Bleach & Wasting Time
Chapter 2: Bleach & Wasting Time
Hello guys, I'm back with a challenge for all my reviewers. If you can correctly guess in a signed review my favorite Bleach character I will show you a short scene from an upcoming chapter.
To narrow down the possibilities I'll tell you it's one of Ichigo's close friends. Let's see who gets it right.
(Offer expirers as soon as chapter 3 is up)
Since the beginning of Bleach everyone has been asking Orihime, Rukia, or Tatsuki who does Ichigo Kurosaki love? Just to confuse the readers Bleach later even went as far as to add Riruka to the mix.
Of course only I, Ichigo Kurosaki know the correct answer, but just to make the readers mad I'm not going to tell you.
Instead I will finish this by adding a new possible pairing to the ever-growing list of possibilities. Picture me and Chizuru.
Sure she'll never be interested, but what if I was? It's just something to think about; too bad I'll never ever tell you!
Anyways, today I was in my bedroom doing the one thing every teenager loves to do. I was online reading FanFiction. Much like you are doing now.
It was around that moment that I stumbled upon one story in particular called the Naruto Spoofing by phantom130 5. Phantom130 5, I thought to myself. That name sounded so familiar, but where did I hear it? Didn't Uryū like that writer?
Anyways, I clicked it and I must say I wish I could unclick what I did, because his story wasted five minutes of my life that I'll never be able to get back. The worst part of it all is that he has got more Spoofings planned!
He even started work on a Bleach Spoofing! Can you imagine all the people wasting their lives away reading this stuff?
God help us all if our brains turn to mush over this! Come time for the supposed zombie apocalypse I'll have to apologize to them.
"Sorry zombies, I have no brain left for you to eat because phantom130 5 got to it first!"
Hmm, somehow I have a feeling I got off track somewhere... Oh yeah, anyways, I was in my room having my brain turned to mush by you know who (Not Voldemort, the other unmentionable) when Orihime came in ranting about the newest chapter of Bleach.
"Hey Ichigo, did you read the..."
I quickly spun around my chair and held my finger up to her lips in order to shush her.
"Let's try to keep this chapter spoiler free." I said, because I wanted to be nice to my fans who aren't up to date with Bleach or aren't manga readers on Manga Reader. (And most importantly, I haven't read it either!)
Orihime frowned. For a minute she looked like she wanted to argue, but she quickly dropped it.
"What do you want to talk about then?" She asked.
I thought for a moment. There were numerous possibilities of spoiler free topics running through my head. However, there was one in particular that seemed to stand out.
"Why do you think they call Bleach, bleach?" I asked.
Orihime shrugged, "Maybe for product placement."
"Maybe, but it isn't like the series runs advertisements for Bleach in it." I explained, "If you ask me they should start though."
"Well, why don't we run an advertisement for bleach?" Orihime suggested.
Ichigo sighed, "And how is that supposed to work? This is a FanFiction!"
"Just watch." Orihime replied cheerfully.
Orihime was now wearing clean fancy clothing and standing in a pure what room behind a countertop table. The table was covered by a white blanket and on top of it was a bottle of Bleach.
Ichigo stepped into the room. He was wearing his Soul Reaper uniform and didn't look happy.
The uniform was cut as if it were slashed by a sword and covered with so much blood that it was hard to tell if the blood belonged to him or someone else.
"What's wrong Ichigo?" Orihime asked.
"I got blood on my favorite Soul Reaper uniform. I don't know how I will get it off." He explained.
"Don't worry!" Orihime said cheerfully, "Bleach brand bleach will help get rid of all those tough blood stains in time for the next episode!"
It was around that moment that Chad stepped into the scene wheeling a cart that held a washing machine.
"Thank you Chad." Orihime said.
She motioned for Ichigo to take off his shirt and put it in the washing machine and he did. Then Orihime mixed in a bit of bleach and some washing detergent and started the wash.
As Orihime, Chad, and the now shirtless Ichigo waited for the wash to finish two random pedestrians of Karakura Town stepped into the commercial.
One was a guy and the other was a girl. They held hands and had a huge smile on their face as they spoke.
"Bleach brand bleach saved our marriage!" The man said.
"My husband always used to come home with his clothes covered in blood. He would claim that he was attacked by a Hollow on the way home from work, but I told him that was no excuse. Your clothes should always be clean." The woman said.
"So I got Bleach brand bleach!" The man said.
"Now the blood stains wash out easily." The woman explained.
"But the Hollows won't leave me alone!" The man said. Then the couple joined hands and ran off.
At last the wash finished and Orihime took out Ichigo's shirt. It looked just as good as new.
Ichigo took the shirt from her hands, slipped the shirt back on and smiled.
"Golly Orihime. My shirt feels just as good as new! I'm so happy that I could just marry you!"
Orihime smiled, "Shucks Ichigo, you don't have to marry me... But please do!"
Then Ichigo and Orihime stepped outside. In front of their house was a horse drawn carriage. Orihime and Ichigo went onto it and the horses carried the couple off into the sunset.
As it went further and further away you could tell that on the back of the carriage was the words 'Just engaged'.
Back in present time Orihime had just finished explaining to Ichigo her idea for a bleach advertisement. Ichigo replied with an eye roll.
"Golly Orihime. My shirt feels just as good as new! I'm so happy that I could just marry you!" Ichigo repeated mockingly, "What makes you even think I'd say something like that?"
"Where did the married couple come from?" Chad asked.
He had somehow magically appeared into the scene just to add in more irony to his question. Chad is awesome enough to do that.
"They came from... they came from..." Orihime stuttered trying to think of a logical answer, "You left the front door open so they walked in!"
