Naruto spoofing

Meet Team Guy

Chapter 4: Meet Team Guy

Lee, Neji, and Tenten were sitting on the logs in their training ground. (Yeah, yeah, I know this training ground setting is getting old. We just need to get through the introduction, so have a little patience.)

"Okay, students. I don't know any of you three kids yet, so I want you to tell me all about yourselves," Guy said, giving his students his trademark sparkly grin and thumbs-up.

"Guy-sensei, you know me!" Lee said, saluting him excitedly. "I am Rock Lee."

Guy frowned. "No, kid, I don't believe I do. I'd remember meeting someone as weird-looking as you."

"B-but, Guy-sensei, I look like you!"

Guy laughed. "Boy, you look nothing like me! You couldn't take my style even if it smacked you right across the face. You have not got nearly enough youth."

Tears filled Lee's eyes as he fled, rejected by his idol.

"Okay, next intro!" Guy shouted.

Tenten was about to speak when Neji interrupted. "This girl's name is Tenten. She has no personality."

"Um, nice, Neji... But I wanted Tenten to answer for herself," Guy said.

"Neji pretty much summed it up," Tenten replied. "It's because I'm rarely seen in the Naruto series; I don't even have a last name."

Guy stared at her for a moment. "Oh. Then why don't you tell me about yourself, Neji?"

"My name is Neji Hyuga. The creator of this fan fiction brought me into the series to point out facts when this series gets unrealistic," Neji said stoically.

"Sweet, this series needs someone like you!" Guy said cheerfully.

"Yes, this series is very unrealistic," Neji agreed. "But one thing that baffles even me is why you were so mean to Lee. Aren't you two best buddies or something?"

"Lee?" Guy pondered the name for a moment. "It sounds familiar, but..."

"Rock Lee," Neji said, emphasizing the name.

"Oh! Lee! Where is he?"

"You told him he doesn't have enough youth," Neji explained.

"Oh, you mean the boy from earlier! This is embarrassing. I'm really bad at remembering faces; and when he said that he was Rock Lee, I thought he was saying 'Brock Lee.' You know, like the vegetable!"

"Broccoli?" Tenten asked.

"Yeah, I hate vegetables of all sorts. They may be healthy, and health brings upon youth, but they still taste disgusting!" Guy said. "I've got to go find Rock Lee and apologize right away!"

Guy ran off, leaving Neji and Tenten by themselves.

"Looks like Guy's going on another adventure and leaving us behind," Tenten said, feeling sad. "I wish I could have crazy adventures like that, but I'm just so boring."

Neji nodded solemnly. "If you'd like, I could help. We'll find your personality together."

Tenten smiled. "Thanks, that would be great."

Meanwhile, Lee was walking by himself in the forest. "Stupid Guy-sensei. Why did he call me weird-looking?" he pouted.

Shino was lurking in the shadows nearby. He was still trying to get over Clint's death when he spotted Lee - and Shino's eyes widened in delight.

Lee had huge eyes and black hair. Shino had bad eyesight, so he took one look at Lee and asked, "Clint, is that you?"

"No, I'm Rock Lee - the handsome leaf of the Devil Village! I mean, handsome devil of the Leaf Village!" Lee said indignantly. "Who are you?"

"Silly Clint, you know who I am," Shino giggled (yes, giggled). "You're so funny, Clint!"

"My name is not Clint!" Lee insisted.

"Clint, just come here and give me a hug. You're such a kidder!"

Lee shook his head. "Look, I have no idea what you are talking about, but I am definitely not a bug!"

"Oh, Clint, stop teasing me," Shino said. He excitedly wrapped his arms around Lee and carried him off toward Kakashi's house to show everyone that Clint was still alive.

Tenten and Neji sat together in the park by the swings. Tenten listened intently as Neji held up a photo with a picture of Naruto on it.

"This is Naruto Uzumaki. He's the main character of this show; therefore, he has character. If he didn't, he wouldn't have been consistently ranked in the top four for every Naruto popularity poll," Neji explained.

"That makes sense. But wait, you say he's within the top four. Who could have beaten him? I mean, didn't you just say Naruto is the main character or something?" Tenten asked.

"Naruto has been beaten before by Kakashi, Sasuke, and randomly Deidara for the best character in poll number six. But in the most recent popularity poll he managed to regain his title," Neji explained.

"Then maybe I should act like a mix of all four characters. That way, I can score higher on the next popularity thing," Tenten said.

"A mix of Naruto, Kakashi, Sasuke, and Deidara? I'm not sure what that would be like," Neji said with a laugh.

