The Ninja Fashion Show
Chapter 10: The Ninja Fashion Show
Today's chapter starts with Team Kakashi out on a very dangerous mission: they had to go over to Bull's Eyes and get the Third Hokage a pizza. Yeah, sure, that sounds safe; but when ninety percent of the world are ninja, everything is just ninety percent more difficult. 'Go to Bull's Eyes and pick up a king-sized pizza' could mean 'kill an army of assassins while balancing, and trying to keep warm, the king-sized pizza'.
The perfect example would be the mission to the Land of Waves: they were told to watch over a bridge builder. Surely no one would waste their time trying to kill someone that builds bridges for a living! Wrong!
Anyways, Sasuke was using Fireball Jutsu, trying to keep the pizza warm. Meanwhile, Naruto used Ninetails to fight off several hungry ninja, Sakura punched them down because she didn't have any other powers useful for fighting, and Kakashi wrote the names down in the Death Note. Kakashi had replaced his normal eye with the Ryuk's eye so he could see all the assassins' names. (Ryuk's eyes allow you to see any human's name just by looking at them, along with how many years the person was expected to live.) However, in exchange, Kakashi had to give Ryuk half of his remaining life - so if Kakashi had had twenty years left to live, he would now only have ten. Obito's and Ryuk's eyes - that's pretty cool. ...Even if the eye was no real use, because each of the assassins were wearing a name tag that said, "Hello, my name is:", then they put their name. What a shame that Kakashi shortened his life for nothing.
When the ninja finally made it back alive (yep, even Sasuke), the Third Hokage greeted them with open arms and told the four ninja to dig in. He had ordered the pizza to split between himself and Team Kakashi, so they all sat down in the Hokage's office and had a happy feast.
Naruto and Sasuke quickly broke into a food fight, and soon Sakura, Kakashi, and even the old Hokage joined in. Afterwards, Team Kakashi headed toward the lake to get washed up. They would have invited the Hokage to join them, but they knew he only owned a Speedo, and no one wanted to see him in that. All in all, they chose not to tell him.
They didn't know that tomorrow would be The Big Annual Ninja Beauty Pageant. The Third Hokage had ordered the pizza so he could stay full and focused while trying to arrange for three judges and the perfect prize. In the end, the Third Hokage decided the perfect prize for the event would be one million dollars, and a pet fish that he would catch tonight.
The Third Hokage also decided to call Kakashi and Guy and ask if they'd like to help him judge. He just needed to think of one more judge... Who would be perfect for judging? Oh well, he should go fishing first, then make calls for the last judge.
He grabbed an old fishing rod and went to the river to see what he could catch. (This was around the same time that Team Kakashi is swimming. They were on opposite ends of the river so none of them noticed each other right away.) Third Hokage casted his fishing rod into the distance and ended up unknowingly hooking his rod to the top of Sasuke's swimming shorts. Naruto and Kakashi could only laugh as they watched Sasuke get reeled far off into the distance, while Sakura watched Sasuke go with a horrified expression on her face.
The Third Hokage obviously wasn't much of a fisher. He also had terrible eyesight, and when he pulled Sasuke out of the river he honestly believed that he had caught a goldfish. He quickly tossed Sasuke into an airless fish tank and closed and locked the lid, making it impossible to breathe or escape.
The Third Hokage quickly snapped a picture of the apparent 'goldfish'.
"This is going on the advertisements," the Hokage said to himself.
Time passed, and Sasuke eventually drowned. Word spread quickly of the Annual Ninja Talent Show. Kakashi and Guy agreed to judge, and the Third Hokage got guest help from Simon Cowell. He had wanted to try Tyra Banks, but the Hokage had lost her number; so instead of a modeling judge, he'd get a music judge. Close enough, right?
Neji's disclaimer: "As it is against FanFiction guidelines to use real and currently-living characters, this 'Simon Cowell' is not the one you know. It is his imaginary twin brother. Yes, with the same name."
Sakura and Ino noticed Sasuke to be one of the prizes from the flyer, and both decided to try their best to win over Sasuke's love.
