Kakashi's Death Note
Chapter 16: Kakashi's Death Note
Thank you, Dragon-WolfTamer for the idea of this chapter - hope you enjoy :)
Additional thanks to: SasuTenLuvr, & Ninjapirate101
Kakashi felt bored today. What to do, what to do? This wasn't the usual boredom. Kakashi felt in the mood to test his death note out more. This would be a contest to see who would be the last one alive.
In Haku and Zabuza's hideout, Gato had an announcement.
"Guys, for years, I've carried a fear of falling off of a bridge, but I have that fear no more! Tonight I'm going to try to break that fear and spend the night on a bridge. I know I won't fall off!"
Haku and Zabuza both clapped their enthusiasm for Gato's plan.
As soon as Gato left the secret hideout, Haku turned to Zabuza.
"Do you think Gato will be safe on the bridge tonight?" Haku asked.
Zabuza shrugged "I don't know, boy."
The next day, Gato was announced to be dead. As it turned out he somehow fell off the bridge. It seemed he had a reason to fear the bridge all along.
Zabuza looked over at Swordy, who was sitting on a nearby chair. Swordy looked so lonely and cold. Zabuza eventually came to a conclusion that Swordy needed a hug and went over to Swordy. Next thing Zabuza knew, he was dead. I guess this was how it would end for Zabuza: he had been betrayed by his lifelong and trusted friend named Swordy.
Neji's side note: The very next day, Zabuza was featured on the show "Fatal Attractions."
As for Haku, he couldn't picture a world without Zabuza, so he made several weapons out of ice and used them to kill himself.
Meanwhile, Team Guy was training. Lee and Guy were fighting one on one while Tenten and Neji watched. They saw the whole thing. Both Guy and Lee started becoming more 'youthful' until they both had so much 'youth' that they just disappeared.
Tenten and Neji were found dead later, too. Their causes of death were written like so:
'Neji Hyuga: cause of death - 'lack of abundant disclaimers in this series.'
'Tenten: cause of death - 'lack of personality and last name.'
Elsewhere, Choji was watching over Shikamaru. He didn't look very well; he was fast asleep, but becoming weaker and weaker as time went on. Choji wasn't a doctor, but he believed it was because Shikamaru hadn't eaten in what really was forever. Feeling sympathy for the weak man, Choji held out some fried chicken as an offering. hoping Shikamaru would take some. But he didn't; Shikamaru was still asleep.
After a few minutes of trying unsuccessfully to fit the chicken into Shikamaru's mouth, Choji grew fed up and just ate all the chicken himself. Unfortunately, Choji died of over-eating, and Shikamaru died shortly after from under eating.
Kimimaro was walking around when he came across a cute yet playful puppy dog named Akamaru. Kimimaro stopped only for a bit to pet the dog; then he realized that he was bone, and Akamaru was a dog. Kimimaro began to run as Akamaru chased him around town for a few minutes. Soon Kiba came to the scene and tried to break up the fight, but he was soon killed in the mess. Kimimaro died shortly after Kiba at the hand, or paw, of Akamaru. Then Akamaru died. It turned out that Kimimaro's bones were tipped with poison.
Sakura and Ino fought for Sasuke's affection and ended up killing each other.
Orochimaru tried to capture Sasuke by sending out his pet snake Hisses, but Hisses accidently swallowed Sasuke. This angered Orochimaru, and he yelled at Hisses. Hisses became aggravated and so swallowed Orochimaru as well. Hisses also later died for no reason whatsoever.
Kurenai got in a fight on a mission and found herself trapped in her own genjutsu where she couldn't escape. She eventually died. Her last words were addressed to Asuma, begging him to cut back on smoking because it may kill him. Asuma didn't listen, and died shortly after.
Itachi was driving to work when he realized he hadn't fed Kisame that day. Itachi was so worried about Kisame that he had a heart attack and died.
At home, Kisame said, "Glub," and died as well.
Socko ended up going Chucky on Kankuro, killing Kankuro.
Shino was trying to catch a new 'friend' for his collection of 'friends,' but he fell off of a cliff.
The Third Hokage died because he was too old and never retired. Before he died, he just wanted to do one last old man thing – and that was to yell at a teenager to get a haircut.
Gaara tried to launch an attack on the Leaf, but he miscalculated the location of the Leaf and found himself in the Akatsuki's hideout.
Temari died from a heat stroke.
Kabuto tried to bake cookies, but his oven exploded and Kabuto died too.
At this point, things seemed over. Everyone was dead except for two ninja that Kakashi had forgotten about.
Any idea who? Stay tuned! Kakashi's new world has been created.
L spun in his chair, a fork in his mouth, thinking over his next plan of action. There was obviously a new Kira in a different part of the world – a Kira who had killed off almost an entire town.
