I feel fine

Chapter 34

Ianto was firmly cloistered in the bed with Jack one side and Angel the other. Angel's sobs had died as sleep had finally taken him off to never-never land and Ianto despaired at his little boy's heartache.

Snatch was gone. The shoes Angel had lent him for the special occasion were never to be worn again as Angel had insisted Snatch be allowed to keep them for his long journey to meet his family once more.

The funeral had been a sad affair. Walter had hugged baby Pearl to his chest as he openly wailed for his lost love and Ianto had felt a deep pain for the man. Geoffrey had been laid to rest beside Snatch and Francine's cool demeanour had worried all present.

Angel had then begged for bedtime and the small family had retired early so Angel could be comforted.

"Tadda?" a small voice broke Ianto from his snooze.

"Yes pumpkin?" Ianto murmured looked over at Jack who lay awake as he watched over them.

"Am I a bad person?"

"What? God no. You're my Angel. My little boy and I will never believe you are bad. Ever!" Ianto squeezed gently as Angel snuffled deeper into his chest.

Ianto felt wetness and sighed. He looked at Jack who shuffled closer in the bed and gathered them both into his arms.

"What's wrong monster?" Jack asked kissing his wee man's head.

"I'm happy it wasn't Boss. That makes me bad. To be OK that it was Snatch instead." A sob escaped and Angel shuddered, "I'm horrible for that!"

"I'm glad it wasn't you too. I thank the Gods and the Goddess above for you. I will always prefer to bury someone else if it keeps you in my arms baby" Jack soothed.

Angel looked up at his Father. So strong and brave. This huge man was so full of strength and wisdom. He must be right, yeah?

Angel looked over at his Tadda. This man was gentle, kind and loving. More a mother than his Mummy had ever been yet so strong and commanding with his polite ways. He must be right, yeah?

"So it's not wrong?" he asked his Tadda.

"It's OK to be relieved as well as mournful. I lost someone I loved very much once. She was going to be my wife and we were going to have children and a home and a life together. She died and I thought I might die too. But you know what saved me?" Ianto watched his little boy widen his eyes with interest.

"Daddy. He loved me and cared for me and saved me. He made me see that I hadn't lost everything at all. And look at me now. My family is right here. Everything I ever wanted. Does it make me feel bad that she's not here? Yes but I wouldn't go back and change it because if it had happened differently I wouldn't be here now with you." Into looked over his son's head at his husband and they locked eyes. "And I wouldn't change it for that world."

Jack kissed Ianto as his own words from so long ago were thrown back at him and he rubbed his baby's back as he silently agreed.

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