiting to say, he saw the moment that realization dawned on the young man.
"Oh god, oh god what, what have I done, what have I done," Jeremy slowly loosened his grip on Simon and started to slide down to the floor. Immediately Reid moved in and took the gun out of the now devastated Jeremy Rainier's hands. "Marcus, I killed Marcus. No, no, no, no, no," He broke and both Reid and Hotch could see that this man was never going to be the same. A keening wail tore from Jeremy's throat and Hotch got down on his hands and knees and pulled the younger man against him. He wasn't sure why he did it, but a well of sympathy surged through him. This man had been broken in so many ways that Hotch didn't think he was ever going to come back from it.
"Hotch," Morgan yelled from outside as he surged into the farmhouse to see his unit chief holding the suspect in his arms.
"It's over Morgan," Reid carefully handed the gun over to the darker man as Hotch got their suspect in handcuffs. Pulling him off the floor Jeremy was guided to one of the police cars then driven off towards the station.
"Oh god, Asa," Simon fell into his partner's arms, finally able to let all the pent-up fear wash through him.
"It's okay Simon, its okay. It's over now and I'm here," He held his husband close and let him breakdown in his arms.
Hotch walked up to the two men, "Listen, if you guys need to talk to someone about this give me a call and I can recommend someone in the area. Trust me, you don't want to keep this bottled up." He handed Asa his card and laid a hand on both of their shoulders.
"Thank you agent. You and your partner, you saved our lives." Asa looked up at the Unit Chief with such gratitude that something shifted inside Hotch, a healing that he thought would never come.
"You're welcome," Hotch smiled at the couple and slowly moved out of the farmhouse so that the crime scene techs could get in and do their job. He knew it wasn't over, they needed to questions Jeremy back at the station but Hotch needed a moment. He moved away from the group and looked out towards the grazing cows trying to settle himself.
"Aaron," Reid had followed him and silently moved up beside his husband. He took Hotch's hand in his own and held on. He would let the older man take the lead here because he wasn't sure what his husband was feeling.
Hotch turned towards the younger man and grabbed him in a tight hold and he let go. Away from the team, the crime scene tecs and the LEO's he let himself go in the arms of the man he loved.
Reid brought his arms around Hotch and held him close through his catharsis. For surely that's what this was. After a few minutes Reid could tell that his husband was settled more so he pulled back, but not out of the man's arms.
"Aaron, did you," Reid looked up into the eyes of the man he loved and knew, he saw it and he was overcome with emotion himself, "Did you mean what you said back there?" His voice was almost a whisper.
"Yes Spencer, I did. I love you. I've loved you for a long-time but couldn't tell you. I didn't want to because I was afraid," He admitted.
"Aaron, what were, are you afraid of?" Reid had a hand on Hotch's cheek, his thumb rubbing soft circles along the cheekbone.
"I," Hotch lifted his eyes to look directly at the young genius, "I don't think I could lose you Spencer. I was afraid to let you in like that. I love you Spencer and I don't want to lose you."
"Aaron, I know our jobs are dangerous, and there is no guarantee, but I will try my hardest to never leave you. I love you too much." He leaned in and kissed his husband reassuringly. "Aaron, how are you doing?" This case had taken its toll and Reid was glad that it was over, but the emotions it brought-up needed to be dealt with.
"I'm," Hotch frowned a moment trying to figure out what he was feeling and he wasn't quite sure, "I don't know Spence, but I know somethings changed. Just not sure what it is." They stayed like that for a long moment until Dave came looking for them.
"Everything alright with you two?" Dave watched the two men and wondered what kind of toll this took out of Hotch. He knew he'd never get the younger man to talk about it with him, but he was glad that Reid was there helping him.
"Yeah Dave, everything is fine," Hotch moved away from Reid and slowly walked back to the waiting SUV's.
"Kid, is everything okay?" Dave eyed the youngest agent and saw a slow smile grace that too young face.
"Yes Dave, I think everything is going to be okay." Reid walked away and got in the SUV with Hotch and they made their way back to the Lodi Police station where a broken man waited to be questioned.
