Dean fell asleep lying on Castiel’s chest, his body weighty and warm. Castiel didn’t care that Dean was pinning him in place, because it meant that Dean was everywhere, all over him. The feel of Dean’s skin was better than any clothes, or anything in Heaven. It felt real, in way that Castiel would not be able to describe very well.
He stroked Dean’s cheek gently as the hunter slept, not minding when a small trail of drool dripped out of Dean’s mouth and onto Castiel’s shoulder. There was something endearing about it, something that made Dean seem more achievable. As Dean slept through the night, Castiel replayed the events of the evening in his head, remembering every touch, every look they’d shared, the buzzing feeling in his chest, every word they had said. He was scared that he was remembering it incorrectly, that Dean hadn’t been willing to be so intimate with him, that he’d imagined that Dean had practically agreed they needed more than one date.
Even in the dark as Dean slept on him, Castiel’s heart was threatening to burst out of his chest, it hammered so vigorously because Castiel was reliving their conversation. The way Dean had taken him seriously, the way he had listened as Castiel confessed to all the things he wanted. The tone of Dean’s voice as he described what he wanted from Castiel. And the things Dean had done to him, beyond what he had done with his hands and his mouth, the chain reactions in Castiel’s body, the way he had lost control from Dean’s touch. And afterwards, the way they had lain together for a few minutes, talking and touching like Dean wanted to reassure Castiel of something.
And how it had changed, because Dean suddenly wanted to leave the room. And Castiel had tried to make him stay, afraid he had done something wrong. How Dean had stuttered through an explanation that Castiel hadn’t totally understood, and Dean had to force the words out.
‘Sorry, Cas, I gotta go.’
‘What do you mean, you gotta go?’ Castiel thought his voice sounded far too relaxed. He wanted to beg Dean to stay.
‘It’s a human thing, that’s all. I’ll be back.’
‘Please, don’t. I like this.’
‘Babe, I’ll be back,’ Dean had tried to soothe him.
‘What is it you’ve gotta do? Can I help?’ Castiel had pushed back, desperate to cling to their intimate moment.
‘I don’t think you’d want to, Cas.’
Dean sighed, and groaned.
‘Look, Cas, I got you off and I liked it, of course I did, but I gotta release too, you know? So I’m just gonna go beat one out quickly, is that cool with you?’
‘I don’t know what you just said to me.’
Dean sighed, burying his head in Castiel’s neck.
‘I gave you head, can you please just be okay for five minutes while I have a knuckle shuffle? Babe, I’ll be back, and then we can sleep. Well, I can sleep, you can do whatever it is you do.’ There was a pause, where Castiel didn’t want to admit he hadn’t understood a word, and Dean realised he still wasn’t being clear enough for Castiel. Castiel had heard the change in tone, the way Dean struggled through his rephrasing. ‘Castiel, I liked sucking your dick, just as much as you did. But I have needs too, okay? I got just as turned on as you did. I’m not asking you for anything, except a couple of minutes to get some relief.’
Castiel’s eyes had widened as he realised what Dean was referring to.
‘You can do that here.’ Castiel had offered, his voice low, an attempt to be sultry so that Dean would struggle to deny him. Dean had lifted his head slightly.
‘You sure? I mean, it’d be easier-‘
Dean kissed Castiel’s chin gently, before laying back on Castiel’s chest, his hands sliding down Castiel’s body before fixing themselves around his own penis. Castiel had flung a blanket over them, and wrapped Dean in his arms as Dean began to pump his hands, breathing hard, his eyes closed.
‘Did you want me to help, Dean?’ Castiel kept up the sultry voice. Dean shook his head, and paused briefly to bestow a small kiss in between Castiel’s pectorals. And then he carried on where he left off, grunting as he went. Castiel lay underneath him, wondering if maybe it would have been best to just let Dean go. The entire situation was very awkward. But then Dean let out a long moan, and stopped moving, and Castiel felt something spurting over his thighs, trickling down onto the sheets, warm and sticky, and all from Dean.
‘Shit, sorry Cas,’ Dean had muttered, and Castiel had squeezed him close.
‘Leave it,’ Castiel had whispered back. ‘I like it.’
Dean hadn’t answered, and a moment later Castiel heard him breathing heavily, and his weight seemed to increase on Castiel’s chest. Castiel hadn’t been lying, he’d enjoyed the wet warmth that covered his legs, and knowing that part of Dean was slowly drying on him. He knew how depraved the whole situation was, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He really was a pitiful excuse for an angel. But in his mind, it bonded them further, much like when Dean had ingested some of the same excretion from Castiel. He’d been so casual about it, and Castiel felt curious as to what he tasted like to Dean. Dean had said he’d liked it, that was a good thing, wasn’t it?
Castiel was feeling more confident about the state of their relationship. It didn’t seem to matter if he wiped Dean’s memory, Dean still wanted him, in every possible way. The only thing really weighing on Castiel’s mind now was sex. Because Dean was very physical, he understood that, but also, Dean had a world of experience behind him. And Castiel did not. Dean didn’t seem to care about that fact, but it bothered Castiel because they didn’t feel very equal in the relationship. Yes, he had some basic idea of what happened when humans mated, and with his recent research, what went on between two men in sexual relationships, but putting it into practice was different to how the books said, how the videos portrayed it.
So despite being content to lay in bed with Dean, despite wanting the things they had begun to discuss, he pressed two fingers to Dean’s forehead, whispered an apology, and wiped Dean’s memory before disappearing from the bed, reappearing in the kitchen fully dressed, and completely devoid of any of Dean’s bodily juices. Sam was in the room, sipping a cup of coffee and putting his iPod in an armband. Castiel recognised the signs of Sam preparing for a run.
‘Good morning, Sam.’
‘Morning Cas. Dean still asleep?’
