Bleach Spoofing

Krispy Kill

Chapter 4: Krispy Kill

Author's Note: Happy Halloween

It was seven in the morning; Ichigo and his friends Uryū and Chad crept downstairs in their pajamas. The three boys had had a sleepover last night. However, despite the name of the event, neither of the men had gotten much sleep, but they didn't mind. They had been awake all night giggling, and telling gossip.

"Did you see what Keigo was wearing today?" Uryū had asked the night before.

"I know! He's dressed like so ... bland ..." Chad had replied.

Ichigo had simply rolled his eyes. "He was wearing our school's uniform. We all wore that yesterday."

Now the boys stood behind Ichigo as the orange haired boy pried open a cabinet that was stuffed to the top with boxes of cereal.

"What are you going to eat Ichigo?" Uryū asked and Ichigo shrugged in response.

"I want Count Chocula!" Chad cheered as he reached over his friends for the cereal box and the biggest bowl he could find.

"That stuff is horrible. You should really eat something healthier." Uryū lectured, but Chad stuck his tongue out as a reply. Uryū turned back to Ichigo. "I really hope you eat something better. With tonight being candy night and all I'd at least expect that one of you two would have the decency to make a healthy breakfast for once."

Ichigo sighed. He really hadn't put much thought into what he wanted for breakfast, but Uryū had a good point. Ichigo reached into the cabinet and grabbed the first cereal that caught his eye. It was Rice Krispies, surely that would please the Quincey.

As expected, Uryū smiled. "Rice Krispies? That's a good choice!"

"They say that once you add milk you can actually hear the cereal talk to you." Chad pointed out. "It just speaks in snaps, crackles, and pops, but if you decode it then it will almost be like a message from another world."

Ichigo's eyes widened in mild surprise. "You don't say?"

"It's just silly superstition. No one has really been able to decode the cereal's message. I don't even think there is one. The bowl just makes noises when you add milk, that's all there is to it." Uryū explained blandly.

"Well I want to try." Ichigo said.

He reached into the cabinet and pulled out the cereal and bowl, and then he added the cereal to the bowl and poured milk. Now Ichigo, Chad, and Uryū surrounded the bowl and listened with intent.

"I can't hear it." Ichigo said.

"Put your ear close. It's really quiet, but you can hear them if you try." Chad explained.

Ichigo obeyed. He positioned his head so that it was just barely touching the bowl.

"I hear them! I hear them!" He cheered.

Chad clapped his hands. "Do you understand what they're saying?"

"Yeah ... I think I do ..." Ichigo muttered. "I think they're telling me to ..."

"Telling you to what?" Uryū questioned, seeming slightly concerned.

"Kill ... The Rice Krispies want me to kill all my friends." Ichigo said before laughing manically.

Uryū yanked Ichigo away from the bowl and slammed the boy's back against the wall.

"You're losing it man!" Uryū yelled.

"No I heard it clearly. It said 'kill your friends'." Ichigo explained.

"Cereal doesn't talk!" Uryū retorted while slapping Ichigo across the face.

Ichigo rubbed the spot where he had been hit. "Sorry I don't know what came over me ..." He confessed.

"That's alright." Uryū said. "Now come on, let's get ready. We need to make our costumes just right for tonight."

Ichigo nodded. "That's a good idea. Just give me a moment. I've got to use the washroom."

Ichigo stood beside a running bathroom sink. He used it to splash some water onto his face.

'What's wrong with me?' He thought. 'I definitely heard the cereal talk to me, but why was I the only one who heard it? Now my friends think I'm mad. And why, oh why do I actually want to obey the Rice Krispies?'

"You better not listen to that cereal Ichigo. It corrodes your mind more than bleach."

Ichigo abruptly turned his head to see Kisuke Urahara standing behind him. Kisuke was casually leaning up against the wall almost as if he had been waiting for Ichigo to turn up.

"H-how'd you know about the Rice Krispies?" Ichigo stammered.

Kisuke smiled and casually lifted the brim of his hat so that it didn't cover his eyes. "The hat knows all. You talked to the Rice Krispies and now you have urges to kill. Am I right?"

Ichigo nodded. "How do I control these urges?"

Kisuke laughed. "Haven't you seen just about any of the horror movies out there? The killer is never able to control the urge to kill. You are no exception, but you must try to do the impossible and be good. So decide right now, are you a killer or a friend?"

Ichigo sighed. "Maybe I'm both. The Rice Krispies specifically told me to kill my friends. I can't kill my friends if I don't have any."

"That's madness! Ichigo, I'm telling you as a friend don't do it!"

"Did you just say we're friends?"

Kisuke gulped. "I did, but ..."

Ichigo reached out and took his sword (which was conveniently lying up against a nearby wall.)

"The Rice Krispies told me to kill my friends. If you're my friend then I must kill you."

In the other room Chad and Uryū were sorting through boxes of costume supplies for the perfect Halloween costume. All of a sudden Chad stopped his rummaging and sat up completely still.

"Did you just hear that?" He asked.

"Hear what?"

"It sounded like someone with an awesome hat being killed in the bathroom by an orange haired boy with a giant sword."

Uryū rolled his eyes. "Chad, you claim to hear that sound everyday and every time I tell you it's all a figment of your imagination."

"But I really thought I heard it this time!" The boy protested. "We should really go investigate!"

