Iruka's School on how to be a Ninja
Chapter 17: Welcome to Iruka's School on how to be a Ninja
Thanks to MissFaerieKaiti for betaing for me so long. You've been a great beta. :)
Sorry guys if you're confused. I ended up rewriting a few chapters and deleting others so sorry if you're confused. This chapter is actually a repost, but I added more to the end of it. The first seven chapters have also been added onto.
Iruka sat at his desk grading papers. Pretty soon his class would come in and he would be starting his lesson; the topic was How to be a Ninja.
The bell rang, signaling everyone that class was about to begin. Iruka went over to the classroom door and unlocked it. Naruto was the first to come in. He smiled at Iruka and handed his teacher an apple. Iruka returned the smile and pointed Naruto toward his seat.
Sasuke came in next, followed closely by his fangirls Sakura Ino, and the rest of the young ninja in the Naruto series.
"Well, I see we have a full class today," Iruka said with a smile as his eyes roamed the class, student to student.
Iruka walked over to an old projector that was hooked up to a laptop and turned it on, revealing a PowerPoint presentation.
The words "How to be a Ninja" were written in big letters on a big blank screen that the projector was broadcasting onto.
"Now, who can tell me what it means to be a ninja?" Iruka asked.
"Killing people! Believe it" Naruto shouted.
"Being killed," Sasuke suggested.
"Zabuza," Haku said.
An anime sweat drop rolled down Iruka's forehead. "Well, I suppose being a ninja can mean those things, but that wasn't the answer I was looking for." He made the presentation go to the next slide. It was a picture of their village, and you could see the faces of several children from the village. "Being a ninja means you can protect these guys. They are the next generation of our village," Iruka said.
"Oh," the class said in unison.
Then Kiba raised his hand and patiently waited for Iruka to call his name.
"Yes, Kiba?" Iruka asked.
"This is sort of off-topic, but I was wondering. Does your computer happen to have Internet?"
"Um..." Before Iruka could fully answer Kiba's question, the wolf boy pushed him aside and opened up Iruka's Internet explorer.
"Sorry Iruka-sensei, I want to quickly check how my Webkinz are doing," Kiba said apologetically as he searched 'Webkinz' on the computer.
Neji disclaimer: "Webkinz never asked to be mentioned in this story; Kiba just felt like shouting them out on his own."
"No, Kiba, go back to your seat!" Iruka said, standing up.
"One second," Kiba said, waiting for the site to open up. It was taking forever to load. (Too bad Iruka doesn't have Chrome lol)
"No, Kiba, sit down now or I'm buzzing the office!"
"Fine," Kiba grumped, closing the site and sitting back down.
Iruka put the presentation back up. In a bullet point, it said that a ninja's mission was to protect the kids of the Leaf (Like Iruka had said earlier).
Then he clicked it again and the screen changed. The word 'Jutsu' was across the top of the screen.
"Now, who can tell me the types of jutsu?" Iruka asked.
Hinata raised her hand to answer, but when Iruka called on her, she got last minute stage fright. She fainted due to the pressure of having to answer.
Iruka let out a sigh. "Can two of you escort Hinata to the office?"
Naruto looked at his buddy Sasuke. "Hey, wanna help Hinata? Believe it!"
"Not really," Sasuke said.
"Well, too bad. Believe it!" Naruto said as he raised his own hand and Sasuke's.
"Okay, Naruto and Sasuke, please escort Hinata to the office," Iruka said.
Naruto and Sasuke walked down the hall, each holding up a part of the fainted Hinata. At one point, Hinata woke up; but upon seeing both Naruto and Sasuke carrying her, she fainted once again.
"I can't believe you brought me into this," Sasuke said with disgust.
"Why? Believe it!" Naruto asked.
"Well first off, Hinata is your girlfriend! I mean, Sasu/Hina doesn't even make any sense," Sasuke pointed out.
"I always liked Kiba/Hina. Believe it!" Naruto said.
"Yeah, that pairing's cute, but imagine Oro/Hina." Sasuke shuddered at his crack pairing. Naruto shuddered too, and then both broke into laughter. They wondered if anyone actually supported that pairing.
When Naruto and Sasuke arrived at the office, they were immediately greeted by the school's nurse Kabuto, who promised to check on Hinata ASAP. First, however, he was more interested in Sasuke. He took out a magnifying glass and began to study Sasuke from head to toe.
"I'm sorry to tell you this, Sasuke, but you are in critical condition," Kabuto said.
"What? What can I do to live?" Sasuke asked nervously.
Kabuto handed Sasuke a pamphlet. "Read this; it will tell you everything you need to do," he explained.
Sasuke looked at the pamphlet closely. On the cover, it showed Kimimaro. It said, "So you want to become a vessel?" The pamphlet went on to say that Orochimaru was awesome, and that becoming a vessel would change his life for the better.