Jeremy Rainier ended up being committed to Atascadero State Hospital. He quietly made a full confession, waiving his right to an attorney. At the end of the interrogation and his willing confession the young man broke even more. Everyone knew he would not be fit for trial so the States Attorney agreed to the mental hospital in hopes that he would get the help he needed.
The team was on their way back home shortly after and the plane was quieter than normal. JJ, Emily, Dave and Derek were still trying to work through their feelings over their leader's confession of five days ago. None of them knew how to handle the guilt each one was feeling. They were all profilers and even though they had a moratorium on inter-team profiling, this was one instance they should have all thrown that rule out the window and looked closer at what was going on with their Unit Chief.
Reid was sitting next to him at their usual spot at the back of the plane. One hand was holding one of Hotch's, the other holding a book. He was trying to settle his own emotions after Hotch told him he loved him. This was a deeper connection for them and one they needed to talk about, but at home, not here.
Hotch looked around at his team, his friends, his family and knew he needed to say something to assuage their feelings of guilt that he knew each one was feeling.
He took a deep breath, "Guys, I know what all of you are thinking and please, stop. None of you have anything to be guilty for."
"Hotch, we are all profilers, we all know the signs and we all," Morgan swallowed hard and frowned, "We weren't there for you Aaron." He knew he had given his Unit Chief a hard time, questioning his decisions without taking the time to understand the deeper reasons behind it.
"Morgan, I kept it form you because I felt," He looked down at his entwined hands, "I felt like I failed." Tears pricked the corners of his eyes as he made this confession.
"Aaron, you didn't fail anyone." Dave watched his friend closely.
"Didn't I Dave? I failed Haley," He went to say more when Dave gave him a stern look.
"Aaron Michael Hotchner, you did not fail anyone. What happened to you and what happened to her was tragic and nothing anyone should have to go through." Dave leaned forward, "We are the ones that failed you Aaron. I should have told Strauss to go to hell when we got that call, we should never have left you alone after the funeral." Dave still harbored some anger over the fact that the bureau called them out that day.
"Dave," He started but didn't know what to say.
"Hotch, we have your back. We've always had your back and I am so sorry that I didn't see it before. You were there for me, helped me through some tough shit, I should have remembered that." Morgan frowned deeply, "If there is anything-" Aaron put up a hand to stop them.
"Look, none of you have anything to feel guilty over. Please, can we just get past this. It's something I am dealing with now but I'm not going to talk about it." He held Spencer's hand in his and took a deep breath to try to settle his emotions.
"We wanted to have you guys over, as a sort of celebration. We never did anything for after the marriage ceremony but we want to do a barbecue, nothing fancy." Aaron smiled at the team, trying to tell them he was fine, or would be fine.
Dave studied the man for a few minutes, "Okay, when?" The older man knew that there was nothing more he was going to get out of Hotch, he closed that part of his life off from them but he was telling them he would be okay in the long run. Each one of them was going to have to live with that and understand they may never be able to reconcile what happened to their Unit Chief. It was their own emotions they were going to have to deal with on their own, or so they thought.
"Next Saturday." Hotch told the group. After a few moments he took a deep breath and continued, "Strauss called me while we were on the case. She wants me to do grief assessments with all of you regarding," He took a deep breath, "Regarding my sexual assault." He looked them in the eye and each one understood what he was asking. They would talk one-on-one instead of on the plane like they were.
"Are you sure that's a good idea Aaron?" Dave wanted to make sure his best friend was okay with this.
"Yes, Dave. She wanted to bring in someone else, but I told her I'm not talking about this with a stranger or someone outside the team. No one else needs to be in this and I told her that I am already handling it. I don't want anyone else talking to us about this." He hoped they understood.
"Then that's what we'll do." JJ finally was able to find her voice, she had been so choked-up on her emotions she hadn't known what to say. She was glad that they would each get a chance to talk to Hotch individually and she hoped they could each reconcile their feelings.
