"You didn't tell me your father was a bloody doctor," Jack hissed at Ianto as they reached their table to sit.
"Hmm? Oh, not medical. Just doctorate in Science and Astrological Science. Loves the stars and such," Ianto murmured as he watched Skidmark being placed at the kiddies' table.
Walter's Jones Stare had Skidmark freeze in his seat then grin as he noticed the candy bowl. Ianto groaned softly. Not good.
"You telling me he's an astrophysicist?" Jack gasped.
"Huh? Oh for god's sake! It's just a piece of paper, Jack. Let it go. You don't see me waving mine about, do you?" Ianto snapped before preening nervously.
Jack gaped at Ianto, then jumped as the sound of a scream filled the room. He looked over to see his mother being accosted by Stinky, who had decided she was taking too long at the buffet table. He was reaching around her as he pushed his huge mass into her, forcing her back against the table. Jack's father was trying vainly to extradite her but all he succeeded in doing was pushing her further back until she was seated on the table with her mouth open.
"Stinky! Get the fuck away from the food, ya bloody gobshite!" Idris's voice rang out and as Stinky backed away, Jack saw his mother laughing as she climbed down.
Jack stared at his husband as he shot his cuffs and checked his tie for the third time.
"You have a doctorate?" he finally whispered with wide eyes.
"Yep. Doctorate in Science and one in Literature. Also did a course in architecture when I thought I might like to build houses. Bit silly that, eh?" Ianto snorted at himself as he frowned at the polished silverwear.
Jack was now fully engaged and leaned forward to stare at Ianto as a silver fork got a swift polishing from the napkin.
"You can design and build a house?" he said slowly.
"For god's sake! Who put the centrepiece on the kids' table?" Ianto growled as Skidmark knocked it to the floor while he wrestled with a little girl for the gummy bears.
"What? Yes, yes. I can design and build houses. Whoopity do. Not like I'll ever do it, will I?" Ianto turned to face his husband as he spoke, and froze.
"Why not? I can afford it. Our own tailor made home?" Jack grinned with glee. "You still own the land your house was on. That huge backyard?"
"Actually, about that." Ianto frowned.
"What?" Jack widened his eyes.
"Tadda is a master tailor, so don't make a joke about it!"
"Tadda? I thought your dad was the doctor." Jack was so confused. He was never going to work out the weird family dynamics of Ianto's family. His mother and father dead so his natural father and his husband took him? Enough to hurt your head, right behind your eyes.
"Yes, he is. The other one." Ianto pointed as he rolled his eyes, and Jack looked over as Ianto's father gently kissed another man on the lips.
Walter's roar of rage gained everyone's attention as he stood on the kids table beating Skidmark about the head with the centrepiece and a little girl wailed for her gummy bears.