Castiel nodded, standing across the room as Sam stretched his legs.
‘I’m sorry for last night, Sam. We didn’t think you’d walk in.’
‘It’s okay.’ Sam cringed, and Castiel could tell that it was anything but. ‘I seem to have a knack for that. Everything going okay with you two? Not that I want details, or anything.’
‘We’re fine. Great.’
Sam nodded, and Castiel hoped it was the end of the conversation.
‘Good. I can tell he’s happy with you. I’ve never seen him this committed to anything, you know. Which is kinda weird, when he can’t remember anything for the last week. Has he mentioned anything to you? Did you talk about it at all last night?’
‘I forgot, Sam. I’m sorry. I was preoccupied-‘ Castiel blushed, and Sam interrupted hastily.
‘Yeah, okay, I get that. Look, I’m going for a run, you can have some privacy with him for the next hour, right? If he’s up anyway. And then I wanna look for some work.’
‘I have to go myself, so feel free to look for a case.’ Castiel smiled, and Sam frowned at him.
‘Yes. I’ve been neglecting my duties. I need to go and make sure Heaven isn’t falling apart without me.’
Castiel gave Sam a brief smile, and disappeared out of the bunker. He had lied to Sam, and not felt guilty about doing so, because he felt that Sam would judge him heavily if he knew exactly what Castiel was up to. Which was zapping over to Amsterdam, in particular the red light district. He’d heard that there was an abundance of depravity associated with the area, and he hoped that by going there, he would find all the supplies he needed.
He noticed a window display full of plastic penises, in different sizes and colours, and entered the store, looking around at all the shelving. There were candies, and key chains and ice cube trays, all penis themed. He couldn’t help but compare the brief glimpses he’d had of Dean to these plastic impressions. Dean was better, he decided. Thicker, slightly longer, and not bright green.
An assistant approached him, a nose ring between her nostrils, several lip piercings decorating her thin mouth, and a few studs embedded by her temples. Her dark hair bleached with two-inch thick roots, and the tips dyed bright green and blue. Her clothes were in a similar state, the cropped top torn and bound with pins, her shorts frayed and exposing the bottom of her backside, her thigh-high boots tapering into six-inch stilettos. But her smile was friendly, and from what Castiel could tell her soul was pure and good, so he didn’t feel in the least bit intimidated. Surely she would understand the situation?
‘Hello, can I help?’ She asked, her voice had a thick quality, combined with a strange lilt that sounded almost hypnotic. Castiel loved the language, there was something so relaxing about it. He responded in equally fluent Dutch.
‘I hope so. I’m looking for some supplies.’
She smiled, and put her hands on her tiny, exposed hips.
‘Supplies for what?’
Castiel took a deep breath, and began to explain, hoping she wouldn’t turn it into a joke, or react as Sam would.
‘I’ve recently found myself in a relationship with another man. We care very much about each other, but he’s had a lot of partners, and he’s my first. I just wanted to find something that we would both enjoy, that he would know how to use and he could show me. Do you have anything like that?’
Her eyes lit up, and she smiled widely, and Castiel began to have misgivings. Her soul seemed so pure, but maybe he just wasn’t able to read people correctly any more.
‘He’s your first boyfriend and you already want to experiment?’ Her smile grew until it took over her entire face. Castiel thought she looked pretty like that. ‘He’s a lucky man. Don’t worry, we can help. Come through here,’ she walked through a dark curtain, and Castiel took another deep breath before following.
The room was dark, lit by eerie purple tube lighting which seemed to enhance all the lurid colours of the stock on the shelves. He eyed the merchandise apprehensively.
‘Okay, so are you a top or a bottom? Do you dom-sub or switch?’ The girl asked as she rummaged in a box.
‘I don’t know what you’re asking me.’ Castiel hadn’t understood those references in his research either. ‘We’ve been together a week.’
‘Okay,’ she tapped her chin. ‘Well, you said he’s experienced, you’re probably the bottom. Does he have any supplies?’
Castiel shrugged, and she smiled at him again.
‘You’re going to be my best customer,’ she declared, and passed him a couple of tubes. ‘Pick a flavour.’
He looked at the labels. One said cherry, one said vanilla. He looked back at her, and on her encouraging nod, passed the vanilla one back, holding the cherry one close. Cherry was a pie flavour, wasn’t it? She moved on, grabbing things from different cases and shelves, and Castiel found himself clutching all manner of things he hadn’t anticipated, like something called body chocolate. A larger replica of the plastic penises outside, this one rubbery in texture and thankfully, a more realistic peach colouring. A small pink hoop that buzzed when Castiel pressed a button. Something called a garter belt. A device made entirely of thin leather straps and studs. A small perspex box that the assistant promised was meant to go around Castiel’s genitalia. Tiny devices complete with tassels that the assistant called “nipple clamps”. Beads that she assured him were for ‘ass play’. A small structure she referred to as a plug. Handcuffs. Two very different looking things she declared were whips. She had casually asked him if they were into torture play or medical play, and Castiel had shaken his head hastily, eyeing the strange contraption she had held up when asking. It didn’t look safe at all.
She led him to the bins of condoms by the till, and began ringing up the things in Castiel’s arms as she told him to help himself, they were on the house. He scooped a few handfuls out, dropping them into the bag she held out, and then spotted the rows of DVDs behind the counter. One in particular stood out for him.
‘Can I have that too?’ He pointed, and she followed his finger, frowning at his choice.
‘Are you sure? It’s hetero.’
‘It’s The Pizza Man,’ Castiel declared proudly. She smiled indulgently, and rang it up.
‘You know, he’s done other work, that guy. You seen him as a fireman?’ She grabbed another case from the shelf. ‘The whole firehouse get it on. He’ll screw anyone. You’ll enjoy it, I think.’