Naruto also wanted to compete in order to win Sasuke. He figured he could use Sasuke as his slave, and he'd use the prize money to buy a mansion. His life would be perfect after that. Believe it!
Tenten and Temari agreed to compete, but mainly just for the prize money. Hinata entered, too, even though the Hyuga heiress had no need for either Sasuke or the money.
Orochimaru saw his 'darling avenger' on the flyer and ordered Kimimaro to dress like a girl in order to bring Sasuke to him. Kimimaro refused, since every time he got sent on a mission to get Sasuke, Kimimaro found himself hurt somehow. Orochimaru disagreed and repeatedly hit Kimimaro with a hammer while telling him that the pain was all in his imagination and that he needed to get over it. Kimimaro sighed but agreed to help his lord. Orochimaru and Kabuto did their 'Happy We're-Going-to-Steal-Sasuke Dance'.
Gato wanted the prize money for himself. He ordered Haku to go in the pageant, not realizing that it said 'girls only'. Yet they still let Haku in the pageant, one hundred percent certain that Haku was a girl.
The last people to enter were Itachi and Kisame, who found out about the pageant second-hand from a girl on their party boat. She told them that if they won, they could get Kisame a fish friend.
Kisame excitedly said, "Glub." He wanted this 'fish friend', not realizing that it was Itachi's brother.
Itachi was willing to compete on Kisame's behalf. He also got past the security without having to dress like a girl. Itachi just gave the guards a stare, and they were more than happy to do as he requested. All the people then were rushed into the same change room without being given the chance to even glance Sasuke's way.
Meanwhile, Naruto was still outside. The security wouldn't let him through.
When Naruto noticed Hinata about to run back stage to get changed for the pageant, Naruto stopped her and kissed her as if it were a romance movie.
Then Naruto whispered to her softly, "Good luck; I believe in you. Believe it."
Hinata fainted, thus giving Naruto the opportunity to steal her jacket and purse.
"Sorry, Hinata, but you'll understand when I'm rich. Believe it!" Naruto said.
He took a brush and quickly brushed his hair back and put lipstick and eyeliner on, then slipped Hinata's jacket on as well. He didn't look really like a girl, but it was the best he knew how to do. Naruto ran and took his (or Hinata's) place, making it just barely in time and claiming to be Hinata by pulling Hinata's registration number out of her purse.
It was about time to start The Ninja Beauty Pageant.
The contestants were in the changing room applying make – up and eye liner to make them look more appealing to the panel of judges.
'I don't like the idea of this high heal thing...' Kimimaro thought to himself, 'But Lord Orochimaru said that beauty is pain... So considering how much pain my body is in right now I must look gorgeous because these high heels hurt!'
"Hey billboard brow," Ino said approaching her long time rival.
"Hey Ino – pig," Sakura replied.
"Don't you dare think that you're going to win Sasuke by doing this. because he's mine, and so is the money!"
"No way Ino, he's mine!"
"Hey guys, what are you talking about? Believe it!" Naruto said, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.
"Naruto, how did you get here?" Sakura yelled knocking the blonde to the ground.
Meanwhile, Kakashi and Guy finally got to meet their long time idol Simon Cowl.
"Why am I judging a bloody fashion show? They said this would be a music computation similar to American Idol." He asked, "Look I'm a music judge not a fashion judge."
"Sorry sir, but the Hokage was pressed for time and you were the only one he could round up last minute." Kakashi said apologetically.
"Ok, but I should warn you I really don't care for fashion so don't be surprised if I give everyone a bad score."
Finally, it came time for the contest to start and the eight contestants lined up. All they had to do was a quick model walk across the runway and if the judges liked how they looked then they could win. The first contestant was Tenten. She casually did her walk, smiled to the judges, waved, and walked off the stage.
"I hated it." Simon said.
"I liked it," Kakashi said, "It was nearly flawless, but something about the act is missing... You lack personality."
"For once I couldn't agree with you more Kakashi. Sorry Tenten, better luck next year." Guy added.