"No; remember the last time we investigated that noise?" Uryū asked as he cringed at the horrible memory.

"I doubt it will be like last time! Come on let's go to the bathroom to investigate!" Chad urged. Uryū felt like arguing, but before he could he was dragged by the arm upstairs and toward the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Ichigo had hid Kisuke's body and was now washing his hands. Someone frantically began knocking at the door. Ichigo opened it to see his father standing there.

"Hey son, I woke up late and I really need to shower before work! May I please use the bathroom?" Ichigo's father asked and Ichigo replied with a nod.

Ichigo's dad then anxiously ran into the bathroom and shut the door while Ichigo went to his room. Chad and Uryū ran up the stairs, swung open the bathroom door, and quickly ran out. Both boys were shocked and incredibly disturbed with what they had witnessed.

"You promised that it wouldn't be like last time!" Uryū yelled.

"Sorry, how was I supposed to know? It really sounded like someone with an awesome hat being killed in the bathroom by an orange haired boy with a giant sword!"

Some time had passed and now Ichigo, Chad, and Uryū worked together on their Halloween costumes.

Their original plan was for the three of them plus Kisuke to go together as the cast of Naruto; Ichigo would play Naruto, Uryū as Sasuke, Chad as Sakura, and Kisuke as Kakashi, but since Kisuke had seemed to disappear without answering phone-calls, text-messages, e-mails, or even private messages on FanFiction, team seven would have to go without a Kakashi this Halloween.

"We should bring Keigo along. I heard he can do a really good English dub Sasuke impression." Chad pointed out. "If Keigo were to play the part of Sasuke then Uryū could be Kakashi."

"But I want to be Sasuke!" Uryū whined.

Chad rolled his eyes. "Fine, but I really wonder what happened to Kisuke."

Ichigo kept to himself and continued to work on his Naruto costume. He loved just how nieve his friends were in a moment like this.

He knew that it would be the right thing to let Chad or Uryū in on what had really happen to Kisuke, but at the same time Chad and Uryū were just as much his pray as Kisuke was.

Uryū stood up. "I'm going to get some fat free, sugar free water. Would any of you like something to drink?"

"Can you get me some chocolate milk? Oh and bring some of those little chocolate chip cookies that Ichigo's sisters made." Chad pleaded.

Uryū rolled his eyes. "What is with you and chocolate today? How about you Ichigo?"

"I'm fine, but let me ... Um ... Help you find the cookies." Ichigo said, standing up and making his way to the kitchen with Uryū.

As soon as the two boys had left, Chad smiled to himself. 'It's good to see Ichigo and Uryū get along.' Chad thought. 'Now they're hanging out together unsupervised in the kitchen. I'm glad Ichigo's not a serial killer because if he were this would be the perfect moment for him to kill Uryū.'

Moments later Ichigo walked back into the living room with a glass of chocolate milk and chocolate-chip cookies. Chad shifted his body in order to peer over Ichigo, but Uryū was nowhere in sight.

"Where did Uryū go?" Chad finally asked.

"Oh he's dead ... I mean he went home where he will die ... dye his hair ... for the costume."

"Really? But Uryū's hair color already looks perfect for Sasuke."

"Yeah, but you know Uryū; everything must be perfect."

Chad nodded. "Yeah, that does sound like something Uryū would do."

Chad reached out and took the glass of milk from Ichigo's hands. He took a large sip, and savored the sweet, chocolaty flavor. It was at that moment that Chad realized something. It was a horrible, sickening thought, but it had to be true.

"We forgot to buy Halloween-candy!" Chad exclaimed.

Ichigo shook his head and pulled a Rice Krispy Square from his pocket. "Don't worry. I already took precautions. They're like the cereal, but in candy form."

Chad laughed nervously. "That's a clever invention. But are you sure Rice Krispies are safe for little kids?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't they be?" Ichigo asked.

"Well it's just ... think of how impressionable little kids are these days. If they heard Snap Crackle and Pop's message do you think they could handle it like you did?"

Ichigo let out an evil chuckle. "Like I did? Yeah I think the kids would handle things like I did, maybe even better."

Chad smiled. "Good, when you did that evil laugh I was worried you were going to say that you killed Kisuke and Uryū."

"I did kill Kisuke and Uryū." Ichigo replied. "And next it's your turn. That chocolate milk that I gave you isn't really chocolate milk."

Chad gasped. "Is it poison?"

"It's worse." Ichigo replied. "It's low-fat chocolate milk."

Chad's eyes widened in horror and started to have a coughing fit. "You ... (cough) ... monster!"

A devious smile danced its way across Ichigo's face. "Goodbye Chad. It was nice knowing you."

Chad woke up in his sleeping-bag which was being shaken by Uryū. He was still in Ichigo's house, but Ichigo wasn't there. Instead there was another familiar face shaking Chad awake. It was Uryū. Somehow after everything he was beside him.

"Come on man, wake up!" Uryū urged.

"Am I dead?" Chad questioned.

Uryū laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"Ichigo had gone psycho. He killed you and Kisuke too!"


"Do you seriously not remember?" Chad asked seeming alarmed.

Uryū rolled his eyes. "Dude I think you were having a bad dream. Look, Ichigo's in the kitchen making Rice Krispy Squares. Get dressed and come and join us for a nice Halloween treat."

-phantom130 5 (October 2012)

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