Castiel smiled, though he wasn’t sure what she meant. The pizza man had a job as a fire fighter? Was he moonlighting just to have intercourse with babysitters? He would have to study this in depth. She gave him the total, and Castiel sighed, before putting his hand in his pocket and making a fistful of Euros appear, handing them over and waiting while she counted them out. She beamed at him again as she gave him the change.
‘Enjoy yourself with your boyfriend. And while you’re in town, there’s a few clubs you should check out, you’ll both have an amazing time, I think. Here-’ she slid some fliers into one of the bags, and passed the bags across the counter to Castiel ‘-tell them you came here, you’ll get a great discount. Play safe now!’
Castiel smiled back, glad that his first impression of her had been correct, and left the store, clutching his bags. Now he had to return to Lawrence, and store the merchandise somewhere safe until he could bring it up with Dean. He wasn’t sure how Dean would react to his purchases, but he was bound to be enthusiastic about using some of the equipment, wasn’t he?
‘Hey Clarence,’ a voice broke through his musings. He turned and saw Meg, leaning against the door to the store. ‘What’ve you got there, presents for Dean?’
‘What do you want, Meg?’ Castiel sneered, making his voice brittle. He still hadn’t forgiven Meg for what had happened at the carnival.
‘Is that any way to treat an old friend? Did our last kiss mean nothing?’
‘Leave me alone Meg. He wants me too.’
‘Does he? Does he really? Because word on the grapevine is, Dean Winchester’s losing his memory. Dean Winchester doesn’t even know what day it is. So why would he remember that he’s with you?’
Castiel bit his lip, and that was enough for Meg to read his body language correctly.
‘You’re the one doing it, aren’t you? You’re wiping his memory. Oh, Castiel, what’re you thinking?’
‘It’s none of your business, Meg.’
‘Does he not want you really, and you’re just doing this to delay the inevitable?’
‘No, Meg. Not that it’s any of your business. Dean only granted me one date, I just couldn’t let it go.’
‘You spent a long time and a lot of money in a sex store for just one date, Castiel. What’s Dean going to do when he finds out?’
‘Don’t you dare tell him!’ Castiel nearly dropped one of the bags. ‘This is between me and Dean.’
‘I don’t think so, Castiel. One of the Winchesters is technically out of action? Your brothers and sisters are making plans just like the demons are, and every day you wipe Dean’s memory is another day closer to his destruction.’ She sounded casual, smirking as she leaned back, watching Castiel absorb the information.
‘Why should I believe you? You’re just a demon.’
‘That hurts, Castiel, we’ve shared so many good moments together. I guess I just want to stick it to all the demons that treat me like crap for still loving Lucifer. I want to give you a chance. For old times’ sake. Just think about it.’
She disappeared, and Castiel clutched his purchases close to him. Was there anything valid in what Meg was saying? Castiel hoped she was wrong.He zapped himself back into the bunker, and stowed the merchandise next to his stuffed toy from the carnival. He would work out how to handle this.
Castiel listened for the sounds of Dean and Sam in the floors below, after going through some of his purchases, trying to understand what they were all for. All seemed quiet, but he was already missing Dean. He zapped himself into the meeting room, where Sam was clicking away on his laptop and Dean was poring through one of the Men of Letter’s relic boxes, examining the ancient trinkets inside. Neither brother looked up as he appeared, though Sam started talking almost straight away.
‘Hey Cas. We were just talking about you,’ Sam declared, and Castiel had a bad sense of foreboding. There was a humorous tone to Sam’s voice that he wasn’t sure he trusted. Castiel looked at Dean, who was holding some kind of medal, his eyes trained on the trinket in his hands. The hunter seemed uncomfortable, and Castiel realised that Sam was trying to upset him.
‘Oh.’ Castiel could only muster the most pitiful response. He wasn’t going to encourage Sam, not at Dean’s expense. Sam returned to his laptop when he realised that Castiel wasn’t going to play ball, and the angel walked slowly over to the man he loved, noticing how Dean’s hands slipped on the thing in his hand.
‘Hey Cas.’ Dean sounded choked as he put the medal on the table, and reached into the cardboard box he was slowly poring through. He pulled out a wooden box, giving it his full attention as he began to rub the back of his neck, and Castiel watched every movement, smiling to himself. He knew, could sense, that Dean wasn’t angry. Instead, the hunter seemed apprehensive about something, and Castiel found that endearing.
Dean’s eyes flickered up, meeting Castiel’s and stalling there. He lowered the wooden box slowly, his hands shaking slightly. Was it Castiel who was making Dean nervous? Why? Dean had no memories of the previous day, Castiel was sure of it. But when the angel’s smile grew, a muscle pulled in the hunter’s cheek and Castiel wondered if maybe he’d done something wrong. As nervous as Dean seemed, there was something predatory in his gaze too. Castiel almost expected Dean to rush at him, attack him, and he would be powerless to resist. He made an attempt at being friendly.
Those two words carried so much emotion, Castiel thought. If he had cared to ask Sam, he was sure the taller hunter would agree. But he didn’t care to know what Sam thought, he was focused on what was about to happen between himself and Dean. Something was bound to, it was almost tangible in the air. Dean’s eyes narrowed slightly, just for a moment, and Castiel had a moment of misgiving before Dean finally spoke to him.
‘Wanna go out?’ He rushed out. Castiel managed not to show his surprise on his face, though he was taken aback by Dean proposing a date. He hadn’t been expecting that development, not with the near-violent look in Dean’s eyes. Castiel became aware of Sam tapping heavily on his laptop, and he turned to look at the younger brother, knowing it could be a mistake considering Dean’s aura.
‘Sam, you’d better not be gossiping with her.’