Kira was the nickname the public had given to the person or group of people possessing this power that would allow him or her to take over the world. Who was this Kira's identity, though? If only L knew, then he could investigate Kira further - and capture him or her. The only risk was that L didn't yet know what made this killer so powerful. He killed almost a whole town in the matter of one day. This case still didn't have much opening... He would have to visit this world called Naruto and find a way to further his odds of catching Kira without being killed himself.
Meanwhile, Kakashi was relaxing at home. Ryuk was beside him, munching on an apple.
"Wow, Kakashi, I'm impressed with how well you killed your friends. Now I want to know, what will you do next? Will you retire the Death Note? Nobody is left, so there is no way you can ever live a 'normal life' again," Ryuk said
"No, I just killed them because I'm bored. I'm bringing everyone back when this chapter is over with. Besides, there are still two people I left alone," Kakashi replied.
Ryuk chuckled. "I see. You remind me of a certain person I use to know: Light. He didn't have the Shinigami eye like you do, but then again, me and Light weren't together for very long before he met you. At the time, Kira had just begun to get popular, and Light had only killed criminals that he saw on TV or online. Soon Light met you, and you killed Light with Lightning Blade and stole his Death Note, thus gaining the Death Note's powers and abilities to see Shinigami like me."
"To be honest, I only took the book because I was hoping it was the next volume of the Icha Icha series," Kakashi said in a mater-of-fact tone.
Ryuk looked at Kakashi, a little worried. "Would you really go that far for Icha Icha?"
"Yes," Kakashi said without a doubt.
Meanwhile, the last humans in the Naruto world walked the town together hand-in-hand: Naruto and Hinata.
"Is it just me, Naruto, or is the town quieter than usual?" Hinata asked.
Naruto listened for a moment. "I don't know, Hinata, but maybe Sasuke would. Believe it!"
Hinata agreed, and Naruto and Hinata headed to Sasuke's house. On the way, the world seemed dead. There wasn't a single human in sight.
When Naruto and Hinata got to Sasuke's house, they rang the door bell several times but no one answered. Naruto shrugged. "I guess Sasuke must be already dead. Believe it!"
Hinata held on tightly to Naruto's arm. "N-Naruto, I-I'm s-scared; s-something d-doesn't seem right."
Naruto hugged Hinata tightly. "Don't worry, Hinata! I promise I'll protect you with my life and I won't let anyone hurt you. Believe it!"
Hinata smiled, her mind put at ease. Normally Hinata would faint, but she wouldn't let herself today. She was going to make Naruto love her.
"T-Thank y-you, Naruto," Hinata said.
"Besides, if anything extremely bad happens in our world, I'm sure we could always move to 'Bleach.' Believe it!" Naruto added.
L normally didn't show his face in public. More often, he would get his handler Watari to do shopping and stuff for him, so L would never have to leave his home. L lived his life hidden away, and that was the way he liked it. So it made L feel a little uncomfortable to walk outside and head to The Naruto Spoofing World. Watari wasn't with him either, so L would be one hundred percent vulnerable to any sort of attack. However, L's mind was made up: even if it meant his death, he would identify Kira, find out how he kills people, and bring him to justice.
Soon, L stumbled upon someone cowardly hiding under a bridge. It was Gato. (How he escaped the Death Note, no one will ever know.)
"T-This w-world – it's coming to an end! I've seen the deaths of everyone, all my friends!" Gato shouted, not noticing that L was behind him, listening to every word.
Could this man be Kira? No. L decided that there was only a one percent chance that he was Kira. But just in case, L would have to talk to the man and see if he could make him confess.
L and Gato talked through the past events in the village, and L dropped his suspicions of Gato being Kira. Gato admitted that he did have a strange feeling to face his fear head-on and head toward a bridge, but besides that, he was safe. He wasn't dead yet, but somehow others around him were. Even Haku and Zabuza could not escape this force that was killing people.
L let Gato in on his theory that Kira may be able to control people's actions right before killing them. Gato seemed to be an odd exception, unless Gato was not actually controlled by Kira. Gato seemed to believe that he was the odd exception because he was such a minor character in Naruto. Kira may have forgotten about him and maybe Gato was never under Kira's control and it was just a coincidence.
L and Gato both smiled in satisfaction with what they believed. They would be an unlikely team-up, but together they knew they would solve the case.
L managed to eventually gather a small army of people that were willing to join the task force – 'small army' as in he found Tenten to help out him and Gato. It appeared that Tenten never really died either; she just wasn't special enough to be killed. L figured that, like Gato, Tenten was another character that was so minor that the killer just forgot about her. The three heroes teamed up to form their own task force called 'The Island of Misfit Toys.'
Meanwhile, Kakashi had given up his days of killing (for now), and he sat in a dark room watching his favorite show (Pokémon) and drinking his favorite drink (root beer). Ryuk was sitting beside Kakashi, loudly eating an apple.