As they were driving home Spencer notice that they weren't going to Jessica's to pick-up Jack.
"Aaron, are we not going to pick-up Jack?"
"No, I called Jessica and asked her if she could keep him for the night." Aaron looked nervous but Spencer didn't want to push, not after the case and the conversation on the plane. He figured that his husband might just need some downtime. They arrived home a few minutes later and after putting away their bags, Hotch went in to take a long hot shower. When he finally came out he saw Spencer lying in bed reading. For a long moment he stood there suddenly shy. He approached the bed and sat down contemplating.
"Aaron, are you okay?" Spencer put the book away and moved next to the older man.
"Spence," He looked over at the younger man with a furrowed brow, "I want to ask you something," He took a deep breath but didn't continue.
"Aaron, what do you want to ask me?" The young genius was looking at his husband confused.
Hotch let out the breath he was holding and took Spencer's hands in his, "Spence," He looked down at their intertwined hands as new emotions filled him, "I love you Spencer, and I trust you. I trust you with my heart and I want," A light sweat broke out on his face as he tried to ask the question that had been on his mind since the close of the case. "I want to trust you with my body." He almost whispered.
Reid placed a hand on Hotch's cheek, "Aaron, what are you asking me?"
"Spence," Hotch leans forward and fisting his hands in the younger man's hair he kisses him deeply, his lips sliding seductively over Reid's as his tongue darts out, seeking entrance. Reid complies and opens up for the older man moaning in pleasure. Their tongues tangle together and someone moans out softly at the deeply erotic kisses. After a few minutes Hotch pulls back and whispers in Reid's ear, "Make love to me Spencer."
Reid pulled back and studied Hotch's face and what he saw was trust and love. Though there was a bit of fear coming through, he knew what his husband was asking him, "Aaron, only if you are sure. I told you before-" He was cut off by soft lips pressing against his as he was lowered to the bed.
"I'm sure Spencer. I've never been more certain of anything," Reid gently flipped them over as he continued kissing the older man, running his hands through Hotch's hair. Deepening the kiss he nips at his lover's lip eliciting a gasp from the older man beneath him. He nips at Hotch's chin and jaw and finally starts to suckle at that soft area behind his unit chief's ear he pulls moans and sighs from his husband and it spurs him on to continue. Flicking his tongue on the inside of Hotch's ear Reid is rewarded with a low growl of pleasure.
Moving on he kissed down Hotch's chest, slowly nipping and licking each scar. Biting the sensitive nipples Hotch bows his back up trying to feel more from his lover. Finally Reid moved down and took his husband's throbbing erection in his mouth and suckled the head, flicking his tongue at the slit, then licking a stripe down the dark vein pulsing there.
"God, Spencer, please,"Hotch cried out at the sensations his husband was causing him. Each kiss chasing away his fear and each nip and bite giving him new, good memories. Spencer was spurred on as he hallowed out his cheeks and took as much of Hotch's cock in his mouth as he could. When he bottomed out and had the whole hard length in his mouth then he started to bob up and down on the shaft. After a few minutes Hotch was thrusting up to meet Reid's movements.
"Spencer, stop, I'm going to come if you don't s-stop," Hotch panted out. Reid just smiled around the shaft in his mouth and he started to work harder and faster. He added a hum as he went down and Hotch lost it, he thrust up once more in the hot willing mouth and came hard on a strangled cry. Reid swallowed everything his husband gave him. He let go of Hotch with a loud pop. Crawling up Hotch's body he lay down on him fully, testing and when the older man didn't flinch he continued his careful ministration. Taking his mouth again in deep, long kisses, letting the other man taste himself in Reid's mouth was exceedingly erotic and Hotch was starting to get slightly aroused again, then when Reid ground down hard against his groin his erection swelled.
"Please Spencer I need to feel you, I need you in me," He practically groaned out.
"Only if you are sure Aaron-" Hotch pulled the younger man back down for more greedy kisses as he wrapped his legs around his younger husband and thrust up against his cock.
