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By Kaelyn Grey


My Immortal

I've sat in this exact chair for two hundred and thirty seven days. I'm tired. The people don't change. The scenery doesn't change. You haven't changed. I don't want to be here, but I refuse to leave you behind.

I'm afraid that if I leave for even a moment, you'll wake and think that I abandoned you. I still remember all those nights in your rooms when we would be lost in conversation, and you would tell me that everyone you had ever loved had left you in one way or another. Death. Jealously. Hatred. I promised you I would never leave, and I haven't. I'm still right here. But my fears were far different from yours. I never feared people would leave me. I feared it would all get to be too much and I would run away, like I want to do now. But for you I will remain strong. I won't condemn either of us in a moment I was weak.

They say that you won't ever wake up, that your mind is forever trapped on the edge of consciousness. Is that true? People have been stuck in comas for years and then one day a miracle happens, and they wake up like they were only ever sleeping. But I feel you here, I see the breath enter and leave your chest; I hear the steady beating of your heart. Please come back to me.

I will not forget you, My Love. Not ever. Our son will make sure of that. He will be here soon, and I only wish you would be here to see him, but I am starting to realize that will only ever be a dream. My heart cannot heal, A'maelamin. You must move on. You will die a Hero. Everyone knows what you did, in the end. And we, your son and I, we will be okay. But I cannot continue to do this to myself. I can not mourn for you when you are in-between, when in just a few days, there will be another who will rely on me for all of his needs.

Why can't you see that I'm waiting for you? Why won't you come back to me? To us? I can't do this. I cannot leave you here when half of my heart is with you. How will I survive? You were not one to show such weakness as tears, and you very rarely let your nightmares break through the surface, but when you did I was there for you. Why will you not be here for me? I need you. Your son needs you. Who will hold me when I cry for you? Who will calm me when you come to haunt me in my dreams?

You were so smart, Mela en' coiamin. I could sit and listen to you discuss your theories for hours. We were going to change the world, you and I. Now it is just he and I, and I will be forever bound to his service. To make sure that he grows into exactly the kind of man he is meant to be. He is so much like you, our son. So serious, and thoughtful. I am eternally grateful for this present you have left me. I will love him like no other. I will die for him.

The memories of the time we spent together haunt me; oppress me. I don't think I'll ever be able to let you go, not when you hover so close, yet at a distance. Your body is here; firm and warm, but your mind is not. It has not entertained a conversation in four hundred and eighty nine days. I won't fault you if you leave me here alone. Your fears and mine were never the same. But you were right, everyone leaves us in the end. I am the only one here for you now.

I hear you speaking to me I swear. Our friends think me insane. They want me looked at. They say I am not healthy for our son. Maybe I am insane, or maybe your legacy haunts me. If a life of sanity is one without you in it, well... If only you would speak to me for real. Just one word. One tiny word. At this point I would even take 'goodbye'.

It has been five years, Husband, and you have not come back to me. I have finally accepted the fact that you never will. You may be here in body, and your soul may be trapped somewhere in the Veil, but your mind is forever lost to me, and I fear that now I must move on. You will always have a piece of my heart, but Marcus needs a father, and I'm afraid I've found another. He is good to me; to us. He knew you back then, and he has promised to help our son know the kind of man you were, and to love him as his own. I can ask for no better. I must do this! But I will still be here for you, for I have never really left. Until you draw your last breath. Always.


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