It also said that Orochimaru was in dire need of an Uchiha vessel; and if you wanted to join you should contact your local Sound ninja now.
"You know, I'm a Sound ninja," Kabuto nonchalantly added once Sasuke had finished reading.
"No, Kabuto, I don't trust you," Sasuke said. "I know I'm not really sick - this is one of your tricks to get me to join you!"
"No it isn't!" Kabuto said, sounding offended.
"Oh yea...?" Sasuke started to say. But before he could finish his point, he fell to the ground.
"He should have listened to me," Kabuto said with a shrug before trying to wake up Hinata.
Naruto returned to the classroom a few minutes later to hear Iuka continue to lecture his class. He pointed at a slide on the PowerPoint.
"Remember ninja must be stealthy so that's why we wear clothing that blends us in with the wild. See my vest? It's green just like grass."
"If your vest is supposed to serve as camouflage how come we don't get one?" Chōji asked while nibbling on the end of his pencil. (Food isn't allowed in the classroom, but Chōji is so addicted that he must be chewing on something always.)
"Well of course there's a simple explanation to that." Iruka said seeming embarrassed.
"Which is?" Chōji and a few others asked in unison.
"... We just don't care what happens to you lower ranks. We like to force you lower ranks to dress up in ridiculous colors like orange and pink and have bets on whether or not you will live to the next episode. I know that sounds bad, but it's actually really fun! We have odds for each one of you!"
"Sweet!" Naruto cheered while banging his hands on the table. "I want in! How do I get in? What are the odds for me? Believe it!"
Iruka frowned and tapped his chin. "Let's see ... Last I saw, for you Naruto ... the odds of you making it to the next episode are stacked against you ninety-nine to one."
"What?" Naruto cried, nearly falling out of his seat. "How can the odds be against me? Aren't I the main character? Believe it!"
"You are the main character." Iruka said sheepishly. "And I don't know how you do it, but you always live to the next episode ... maybe that's why I'm so far in debt now ... Anyways, enough about gambling! Let's move on to the next part of the lesson!"
Iruka pushed down on the slide again and a list of all the clans appeared. "As you can see our village and all the others have many different clans. We're all from a clan and specialize in our own individual jutsu or chakra natures."
"Which clan am I from?" Tenten asked with wide sparkling eyes.
"I'm afraid you're not from a clan Tenten." Iruka said casually. "No one really cared enough to try to give you a last name."
"Don't worry Tenten you can join my clan." Rock Lee said.
"Great, I'm in the ... what is it ... Rock clan?" Tenten questioned.
"Yes I am from the clan of the Rock!" Lee cheered. "Either that or I am from the clan of the Lee! But the Lee is only me ... Iruka, what clan am I from?"
Iruka shrugged. "How on earth am I supposed to know?"
Shino glomped onto Lee from the desk behind. "Don't worry Clint, you can join my clan!"
Neji disclaimer #2: "I don't think joining clans works like this."
Iruka pushed another button down on the PowerPoint and it shut down. "Looks like those are all the ninja basics. I was hoping to have Mizuki – Sensei in to teach you guys some more, but he's sort of ... in prison right now. So ... um ... I brought in someone else. Please give a warm welcome to Jiraiya!"
A small toad hopped into the classroom and sat up front. He stood there for a long moment, not moving, his large round eyes staring at your soul, mentally eating it.
"Isn't he going to talk?" Ino finally asked.
"Sorry, Jiraiya's a little shy. He gets like that in sage mode." Iruka explained. "Come on Jiraiya talk." Iruka pleaded, getting down on the toad's level. After more silence, he held Jiraiya up and spoke in a high pitched voice, pretending to be the toad. "Remember class, stay in school, eat your vegetables, and avoid reading crack fics that turn your brain to mush."
The class was silent for a moment and Iruka worried no one bought it, but the room quickly filled with clapping.
"Pervy Sage is so smart! Believe it!" Naruto cheered.
"I promise I will always stay away from crack fics." Kiba added.
"And I'll definitively eat my vegetables!" Chōji cheered with watery eyes.
This was the best news he heard all day. He leaned over and pulled Lee (who was beginning to look like a vegetable) away from Shino. Shino gave Chōji an angry glare but was too polite to bug him. (Bug pun intended.)
Iruka let out a sigh of relief. His class had bought it after all. The bell rang and Iruka dismissed the class. All in all today had been a pretty good day. Living in the world of the Spoofing was pretty interesting.
He wondered what other adventures awaited him in the next chapter. Was he even going to be in the next chapter? Sadly, it may be a while since we hear from our favorite ramen eating teacher again, but that doesn't matter, because we know where to find him: at Iruka's School on how to be a Ninja!
~ phantom130 5 (April 2013)