Castiel hadn’t been expecting Dean to comment on Sam’s behaviour, but maybe the older hunter was glad of the interruption as well. The angel had no idea what Dean was talking about, or what woman Sam could possibly be talking with. He looked back at his lover instead, stroking a hand down the strong, well-toned bicep, lingering as long as possible before sliding his fingertips along Dean’s palm, lacing their fingers together. He felt comforted when Dean flexed his fingers slightly, squeezing Castiel’s gently, his actions at complete odds with the fire in his gaze.
Castiel forced himself to stay on point, to ignore what Sam was doing and focus on Dean.
‘I’d love to go somewhere, Dean. Where were you thinking?’
Castiel watched as Dean pursed his lips, just for a moment, and then he ran his tongue around his bottom lip. Castiel was almost hypnotised by the action, and he barely heard Dean speaking.
‘… movies they’re showing?’
Castiel looked at Dean, whose cheeks were tensing, his neck slightly strained, and a tic was appearing near his eyes, which were blazing with that strange look. Before Castiel could explain that he hadn’t heard what Dean had said, the hunter carried on talking.
‘Think of it as a human experience, Cas.’
Dean’s voice was tight, and Castiel could tell he was resisting some urge, though he couldn’t tell what urge Dean was suppressing.
‘Yeah, that’s not the only human experience my brother wants to give you.’ Sam’s voice penetrated Castiel’s attention, and he realised what Dean had been fighting himself over for the entire conversation. But Dean was tugging him through the bunker, into the garage, before Castiel could do anything more. He found himself being flung roughly against the car, and Dean bearing down on him, the intense desire even more prominent in his eyes, his expression, in his entire body language. Castiel slipped his arms around Dean’s solid middle, hoping he was signalling to Dean that it was okay, he wanted it too.
‘If you don’t want to go, that’s fine Dean.’ Castiel murmured, fighting his own desire on the possibility that he was misunderstanding the hunter. Maybe this was a sign that Dean would be willing to use most of Castiel’s purchases? But the hunter shook his head slightly, as though he was rousing himself.
‘I want to go.’ He stepped back, away from Castiel, and forced a cough. Castiel felt a sense of insecurity creeping back in. Hadn’t Dean just wanted to become physical, to connect with him in that way?
‘Get in.’ Dean gestured to the car door, and then walked around the car without any further glances at Castiel, and then angel felt a wave of hurt. He wanted to tell Dean that he wanted to stay, he wanted what he thought Dean had been thinking, and he wasn’t worried about whatever human experience Dean was working on. Besides, if this was a date, Castiel wasn’t happy about it being sprung upon him in this manner. What if Dean still turned around and declared that their one date was over, that was the end of it? But at the same time, he didn’t want Dean to leave him in the bunker with Sam’s awkward questions, so he climbed in the car, not missing the moment that Dean squeezed his eyes shut as though he were in pain.
Dean drove in silence, the car filled with a thick tension, and Castiel felt almost relieved when Dean stopped the car and climbed out. His mood was almost tangible, and Castiel wasn’t sure how to work around it and communicate properly with Dean. He decided to try to take his cues from the hunter, and followed him into the movie theatre, where Dean stalled in the lobby, looking up at board full of words that Castiel could see no cohesion to. Dean seemed comfortable enough to scan through the words, his face moving slightly as he read, and when he looked at Castiel finally, he was awarded with a weak smile.
‘So, what happens?’ Castiel asked eventually. Dean just stared back at him, and it raised Castiel’s temperature, and made his heart thud harder. He made an attempt to go back to the bunker, hoping for something more intimate. ‘You know, I have some movies at home.’
‘We’re here now. What about Gut Slasher Five? It’s a sequel, so it’s going to be extra tacky.’
Dean almost didn’t seem aware of the aura he was carrying, and Castiel knew it was better to just go along with Dean’s wishes. Without Castiel’s input, Dean had clearly decided that Castiel was agreeing to his choice, and he grabbed the angel’s hand roughly, dragging him over to the ticket desk and paying while Castiel cast a glance around the room. And suddenly, Dean was leading him over to the snacks desk, which smelled of synthetic butter and plenty of sugar. Dean’s voice was in his ear, his breath hot, his voice low and deep and dangerous, despite the subject matter.
‘You wanna share a popcorn?’
‘I don’t eat, Dean.’
‘Fine.’ Dean purchased a tub of popcorn regardless, and led the way into the screen where their movie was due to begin. As Dean approached their chairs, Castiel’s feet almost faltered. Gathered in the seats besides the ones Dean was walking towards were four angels in various vessels. Dean passed a glance at the angels, and then at Castiel, before he slumped into one of the chairs. Castiel followed, taking his seat apprehensively, his conversation with Meg fresh in his mind. Were these angels checking up on his relationship with Dean, or how Dean’s memory was functioning? He decided, as much as he wanted to dissolve some of the tension between himself and the hunter, that he would restrain himself, at least in the cinema. Then there would be no trouble from the other angels.
It was difficult to resist Dean, especially when Dean slid an arm around his shoulders, tugging him closer to Dean’s firm chest. It was difficult to concentrate on the movie with Dean pressed so close, with the other angels nearby, but Castiel forced himself to. The mutilations were graphic and varied and Castiel wanted to be prepared in case the other angels were taking tips. Just on the chance that Meg was correct. He leaned forward in his seat, Dean’s arm slipping down slightly and resting somewhere along his waist instead.
There was a particularly detailed scene where a girl was cut in half, the girl screaming in agony, and Dean leaned closer, whispering in Castiel’s ear, unaware that the angels could hear every word.
‘When we get home, I’m going to give it to you so bad.’
Castiel felt himself grow hot, but tried to remain level-headed. If the angels only heard comments from Dean, that wouldn’t be so bad, would it? They couldn’t judge him so horribly if that were the case, could they?
‘Please say you’re not talking about killing me.’
‘Of course not, Cas. I’m horny.’
