Even Daddy doesn't like me anymore.
Miller's screams split the air as they competed with Myfanwy's.
Ianto felt his last shred of calm dignity slowly unwinding as he struggled to comfort the struggling infant while he walking the upper catwalks of the hub in the dark.
Humming "Moonlight Serenade" hadn't worked and now Ianto had moved on to softly singing "Hushaby Mountain".
"A Gentle breeze from 'ushaby Mountain softly blows over Lullaby Bay", Ianto's gentle voice sang the melody with loving warmth, "It fills the sails of the boats that are wait'in, wait'in to sail your worries away."
He rubbed small circles on Miller's back as he snuggled under his chin and Ianto desperately tried to keep the growing temper from his voice.
Everyone had scrambled when the alarms had sounded, heading with glee for the exit and not even Jack had glanced back in his eagerness to escape the colicky babe for a while.
It had been two months since Miller's arrival and Ianto was feeling less human and more bloody robotic each day. Miller suffered constantly with colic and despite Owen's various offers of advice nothing apart from a hot bath seemed to calm the child but Ianto had tried that already.
With only a few hours sleep in the past few days Ianto was coming apart at the seams.
Things had been busy, rift alerts continuing day and night. The addition of John Hart to the team had been swift and unconscious as he had fallen into step next to Jack in Ianto's old spot as second immediately following Miller's birth and now he seemed to have always belonged there.
Ianto had been the first to notice his inclusion in team "events". Pointing it out had resulted in the group's laughter as everyone agreed he had, indeed joined the team.
It had caused a quiet but heated argument one night after Ianto had watched the triumphant team return from a Hoix saga with arms entwined and John reaching for Jack's coat as he shrugged it off with a familiarity that had left Ianto quite hot under to collar.
Jack had told him he was exaggerating, hormonal and simply overtired.
"Perhaps Miller is a bit too much for you. We could look for a Nanny to give you a rest now and then if ya like" Jack had shrugged, reaching across his desk for a pen as he shuffled papers.
"What do you mean … a bit much" Ianto had bit back, "You saying I'm not looking after him right?"
"I'm saying that you are starting to look like Myfanwy's chew toy!" Jack snorted without looking up.
"So I'm a useless father and unattractive to my own mate!" Ianto had sniffed with threatened tears.
If Jack had looked up he would have seen sorrow, not anger in Ianto's face but he had missed the warning signs and now the damage was done.
"See?" Jack had sighed with an eye roll, "You are soooo touchy! Not a nice little wife like John was!"
Ianto had stormed out of the office with a screaming infant and hid in the archives for the rest of the day, even Gwen had worried about them both but Jack ordered everyone to leave them alone informing them that Ianto was a touch "delicate" and being far too precious for his own good.
Time apart might work! Give Ianto a chance to stop wallowing!
Jack felt they had all babied him too much, himself included, and Ianto had to man up to his responsibilities. Owen pointed out that Miller was a baby not a responsibility so that had led to more shouting amongst the team and a very snotty captain!
The order had been given to leave them both alone! End of!
Jack had slept apart from them since that night claiming he didn't want to wake Miller with the alerts and Ianto realised with a horrible falling of his gut that Jack had not kissed him goodbye … not even spoke to him at all today.
Sitting down with a dejected thud on the couch Ianto began to think back. Jack had not touched him let alone kissed him for days. If it were not for an occasional pat on his arm from Tosh in passing, Ianto had not had any human contact apart from the banshee in his arms for near on a week. Not since he had voiced his annoyance that night at John Hart's inclusion in the day-to-day activities while he felt excluded.
Everyone had been walking around eggshells, moving away from their huddles when he entered a room and apart from direct questions being answered, had not entered into conversation with him. Unaware of Jack's standing order, which being a typical Jack he had forgotten about having given such order, leaving Ianto firmly on the outside of the team.
Was Jack right? Did he make a crap parent and everyone was too scared to tell him he was doing it wrong?
Was he really getting on everyone's last nerve?
Tears began to slide down his cheeks and he looked at his reflection in the water tower. His hair was messy and dragged back in an untidy rats nest. His eyes looked like they belonged to a raccoon and there was spit up on his shirt.
"I don't think you like me either, do you!" he sighed at his ugly distorted reflection.
Giving in to his despair he joined Miller in a howl of grief. He rocked his son back and forth as he let his pain out and Myfanwy's screeches came to a stop, gliding down to stand in front of the sorry pair with her head tilted to one side. What a sorry sight.
The cog door rolled back with the usual fanfare of alarms and laughter. Jack walked in backwards, still telling the story that had his teammates in stitches. Tosh was the first to make a sound causing Jack to spin around.
Hair. Clumps of silver flecked blue/black hair littered the floor in handfuls.
"Fuck!" Owen spoke first but John was the first to move.
Running past Jack he began calling out to Ianto. Soon everyone was hunting for him. Half an hour later Jack was hysterical and everyone else was not far behind.
"CCTV" Tosh gasped slapping her forehead.
Everyone huddled around as she replayed the tape at speed from the time of their departure. As Ianto came into view she clicked to regular speed. They all watched him look around and then crumble. The audio clearly echoed his howls of distress along with Miller's.
"What did he say?" Owen asked waving at the screen.
Tosh rewound a few frames and tweaked the audio.
"Gone. Everything gone. Everyone gone. Even you don't like me anymore".
Jack groaned at the raw emotion on Ianto's face as he regarded their son.
"I'm bloody useless aren't I? Even Daddy doesn't like me anymore. Look what you've done to me". Ianto frowned at the child with growing temper. "Not even a tea-boy anymore, too busy being a useless Tad. I'm a fucking useless twat that can't even look after a fucking baby!"
Ianto's mood changed back to despair and he suddenly stood, thrusting the baby back onto the couch before reaching for something on Tosh's desk.
Everyone looked in horror as Ianto grabbed handfuls of his own hair and hacked it off with the scissors he had commandeered from the desk. His sobs and growls filled the hub with that tinny metallic echo speakers give.
Finally he stopped hacking and sat amongst the fallen locks with his body shaking as he cried. After a few minutes he looked up at the child that still lay howling on the couch.
"Right! You don't want me either then, do you." Ianto snarled and Jack was shocked at the cold anger he heard in his mate's voice.
Grabbing the child from the couch Ianto stalked off screen.
Tosh quickly found the CCTV footage and they watched Ianto stalking down through the levels until he reached Janet's cell.
He opened the door and thrust the child at her.
"Here. He fucking hates me! Why not everyone else does. Useless cunt! That's me!" Ugly, stupid and unlovable piece of shite! That's me! UGLY. STUPID! FAT! USELESS. CLINGY!" he was screaming now.
The weevil silently took the bundle and began crooning to him, Miller's little red face pinched with fury. She backed away from Ianto and sat on the bench as she rocked the child and patted his belly. After a few minutes he stopped crying and stared back at the weevil with equal intensity.
"Untrustworthy, secretive, hidden and expendable. Useless! A whinger, a whiner. What a waste of space I am, what a sad, sorry excuse for a fuck-up." Ianto was talking to himself in a vicious snarl and Jack felt tears on his cheeks as he watched his mate fall apart.
Words once spoken in anger a lifetime ago echoed in Jack's ears as he heard his own snarling voice parodied with welsh tones. Ianto twisted the aftermath of the "Lisa" incident with their last argument and Jack finally realised too late what Ianto had heard that day, what Jack had let happen now.
"See? Even a fucking weevil is preferable to me!" Ianto muttered, two fingers slid into his mouth as he wandered out of camera range.