Bleach Spoofing

Toshiro goes to School

Chapter 7: Toshiro goes to School

"There's a new adventure in everything we do we'll all be together and you can come too when Toshiro goes to school!"

"Threats of Aizen attacking again are on the up-rise." Head Captain Yamamoto told Toshiro one day.

Toshiro turned to the Head Captain and frowned wordlessly. Normally the Head was a pain to deal with, but this was just plain annoying. Toshiro had just woken up and somehow the Head Captain had gotten into his house and was blocking his way to the bathroom.

"You must get Ichigo from the human world and tell him to come to the Soul Society for more training." The Captain explained.

"Okay." Toshiro said. "Now can I just use my bathroom? I just woke up and really got to …"

"You shall not pass!" Yamamoto said, raising his Zanpakuto up to block Toshiro's entrance. "Go to the human world first and then you may use your precious bathroom."

Toshiro sighed. Some days the Head Captain really knew how to get on his nerves. Nevertheless, he decided it was probably best not to question the Captain's orders. Maybe he'd just use the washrooms in the human world.

Toshiro showed up a few minutes later at Ichigo's school. He went practically unnoticed as he snuck into the school's washroom to do his business. When he came out he found Ichigo sitting in the cafeteria with a few friends.

"Morning Ichigo." Toshiro said with a yawn.

Ichigo leapt out of his chair in shock. "Toshiro, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in the Soul Society?"

Toshiro lazily stretched out his body. "The Head Captain sent me. He wants you to come and see him immediately." Toshiro let out another yawn. "What really baffles me is how is it you're able to wake up so early."

Ichigo nodded. "School is cruel. Anyways, I'll go to the Soul Society right now."

Ichigo ran out of the school. Toshiro tried to keep up, but someone else stopped him by resting a firm hand on Toshiro's shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going?" An older man asked.

"I'm leaving to go help save the world." Toshiro said matter-of-factly.

"No you're not." The man said calmly. A bell rang and the man's hold loosened, but didn't let go. "I'm going to walk you to class. To make sure you don't try to escape."

"Wait, do you think I'm a student here?" Toshiro asked.

"Of course, aren't you from that pre-school next door?" The man asked.

A sweat drop rolled down Toshiro's head. "I know I'm short, but really, do you think I'm from preschool?" He asked seeming unimpressed.

"Of course." The man said in the type of voice that you'd only use around a little kid. "Now come on, let me walk you out. High school is no place for a little boy like you."

"I'll have you know, I'm a Soul Reaper! I've saved the world from Hollows more times than you can count!" Toshiro insisted as he and the man continued to walk together.

"I'm sure you did." The man said unconvinced.

"I have a sword." Toshiro used his free hand to pull the blade off his back.

"Aww, how cute." The man said.

"Hyōrinmaru, please help me out. You don't have to kill this man, just scare him a little." Toshiro pleaded.

Perhaps, and this is just a theory, but maybe the sword was too busy laughing, or maybe it was because for whatever reason Toshiro forgot to give his usual chant ("Sit upon the Frozen Heavens, Hyōrinmaru"). But for whatever reason Hyōrinmaru refused to activate and Toshiro was carried all the way to preschool, boy will this be fun.

"I've never seen this kid before." Toshiro's preschool teacher, a young woman that resembling Rangiku, said. "But if you want I could let him stay with my class until we find his parents."

"That'd be a great idea." The man agreed.

The preschool teacher crouched down beside Toshiro and soothingly put her hands on his shoulder. "Don't be afraid little boy. We'll find your mommy and daddy somehow."

"I'm full grown and a Captain for crying out loud! I don't need my parents!" Toshiro said angrily, but the woman ignored him.

"We're doing a Math sheet right now." She pointed to an empty seat. "You can sit there and work on it."

Toshiro sat down and looked at the paper in disgust. It was just a bunch of simple addition questions. Below the questions was a number and letter key labeled A through Z and one through twenty-six, each letter corresponded to a number and the page said that depending on what your answer for each question was that would eventually reveal a "secret message".

Below that was the riddle: What do you call a sore on a police officer's foot? Then there were several blanks for Toshiro to leave his decoded message, the answer to the riddle.

'This is so ridiculous.' Toshiro thought. 'When am I ever going to encounter a police officer with a sore foot? And if I ever did meet one, I don't think it would be nice to call him anything.'

But sure enough, since this story has a habit of weird things happening, a cop came limping into the room at that very moment.

His eyes stared right at Toshio, refusing to move look as he calmly said the words, "I have a really bad sore on my foot today."

"T-that really sucks." Toshiro said in barely a whisper.

"It does." The cop agreed; his expression unchanged. "Aren't you going to say something? Isn't there a certain name you want to use?"

"Um … I don't know!" Toshiro exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. "I didn't complete the riddle!"

A little boy beside Toshiro raised his hand and happily shouted, "You've got a corn on a cop!"

The cop laughed and clapped his hands. "Good job little boy, because you have given me laughter, I miraculously feel better! He turned his attention back at Toshiro, his expression cold. "As for you, you need to learn some manners. Don't ever talk like that to a police officer with a sore on his foot!"

After Math was Show and Tell. Since Toshiro was required to show something he brought out the only thing on him that had any sort of value, his Zanpakuto. This sent the class in awe.

A bulky, red haired boy sitting beside Toshiro swiped the sword out of his hands. "Gimme!" He said.

"Um … little boy, I don't think it's safe for you to hold that!" Toshiro insisted.

"Now Toshiro," The teacher started in a lecturing sort of tone. "For Show and Tell you're required to pass the item around."

"But Miss, swords are dangerous! The children could hurt themselves!" Toshiro insisted, but it was already too late.

The ginger kid had been playing with the sword and "accidently" cut the head off of a young boy that looked like Sasuke from Naruto. Since this FanFiction is rated K+, there was surprisingly no blood and the kid didn't die either, but may I make mention that this scene was still pretty disturbing, because the boy's head rolled pretty far away before the teacher had to duct tape it back on.

When her job was done and the young Sasuke's head was taped back on, the teacher looked very angry at Toshiro. "You shouldn't have passed around such a dangerous toy!" She said.

"It wasn't a toy and I didn't want to pass it around!" Toshiro insisted, but the teacher didn't want to hear it. Instead she told Toshiro to stay in a corner and think about what he did.

"School is so unfair." Toshiro muttered to himself.

~ phantom130 5 (April 2013)

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