Naruto spoofing

Naruto Thanks Giving

Chapter 11: Naruto Thanks Giving

Today's story starts underground in Orochimaru's secret snake layer. Kabuto and Kimimaro were setting up for a feast to remember. Kabuto had brought stuffing, cranberries, and ham. Days like this were the kinds of days to spend with close friends and family. You see, today was Thanksgiving. It was one of those holidays where friends and enemies alike come together and eat food. There was just one thing missing... What was it? Oh yes, it was the most important part of the meal: the turkey.

Kabuto was lucky that Orochimaru had promised to go out of his way and pick it out himself; although hopefully this time, he would actually come back with a turkey and not Sasuke or a wacky plan to get Sasuke. Just then, Kabuto heard a car pull into the driveway, and the door quickly opened.

"Kabutooo, I'm home!" Orochimaru announced. "And look who followed me home!"

Behind Orochimaru walked in a ninja with black hair and a blue sweat shirt.

"He promised me death," Sasuke said with a smile.

Don't you see why I love this kid?" Orochimaru asked, giving Sasuke a hug.

"Yes, that's nice, Lord Orochimaru; but did you, uh, bring the turkey?" Kabuto asked, seeming frantic to get the turkey started. He needed at least four good hours to cook it, and that was just about how much time he had left.

Orochimaru frowned. "Oh. Sorry, Kabuto, I just brought home Sasuke," Orochimaru said, holding Sasuke up as though Kabuto hadn't clearly seen him when he had both feet on the floor.

"Whee!" Sasuke cheered, clapping his hands and laughing.

Kabuto growled and took Sasuke from Orochimaru. "I guess it'll have to do, since you can never remember anything I ask you to do!" Kabuto shouted. He tossed Sasuke into the oven, latching it shut before Orochimaru could object.

"Sheesh, Kabuto, sometimes you act more like an angry housewife than my right hand man. I could just go back and get your turkey," Orochimaru sighed.

"No, you did your job. After all, there is so much more work we need to do to prepare," Kabuto said.

"Not more work!" Orochimaru complained.

After two hours of preparation, Orochimaru commented, "I thought Thanksgiving was in November. Why are we having a Thanksgiving party if it's not for another month? And whatever happened to Obon, the Japanese equivalent to Thanksgiving?"

Kabuto sighed and explained it to his friend, "American Thanksgiving is November, but in Canada, Thanksgiving starts in two more hours. As for your second question, we'll celebrate Obon another day."

"Oh!" Orochimaru said. "Why do we celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving?"

"Because Phantom130 5 is Canadian. Do you understand?" Kabuto explained.

"A Canadian, eh? Does he live in an igloo and ride a polar bear to school?" Orochimaru asked.

Kabuto just sighed and put his hand to his forehead, hoping to ease his growing headache. "Something like that," he replied. "Now please come and help me prepare!" He handed Orochimaru the phone and phonebook. "Call our friends and tell them about the party."

Orochimaru nodded and obeyed for the most part, but he couldn't resist prank-calling Choji.

"Is your refrigerator running?" Orochimaru asked.

"One sec, I'll check," Choji said. He must have gotten distracted by the food in his refrigerator, though, because he never came back to the call.

Soon, one by one, everyone showed up at Orochimaru's layer, ready to eat. As they came in, Kimimaro would open the door and insist that they wipe their feet before coming in, because Kabuto was very particular about how the house looked.

He even made Kisame and Akamaru wear a diaper. At first, the animals refused. Kisame tried to get away and Akamaru tried to bite Kimimaro, but after a big hassle, Kimimaro got them to stay still and wear the diaper.

Kabuto had prepared for Kiba a special tofu turkey, like in 'Everybody Loves Raymond', because he was a vegetarian – he didn't want to eat real turkey even if it was only Sasuke, and no real turkey was harmed.

"What can I say? I like animals," Kiba said when Naruto asked him about it.

The large group of ninja bowed their heads in prayer before digging into the delicious home-cooked meal. "Dear Lord, we thank you for this wonderful meal that Kabuto has worked hard to prepare for us and that you have blessed us with. Amen."

Then they all began to eat, except for Kakashi, who was wearing a mask, and Shikamaru, who was sleeping on top of his plate. Choji ate all of his food, then he ate Kakashi's and Shikamaru's meals, and probably some of the others' by mistake.

Neji shared a random Thanksgiving fact: "The average person will eat thirteen point seven pounds of turkey in his or her lifetime."

"Well, with Kabuto's good cooking, I think I could eat that much in a day. Believe it!" Naruto argued, unknowingly shoveling another piece of Sasuke into his mouth. Kabuto had put so many seasonings on top of Sasuke that it was nearly impossible to tell what they were eating. Noticeably, there was a huge portion missing from Sasuke's body. Orochimaru fainted.

"Stand up," Kabuto whispered to Orochimaru.

Orochimaru meekly stood up and whimpered, but agreed.

"Hey wait, where is Sasuke? Believe it!" Naruto asked, looking around. He pulled up a section of the tablecloth to look under the table. "Sasuke, are you there? Believe it!"

From behind Kakashi's mask, a silent, evil smirk grew on his face. Of course Kakashi knew what had become of Sasuke, but he wasn't going to say anything. He would just order take-out later and avoid being called a cannibal. Then again, Kabuto could make anything look delicious, and maybe Kakashi should torture Sasuke as much as he could before Sasuke went all power-hungry. So what would be the harm in just one little bite? After all, what would Zetsu do?

Neji's final disclaimer: "No turkeys were actually harmed in the making of this chapter."

~ phantom130 5 (October 2010)

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