Sakura was up next. She took one step onto the runway and looked at the judges. On the judge's table was the fish tank. Sure enough Sasuke was in it. She walked closer and continued her walk until she finally got a better look at the tank. Sasuke had completely drowned to death and was floating belly – up inside the tank. This made Sakura scream.
"Sasuke's dead!" She yelled pointing at the fish tank.
"What?" Ino yelled coming out from behind the stage.
"I said Sasuke's dead!"
"Eww, come on Sakura let's get out of here." Ino said grabbing Sakura's hand and dragging her away from the judge's table.
"That was horrible." Simon said when the girls were gone.
"She should have known Sasuke would be dead." Kakashi added, "I mean she's been in this story for nine chapters so far."
"That's Sasuke in the tank? I really thought it was a fish." Guy replied in shock.
"Guy, you and the Hokage both need to get your eyes checked." Kakashi said nonchalantly.
"Sorry people and fish look alike to me. I'm really bad at remembering faces."
Temari was next, 'Keep your cool, and get this done.' Temari thought worriedly. The advice was supposed to calm her nerves, but somehow it didn't help.
'Almost done, I'm on the runway now; there is no turning back... Is it hot today or is it just me? I think I'm really hot! HOT! TODAY IS SO HOT! WHY IS IT SO HOT?"
"WHY THE HECK IS IT SO HOT OUT HERE TODAY?" Temari yelled pulling out her giant fan.
"Hot? Actually today's weather is pretty good." Kakashi said.
"WELL I'M HOT!" Temari began to rapidly use her fan to cool herself, but somehow even with all the effort it still didn't seem to help cool her down.
'I need to go home; there's AC back there.' Temari thought running back to the Sand Village.
"Horrible," Simon said, this time no one argued.
Kimimaro entered the runway next, but he was having a lot of trouble walking with his new pair of shoes. He often stumbled with each step. Finally, when he got close to the edge of the runway he did a wave, but ended up losing balance and falling off.
"Terrible," Simon said.
"You'd think she'd never worn high heels before." Guy muttered.
"That's why guys should stay away from girl's shoes." Kakashi added nonchalantly.
Naruto came out next from behind the stage. When Kakashi saw him he did a face palm.
"Naruto, take off that costume right now." He said.
"No, I want the money. Besides I like this fashion. Believe it!"
"Don't worry Naruto; your new style is amazing!" Guy exclaimed in awe, giving the boy two thumbs up, "Your outfit is really youthful; I love it!"
"See Naruto, you know as well as I do that when Guy says he likes your style of fashion and calls it 'youthful' that means there's definitely something wrong with it." Kakashi pointed out.
I see your point... Believe it..." Naruto said with a frown.
"... Now that was just awkward..." Simon added when Naruto was gone.
"Looks like we're down to the final two contestants," Kakashi announced, "one of them, either Haku or Itachi will become Little Miss Konoha. Can I see both of you model at the same time?"
Haku and Itachi both did their walk at the same time and modeled flawlessly. All the judges including Simon were awe – struck by their tremendous talent. When the two both took a bow at the the judges went into a circle to discuss who they thought should win.
In the end they came to an anonymous decision. All the judges seemed to agree that the best suited and most beautiful girl in all of Konoha was none other than Haku!
Kakashi put a sash around Haku's body that said "Little Miss Konoha" as Guy carried up the "fish" and placed it in the boy's hands.
"Haku, you're the most beautiful girl in Konoha; do you have anything to say to the people watching at home?
Haku's jaw dropped and he let Sasuke's glass smash onto the floor, "I'm so sick of people thinking I'm a girl! I'M A GUY!"
"Sure you are." Kakashi said sarcastically.
"THAT'S IT I QUIT!" Haku yelled tearing off the sash and throwing it to the ground before storming away.
"Looks like Itachi's our winner by default!" Kakashi announced while Guy whipped off the sash and put it around him instead.
"Yes, I'd like the prize money, but you can keep the drown Sasuke."
~ phantom130 5 (September 2010)