Not Another Filler Arc!
Chapter 5: Not another Filler Arc!
Fillers ... I hate them! There's nothing more to say!
Ichigo, joined by Orihime, Rukia, Chad, and Uryū sat at a large table in the Soul Society surrounding Head-Captain Yamamoto.
"Ichigo we need your help!" Yamamoto said. "The evil King Filler has taken over the Soul Society! If we don't act fast the Bleach anime will be given a hundred more seasons of boring, pointless fillers!"
Chad gasped. "Then we'll never know what happens to Ichigo/Chizuru!"
Ichigo rolled his eyes. "What's the deal with you and slash?"
Chad shrugged. "I'm a teenage boy without a girlfriend. I'm not going to spend all my free time reading crack fics."
"I'd really like to see more Ichigo/Orihime." Orihime confessed.
"You realize you'd be paired with Ichigo then right?" Uryū inquired.
"I know!" Orihime said, her face turning a crimson red. "It's just ... I think that would be kind of cute."
"This is no time to talk about pairings!" Yamamoto said, his voice booming over the four friends. "If you can't stop the evil Lord Filler we'll all suffer! I don't want another Bount arc!"
"I don't want another Bount arc either." Ichigo said. "Believe me, one of those was more than enough for me."
Yamamoto nodded. "I'm also going to put Sosuke Aizen on your team as well. He may be evil, but he hates filler arcs just as much as we do. Keep in mind his arc was interrupted not just once, but at least twice because of fillers. I think he could be a great asset."
Ichigo cringed. The last thing he needed was to see Aizen again after chapter three, but he crossed his fingers and hoped for the unlikely chance that maybe Aizen had chosen to grow up a little and did not hit people over the head with baseball bats or frying-pans anymore. Sadly that did not happen.
Aizen casually strode into the room by himself. As he walked past Uryū, Orihime, Rukia, and Chad he individually bonked them all on the back of the head with a baseball bat.
"Hello guys." Aizen said with a goofy smile spread across his face; his eyes then narrowed on Ichigo. "Hello Ichigo."
"Hi Aizen." Ichigo replied coldly.
"Aizen, why do you have a baseball bat?" Yamamoto asked.
"Isn't it obvious Head Captain Yamamoto?" Aizen asked. "I just got back from a game of baseball."
"You did?" Yamamoto beamed. "I love baseball!"
"He's lying!" Ichigo yelled. "Aizen is a bad person! He hits people with that baseball bat!"
Yamamoto let out a jolly, Santa Clause-like laugh. "Silly Ichigo, you don't hit people with baseball bats. You hit baseballs with them."
Ichigo rolled his eyes. This was going to be a long mission.
Ichigo, Chad, Uryū, Orihime, Rukia, and Aizen hid outside of King Filler's castle talking about their plan of attack. Of course Aizen wanted to sneak in and hit King Filler with a baseball bat, but Ichigo didn't like that plan. Ichigo wanted to do something more subtle like sneak through the secret back entrance labeled with the words 'Secret back entrance without any security. Enter here for a more subtle surprise invasion than Aizen's plan'.
"I think it will work perfect." Ichigo said.
"... I don't know Ichigo. I think it could be a trap?" Chad stated.
Ichigo shook his head. "That's ridiculous Chad. How could such an obvious and easily misleading sign be a trap? Now come on I want to kill some bad guys!"
Chad rolled his eyes. "... You've been eating the Rice Krispies again haven't you?"
"... Maybe just a bowl or two ..."
Aizen clapped his hands. "Rice Krispies? Goody, that's my favorite cereal! They give me ideas for all my best evil schemes!"
"You mean that time you tried to take over the Soul Society; that was ..."
"The Rice Krispies told me to do it!"
"How about that time you knocked Yamamoto out cold with a baseball bat?" Rukia questioned.
"Rice Krispies were involved too!" Aizen cheered.
Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Oh great ... It seems just like phantom130 5 to try to combine the last two chapters together too ..."
"It helps with story flow." Chad pointed out.
"Anyways Ichigo, if you think it's really safe to take that pathway then we'll support you." Rukia said.
Ichigo smiled. "Good; then let's get going!"
The others followed and Ichigo busted through the secret back entrance. Thankfully Ichigo was right; it really is impossible to be misled by a sign. (Unless it's of course one of those road sign fails that you always find on the internet. Those things are funny to read, but very misleading.) Either way, the back entrance didn't have security and Ichigo's plan of breaking in was a whole lot better than Aizen's plan would have been.
"Which way should we go?" Uryū asked as soon as the group entered a part of the hallway that split up into two different ways.
"I think ..." Ichigo was about to speak, but Aizen motioned for Ichigo to be quiet.
"I'm sorry Kurosaki, but evil layers are sort of my area of expertise." Aizen explained.
"Alright, then which way do we go?" Ichigo asked.
Aizen covered up his eyes and started pointing back and forth between the two different pathways.
"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe ..." Aizen muttered. He continued to recite the Nursery Rhyme until he had come to a decision on which path to take. "I pick this way!" Aizen cheered pointing to the pathway on the left.
"That's your expert method on telling where someone's evil layer is?" Ichigo questioned angrily.
"Yeah, is something wrong with it?" Aizen asked back.
