My Name is Sasuke
Chapter 19: My Name is Sasuke
Today's chapter starts off with Naruto and Sasuke sitting under a tree. The two boys sat together reading a chapter from the Naruto manga. They had just made it to the scene where Sasuke fought Itachi and neither boy could believe the outcome.
"I can't believe this! Believe it!" Naruto said.
"I know! Itachi's dead! Isn't it great?" Sasuke cheered.
"No, it isn't that! I mean I can't believe how much of a jerk you've become in Shippuden! I mean first Orochimaru, then Deidara, and now Itachi! Who will you kill next? Believe it!"
"Look, Deidara killed himself! Don't blame me for that!"
"Sasuke, have you ever heard of a thing called karma? Believe it!"
"No, what's that? Some sort of candy?"
"Basically it's the belief that if you do good you'll have good things done back to you, but if you do bad then bad things will happen. Believe it!"
"How's that relate to me?"
"If you don't change your ways soon then you'll have a whole lot of bad karma. Believe it!"
Sasuke gulped. "You mean there can actually be a worse fate than having phantom130 5 kill me and bring me back in every chapter?"
Naruto nodded. "Look I've seen this on TV. We can stop your bad karma. I just want you to write a list with all the people you've done wrong and we'll visit them and make it right! Believe it!"
Sasuke still looked skeptical. "I don't know Naruto. This seems oddly a little too easy. Are you sure you can trust a TV show?"
"Now, now Sasuke, when has TV ever done you wrong? Just do as I say and I promise that you won't be disappointed. Believe it!"
Sasuke and Naruto knocked on the door of Itachi's house. Like Naruto had suggested, Sasuke was carrying a letter about all the things that he had done to wrong Itachi; it was a hundred pages. Itachi opened the door. He did not seem amused to see his brother.
"Good morning big brother." Sasuke said, forcing a clearly fake smile.
Itachi snickered. "What are you doing here younger brother? Are you here to try to kill me again? Because, you already did that. Remember chapter 394?"
Sasuke nodded. "Actually that's why I'm here, but not to kill you! I wanted to apologize. I realize I've been a jerk lately and want to change my ways!"
Itachi rolled his eyes. "I don't believe you."
"No, I swear, I'm a changed man!" Sasuke pleaded. He pulled out the list. "You see I made this list and I'm trying to make my karma good again!"
"I got the idea from a TV show! Believe it!" Naruto added cheerfully.
Itachi swiped the list and flipped through the first few pages. "You're sorry about posting that video on YouTube of me dancing like Tom Cruise?"
Naruto burst out laughing before Sasuke could say anything. Sasuke shrugged.
"… Not really, because that video was funny! But I added it to the list, because Naruto told me to add everything bad I did."
Itachi put his hands to his face. Was he crying? It was hard to tell, but Sasuke and Naruto were confident that he was.
"That video ruined my life." Itachi said. "Everyone who has seen it sees me as an idiot. That's why I killed the clan."
"I thought you killed the clan, because they all forgot your birthday. Believe it!" Naruto said.
"That too." Itachi said.
"I'm to blame for that too." Sasuke said sheepishly. "I messed with everyone's calendar so that they thought your birthday was a day later than it really was."
Itachi's jaw dropped. "... And you thought I was evil?"
"You are!" Sasuke shouted. "You killed my clan!"
"You made people forget my birthday and then posted an embarrassing YouTube video of me!"
"You know what Itachi; yo mama's so ugly that Kakashi lost an eye just by looking at her!"
"Well Sasuke, yo mama's so ugly that the ANBU made her join, just so they could make her wear a mask."
"Well yo mama's so fat, that when Hidan licked her blood he swore it tasted like Ragu!"
"Guys, you have the same mama! Believe it!" Naruto said.
"Oh yeah." Both boys said in unison.
Later, Naruto sat with Sasuke on the couch in Itachi's house. Kisame strode into the room on all fours and rested his massive shark-man body on Naruto's lap. Naruto, a little frightened, timidly pet the creature.
"What a good … whatever you are. Believe it!" He said.
"He's a land fish." Sasuke explained dryly, "Mom and dad bought him as a pre-clan killing present. They never get me anything."
"It's pretty neat, but why does it have to be so big? Believe it!" Naruto asked, as he struggled to sit up under the Kisame's weight.
"Itachi has always liked his pets human shaped. He says they're more fun to hug that way."
Itachi walked into the room carrying three cups of coffee. He handed them out to Naruto and Sasuke, before taking his glass and sitting down at an arm-chair across from the boys.
"So what can we do for you?" Sasuke asked coldly.