Castiel couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his face. Dean could be so adorably Dean sometimes. So simple, and so unafraid to be himself. Castiel couldn’t help flirting back.
‘So you picked this film just to engage in amorous activity?’
‘It won’t be long. Enjoy the film.’ Castiel deflected Dean as best as he could, though he wanted nothing more than to give in to his boyfriend. He couldn’t resist taking Dean’s hand at the very least, so the hunter knew it wasn’t a personal thing.
Castiel was relieved when, as the film ended and the credits began to show, Dean jumped out of his seat and tugged him along, down the aisle and out of the screen, not stopping until they were outside and halfway to the Impala. Then Dean stopped walking and thrust Castiel against the brick wall, pressing close the way he had back in the garage of the bunker.
‘You’re driving me crazy.’ Dean whispered in a hurried voice, before pressing his lips firmly onto Castiel’s, his tongue already probing around the angel’s mouth, even as Castiel laughed, and kissed him back enthusiastically, slipping his hands up along Dean’s neck, losing himself in the moment and knowing that, were the angels to see this, they would see that Dean was the one in charge.
Dean ended the kiss as abruptly as it had begun, and looked at Castiel with that same charged gleam in his eyes. But Castiel couldn’t focus on it, or enjoy the subtext, because he could see one angel standing just behind Dean, shaking their head with disappointment. Dean seemed unaware, growling at Castiel instead, with a voice that promised more than the words he spoke.
‘Let’s go home.’
Relief sank through Castiel’s being. Home meant the bunker, which was protected from other angels, or anyone that neither Sam nor Dean invited in. Home meant he was free to just be with his boyfriend, how they wanted to be. Dean didn’t wait for a response, leading the way to the Impala with impatient feet, and speeding off before Castiel had properly closed his door. Dean’s speed didn’t falter for the entire journey, and he screeched to a halt in the garage, throwing his door open just before removing his keys from the ignition. Dean’s impatience was contagious, and Castiel zapped himself out, standing directly in front of Dean as they fell into each other, kissing each other desperately, and Castiel remembered the things he’d bought in Amsterdam. If there was ever a time to bring them up, this was it. He tried to pause Dean’s amorous onslaught, but the hunter was not going to be deterred easily.
’I bought some stuff for us.’ He managed to whisper, his face pressed close to Dean’s ear. Dean continued attacking Castiel’s neck with his lips, and Castiel used his angelic powers to keep Dean at arms length long enough to make his point, trying to distract himself from the way Dean’s chest felt pressed against his fingers. He was suddenly so sure that Dean would love what he’d done. ‘I’ll be a moment, Dean. Meet me in your room?’
And Castiel zapped up to his secret, otherwise undiscovered room, gathering the bags from Amsterdam and flashing back into Dean’s room, which Dean was yet to enter. He leaned against the headboard, and arranged the bags around him, the anticipation of what was to come creating that strange, hollow-innards-filled-with-bees sensation. Dean was taking his time, and that was frustrating. He zapped his trench coat and suit jacket off, making them hang from the back of Dean’s desk chair, moments before Dean stomped in, his eyes flaring with lust as he slammed the door shut and threw himself onto the bed, onto Castiel, kissing every inch of Castiel’s face within reach.
Castiel relished the attention, but he knew if Dean carried on, the chance to use anything would be gone, and Dean would be in control. For once, Castiel wanted to try to control what was between them, at least a little. He made himself resist Dean once again, pushing against his chest, enjoying the feel of Dean’s muscles through his shirt.
‘Can I show you what I got us?’ Cas purred, making his voice as low as he possibly could.
‘Can’t it wait? I’ve got needs, Cas.’ Dean spoke quickly, breathily.
‘Please, Dean, it’ll just take a minute. You won’t regret it.’
‘My dick says otherwise.’
Castiel smiled at Dean’s bloody-mindedness. When Dean focused hard enough, he was hard to stop, but for Castiel it was necessary. He pushed Dean back, giving himself some room, only allowing himself one small kiss before plunging a hand into one of the bags, hoping he could find something inside that would spark Dean’s interest.
‘I hope you don’t mind, but I went to Amsterdam earlier,’ he tried to be conversational, because he knew before he saw Dean’s blank expression that a trip to Amsterdam wasn’t a casual thing for a human. ‘And I know it’s early in our relationship, but when I told the assistant about us she had a lot of recommendations for things we’d need. And I know you like sex, so I thought you’d be okay with her suggestions. I mean, we don’t have to use anything, but I thought maybe … I don’t know.’
This was harder to explain than he would have thought possible. Dean was watching with a hungry look on his face, like he just wanted Castiel to stop talking so he could practically devour the angel. He grabbed the first thing he could and pulled it out, immediately catching Dean’s attention. It was the leather thing, tangled up. Castiel still hadn’t worked out its purpose, unlike some of his other purchases. Some had come with instructions, but this one remained a mystery. He began untangling it, as Dean stuck his hand in the other bag, and Castiel hoped that meant that Dean’s interest was piqued. He looked away from the leather strands at the strange hoop-shaped object that he’d set off earlier, sat on Dean’s palm.
‘I don’t know what that is, but it makes a strange noise and made my fingers tingle when I pressed this button,’ Cas explained, before reaching across and pressing the small lump protruding out of the soft plastic. It began the same buzzing sound as it had in the store, and Dean stared down at it, his face still expressionless.
‘Cas? Is this a cock ring?’ Dean spluttered, and Castiel shrugged in response.
‘I don’t know, what do you do with a cock ring?’
Dean closed his eyes briefly, and Castiel started to have some misgivings. He knew Dean wouldn’t like everything, but did he not at least like that? But when Dean opened his eyes again, and met Castiel’s gaze, there was no mistaking the lust that was still there. At least the cock ring hadn’t destroyed that.