"So um, Kakashi, when are we going to kill some more?" Ryuk asked.
"I don't think we can... As far as I can remember, we're alone," Kakashi replied.
"Oh," Ryuk said.
Then there was a sudden knock on Kakashi's door. Ryuk couldn't help but laugh.
"Kakashi, I thought you said we were alone," Ryuk said between bursts of laughter.
"I thought we were too," Kakashi replied as he looked through the peephole in the door. He quickly jumped back with a scream as he saw another eye trying to look through the other end of the peephole back at him.
The figure jumped back, obviously surprised to hear Kakashi's scream. In a moment, Kakashi could identify Naruto and Hinata.
Hinata put her arm around Naruto, and you could see her mouthing something along the lines of "Don't do that, Naruto." Then Naruto look down and muttered the words "I'm sorry, believe it!"
'How did I forget to kill off those two?' Kakashi thought. 'For crying out loud, the show is named Naruto!'
Kakashi finally opened the door, and Naruto came running inside. Hinata slowly and shyly stepped in, too. Ryuk watch the three from a distance (no one but Kakashi could see him).
"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto shouted, "it's an emergency! Everyone is dead but me you and Hinata! Believe it!"
"Don't worry, Naruto," Kakashi said. "No one is gone forever. I just wanted a little bit of peace and quiet. You know, so I don't have to put up with people like you, Guy, and Sasuke all the time."
"Wh-why? Believe it!" Naruto asked.
"I don't know, just after sixteen chapters of me putting up with you guys, it's finally starting to get annoying," Kakashi explained.
"Y-You are pretty annoying Naruto-kun." Hinata said.
Naruto gave Hinata a slight angry stare, and Hinata quickly looked away. "Just for that we're not going to repopulate the earth together! Believe it!"
"Well," Kakashi said, lazily stretching, "if you really want to help me out, you can do me a favor by getting my groceries."
He handed Hinata a long grocery list. "Don't worry; the owner of the shop should already be dead, so it won't matter if you steal this stuff." Then he casually shoved Naruto and Hinata out of the house and slammed the door before they could argue.
"That sucks. It looks like we are now his helpers. Believe it!" Naruto muttered to Hinata, and Hinata nodded in agreement.
After picking up everything on Kakashi's grocery list but before heading back home, Naruto remembered a promise he had made to Hinata a long time ago about treating her to Ichiraku ramen eventually. It had been so long since he made that promise that he forgot why he owed her ramen, but he decided it was finally time to own up on that promise. (Keep in mind he is treating her to free ramen, because the ramen guy Teuchi is dead. In other words, Naruto is being cheap. XD)
On the way, Naruto and Hinata found themselves crossing paths with L, Tenten, and Gato.
"Hi, Naruto and Hinata!" Tenten and Gato both shouted at the same time, waving their hands.
Naruto and Hinata both ran up to their friends hugged them and said their hellos back as L watched.
'These four ninja are friends? I wonder if the blond-haired boy and blue-haired girl know anything about Kira,' L thought.
"Do you know anything about Kira?" L asked.
"Who?" Naruto and Hinata both asked at the same time. Naruto, of course, added "believe it!" at the end.
"Well you see, there have been a ton of mysterious deaths around here lately, and we believe that all these deaths may relate to someone we call Kira. Tenten, Gato, and I are a group devoted to figuring out Kira's identity and bringing him to justice," L explained. "So do you know anything?"
Naruto was about to open his mouth to speak, but Hinata flashed him a quick look that said 'We really shouldn't rat out Kakashi, even if it is the right thing to do.' And Naruto agreed. He hated it almost as much as Hinata did; but for now, Hinata, Kakashi, and Naruto were all in this mess together.
"Nope, sorry; believe it!" Naruto said.
"Okay, thank you for your time," L said as he and his team walked away.
"You're welcome, believe it!" Naruto replied.
'Hm... Why does this boy always say "believe it"? It is fishy because it seems like he always wants me to believe his stories, whether they're true or not. I am. 1% sure he could possibly be a Kira suspect,' L thought as he and his team walked off.
Naruto and Hinata quickly returned to see Kakashi and try to convince him to bring everyone back before he got caught. However, Kakashi did not want to hear it. Instead, Kakashi decided he was going to offer this guy, L, a little more help (for Kakashi's amusement) by reviving the single person that you wouldn't expect Kakashi to revive in his life. This person was none other than... Sasuke.
I can't believe we still have yet to find any real clues," Gato said.
"Yeah, at this point, it stumps me that the whole town is dead and we don't even know the murder weapon!" L said.
L and Gato were sitting in an old building that belonged to Haku and Zabuza, plotting their plan of action. The building roof leaked and the floor creaked (and I just rhymed), but for now it was the only place they could stay. Tenten then walked into the room, carrying the doughnuts that L had asked her to buy for him.