"Well if you must know, I'm planning to give dad a really late Father's Day gift …" Itachi started, but Sasuke cut him off.
"No, he's not. He's upstairs watching TV I told you our clan just faked our death, because we wanted to avoid you."
"Seems reasonable. Believe it!" Naruto said.
"Shut up Naruto!" Sasuke snapped.
"May I go on?" Itachi asked.
"Please do." Naruto and Sasuke said in unison.
"Well dad really likes red roses, but Ino's shop only had white ones so …"
"Let me guess, you're painting the roses red." Sasuke said with an eye roll.
"Yeah! How'd you know?"
"Let's just say I saw the Disney movie."
"Oh … So can you paint them for me? If you don't it's off with your head!"
"Sasuke would be happy to! Believe it!" Naruto cheered.
"Shut up Naruto!" Sasuke retorted, "It really depends, what's in it for me?"
Itachi shrugged. "What do you want?"
"I want my choice of music to play while I work and to be allowed to stick around for dinner to see my parents again."
Itachi gave a teasing smirk, "Sounds fine by me. I have all sorts of CD's. What would you like to hear? Are you still into Barney, or The Wiggles, because I'm sure mommy still has those CD's stored upstairs somewhere for her darling little Sasuke-kun."
"Shut up!" Sasuke yelled back, "I'm not a kid anymore!"
"Oh yeah?" Itachi asked, still smiling, "Well name an artist and I'll see if we have it on your favorite Kids Pop CDs. I've got to warn you though; I'm not as familiar with some of the new kid's music. I listen to adult songs." Sasuke scowled, but didn't reply, so Itachi went on, "Go on, name someone. Anyone."
"You want an artist?" Sasuke yelled, finally finding the words he wanted. "Okay, how about a new best selling group called Die Itachi Die; do you have any of that? You must have heard of them. They didn't become popular untilyou became such a big jerk!"
Neji'sdisclaimer:Die Itachi Die, isn't a real band or at least I don't think it is. The creator of this Spoofing didn't do the research before writing that line in.
Itachi snorted. He tried to make it look like his brother's insult hadn't bothered him, but his mischievous smile faded.
"Oh yeah? I'm afraid we don't own anything by that band, but maybe you'll like Shut up Sasuke!"
Neji'sdisclaimer:Shut up Sasuke, may or may not be a real band name.
Sasuke stood up and frantically pulled Naruto off the couch with him. This caused Kisame to hurriedly leap off the blonde's lap and make his way to the floor.
"Come on Naruto, I don't feel much like helping out jerks anymore!" Sasuke said.
"Aww, but I wanted to hear the new bands. Believe it!" Naruto whined.
"I said come on!"
"So who are we going to try to help now?" Sasuke asked as he and Naruto made their way down a busy street in Konoha.
"It's Orochimaru; you have to apologize for trying to kill him. Believe it!" Naruto explained.
Sasuke sighed. "Do I have to? Every time I talk to him he acts like we're best friends and tries to get Kabuto to give me a full body inspection."
"You have to go. Believe it!" Naruto replied.
When the two got to Orochimaru's hideout, (Which wasn't that far seeing as Orochimaru tends to set up base close to Sasuke.) Sasuke knocked on the door and Naruto, who stood by Sasuke up until the last second, quickly tried to run off before Orochimaru could catch him.
"Come back!" Sasuke yelled, but he was too late, Naruto had already used a substitution jutsu to switch himself for a nearby Tenten.
Neji disclaimer: Tenten isn't important enough to the Naruto series to go off and meet Orochimaru, so Naruto's Tenten substitute was super-effective.
When Orochimaru saw his favorite Sasuke Uchiha on his doorstep, he was so happy and surprised that he couldn't speak. He spent a long moment staring at Sasuke as if the boy were some sort of Fairy Tale creature. He slowly reached out his hand and touched Sasuke's face as if to convince his mind that his eyes weren't playing tricks.
"Y-you're real." The snake man finally said.
"Of course I am!" Sasuke snapped as he pried Orochimaru's hand away, but Orochimaru ignored the boy's comment. He tearfully turned to the door and yelled.
"Kabuto, Kabuto, come quick! Our little boy has come home!"
Kabuto stepped out in a black maid's dress, "Sasuke? I can't believe it's really you. It has been so long since you last tried to seek us out that I thought you forgot."
Sasuke sighed, "Yeah, yeah, I've got to try to do good things for people in order to change my karma … so what do you want me to do?"
"Oh! Oh! I know!" Orochimaru cheered as he bounced excitedly with his hand in the air.
"If you're going to say become your next vessel, then no." Sasuke explained and Orochimaru's expression fell.