‘I’ll show you later, I guess.’ Dean clicked it off, and returned it to the bag, not noticing Castiel’s disappointment. Later? They were meant to be using something now. He pulled more objects out of his bag, that weird little box that he couldn’t remember the explanation for, and the cat-that-wasn’t-a-cat … thing. Dean distracted him, pointing to the cat-thing. ‘Cas?’
‘She said it was a cat of nine tails, but there seems to be far more than nine.’ Castiel tried to explain. ‘And they’re not tails, much less from cats.’
‘You want to whip me?’
Dean’s voice had altered, and Castiel could practically hear him withdrawing into himself. Without thinking about why Dean would be reticent over the cat-tails, Castiel threw it back into the bag, as though by doing so he could remove the fact he ever produced it. The other whip was probably out too, the long thin one that tapered in a braid. Was there anything that Dean was going to like? Castiel tried to reassure Dean, to maintain something between them. He loved the way Dean’s eyes were smouldering most of the day.
‘No Dean, I don’t want to punish you.’
‘Then why buy S-and-M stuff?’
Dean’s voice didn’t betray any emotion, and Castiel looked back at the whip in the bag, trying to work out how to get Dean back. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, because the spark in Dean seemed muted, but Castiel felt the compulsion to explain himself.
‘Is that what I did? The assistant didn’t really say anything like that.’
There was a silence between them, and Dean leaned over, casually fingering the pile of condoms in the bag closest to him. Castiel waited for Dean’s next move, hoping that it included some way that they could move forward together. It felt to Castiel that it took Dean forever to react.
‘What exactly did you say to each other?’
Dean wasn’t making eye contact, but instead looking at his hand as he played with the condoms. Castiel wished he would just look up, and they’d have their usual intense eye-contact until they couldn’t fight their desire any more.
‘I told her you were experienced and I was not, and that our relationship was new. And she asked a few questions I didn’t understand. Something about top and bottom, and switching?’
Dean finally looked up, his expression calculating now. Castiel pursed his lips, and Dean spoke before he could backtrack.
‘We’ll work it out as we go, Cas. Did you get anything else?’
Castiel had no idea what Dean meant by they would work it out as they went. It sounded like Dean was more interested in the idea than Castiel had realised.
Dean turned around, and scooted backwards until his backside was pressed against Castiel’s leg, where he leaned until he met with Castiel’s chest, which he leaned into. And the angel automatically wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist, kissing the hunter as he rested his head against Castiel. Feeling braver by the sudden showing of affection, Castiel reached into his bag and pulled out the rubber penis, feeling the need to explain now that he couldn’t see the hunter’s eyes.
‘I don’t know why she wanted us to have a rubber penis, when we both have a real one, but apparently it’s worthwhile to have.’
Dean held out his hand without speaking, and Castiel let it fall into the waiting palm, feeling odd that Dean wasn’t speaking about this one. He remembered the lube, suddenly, sure that Dean would at least get excited about that because even the Pizza Man used that, and began rooting through the bags again. As he did, he felt something cool touch his mouth, and he swatted it away without thinking, determined to make Dean happy with the cherry flavouring. The thing pressed closer against his mouth, and Castiel realised it was the dildo. He looked at Dean, who was smirking like he was being mischievous and not at all irritating, and Castiel opened his mouth to sigh. Dean looked delicious like that, as though he had no worries in the world. But opening his mouth was a mistake, because Dean forced the rubber into his mouth, his smile growing, his body twisting around to lay flush against the angel’s.
Castiel felt something furry underneath his fingers, and reacted without thinking, slapping the fur-covered handcuffs across Dean’s wrists, moving them up against Dean’s head as he rolled them over, bearing down on the hunter, some condoms spilling out of the bag and onto Dean’s mattress. Then he slowly withdrew the penis from his mouth, his eyes locked on Dean’s, and he watched as the flames of lust stirred in Dean’s eyes again before sliding the rubber penis into Dean’s mouth. The hunter allowed it to happen, the corners of his mouth turned up as much as they could around the gag in his mouth, and the humour sparkling in his eyes. Castiel knew that somehow, this was the right move. Was Dean really okay to submit in the bedroom? Castiel was going to test that theory over the course of the evening.
‘Do you really want to power play with an angel?’ he growled in the lowest voice he could manage. Dean’s eyes widened, and seemed to soften with pure lust. He didn’t fight Castiel at all, beyond trying to work the rubber penis out of his mouth. Castiel pushed it back in, wondering how far Dean would let him take control.
Dean’s eyelids fluttered slightly as Castiel got comfortable against him, knocking the rest of the bags off the bed and moving the rubber penis in and out of Dean’s mouth. At least the assistant was correct, Castiel considered. There was definitely a fun element to simulating oral sex with Dean, especially when, after a few seconds, Dean began to respond, their eyes still locked on each other, though Dean’s gaze had a faraway quality to them.
Then Dean began writhing, fighting Castiel’s hold on his wrists, thrusting his hips erratically, trying to meet Castiel’s body somehow, his moans muted by the rubber in his mouth. He made a few sharp noises, and Castiel wondered if he was gagging, or protesting. But the shine of desire was thick in Dean’s eyes, and Castiel understood that this was the effect he was aiming for. He just had to learn to control his boyfriend, that was all.
Castiel shifted down the bed, revelling in Dean’s renewed gasps around the thing in his mouth, and kissed his neck, biting at the skin, enjoying every part of Dean’s reaction, yet feeling an unfamiliar ache in his own arms. Restraining Dean required a lot of effort. Castiel moved back up along the hunter’s firm, toned body, and exerted as much authority as he thought Dean would let him get away with. He undid his tie, looking down at Dean through heavy-lidded eyes, and the hunter looked back at him, completely helpless, slightly ridiculous with the sex toy in his mouth, but the wildness in his eyes took the humour away from the situation. Somehow Dean had submitted without much fuss, and Castiel became drunk on the power he was allowed to have.