"You can stay in my home, instead of this dump," Tenten offered. "No offence, Gato."
"No, your house lacks... personality, so we'll have to stay at this dump," L said. He bit down into a sugar filled doughnut. "No offence, Gato."
"I'm right here!" Gato snapped. "Wait until I'm out of the room before talking about my house like this."
Suddenly, a loud knock came at the door, causing L and the others to look up in shock.
Gato walked over to the front door and opened it. To his surprise, it was a boy with a blue shirt, black hair, and black eyes. Sasuke.
"Hey, Gato, I hope you don't mind, but I need to use the bathroom. I seem to have locked myself out of my house again, and it feels like I haven't moved for a long time." Sasuke said, uncomfortably bouncing in the doorway.
Before Gato could answer, Sasuke dashed past him, running straight towards the closest bathroom. He only paused briefly to politely say "Hello" to Tenten and L.
When Gato sat back down with L and Tenten, L tilted his head to look at Gato. "That's weird... I thought we already established that that boy was dead."
The others nodded in agreement.
"Maybe we should question him," Tenten suggested; the others agreed. When Sasuke came out of the bathroom, they sat him down for questioning.
"So Sasuke, weren't you dead about an hour ago, or were you just playing possum?" L asked.
"Good question," Sasuke mused. "Well I was constantly slipping in and out of life and death, for at least sixteen chapters now. So by now, it's kind of hard for me to tell if I'm alive or dead."
"I see." L said. He whispered to Gato and Tenten, "Poor guy, I think he's delusional."
"Sasuke, can you say the alphabet backwards?" L asked, returning to the boy in front of him.
Inside Kakashi's dark room, locked in a small bathroom, an insane Kakashi lay on the floor reading his Icha Icha Paradise book, laughing hysterically. On the floor outside the bathroom, Naruto and Hinata lay dead. Kakashi had officially been consumed with power. He was now insane. Curiously, Ryuk watched Kakashi. Kakashi had obviously gone even more insane than Light had.
"You know, I want to look at your book. I need to know why you like it so much that you would kill off everyone close to you," Ryuk said. He made his way closer to Kakashi, but Kakashi held the book out of Ryuk's reach.
"No, Shinigami, back off!" he said.
"No, let me read."
"No, let me read."
And so on, until Ryuk finally swiped the book from Kakashi and began to read the first page out loud.
Kakashi calmly walked up to greet his new teammates, he calmly waved, and said, "Hello, I'm Kakashi Hatake; I will be your teacher from now on."
The new Squad 7 was at the training field. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were sitting side by side in front of Kakashi on three logs in the training field. They were all equally excited to greet their new Jonin teacher. He was going to take the three ninja out on several dangerous ninja missions.
"Eww, it's a mask! Are you a killer? Believe it!" Naruto shouted, making a face.
Before Kakashi could answer, Sasuke asked with an evil smirk, "Do you think my brother Itachi should die?"
Sakura swooned and squealed, "Isn't Sasuke just so hot!"
Kakashi sighed at the stupidity of his new students' questions. He'd only known them for three seconds, and already they'd failed to impress him...
"Sorry, but my answer to all your questions is no. Especially yours, Sakura; the only people that like Sasuke are annoying fangirls like you and Ino."
Ryuk turned and gave Kakashi a weird look, "Hey, this isn't Icha Icha Paradise; these are the first few chapters of the 'Naruto Spoofing'... You just took the cover from Icha Icha Paradiseand mixed it with pages from 'Naruto Spoofing'!"
Kakashi's head lowered in shame.
"Let me get this straight. You would rather be thought of as a total pervert than a fan of that 'Naruto Spoofing'?" Ryuk asked.
Kakashi slowly nodded.
"Well, I guess that explains the hysterical laughter and why you never want to read your book out loud." Ryuk said..
"Now that my secret is out, I guess I should revive everyone..." Kakashi sighed.
Meanwhile, Tenten, Gato, and Sasuke had a man tied up. The man had blond hair similar to Deidara's, a black cloak, and an oddly-shaped sword.
"We captured Kira!" the three cheered in sync.
"Fools!" L shouted. "That the wrong Kira; that's Izuru Kira from Bleach!"
Suddenly, L's eyes widened as, one by one, everyone who died in this chapter began to slowly stand up and stretch (with the exception of Shikamaru, who was already alive, but asleep and being glomped by MissFaerieKaiti).
L looked around for a minute in awe. Everyone that was once dead was now surrounding him. L stomped his foot down.
"That's it; I quit this Kira case!" L said, storming off.
"Hey guys, party at my house," Itachi announced after L was gone.
Everyone cheered; then everyone, including Izuru, rocked the night away to Michael Jackson.
~ phantom130 5 (December 2010)