"Make me ramen and make it explode! Art is a bang, you know. I want the explosion to be so large that it kills Itachi and for once in my life adds a smile to my face that always looks so tired. Believe it!" Tenten said.

Neji paused and stared at Tenten for a long moment before saying anything. "...I think you should go back to your old personality," he finally said.

At Kakashi's house, the masked man rested his head on the couch. He was joined by Chōji, Shikamaru, and Ino. The group (except sleeping Shikamaru) were watching Pokémon on TV.

"I'm glad Shino agreed to take that walk. I think it will be very therapeutic for him to have this alone time," Ino said.

Kakashi snickered. "Forget about therapy for Shino. Any time without him is relaxing to me. He was such a pain to care for."

Ino nodded. "Tell me about it! I mean, why ask for my help if he isn't even going to take my advice?"

Just then, Shino (with Lee in his arms) came running into the room.

"Good news, guys! I found Clint!" Shino cheered.

At first Kakashi was confused; but then when he noticed the black-haired boy in the Aburame's hands, Kakashi was able to put two and two together.

"Shino, that's not a bug! That's a boy!" Kakashi said.

"He does kind of look like a bug, though," Ino added.

"He looks more like a giant pickle to me!" Chōji said. "Whereas Clint looked sorta like a raison."

"I am not a bug or a pickle! I am Rock Lee!" Lee said.

"Lee?" Kakashi questioned. He recognized the name, but couldn't remember how. "Aren't you Guy's student?" he finally asked.

"I used to be," Lee confessed. "But Guy does not like me anymore."

"What? How is that possible? Aren't you and Guy like twins?" Kakashi asked.

"I do not know what happened. Just yesterday, Guy and I were climbing Mt. Everest backwards on our hands, and now today he is acting like we have never seen each other before," Lee explained.

"That's odd, even for Guy," Kakashi said.

"Maybe you gained a bunch of weight and now Guy doesn't want to see you because he thinks you've just given up on being youthful," Chōji pointed out.

Lee gasped. "I would never! The day that I gain even a single pound on my youthful body is the day that Shino educates us on fashion."

"Actually, something like that happened in the last chapter," Kakashi pointed out blandly.

"What?" Lee exclaimed. He looked toward the bug-boy who was still carrying Lee in his arms and Lee shook his head in disbelief. "How can he know a thing about fashion? I mean, look at him!"

"Oh Clint, I don't understand a word you're saying, but I think you're pretty swell," Shino replied.

"Shino is the king of bugs, fashion, and stupidity," Ino said with an eyeroll.

Lee sighed. "Maybe I did change, then. But if I, Rock Lee, am no longer youthful, what exactly am I?"

Chōji clapped his hands eagerly. "I know this one! You're a guy with freakishly large eyebrows in a green jumpsuit!"

"You're Shino's pet bug," Kakashi added.

"You're a non-profit parody of a fictional character created by Masashi Kishimoto," Ino said.

"I am a parody?" Lee asked in surprise, his face softening. "You know, there is such a thing as being a little too honest."

"We're all parodies, Lee." Ino said. "Even as we speak, our conversation is being read by over twenty subscribers."

"Wow. I never realized just how popular I am," Lee said.

Just then, someone began frantically knocking at the door.


"Who is it?" Chōji called.

"That must be Guy. I should probably get it," Lee said, breaking himself free from Shino's tight embrace.

Ino put her hand on Lee's shoulder. "Wait! You don't want him to think that you're desperate to see him again. Make Guy wait a bit before you open the door."

"But I am desperate. I want to open the door for Guy-Sensei now!" Lee insisted.

Ino facepalmed. "You're just as hopeless as Shino!"

Lee ignored the blonde and opened the door anyway. As soon as Lee saw his beloved teacher, the two embraced in a long, tight hug.

"I'm sorry for ignoring you earlier, Lee. I want to be youthful with you again!" Guy said, tears flowing down his face.

"I am sorry too, Guy-sensei! I love you and I am sorry for whatever I did wrong!" Lee cried.

Shino glomped onto Lee's back. "And I love you, Clint!" Shino said, tears flowing down his cheeks as well.

This awkward friendly moment was interrupted by Kakashi, who had just looked down at his watch and noticed the time. (Yes, Kakashi has a watch; don't look so shocked.)

"Wow, it's almost midnight, and we haven't even killed Sasuke yet," Kakashi said.

Everyone else in the room gasped. If Sasuke didn't die before midnight, the running gag with Sasuke dying every chapter would be over and only last four chapters! There was no way that the Naruto cast would allow this to happen. So the large group (excluding Sleeping Shikamaru) charged over to Sasuke's house and killed him.

And they all lived happily ever after; the end.

-phantom130 5 (August 2010)

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