‘How much do you trust me, Dean?’
Dean didn’t moan, or try to resist, instead he looked steadily at Castiel, silently communicating his answer, his eyes rolling up towards the back of his head as the angel leaned closer, his groin coming into contact with Dean’s chin, and Castiel knotted his tie firmly around Dean’s eyes. Once the tie was secure, the angel snapped his fingers, and the rest of their clothes disappeared, rematerialising in a neat pile on the desk in the corner of the room. At the same time, the lube appeared on the bed beside Dean, and the small, bullet-shaped metal object that Castiel had bought materialised directly in his body. He bit down the urge to react, telling himself it would be worth it, and that Dean might question it if he began reacting audibly. Instead, he used his angelic powers to create a chain to bind Dean’s handcuffed wrists to the headboard, preventing Dean from moving easily.
Castiel worked the fake penis out of Dean’s mouth slightly, trying to ensure the hunter would still be able to breathe. And then he moved down the body that he loved so much, kissing and sucking and biting at Dean’s skin, being loving but domineering all at the same time. Dean’s groans and twitching limbs and rolling hips all served to spur him on, determined to pleasure his boyfriend in every way he possibly could.
He was trying to savour every millimetre of Dean’s body, of the soft skin stretched over taut muscles, his thick, firm frame. Of the way Dean’s anti-possession tattoo stood out, dark ink defined on tanned skin. The contrast of Dean’s pink nipples. Of each and every toned bump on Dean’s torso. With every kiss and lick and skim of Castiel’s teeth, Dean writhed underneath him, moaning almost constantly, completely incoherent with the gag in his mouth. He felt like he earned it when he finally made his way to the softer, more pliant skin of Dean’s pelvis, circling Dean’s thick erection. He grabbed the tube of lube, and hastily opened it, squeezing some out on Dean’s body and enjoying watching Dean buck from the coolness of the gel.
Castiel started working his hands around Dean’s testicles, savouring the way Dean seemed to shake on the contact, before he began running his tongue up and down the shaft, following the protruding veins, listening as the noises coming from Dean changed, his breathing ragged and fast-paced. The lube tasted sweet, with a bitter edge, and very synthetic, and Castiel much preferred the salty tang of Dean’s skin, and the way it was beginning to bead with sweat. But the lube made it easier to glide along the slightly wrinkled skin, for Castiel to slide his teeth up towards the head, enjoying the moment when Dean’s leg began to twitch, a strange gurgle coming from the hunter’s throat. He swirled his tongue around the head, following the contours of Dean’s body, tasting something else as he did, something saltier that seemed to seep from Dean’s body. He lapped at it, grateful for it to take the sharp edge off of the taste of the lube, and slid his mouth over Dean’s penis the way Dean had done to him only the night before, trying to remember the way Dean moved his head even as the man underneath him thrust into his mouth. His hands were still working Dean’s engorged balls as he sucked the hunter into his mouth, feeling the way Dean was trembling even with each thrust.
Castiel didn’t know much about human physiology when it came to sexual intercourse, but he knew from the few days experience he had with Dean that a chain reaction was about to occur, and if it did, there would be no reason for the small lump of metal currently in Castiel’s backside. He eased off Dean before it was too late, and zapped the plug out of his body, back into the bags, as squeaky clean as only an angel could make it. He crawled back up Dean’s body, noticing small marks occasionally from where Castiel had peppered Dean’s body with kisses.
When he reached Dean’s face, he saw Dean biting down on the rubber, as though he were bracing himself for something. Castiel gently removed the fake penis from Dean’s mouth, and kissed him in a way that he hoped would show his tender feelings towards the hunter. Dean kissed back with enthusiasm, and rolled his body towards Castiel’s again, as though he were demanding something. Castiel spoke for the first time since he’d tied his tie around Dean’s eyes.
‘Dean? Is this okay so far?’
Dean turned his head slightly, as though he were trying to face Castiel, though the tie was still tight on his eyes.
‘Yeah.’ Dean’s voice was strained, and he bit his teeth together as he spoke as though he were in pain. ‘Yeah Cas. I trust you, right?’
‘Right. So, um, so can I try something else?’ Castiel wasn’t sure that Dean would consider his request, but he had to make the effort. He’d made the decision to put Dean before being an angel, and he wanted to reap the benefits of that.
‘What else? Tell me.’ Dean gasped out, almost choking on the words themselves. And that made the request stick in Castiel’s throat. The hunter’s voice was almost like an aphrodisiac, yet he sounded tense.
‘I can’t say it.’ Castiel managed to mumble. Dean’s voice was louder, raging with emotion as he grunted his reply through his teeth.
‘If you can’t say it, you can’t have it.’
‘Really?’ Castiel was dumbfounded. Wasn’t he meant to be in charge here, not Dean?
‘Really. Spit it out Cas, I’m about to blow.’ Dean blurted, shifting his legs underneath Castiel, letting the angel feel how hard and warm he was. Castiel spoke without another moments thought.
‘Well, I think they call it anal sex.’
There was a pause, and Castiel wondered if he should have called it something else. Dean would have. But it was anal sex, that’s what his research had said, so Castiel was correct, wasn’t he?
‘Go for it.’ Dean grunted out. Castiel paused for a moment as it sank in what Dean had just said. Dean was okay with the idea. Castiel grabbed the tube of lube again, trickling more onto Dean and massaging it into the soft skin, holding the base of Dean’s penis as he moved into position above his lover, straddling Dean’s torso and embracing the sensation of power that came from knowing Dean was open to this idea. That Dean was his. What else would Dean do for him?
