Disclaimer : in this chapter will focus on the main character’s problem. English is’nt my mother tounge so i’m sorry if there any error grammar. Hope you enjoy :)
I bury myself in the bed. Thinking a lot. A thought that suddenly come. A thought that becomes anxiety. That sound. I heard that again. A sound that I shouldn’t hear. A sound that makes me feel worse than ever. A sound that’s supposed to be a support. It turns into a monster.
″ you are tired? me too. i’m more tired than you! how dare you say you’re tired? that’s not even how tired i was when I’m your age. ″
is that a crime if i just express my feeling how tired i was. is that wrong ? i just need to get rest for a while, tiredness is human nature’s behavior right?. but why i feel so wrong ? i feel like the whole world just blame me because of my tiredness. i just need rest.
I close my eyes. Try to sleep, perhaps someone want to help me get out from here. Escape. And forget all the bad things happened. And start a new life. But it’s just a dream. Anunrealistic dream. Who in the world want to save a girl who suffer with depression. Try to escape like run away from the problem. But don’t try to solve it? It’s funny when I feel that reality. A reality that I can’t rest with well when I’m feeling alone. When I think there is not hand who will catch me when I fall. A reality that nobody accept me as who I am.
“Why there is 6 in your report? You said the course makes you confident with the lesson. Sowhy there is 6 in here?
i’m so dissapointed with you″
i tried my best, there are a lot 8 and 9 just only one lesson with 6. there is no appreciation with my hard work. its okay. i cant express how tired i am right ? lets keep it for myself. let me feel the pain alone. i should survive. i should survive.
Time passed by, I’m feeling like my soul wants to be free. I want a freedom. I want to go. I want to go to a place that I can breath in every second with it. I keep the pain by myself. Idon’t know until when I have to do this alone, but one thing that I believe. That day will come. The day I can breath freely and go without any burden. I believe. That day will come. Even though I don’t know when.
" if you don’t go to seoul national university, i don’t want to pay your education anymore’′
I’ve lost the path. I don’t even know where I should stand. I want to run. But how can I run, even I can’t stand with my own feet. No hands to hold, no heart to love. I should survive. I should survive from the question ‘should I end this in here?’ or ‘should I die today?’ I really want to, but I still have one purpose. I want to set myself free. Can I?. Go away from here, forgettingeverybody and start a new life. Feels like rebirth isn’t it? I don’t even know why I born.
″ Why your grades are getting down? I already told you, if you can’t go to SNU I don’t want to pay your education. I’m disappointed with you ″
″ I say this to you because I care about you. I just worry, you can’t get a good education. Youare smart. Your IQ is 145. I know you can do it more than this. ″
Your worries make your loved ones try to end her lives every day.
That sound. I heard that again. A sound that I couldn’t hear. A sound that makes me feel worse than ever. A sound that’s supposed to be a support. It turns into a monster.
i’m disapointed with you
i’m disapointed with you
you are useless
you can’t do it with well
and i drown myself into the darkness just like the night before.
It’s so windy out here. I can feel the texture of the floor with my bare feet. The view is amazing from here. I can see the entire city with my eyes. I close my eyes. I let myself blow with the wind. Let go.
lets end this life...
before i jump myself down, suddenly a hand pulled my waist. and i fell into his arms.
″ do’t jump. i dont want to lose you. please don’t do it ” said the man. he rubbed my head. i fell down and crying on his broad shoulder for a while.
″ it’s okay, it’s okay to be tired.″ he rubbed my back to calm me down. i can feel his warmness. his words make me more comfortable.
i end our embrace. he looks at me with full of worries.
″ are you okay ? ″ he cupped my face with his warm hands
″w-who are you ? ″ i asked with my shaky voice
″ me ? a handsome guy who saved you :), now grab my hand, lets go inside. its cold in here. i will make you some hot chocolate. ″
he give me a pink blanket, he went to make a hot chocolate for you. you sit on a sofa near from his work desk.
′ kim Seok Jin, general manager ′
oh... he’s the boss of this hotel. wait... how could he know I was up there ? did he want to sue me because i try to suicide in his hotel ? oh no. NO! i need to escape from here.
″ here’s your hot chocolate...why ? did you hurt or something ? i will call the doctor if you need″ he s about to take his phone after see you uncomfortable.
″no no no... it just....″
″dont worry, i dont sue you, hahaha ″ his laugh make you freeze. how did he know that ? he can reads mind or what ?
″ i didn’t say that ″ you grab the cup.
″ anyway, im Kim seok jin. and i already call my personal driver to drive you home safely ″
″ t-thank you ″ you didnt have much word to talk, because of the situation.
He waved his hand to say goodbye to me. It’s quite strange for me. He is just a stranger who saves me. And help me. And I think that’s too much for a stranger who help someone that he didn’t know about. But he is quite nice. His word flashback in my head.
″ do’t jump. i dont want to lose you. please don’t do it ”
why did he say that. i’m wondering. in fact we will never meet again. i will throw that thought from my head.
Seok Jin come back to his office and sat on the sofa while loolimg at a familiar picture.
″ haaah... almost, i almost lost you. i promise, in this life, i will make you happy. haengboghaja...
To be Continue...
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