"So... the people just happened to walk in just in time to see us doing a commercial on bleach?" Ichigo questioned, still not fully understanding Orihime's explanation.
Orihime sighed in frustration, "Look, if you think you can do better I welcome you to try!"
"Well I'd make my advertisement a little more like this..."
Ichigo was now seen in Wako Mundo going head to head with Grimmjow. Ichigo raised his Zanpakuto menacingly and tried to use it to slash his enemy. Grimmjow tried to do the same, but his actions were a bit slower.
After a few more of Ichigo's swipes Grimmjow's sword was knocked to the ground. Grimmjow raised his hands in surrender and Ichigo raised his sword for one more fatal blow.
"Any last words before I finish you off and kick your butt all the way from here to the Soul Society?" Ichigo asked.
"Just one..." Grimmjow prompted. Ichigo motioned for him to go on, "... I want everyone to buy Bleach brand bleach."
Ichigo smiled a bitter sweet smile. A tear began to form in his eye as he dropped his sword and said, "Yeah, that's what I wish for too."
Ichigo leaned over and hugged Grimmjow. Grimmjow accepted it and hugged back. Then he and Grimmjow walked away, hand and hand into the sunset.
Back in reality Chad was practically bawling his eyes out over Ichigo's heart wrenching story.
"That was just... so touching." He wept.
"Thanks Chad." Ichigo said, calmly handing his friend a tissue from his front pocket.
"That made absolutely no sense!" Orihime cried.
Ichigo rolled his eyes, "And you think it's better than your ad?"
"I liked them both!" Chad cried; while blowing his nose and trying hard to wipe away a few more tears.
"Hang in there big guy." Ichigo said.
It was around that moment that Kisuke appeared. He stood beside Ichigo's bedroom window and knocked on the glass, waiting for someone to let him in.
Orihime walked over and opened the window. Kisuke made his way over and casually sat down in the circle of friends almost as if he'd been involved in the conversation the whole time.
"I hear you guys are talking about bleach." Kisuke said, seeming more like a question than a statement.
"Who told you?" Chad asked.
"The hat knows all." Kisuke said, still keeping his mellow, yet serious tone as he pointed up to the hat on his head.
"Well what does your hat know about bleach?" Ichigo asked.
"The hat tried that stuff once... How do you think it got those white stripes?" Kisuke explained casually, "Before bleach my hair was brown and now I'm a blonde. Bleach is my life man. I live bleach every day. So don't say I don't know anything about bleach."
"I never said that!" Ichigo interjected.
"True, but you were implyin' it."
"I don't understand..." Ichigo said.
"You will someday man. Once you know bleach like I know bleach, bleach will be all you understand." Kisuke explained.
"This guy doesn't make any sense..." Chad muttered.
"Well maybe Kisuke would like to come up with an advertisement for bleach too!" Orihime suggested.
Ichigo shrugged, "Sure, why not?" He turned his attention to Kisuke, "Would you like to come up with a bleach advertisement too?"
A huge smile emerged from Kisuke's face, causing him to break free from his calm and collected manner, "Gosh, do I ever!"
The gang waited for Kisuke to tell his idea, but the man didn't say anything. Instead he tapped his chin in deep thought.
"Go on." Ichigo said.
"I'm thinking!" The man snapped.
"Well think faster! We've got a FanFiction to write!" Ichigo said.
Kisuke sighed, "Ok, I really don't think I've got anything..."
"What the heck?" Ichigo yelled, "You wasted seventy five words for this! You know how I feel about adding things to stories just to fill useless space!"
"Ichigo, I don't like the way you're talking to me." Kisuke said sternly.
"Wow, I've never seen Ichigo so mad..." Chad muttered.
"He really hates filler..." Orihime added, "That's why he refuses to watch the Bleach anime... Or just about any anime for that matter..."
"Ichigo, I don't like the way you're talking to me." Ichigo repeated in a mocking tone, "Look, go complain to someone else! This chapter is junk because of you!"
Kisuke sighed, "Ichigo you're being a jerk."
"I don't care! My sword is bigger than yours so I'm allowed to be a jerk if I want!" Ichigo yelled.
Kisuke sighed, "That's it... Can we just end it now... End this chapter now! We're driving phantom130 5 crazy trying to think of new material for us."
"You can't end a chapter like that, it'll look sloppy!" Ichigo said.
"That hasn't stopped phantom before." Kisuke explained.
Ichigo crossed his arms, "Are you sure about this? Just imagine all the flamers crying because they didn't like their ending. Imagine all six followers upset because they wanted you to write a bleach advertisement!"
"They won't care. I think we gave them enough material for one day." Kisuke said, "Besides now they have more time to read more educational FanFictions."
"Yeah," Chad agreed, "If I were a fan of this story I'd actually want to do Math just to bring my I.Q. back up!"
Orihime clapped her hands, "Bleach Spoofing, it makes you want to do Math! Now that's a good slogan!"
Ichigo sighed, "How about the reviewers? Can we continue the chapter for them?"
"No, not a single amount of reviews will change my opinion on this garbage!" Kisuke said.
"But if reviewers guess phantom's favorite character correctly they'll get to read a short excerpt of an upcoming chapter!" Orihime explained with a huge smile on her face.
"Vote for Orihime." Chad whispered, "Trust me I know."
"Chad don't give away the answer!" Orihime yelled.
"Sorry, but I find the snip it really funny." Chad replied.
Ichigo frowned and crossed his arms,"You know what; I don't care. In fact, I dare you to end the chapter here and now! Let's see if you really have the guts to let all these people down!"
-phantom130 5 (July 2012)