"I suppose there is still one more task." Kabuto said. He turned to Orochimaru, "You remember the really difficult one?"
Orochimaru's eyes widened, "But he's only a Genin. Won't this be too much?"
"What is it?" Sasuke asked, his interest peaking slightly.
"Well you know as well as I do that Orochimaru is a great ninja…" Kabuto started. He hesitated and tried to pick his next words carefully, "But sometimes even the best of us have weaknesses…"
"And what's his?" Sasuke inquired. Orochimaru answered this time.
"Have you ever played the Fruit Ninja? Some guy with a sword cuts fruit apart while avoiding bombs."
"Orochimaru has been trying to get the high score in that game for months straight…" Kabuto added.
"I want to be the Fruit Ninja, but my high score is ten points…" Said Orochimaru with a sigh.
"Can you beat Fruit Ninja for us and make it look like Lord Orochimaru did it all by himself?"
The rest of Sasuke's day passed sort of like this. Whenever Sasuke would complete a task, Orochimaru would think of another. Naruto and his toad Jiraiya waited outside of Orochimaru's hideout for Sasuke to return, but when midnight rolled around and the Uchiha was nowhere in sight, Naruto began to worry.
"You think he's alright? Believe it!" Naruto asked. Jiraiya responded with a hop and Naruto's jaw dropped, "You're right, Orochimaru is hopping mad! But what should we do?"
Neji dis- … "You serious? Do we really need a disclaimer for this? *sigh* Naruto can't really speak froggy speak. Frogs are animals and are therefore not capable of human speech. For all we know Jiraiya could just be hopping for the fun of it or he could be saying something unrelated like 'I have to go to the bathroom' or 'why does the blonde say believe it so much?' Seriously Naruto, why do you say believe it so much?"
It took Naruto a moment, but he soon figured out where the Jiraiya toad was looking. Itachi's house was across the street and right in Jiraiya's line of vision.
"You think I should try him? Believe it!" Naruto asked and the toad hopped in response.
Naruto stood up. He went to Itachi's door and rang the doorbell. When the elder Uchiha brother opened the door, Kisame jumped onto Naruto and tried to lick the blonde's face, however the face licking didn't work out because of Kisame's fish-bowl helmet. He just ended up rubbing the glass bowl on Naruto's face instead.
"What do you want?" Itachi asked coldly when he saw Naruto.
"Sasuke's with Orochimaru and I'm worried because he has been gone for a really long time! Believe it!"
"Not my problem."
Naruto's jaw dropped. He had to find a way to save Sasuke, but how? How? He had to think of something fast, but what? What could he say that would make Itachi run to Sasuke's rescue and beat Orochimaru Up?
"Orochimaru insulted your long black hair! Believe it!"
Itachi's fists clenched, "That black haired hypocrite! He can kidnap and murder my brother, but to insult my hair … he has gone too far!"
Itachi knocked on Orochimaru's door, "Evil snake, evil snake, let me in or I'll burn your house down!" Itachi said while pounding on the door.
Orochimaru hesitantly opened the door. His face lit up when he saw Itachi on the other end.
"Kabuto, I think I'm popular today!" He cheered. Itachi reached out and tugged on Orochimaru's hair.
"Owch! Itachi, stop that!" Orochimaru cried.
"Don't you dare insult my hair!"
"… Okay …" Orochimaru said, half in tears as he was thrown toward the ground.
Sasuke came out of the kitchen with a kiss the cook apron and chef's hat.
"What's going … Itachi…" Sasuke muttered coldly.
"Sasuke…" Itachi repeated just as cold as he moved in closer to greet his brother.
"Muffins!" Kabuto cheered carrying out a plate of them, however, he quickly ran back into the kitchen.
"Everything I've ever done was for you." Itachi said.
"Same," Replied Sasuke.
"Your life goal is to kill me."
"Well, you and the rest of the clan tried to avoid me!"
"Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!" Orochimaru chanted from the ground, but Itachi shut him up by stomping his foot onto him.
"So what, are you going to kill me now?" Sasuke asked coldly, "You've already taken away everything else I care about."
Itachi sighed, "Oh foolish brother, you know I could never do that. Sasuke, despite everything that has happened between us, I love you."
Neji: "He means brotherly love, not the creepy FanFiction shipping kind."
Sasuke whipped a tear away from his face, "I – I love you too big brother… But sometimes you're just so mean."
"I know… I'm sorry…"
And in that instant Sasuke and Itachi actually hugged each other. It was an event so shocking that it caused space and time to warp and the Naruto universe was reverted back to before this chapter began. So much for changing your karma Sasuke; better luck next time.
~ phantom130 5 (June 2013)