"Yes, Spencer, I want this, I need this." He whispered in Reid's ear.
The genius moved off of his husband and went and got a hand towel and the lube then came back to the bed. Slicking up his fingers he started out slow by using one finger to slowly circle the outside of Hotch's tight hole. When he saw the older man close his eyes and heard him moan in pleasure he slowly inserted one finger and started to work his husband open.
By the time Reid had three fingers thrusting in and out Hotch was pushing back against his fingers he knew the unit chief was ready for him. Removing his hand and wiping it on the towel he took more lube and slicked-up his now aching cock and positioning the head at his husband's now stretched entrance, he slowly breached the warm, tight channel and stilled a moment. Leaning down he kissed Hotch, flicking his tongue against those warm soft lips.
"Are you okay Aaron?" Reid asked because he had to know that everything he was doing was welcomed. He had no intention of harming the man he loved emotionally or physically.
"Yes, god yes Spencer. Move please," Hotch begged beneath the young genius. Reid slowly pushed himself all the way in then slowly pulled back, but not out. When he heard the moan, and saw the look of ecstasy on Hotch's face he thrust in again. Setting a slow, steady pace, letting his lover wrap his legs around him he leaned in and kissed him. A slow sensual slide of lips that almost mimicked the slide of his cock in and out of his husbands very warm, tight ass.
Reid sat up slightly which changed the angle of his thrusts to stimulate Hotch's prostate. As soon as he did his lover's cock swelled even more and Hotch was thrashing underneath him as pleasure spiked throughout his body. Hotch never thought he'd ever be able to feel a lover again. He thought that Foyet's attack had taken everything from him but here was Reid, his lover, his husband giving him the greatest gift he could receive. New, clean, loving memories. Memories of what it was like to be made love to, to have someone cherish his body while healing his soul. And when Reid took his re-ignited erection in his hand and started to pump to the same rhythm as his slow, sensual thrusts Hotch thought he was going to lose it right there.
"Spencer, oh god, I love you Spencer," He cried out as he felt the beginnings of the orgasm start to pool low in his belly, and a few more forceful pumps from his lover and he was crying out his release as thick white fluids flowed from him covering Reid's hand.
Seeing his husband come undone like that Reid sped up his movements as he sat up a little more and holding onto Hotch's hips he was frantic for his own release. Which came a few seconds later, as he thrust in a few more times he cried out and coated his lover's insides with his cum. Collapsing on top of Hotch he felt strong arms come around him holding him close. When he felt a wetness on Hotch's face he looked up and had a bit of panic as he saw the normally stoic man crying.
"Shh, it' okay Spencer," Hotch said as he held his husband closer. "You didn't hurt me, you gave me something beautiful Spencer." He kissed the top of that floppy curly hair and his heart settled more. "I love you Spencer Reid-Hotchner and you gave me back the ability to show you how much I love you." He whispered in his husband's hair.
"Aaron, oh god I love you. I've always loved you, and I'll always be there for you no matter what happens."
Hotch held on as he rode out the emotional purge. His mind clear and he now was able to only see Reid, his beautiful, shy, funny, intelligent husband. A man he's quietly loved for years but thought he could never have. This man gave him the greatest gift of his life. Love.
After growing soft Reid reluctantly pulled out and went to go clean up then was quickly back in the arms of his husband. A short-time later they fell into a deep dreamless sleep, Reid having chased Hotch's nightmares away for one more night.
One Year Later
Aaron and Spencer were a sweaty, sticky mess after the second round of rough, needy sex. They had just come home from being gone for two weeks on a tough case of human trafficking of teenage girls. They partnered with Andi Swans team to try to break up the trafficking ring. Spencer and Ashley had been able to pass for early twenties and had been undercover for a week. Aaron was almost frantic in his heart over his husband being used as bait for the traffickers.
"God Spencer, I was so scared. When they had you fighting…" He buries his face in his husbands shoulder and holds him close.
"Aaron, I'm fine. You forget I've gone through worse growing up." He tries to soothe the older man.
