Naruto spoofing

Jiraiya's Return

Chapter 20: Jiraiya's Return

"Ah, home sweet home!" A middle aged man with long, spiky gray hair wearing a breast cancer awareness t-shirt, stretched out his arms as he made his way toward the small ninja village known to most as the Leaf.

As he walked he made note of some of the people he saw. There was a boy with black hair lying dead on the ground while a man with long black hair and his glasses wearing assistant debated on whether or not to make the boy into a rug skin.

There was a man with sunglasses and a coat chasing a boy dressed in green, and there was a blonde haired boy talking to a toad and calling him pervy sage. It felt good to see that nothing had changed.

The man felt so happy he decided he might even stop and keep the blonde company. He made his way over and kneeled in the grass beside him.

"Yo boy, what are you doing?" The man asked causing the boy to jump up in surprise. He had been so focused on the toad that he didn't even notice the man sneak up behind him.

When the boy regained his composure, he sat up tall and proudly proclaimed, "I'm training with pervy sage! Believe it!"

This caused the man to laugh, "So you named your toad pervy sage? How can a little toad be perverted and wise?"

"No, don't you see? Look closer. Believe it!" The boy pointed out and the man obeyed by leaning in closer and strained his eyes.

"... I still don't see anything... He looks like a normal toad to me."

"No," The boy argued. He seemed offended, "Can't you see, this toad is the legendary Sanin Jiraiya and I'm his student Naruto Uzumaki! Believe it!"

"What; No, I'm Jiraiya!" The man now known as Jiraiya said, "This toad is an imposter!"

At this Naruto seemed mythed. He scratched his head in confusion, "I don't know... How can we be sure? What do you think pervy sage? Believe it!" Naruto turned his head back to the toad, but it had already hopped away.

"Come on Nareutwo! I'll train you and I'll prove that I can do a better job at teaching than that toad!" Jiraiya declared confidently, accidently mispronouncing Naruto's name, because for some reason no one over the age of forty ever seems to say it right.

Naruto and Jiraiya sat together in the old bathhouse. The hot water felt nice on Naruto's skin, but how was this training? Sure Naruto's skin was starting to get as red as a lobster from sitting in it so long, but how would this help dear Naruto develop wicked cool ninja skills? The simple answer (At least how Naruto saw it) is it won't. Old people just love bathhouses. Naruto stood up and started to get out of the water when Jiraiya called back at him.

"What are you doing boy? Don't you like the hot water?" Jiraiya asked.

"It's uh... not entirely that." Naruto said. "It's just, when am I going to start doing ninja stuff? The Hokage title isn't going to wait for me forever. If I don't hurry, even Tenten may become Hokage before me. Believe it!"

Jiraiya laughed. "Clearly you don't appreciate the beauty of bathhouses."

"What do you mean? Believe it!"

"The girl's bathhouse is just beyond this point. You know what that means right?"

"Girls bath too? Believe it!"

"No, think about it. They don't call me Pervy Sage for nothing. We should use our amazing ninja skills to spy on the naked women."

"But Pervy Sage, the sign on the wall clearly says no peeping. Believe it!

"We're ninja. Do you really want a sign telling you what to do? If a sign told phantom130 5 not to kill Sasuke, he'd still do it, and then bring Sasuke back to life to kill him again for making the sign."

"I'm pretty sure phantom130 5 isn't a ninja, but I get your point. Believe it!"

"Good boy." Jiraiya stood up and put his hand on his back. "Owch, Naruto, they never show it in anime, but growing old hurts, especially when you kill people for a living."

"Don't worry Jiraiya; I'm going to live a long healthy life. I always make sure to get my vegetables and eat right. Believe it!"

"...Technically eating three square meals of ramen doesn't count as eating right. Good try, but you'll be just like me someday." Jiraiya teased.

Naruto's eyes shot up in horror. His greatest fear had been confirmed. Who would have guessed that ramen makes you fat?

"Now come on, let's peep! Hehehe." Jiraiya said as he and Naruto ran into the girl's bathhouse.

Neji disclaimer: The next scene is too graphic to be described in this K plus novel. In short let me just say that despite Jiraiya's earlier complaints about his back he can sure run when many angry girls are trying to kill him.

~ phantom130 5 (July 2013)

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