Castiel slowly lowered himself onto Dean, unable to avoid short, sharp breaths audibly escaping his lips, and a small whine as he bore down. He had been right, Dean was thick, his girth was more than the plug, that had been nothing in comparison. But he had asked for this, and he was going to make it happen. The lube was helping slightly. Castiel was aware of a strange squelching noise as he tried to coax Dean inside of him.
‘Cas? Are you okay?’ Dean bit out, his teeth clenched tighter than before. Castiel answered without thinking.
‘Yes, Dean. I used the plug before the oral sex.’
Dean didn’t respond to Castiel’s slip, or else he wasn’t surprised that there was a butt plug in amongst Castiel’s purchases. Either way, it failed to matter, because Castiel finally managed to fit around Dean, sliding down on him slowly, groaning in relief and a strange sense of fulfilment as he did. The sensation was unusual, and overwhelming, and Castiel couldn’t fight the loud groan that seemed to erupt from his stomach as Dean filled him completely. And then something changed with Dean. He stopped moving, stopped flexing, he lay still, dragging in deep breaths as something warm filled Castiel, beyond Dean’s penis. He moved his mouth into a wince, finally unclenching his teeth, as the angel tried to understand why Dean had stopped participating. He had encouraged Castiel to proceed, after all.
‘Sorry, Cas,’ he eventually spoke, still sounding short of breath. Castiel pulled himself off of Dean’s shaft, watching for a moment as the final spurts of liquid trickled out of the hunter. Castiel made his way back to the top of the bed, and gently removed the tie from Dean’s eyes, pulling it off of his head as the hunter blinked furiously, his mouth falling open as he forced his eyes open. It was so confusingly human, and Castiel was sure he was falling in love all over again. He forced himself not to kiss Dean, though the urge was strong, and instead spoke softly, not wanting to upset Dean.
‘Was that meant to happen?’
Dean definitely winced that time, before explaining himself.
‘No. I’m sorry, Cas, I’ve been good to go all day, I just couldn’t fight it any more. It’ll be better next time, okay? I promise.’
Castiel nodded, taking Dean’s explanation at face value, and toying with his short, spiky hair, as he gazed at Dean in utter adoration. He felt the need to reassure his lover that he wasn’t offended. He’d felt the tension from the hunter all day, after all, and he’d been the one to prolong their contact, to take his time and make it harder for Dean.
‘I still enjoyed it.’
Dean’s response was a pleasant surprise. He was really okay with being bound and ravaged by Castiel? The angel beamed, wanting more clarification. What could he get away with next time?
‘Even this?’ Castiel stroked the handcuffs, feeling Dean’s cool, clammy skin within the metal loops. ‘Even though I was in charge?’
‘Yeah. It drove me crazy not knowing what you were going to do, but it was kind of exciting, too.’
‘I liked trying to figure out what you would enjoy.’
He felt bashful, talking like this with Dean. Neither of them were in their comfort zone, considering Dean disliked discussing his emotions and Castiel was unused to human interactions. And yet, this conversation felt natural to Castiel, effortless. Like there was nothing standing between them. It was everything Castiel had been wanting.
‘I was trying to figure out how you knew all that stuff.’ Dean smirked, and Castiel leaned down to kiss Dean softly, their lips barely catching at each other, and then he released Dean’s hands, intending to massage some warmth back into them. Dean wrapped his them around Castiel instead, pressing them close together, kissing him more persistently. Castiel wanted to respond before they got carried away further, while Dean still seemed willing to discuss the state of their relationship.
‘I didn’t know exactly what I was doing, Dean. I’ve never done this with anyone else before.’ He felt nervous vocalising this, even though the hunter had to know it was the truth. Back in the earlier days of their relationship, when it was still an innocent friendship, Dean had tried to encourage Castiel’s love life. But even then, he’d known that only Dean would do.
‘I haven’t done this with a guy before.’ Dean shrugged, as though it was no big deal. Or was he trying to give Castiel a compliment? The angel wished he could interpret Dean correctly. He decided to act like Dean was being kind.
‘Well, I’m glad I could be your first for that. Why me? Why when you’ve always been promiscuous with women?’
Dean’s brow furrowed for a moment, and Castiel waited patiently for the response, hoping Dean would treat it with the same seriousness he was giving the rest of the conversation.
‘I don’t know, Cas. Because I’d do anything for you?’
‘I’d do anything for you too, Dean.’
Dean squeezed his arms around Castiel, as though he were acknowledging the angel’s words, despite not having a response.
‘You wanna do the bondage thing again?’ Dean asked suddenly. Castiel nodded shyly.
‘If that’s okay with you?’
Dean nodded, and Castiel smiled back, before laying on Dean’s chest, tracing a finger around the anti-possession tattoo. Dean was surprisingly okay with so much of their relationship. How could he ever have doubted that they were meant to be?
‘Dean?’ Castiel muttered, feeling suddenly shy. He wanted to tell Dean so many things, but he was still worried that Dean would withdraw a little. He could be so unpredictably human.
‘I feel complete in a very strange way, being like this with you.’
Dean didn’t respond, except to stroke a finger along the back of Castiel’s upper arm, and Castiel felt the compulsion to explain himself. Dean’s actions had been so unpredictable that Castiel felt confident in voicing his own emotions.
‘I mean, I never noticed anything missing, exactly, and then we bonded and I felt this ache all the time, and now I know I was just waiting to connect like this with you. Its like we’re soul mates, although I don’t have a soul, obviously. Could a soul and a grace be separated, somehow? I think ours were, if they could be. You’re worth the fall, Dean. You’re worth everything.’
Dean still didn’t respond, and Castiel tilted his head back, looking at his boyfriend, who was once again asleep. Castiel sighed, wondering how much Dean had heard, or how much it really mattered, when Dean wouldn’t remember a thing when he woke up in the morning.