"I know. I know but I couldn't help the fear. I love you so much Spencer," He held the man even closer to him.
"I love you too Aaron." He smiles down and remembers nearly two years ago when they first got married and the confessions he had made. They've come so far together and Spencer couldn't be happier. Well, he could, if everything went well later in the day, they could be adding to their family.
"Come on, we need to get up and get ready or we'll miss our appointment." Reid was excited but he was keeping his emotions in check. The two men finished getting ready and Jessica was already there ready to watch Jack.
"We should only be a couple of hours, but they may want to come by today for a home inspection." Hotch told his ex-sister-in-law.
"Aaron, you've already explained everything to me. And, before you say anything, I am in for the long haul." She gets up and gives him a kiss on the cheek. She does the same to Reid before letting the two men go.
A half hour later they were meeting their social worker at a Residential Treatment Center.
"Dr. and Mr. Reid-Hotchner, so good of you to meet me here. Come on to my office." The woman led them to a small office on the first floor of the center. They all sat down, both men trying to battle down their nerves.
"There are just a few questions we need to ask. You both are federal agents and are out of town quiet a bit, who currently watches your son Mr. Reid-Hotchner?" She looks to Aaron as she asks.
"My Sister-In-Law, Jessica Brooks. Here is the requested signed affidavit." Hotch hands her the paperwork.
"And I understand that you have built an addition onto your home?" The social worker asked.
"Yes and here is all of the paperwork that was signed off by an inspector." He handed her the forms and the pictures of the addition.
"Well, I don't see any problems. I will take all of this and submit it with your application."
"Thank you Ms. James." Hotch stood to shake her hand with Reid right behind him.
"Well, it's been a pleasure working with the two of you. I wish everyone had your dedication." She walked with them out to the main center.
"We have some time, do you want to see them again?" Ms. James asked them with a smile.
"We'd love to," Reid smiled wide.
The three adults walked into a large common room and waiting off to the side were twin girls. Reid and Hotch immediately went to them and the little girls lit up.
"Mr. Aaron, Mr. Spencer," They both ran to the older men and hugged them close.
"Hey girls," Aaron held the girls close. Hotch and Reid had been talking for a while about adding to their family. When they started to think about adoption they came to the center to speak with a social worker. After many hours talking about it they both knew this is what they wanted. When they met Brittany and Sierra, they both fell head-over-heels for the two girls. They hadn't wanted a baby, not when they see so many children orphaned in the course of their work.
"When can we go home with you Mr. Aaron," Brittany asked with a sad look on her face.
"It'll be soon sweetheart." They spent a few minutes with the girls before they had to go.
It was nearly three weeks later till they heard back from Ms. James. Hotch and Spencer were in the office when they got word that their application for adoption was approved and they could take Brittany and Sierra home within the next week.
The day they brought the girls home, the whole team was there waiting for them. A barbecue, presents and a party took place making the girls feel welcome. Jack was ecstatic that he was going to be a big brother and the girls took to Jack and JJ's son Henry quite well.
Later in the evening after the party broke up and Aaron and Spencer were tucking the the new Reid-Hotchner children into bed Sierra whispered something in Reid's ear.
"Of course sweetie," Reid said as he pulled away from his daughter.
"Spence?" Hotch wanted to know what the little girl said.
"She asked if she could call you Daddy, and call me Papa," Reid beamed his happiness as he pulled his husband into a hug. They walked arm in arm towards their bedroom and quickly got into bed, wrapping themselves around each other Reid turned and gave Hotch a slow sweet kiss.
"I'm happy Spencer. I don't think I've ever been as happy as I have the last year and a half. You have given me so much and now two daughters to help complete our family. I'm glad you talked me into this. I love you so much Spencer." He held his husband tighter against him.
"I'm happy to Aaron. Our arrangement was the best thing that ever happened to me. I know we had a rocky start, but I wouldn't change anything for the world. I love you Aaron." He snuggled in closer wallowing in the physical contact, both men happy and content.
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