"I think Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe is amazing when used in problem solving." Orihime said.
"You can't be serious!" Ichigo said. "You realize it's never even right with this type of problem?"
"That's true, but the Nursery Rhyme is still so much fun to say! Besides, if it's really never right like you say then we'll just go the other way."
"You can't do that!" Ichigo shouted.
"Because what if Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe thinks we're not going to pick the way it tells us to go so rather than giving us a false answer it actually told us the truth just to throw us off?" Ichigo questioned.
"What?" The group all asked at once.
"Look, I know what I'm talking about. No matter what we do the game will try to throw us off!" Ichigo explained.
"So what do you suggest we do then? We can't just wait here all day." Orihime said.
"Oh yes we can!" Ichigo protested.
Orihime sighed. "Whoever thinks we should continue walking please raise your hand." Everyone, but Ichigo raised their hand. "Now who thinks we should go right? Raise your hand." Uryū and Rukia raised their hands.
"And who thinks we should go left?" This time Aizen and Chad raised their hands. Orihime turned to face Ichigo. "It looks like you're the tie breaker so which way? Right or left?"
"I pick right! No, left! Darn it Orihime, this is too hard! Why can't we just turn back?" Ichigo asked.
"It's just a small decision! It shouldn't be that hard! Just pick right or left!"
"I don't know!"
"Yes you do! Believe in yourself Ichigo! Believe that you can do it, believe you know the way, and most of all believe it!"
Orihime shrugged. "Sorry, it's something Naruto always says. I thought it would fit ..."
"Oh ... Well in that case I pick left!" Ichigo said causing everyone to cheer.
King Filler sat in a large, black spinney chair by his work desk. He had a sheet of line paper out and divided into thirds. On one end it said Bleach, another said Naruto, and the last section was for D. Grey-Man. Underneath each topic were several lists containing ideas for new fillers, however Bleach had the most written underneath it.
King Filler stroked his beard and gave an evil laugh. "I'm so glad that I bought the next hundred seasons of Bleach and convinced them to make each one filler! Pretty soon people will be so annoyed with waiting for the story to continue that they'll give up watching anime completely and buy the manga! But then I'll put filler in their manga, and finally I'll put filler in life! Nothing will ever happen again!"
"That is so evil!" Ichigo shouted as he and the rest of the group barged into the room. "We won't let you get away with it!"
King Filler smirked slightly. "Oh, but I already have. He already signed the papers making my series of fillers legally binding."
"What? Who signed the papers?" Aizen asked.
"Yeah who would support such a ludicrous cause?" Chad added.
"I signed them." Another voice said. The group all turned their heads to see Gin Ichimaru enter the room.
"Gin, why would you do that?" Aizen asked, seeming hurt.
"Isn't it obvious?" Gin asked. "I wanted ta see more Rangiku episodes."
"Gin you idiot, there will still be plenty of episodes with Rangiku! Please let's just move on with the anime!" Aizen pleaded.
"Alright, then I take back mah signature." Gin said.
"You can't do that." King Filler said while holding up a signed document. "You've already signed the contract. There will be a hundred seasons of fillers and there's nothing you can do about it!"
"Sorry guys I tried ..." Gin said.
"Actually take another look at your contract." Rukia said. "I think Gin signed the wrong thing. What you're holding up says a hundred more seasons of fillers for some show called Pokémon ..."
"What?" King Filler exclaimed as he reread the contract. Sure enough Rukia was right. "How can this be? I told you exactly what to sign too!"
"Sorry I musta had mah eyes shut again when ya were explain'." Gin said.
"YOU IDEOT! I'll find a way to bring fillers to you! Just you wait Bleach cast! You'll never escape the filler arcs!" King Filler scolded while slowly vanishing into thin air like a fog clearing.
"That was weird ..." Uryū stated. "... He just vanished."
"You're telling me ..." Ichigo added. "What are we going to tell Captain Yamamoto?"
"Come on let's go back. We'll think of what to say later." Aizen said.
"So let me get this straight. You let the world's most evil criminal escape?" Yamamoto said. The elder didn't seem pleased.
"Sorry sir." Ichigo replied. "We tried to catch him, but he just vanished."
Yamamoto slammed his fist on his desk in anger. "And the worst part of it all is now I can no longer watch Pokémon because it was invaded with filler episodes!"
"Sorry 'bout that ..." Gin said. "Thought I was signing the contract for Bleach."
"You did a selfish thing Gin ... But whether you did it intentionally or not you did save the Bleach anime from even more fillers so I guess I owe you my gratitude." Yamamoto said. "... Thanks."
Whispers were heard throughout the room.
"Woah did you hear that? Yamamoto actually thanked someone." Someone had whispered.
"Um ... Yer welcome sir." Gin finally said while taking a bow.
"As for you Ichigo, you spent a whole chapter searching for King Filler only to let him escape in the end. Do you realize what that means?" Yamamoto questioned.
"What?" Ichigo replied.
"It means that no matter how much fun this chapter may have been to read it's still a filler. King Filler is still out there making fillers for all of us to watch and until we catch him we will be forced to watch them. Stay on your toes young Shinigami. This fight isn't over yet."
-phantom130 5 (November 2012)